"outed" by my wife

[Diana Bain]

Last night during our girl talk my wife said she had a confession. Tilting her head down she looked at me and said her girl friend downstairs knows your a crossdresser. How I asked. Her girlfriend was in our apartment and they were using the computer. My wife went to turn it off and the screen saver pops up and there is "Diana." Her friend asked who that was and my wife said me. Her friend said "really, I don't believe it" and my wife said yes it is and changed the subject. Was I upset with my wife? No, because I'm comfortable, happy and proud with both of me. My kids (both grown up) have know since they were young adults. Please understand I'm not going out and telling everybody I crossdress. But if somebody asks if I do...I'm not afraid to say yes. Again I'm proud of Diana. Now the question...how long before the entire complex knows!

[BillieJoEllen]

I too was 'outed' by my wife about 12 years ago. It wasn't pretty. She told our church about me during a separation. I was confronted by the leadership team about it. What an embarrassing night that was. Since then no one has mentioned it to me for which I'm glad. I lied to the church board when I told them that I didn't do that anymore (crossdress). I felt super crummy about that.

[Eryn]

...She told our church about me during a separation. I was confronted by the leadership team about. ..

If your church sends out a goon squad to chastise you for doing something that you have a perfect right to do then it might be time for a new church!

[Marie-Elise]

I too was 'outed' by my wife about 12 years ago. It wasn't pretty. She told our church about me during a separation. I was confronted by the leadership team about it. What an embarrassing night that was. Since then no one has mentioned it to me for which I'm glad. I lied to the church board when I told them that I didn't do that anymore (crossdress). I felt super crummy about that.

IMHO, it is not any of their business.

[Lorileah]

It may get around the complex and most people won't care one way or the other. Guys will quit asking you to help them move furniture or fix their car. Women will smile coyly and some may actually talk to you as they don't see you as a threat.

And BillieJo, true Christians don't judge. They care, they accept, they love, they have pot lucks. But they don't judge.

[DonnaT]

Good to hear you didn't get upset with your wife, Diana.

I told my wife she could talk to whoever she wants. This is who I am. Nothing to feel embarrassed about.

[CynthiaD]

I told my wife that she could tell anyone she wanted. I consider my CDing private, but it's not a secret.

But I often wear pantyhose and shorts to mow the lawn, so it's not all that private either.

[Stephanie47]

If your church sends out a goon squad to chastise you for doing something that you have a perfect right to do then it might be time for a new church!

Amen. I'm not anti any church. However, I'm sick of the term 'love the sinner' blah, blah, blah. If the church elders came to your home on their witch hunt, then it's time to find some other place or way to worship. It seems only cross-dressers and gays/lesbians are going to hell. Biblical you know! The rest of the church body is always sooo pure and without sin.

On the disclosure issue: During one of our early "discussions" about my cross-dressing, she threatened to 'out' me if we ever got divorced. Later, she said she would never do that. Frankly, I do not believe her.

That computer seems to be a recurring issue for cross-dressers (etc). That's why I use Mozilla Firefox and a grandchild friendly screensaver.

[linda allen]

Amen. I'm not anti any church. However, I'm sick of the term 'love the sinner' blah, blah, blah. If the church elders came to your home on their witch hunt, then it's time to find some other place or way to worship. It seems only cross-dressers and gays/lesbians are going to hell. Biblical you know! The rest of the church body is always sooo pure and without sin.

That's true of some churches and denominations, but others welcome lesbials, gays, and I would presume, crossdressers and transexual or transgendered people. So who is going to heaven and who is going to hell?

It wasn't that long ago that many churches did not allow black people to worship or join. How is that Christian?

[Debglam]

Sounds like a great attitude to have Diana!

[TxKimberly]

Well you have the right attitude about it anyway. Let's face it, if you chose to have your pic as your screensaver then you really wouldn't have any business fussing at your wife that someone saw it anyway. LOL
There are a few things I've learned in the years that I have been doing this and sharing my secret with a few others:
1 - Do not tell someone and assume that they will not tell their spouse. There are some things that are just TOO juicy a secret to expect that it will not get shared with a spouse. You might encounter an exception to this rule, but your asking for it if you count on it.
2 - It is unfair and maybe unreasonable to tell your own wife and expect that she will tell no one, to include her best friend. You have probably kept this secret for a life time and more than likely told your wife because it was killing you to have no one to share it with among other reasons. So you offload this mountain of weight and put it on to her shoulders to share the load, but then expect her to then have no one to talk to or confide in. That's not fair. So in my opinion, if you are going to tell your wife, you should be prepared to allow her to at least share it with her good friend so that she has an outlet too.

[Alice B]

My wife knows she can tell anyone, but I know she won't due to her concerns. All our close friends know as does all of our family. I have nothing to worry about in that respect. Your wife telling her friend is a positive thing and if the rest of the complex were to find out. So what. You have nothing to fear and an accepting wife.

[Cynthia Anne]

I once fixed a flat tire for a despert lady on sunday! When I was done she preached to me that I was sinning by working on sundays! Figure that one out!!! Dianna has every right to be proud! Hugs!

[Stephenie S]

Geez. I would have put the flat back on.

No, not really. But I would have asked her if she wanted me to.

S

[Diana Bain]

Thanks for everyones comments. My wife and family have known about my crossdressing for years and I have their support...especially my wife. We are who we are.

[joanncd]

I must take Joann's photo off my computer screen...LOL Ah what the heck, I will NOT.

[Samantha_Smile]

I just want to point out that you weren't outed by your wife, you were outed by your screensaver settings :P

Unlucky though :(

[Roberta Marie]

That's true of some churches and denominations, but others welcome lesbials, gays, and I would presume, crossdressers and transexual or transgendered people. So who is going to heaven and who is going to hell?

It wasn't that long ago that many churches did not allow black people to worship or join. How is that Christian?

I told our Pastor about my crossdressing a couple of years ago, and his response was, "OK. You're still Rob, and you're still my friend." We've not told other members of the congregation, because I have other reasons for not coming out in the community where we live and work, yet. But I have been to worship at a church not too far from home several times, and have been accepted completely. Last Christmas I even volunteered there to help serve Christmas Dinner to the homeless. This congregation are some of the few people that know me both as Rob and Bobbi, as my company has doen some work for them. They understand my need for discretion, and there have been no problems.

[Roberta Marie]

My wife has told more people about my crossdressing than I have. If she's comfortable with it, so am I.

[celeste26]

Well I go to one of those churches that is accepting and I attend dressed en femme. Not a single bad comment in two years and frankly I dont expect any either. They know me and that's that.