My darling wife : P

[Aprilrain]

So my wife and I were shopping the other day and while browsing at White house Black market she says "why don't you take like 6 months and just go live the life you want no kids no me and see if that is what you really want" this was after a lunch where we casually discussed the terms of our divorce. This was sounding eerily similar to my fathers suggestion a week or so ago. Her reasons were slightly different than his. She doesn't want a divorce and I think she is hoping that if I live the life "I want" ie. date men, that I will discover that I don't like guys and come back to her. I didn't tell her this in fact i didn't tell her anything but I was thinking after the hell I have been through in our marriage I would not come back to you if I was the gayest lesbian on earth. Don't get me wrong I love her and she is as cute as a button but MY GOD all we did was fight! 90% of the time. The other 10% probably only seemed good because the other 90 was so bad! We get along reasonable well now but I am much happier not living with her anymore!

If my Mom tells me to move away for some reason then I will take the hint and pack up my car. Im itching to move away from here anyway

[Bree-asaurus]

Don't let others pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. The people I trusted the most told me I should move away... I'm still here, I'm happy, and they don't talk to me anymore.

[Kelsy]

What do you want April!? That's what matters. I suspect my wife and I will end up living separate lives
I have seen my social life suffer alot in the last year or so because of the changes taking place in me and
a "walkabout" might do me a world of good! perhaps you should seriously consider the offer!?

K

[TerryTerri]

Personally, I could live without my ex for six months easy enough, even though she is one of the best friends I have ever had, and probably will ever have in my life. But, I just can't see me being gone from my kids life for 6 months. Mine are 7 and 9 year old boys. Perhaps with older kids it might be a tad different. But, I would be full of guilt feeling I had abandoned them.

I don't know the specifics of your kids and relationship with htme and all that. But, if I were in your shoes, and my ex made that suggestion to me, that would be my stumbling block.

Although most of us have different situations to deal with, I think we can all relate to having to deal with some pretty frickin difficult crap in trying to understand, manage and progress with all these things. Best of luck to you in figuring out your path. Hope you find comfort, support, love and strength from this forum and from other people, places and things in your life.

[Kelsy]

[QUOTE=TerryTerri;2546761] I just can't see me being gone from my kids life for 6 months. Mine are 7 and 9 year old boys. Perhaps with older kids it might be a tad different. But, I would be full of guilt feeling I had abandoned them.
[QUOTE]

I don't think that feeling goes away even when they are grown and left home! The older they become the more difficult it becomes for them to adjust. The best you can do with the young one is to teach them to be tolerant and loving people. I have waited my whole life raising my children and watching them grow and always putting my feelings and needs away! Was it a good thing I'm not sure! It is a hard thing. They think dad is a bit flakey now! and the closeness is gone!
Children are the blessing and the curse of a transsexuals life. At times it can be the saddest and most crushing! One needs to chose wisely concerning these issues and all the advice you can receive cannot ease these type of decisions. The life changing ones!

[Aprilrain]

My kids are 1, 5, and 13 all boys. I especially have a hard time with my 5 year old since he calls me dad EVERYWHERE we go like the woman's restroom! I try not to let it bother me but it does.

[Inna]

Give it time, and such suggestions you hear from family seem genuine and perhaps are there to really let you hear the voice inside. If they have a hidden agenda though, they will be surprised at the end, if they are open and helpful then you shall not disappoint their resolve. Regardless of any stance, YOU need YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am no stranger to divorce, abandoning father and loving son whom I just can't bring my self to leave behind even for a day given that he is 17, it really shouldn't be so hard but we must realize that we are not FATHERS, but simply moms with boy attributes.

But clinically, separation gives clarity and helps in achieving balance, sort of 40 days and nights in the dessert, so to speak :) Now it is not a promise of happiness, oh no, but self introspect and letting all the pain and emotions to the surface. It can be pretty tough, absence of people around you also creates vacuum which fill in with your own stuff, and let me tell you most of it is crap, I know I lived through it. But the rewards are breath taking, and you emerge anew, reborn, and whoever you are!

Therapy its a must during this time and also having at least one wholesome person who is open, honest and loving. I know that sometimes girls do not have anyone, I simply can not imagine, but realities of life are such.

I wish you strength, cleansing tears (sorry), truth, love, and clarity about who you are! Love, Inna.

[Aprilrain]

So today she clarified a bit. She really just doesn't want a divorce she wants us to stay together as a couple. OH JEEZ! I thought we'd gotten past this already. She really thinks I'm going to go sew some wild oats and then come running back to her. She also said that if that is not the case that being around me is really painful because she loves me so much, she can not just be friends is what I'm hearing. Problem is we are stuck with each other because of the kids otherwise I would just leave her alone. It's really hard for me to see where she is coming from because to me the marriage was like an acid eating away at my soul.

[AKAMichelle]

I think the decision to end a marriage is the most difficult of all. It takes years together and throws it all away. It is even harder if you have kids.

I was thinking about this today. You and I are at a crossroads of sorts. Where any of the choices in our lives take us a great mystery, but doing nothing is miserable. My wife and I had a very important talk last night. We are separated and have been for 3+ years. I told her last night that I don't see us getting back together. I enjoy being with her, but I just don't want to live with anyone else right now. I have enjoyed my freedom and I just don't want to give it up.

My biggest issue is that I can choose to give up my dreams and aspirations and stay married. Continue to work my self to death and provide for everyone until I die. I just feel like everyone will use me up and never appreciate the sacrifice. So why do it if nobody is there to help. I have felt for many years like the problems were all mine and it was for naught. I don't get to enjoy many of fruits because everyone else just takes advantage. I am hitting that time in my life where I am approaching empty nester and I just don't see enjoying it if I stay in the marriage.

It really stinks to be at this point. I hope you figure you next turn easier than it has been for me.