I really want to tell my ex...

[Adriennegrl]

...but should I? I know this question gets raised a lot. The short time since I've been here I've seen people struggle w/ who to tell and if.

We haven't dated in years. She's moved on and has a steady now. I rarely see her but when I recently did....wow! She is a hottie and very feminine. That's one reason I'd like to tell her. She's about 5'10 w/o heels and very petite (and we wear the same shoe size). Another reason is that she's really into fashion and worked in woman's retail for years. She would have some good tips and would probably help me shop, if she accepted it that is....

I think she could go either way, as most people could, with her reaction. She does have gay friends. Even though I'm not gay she's at least accepting of alternative lifestyles. But would she have the same viewpoint w/ an ex? Don't know... Another risky element is that I live in a small town and things have a way of getting out and about...

Any advice?

[Karren H]

The problem I see with telling an ex is she has no vested interest in keeping your secret! And depending on her side of the story (which may be different than you think it is) she could use it against you. If you had a current SO... Telling her actually sucks her into your closet and burdens her too.

Don't think I'd ever tell any Ex of mine.

[DonnaT]

Yeah, probably not a good idea, no matter the reason for the breakup. Unless you don't care who knows or might find out if she even talks about it to one other person. Gossip spreads like wildfire, especially juicy gossip.

[Lorileah]

Let it go. She is an "ex" and she has moved on. You evidently live near each other so if she wants you as a friend, i would let her make the first move OR if you want to be friends, let the CDing go until you are established. You didn't tell her when you were together and now you have buyer's (or seller's) remorse

[Eryn]

it is just about sure that anything you tell your ex will be transmitted to her new steady!

[Jeanna]

She is you "ex". Keep it that way.

[Cynthia Anne]

It might be easier to put up a very large sign at the edge of town advertising that you are a crossdresser!

[Natalie D]

I have to agree with everyone else. You don't need to tell anyone that doesn't need to know.

[Adriennegrl]

Thanks all, I needed a good slap of reality! It was more of a fantasy telling her but yeah...bad idea!

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Ex is just that an ex. Unless you two are still best friends an hanging out together shopping and stuff she does not need to even know. We all have had wanted our exes in our lives but then we realize jumping from a cliff would hurt less. Been were you are don't look back and move forward.

Hugs

[carhill2mn]

What would you hope to gain by telling her? I cannot think of any reason to do so.

[Stephanie47]

She moved on! So should you!

[Mikaela]

I told my ex-wife recently because we're friends now and can still confide without being judgmental, but we live states away and only communicate online. The reason I told her was because I needed her opinion on something that only she could give me, that is what was in it for me. If you are doing it to be 'open' or to 'get it off your chest' or anything like that, don't do it. I went several years without telling mine because there was no reason to.

Only if you have or can maintain a normal relationship as a friend should you even consider it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

PHP, Be careful what you wish for it may come back to bite you in the A$$.

Run don't walk to the nearest reality check station and let them slap some sence into your head.

Orchid

[sandra-leigh]

My "ex" is a different continent and 20 years ago; I don't think I've heard from her in more than a decade. I'd have to track her down before I could tell her... doesn't seem to be much point ;-)

[Adriennegrl]

Thanks, you all are great! Orchid, I already was slapped about 10 posts ago...lol... but I needed it.

The only reason I thought about it was the fashion sense she has but beyond that it's a BAD idea ;) Deep down I knew this but, again, I needed slapped!