Bleassed or cursed?

[Diana Bain]

All of us here at sometime or another, past or present have thought to ourselves why do I crossdress? Why are we compelled to dress. Is it our genes, our dna or the way we were raised? My question would then be...are we blessed or cursed? I on occasions purged (4 times in forty years), but was driven to start again. Men I thought to myself don't do this...I'm not gay...why then am I this way? Now in my later years I feel blessed that I've had the opportunity to experience what it must be like to be a woman. Granted, for the most part we chose the nice parts of being a woman. So my friends, how do you feel...?

[msniki48]

Diana, I still ask that very same question. There are so many times that i feel as though i have been blessed, as i am now able to reach out on so many levels to those around me. [ the blessing] On the other hand, I enjoy seeing her, [ niki]and not everyone around me feels the same way. i must make choices to keep family job and some of my friends...[ the curse]

it is not an easy life we lead

thanks for making me think

hugs

[sissystephanie]

I have believed, for most of my life, that I am blessed with having 2 parts! As far as I am concerned there is no curse at all!! One part is definitely male and the other one is pretty much female. Of course I know that I am always a male, regardless of the clothes I am wearing. I do not have any desire to be a female, nor have I ever has such a desire. I am perfectly happy to be a man! But I do love to wear pretty feminine things from the skin out, and I do whenever I have the opportunity!! Actually panties and a bra 7 days a week!!

[Jilmac]

I consider myself blessed because I can enjoy the best of both worlds. I too, used to ask myself why and I lost count of the number of times I purged. But now I'm being myself and loving it all.

[Cynthia Anne]

Since I was born male, I beleave I'm cursed!

[suchacutie]

We all realize how invasive it is to either live in two genders, or to be one gender biologically and the other gender mentally. Not only invasive, but the vulnerability that can be present can be devastating.

Even with all that, here we are. I, for one, find two overriding positives: 1) after so many years not knowing I had a femme side, it is really urgent that I know who I am, and Tina is a part of who I am. To "make a life for her" is completely essential if I am to have any idea what my life has really been, and what it is to be. 2) Tina has been able to connect with my wife in amazing ways. Tina, my wife, and I have had remarkable conversations comparing the process of growing up as a girl or a boy, what it's like to live as a woman psychologically and emotionally, and how that compares to being male. It's been truly remarkable and it's not over yet!!!

[Karren H]

Neither. I think is just a fact of my life that I have accepted.... Embraced. And learned to live with. Yes it complicates my life and I wish things were different. Just like I wish I could skate and shoot like Sidney Crosby. But that's not going to happen either! Lol.

[Dawn cd]

A physical handicap is one sort of curse, and being born with an enormous talent is another kind of curse. We don't ask for either. They happen to us. Both are "gifts" in the sense that we must find a way to live with the hand we've been dealt, and in the process we often discover important things about ourselves that we wouldn't have known otherwise. I think that being bi-gendered is one of these strange "gifts"--a curse that can turn into a blessing--because we're forced to explore a a wider range of human experience than most people do. In Greek legend Tiresius was an older intersexed person who, because he had experienced both sides of humanity, was considered a wise and prophetic figure. We, too, can be prophetic figures in our world. But we must be aware that a prophetic life generally brings more than its share of pain. So along with the gusto of living both sides of humanity, there is the pain of living both sides of humanity.

[Iskandra]

I think, therefore I am..

Blessed with my maleness,
Blessed with accepting and being able to express my softer side,
Blessed with an amasing SO who is trying so very hard to accept,
Blessed with great legs,
Blessed with feet that can walk in heels,
Blessed with looking younger than my 40 odd years,
Blessed with the best mum ever,
Blessed with a job I love,
Blessed with having emotions, and caring bout those around me,
Blessed with a roof over my head,
Blessed with food in my tummy,
Blessed with clothes on my back,
Blessed with and by Gaia,
Blessed with so many things I normally would take for granted,
I am blessed!! But it has little to do with the type of clothes I wear!!
Mostly I am blessed to have my ggirl by my side, no matter where the road takes us!! :love:

If I have to mention a curse I'd say smoking.. :chained:

[KrystalA]

I never consider it a curse, but I definitely do see it mostly as a blessing. I used to wonder why I loved it so much, but once I accepted it as being part of who I am, I embrace it and feel thankful for the joy it brings to me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Diana.I think it's a little of both but i've learned to play the hand that I was delt.

Orchid

[Shelly67]

Good thread . This is something I've often considered - why ? . Perhaps it's like alcohol ( if i may use that as a quick comparisson ) think back when we were mere youths , the idea of booze was something of no real attraction . Until it was tried . Now I'm not saying in anyway that although alcohol is addictive , that crossdressing is of a similar trait in chemistry . BUT I often think that both ( an even illegal substances ) give the same euphoria - Inner peace .
Like every person on this planet , one way or another we strive to find that little part of us that provides us with sanctity , a quiet , non stressful moment even if short it is craved for . Meditation , sport , gardening , cycling , all manner of hobbies are chased by some as a means of utopia . There are others amongst us who crave that moment in different ways , football ( soccer ) violence , bloodsports .

As a crosdresser , I think , therefore that its certainly a bit of both a blessing if you find the comfort , only to be considered " strange " by those who do not understand . Therein it becomes a curse . I suppose it comes down to each unique individual really .....
It's a personal battle trying to understand why we ( I ) wish to adorn femanine attire , make up , and act totally out of character that was initially set by mother nature .
What often crosses my mind is the fact that one day as age has crept upon me ( if I make it that far ) will I look back in sadness and regret of ever behaving in this way . I bet theres not one person on this thread , whilst at the end of the day thinks back , and regrets his / her behaviour at some point . Even trival things , like something said or done at work / home .

Praps thats why we choose to emulate our opposite gender . Or go fishing , horse racing , hunting ..... the list is endless . I dunno .
Maybe the reality is not matter what - the chase is better than the catch ?

This thread has made my brain hurt ..... time to douse it in a bucket of iced water - lol .


GOOD THREAD .

[wildsylph]

Yeah.. that is true we do get to pick the nice parts of being women without the periodic contract that happens to gg;s. I did go through the phase and still going through, does cross-dressing make me homosexual, bisexual, or is it the desire in the women mode, I am trying to reach. I can say, that I do sometimes have some urges to take the hormone replacement surgery, to get a better understanding but the problem with that its a chemical castration. I want my own natural disasters running havoc through my house. So to me its a working process of understanding is nature or nurture.

[Gillian Gigs]

I used to think that it was a curse. As I got older and began to accept myself for who I was, and then it started to change. I do not really consider it was blessing either, it is just this neutral thing. Some would call it a fetish, yet we all have things that we obsess about. Like, I have this friend, he puts ketchup on everything. I asked him why once , and he said that he just likes ketchup. He doesn't make a big deal about it, that is just who he is and what he likes. I wonder how much we obsess about our dressing habits, when we should just be accepting of ourselves. I used to think that putting ketchup on everything was weird, but if I liked my friend, then I had to accept him for who he was.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I'll go with the generic both, it's a blessing and a curse.

It's a curse do all of the heart-ache and emotional pain you go through when you realize that the majority of the people in your life will never accept or tolerate this other side of you. Especailly whenever the topic of transgender lifestyles comes up and those closest to you voice their disaproval of that lifestyle. It's a curse when you have to by neccessity deny to everyone that a very important part of you does not exist.

The blessing is the un-matched happiness, life and vigor that this otherside brings which cancels out and completely overules the curse aspect. In the end that happiness is far more important than all of the baggage the curse brings along with it. :thumbsup:

[RenneB]

Wow. What a great thread girls. I never though of it as one way or another. In fact up until a year ago when I found this site, I thought all CDrs were in porn which led me to think I was the only one of this kind. Boy, I mean girl, then my eyes were opened. There are lots of CDrs that just want to be who they are and dress in fem. At last, I was in heaven and not alone anymore. You girls have really brought some sanity to this whole thing in my life. For over half a century, the CD thing has been in and out of my life. Y'all know the story from when we were kids and saw that one special fem think that something just triggered in our brains that I'd like to wear that. From then on I was hooked.

I am blessed to have my health and a good family. Not that they know about Renee, but they're still a good family.

So there it is, this CD of mine is just that, not a blessing nor a curse it's just me.

Renne.....

[Pythos]

In our society there are times it is a curse. But curses are also results of something beyond your control.

At least for me, this is a conscious decision. I could easily look like every other male out there, and most of the time I do. But if given the oportunity I will go androg, or full fem (well full fem for cd group related activities, and photo shots.)

However I mostly think of it as a blessing. A blessing that I have the courage to buck the trends that say men must look dull. Courage to wear what I want usually.

It is really a blessing when a beautiful GG compliments one's features that were given to you as part of a blessing.

[david]

dianacd22 i think on a personal level that we are blessed with the knowledge of having the best side of life by being in fact to all intent and purpose a female in mind if not in body unfortunately.We have a hard road to go down by being what we are but after a while we begin to realise that we were lucky to have the pleasure of experiencing the joys and freedom of being true to ourselfs in life.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Diana, I feel, in some ways, that I have been blessed while in other ways it can seem like a curse, at times. I'm not going to go into my own personal beliefs about why this behavior manifests itself or what to blame for it. That is old territory for me and is well documented on this site. So why repeat myself?
How do I feel about being who I am? I've come to be more accepting of myself and my limitations. I haven't acheived that true inner peace yet but I'm not giving up hope for it.
I will admit that sometimes I wish things could have been different. That I could be just like everyone else. A part of the herd. The group. If I could only make up my mind about either continuing on with transition or not? That would be nice. Being stuck in limbo might not be a good place. But it is nessessary for me. All choices in life have ramifications. Far better it is to take the long road, the one less traveled, and be absolutely sure that I'm making the correct decision for myself than to face a lifetime of regret afterwards.

Here's hoping that everyones journey, even those short trips, into the realm of femininity is a pleasant one. Godspeed.

[Victoriacr]

I also feel blessed, having accepted my uniqueness and come out to a few family and friends. Acceptance builds confidence and confidence is contagious, inspiring acceptance by those to whom we come out. It is important to build on each small success and in that way move away from the closets that we construct in our minds and in others' minds as well. What do you think?

[NicoleScott]

It took three purges, but I finally accepted my crossdressing desires as "it is what it is". CD-ing has brought me lots of pleasure, but it does complicate life at times, financially and with relationships. As with other things, there's good and bad about it. I embrace the good and get through the bad, as with other aspects of life in general. So for me, neither a curse nor a blessing. Or maybe both that cancel each other out. It just is what it is.

[Vickie_CDTV]

For me, it was my upbringing, dysfunctional family, and possibly brain damage from being punched in the head from my father when I was very young (there was some research done by the Clarke Institute of Toronto years ago linking some forms of transvestic behavior to brain trauma.)

My transvestism has bought me great pleasure, at the same time as far as finding a potential GG partner goes it has made things far more difficult than it would be for a cisgender man; therefore my transvestism is also a curse.

[Valerie Nova]

A curse. Definitely a curse. Wanting something unattainable so badly is a curse by itself, let alone the fact that society regards you as some sort of pervert for making your feeble attempts to look and feel feminine. Sure, there are worse compulsions out there. I'm glad I'm just a crossdresser and not gay, or a psychopath, or sexually attracted to children. And I guess I have to just be grateful it's a relatively minor curse.

That being said, I love it when I get that strong urge to wear women's clothes and makeup. If I don't have many obligations at the time, nothing beats the feeling of putting on a wig and makeup and slipping into my favorite dress and heels. I just wish I could dress like that whenever I wanted to without people thinking I'm some sort of freak.

[Samantha43]

I feel blessed for the most part. Crossdressing has always been with me and always will. I'm wound pretty tight and find it difficult to relax. Crossdressing has provided me a welcome way to relax and just be myself. When I am dressed I have a feeling of calmness and contentment that I never experience in male mode. I've always accepted who I am and have never had the negative feelings about crossdressing that some of us have. I have never purged.

That being said, in a way it is a curse. It would interfere with my normal day to day life if I let it, and that would be easy to do. Like a caged animal, it's fine as long as it's in it's cage, but watch out if it ever gets out. If my desire to crossdress went away, I don't think I would miss it.

[Iskandra]

... I'm glad I'm just a crossdresser and not gay, or a psychopath, or sexually attracted to children. And I guess I have to just be grateful it's a relatively minor curse.

Vir, I understand what you mean, and it I imagine it was purely unintentional, but it reads like you're lumping being gay in with psychopaths and child molesters..
I can't imagine anyone here thinking like that.. Oopsie..:heehee:

[Nigella Irish TV]

Good thread . This is something I've often considered - why ? . Perhaps it's like alcohol ( if i may use that as a quick comparisson ) think back when we were mere youths , the idea of booze was something of no real attraction . Until it was tried . Now I'm not saying in anyway that although alcohol is addictive , that crossdressing is of a similar trait in chemistry . BUT I often think that both ( an even illegal substances ) give the same euphoria - Inner peace .

GOOD THREAD .

Like the beautiful shelly remarked upon alcohol and crossdressing as addictive.....
I managed to give up the booze and cigarettes over 6 years ago, and no matter how hard i try to give up the urge of crossdressing, i simply can not... Life would be som much more simpler, if i did not crossdress....

My wife does not like it, and the majority of the population do not understand why a man would want to dress as a woman..... Even though i get into work early and dress and walk around the building where i work whilst there is no one here, i am well aware that they know what i do, through the review of CCTV.. No one has said anything to me yet, only remarks about 'everyone has something to hide (in other words, shut up)' should i say something that the other party does not want to hear....

To clarify, i really enjoy getting dressed as a female, but i find that there is so many more negatives than positives about it....
I mean, it would be impossible for me to walk down any street without being stared at as i am 6 foot tall and well built....
Whilst i may not give a Castlemaine 4X about what people think of me, it would break my heart if my kids got bullied over it...
I suppose the only thing that i can do is to continue to bring up my kids to be non judgemental and except everyone for who they are, warts an all, or in our case, chicks with ****s

[Valerie Nova]

Vir, I understand what you mean, and it I imagine it was purely unintentional, but it reads like you're lumping being gay in with psychopaths and child molesters..
I can't imagine anyone here thinking like that.. Oopsie..:heehee:
Err, only in that they're all conditions that drastically affect the course of your life, in a way that isn't necessarily positive. I've known plenty of gay people over the years, and with one possible exception, none of them wanted to be gay. A few got into the whole gay pride thing, but most gay people I've known are kind of depressed about being gay, kind of like how I get depressed whenever I see a girl wearing something really pretty and wish I could wear it and look as pretty as she does. Except moreso. Granted, most of the gay people I've known have been in college and haven't really accepted who they are yet, but still.

Still, you've made a bit of an incorrect generalization yourself, in that you implied that everyone who's sexually attracted to children is a child molester. This is a group of people I feel awful for, since I doubt they have any more control over who they're attracted to than gay people do. I imagine most of these people do in fact have consciences and never act on their urges, but wow, what a horrible life to lead.

Anyway, I guess my point is, it's a curse, but a relatively minor one that has some upsides. When it comes right down to it, it's really just an embarassing hobby we're born with.

[Iskandra]

Vir, fair enough, that is kind of how I took it, the only difference is that the gays I've known and know are accepting and would not have it any other way.. I guess might depend a lot on which part of society you live in.. They (those i know) do not see it as a curse.. I suppose that is where my confusion was..

And no incorrect generalization here... Anyone who thinks of a child as a sexual 'attraction' IS if only mentally, perverting the sanctity that childhood should be.. I would not want someone with those thoughts arround my kids, irrelevant if they do not act on those impulses.. Like physical abuse and mental abuse are 2 different beasts, they are still abuse..

Your life is what you make of it regardless of your condition(s), take note of people with downs syndrome, take note of people bound to wheelchairs etc.. mostly they are happy to enjoy life regardless of their condition.. No wonder CDers are seen as lepers, it's how many see themselves... :(
(that last paragraph was a general statement not aimed at you directly Vir.)

[Shelly67]

Nigella - ....me - beautiful , golly ! .....
Bless you sweetheart . That meant a lot to me as most of the time when I dress , all I see is me - a bloke in disguise . And that feeling has grown stronger of late , mainly due to other circumstances . Praps its time to put Shelly away for a bit , get a proper grip ( speshly in this gals case ) .Indeed , maybe thats the real part of the " curse " side to crossdressing . There comes a point when it becomes too compulsive - to over powering clouding judgement . Like a favourite food , a tipple of something , maybe we really do have to balance it all out , take it as a pleasure in measured doses . Makes me think on ... there are those who are " out " and those who are in the closet when it comes to this side of life . Either way , we all have a terrible itch , wishing to be able to dress when we can . Life tho , well , it has a strange effect . For those that can openly dress up , I'll bet 9 times out of 10 something occurrs and stops the oppertunatey to dress . Visitors , interviews , whatever . Then theres the secret girls , grabbing every moment they can trying to do exactly the same . longing to find that warm , sexy moment of peace and well being .We all seem to be striving to get to the same place . Makes me wonder still ..... is there any truth to the notion and reality , that the want to crossdress , that familiar gorgeous anticipation , is that addictive and all consuming ? Is that THE curse ?? I dunno .


Still think I need that bucket of ice cold water .........

[Cheryl T]

When I was young I would have said Cursed without a doubt. Then as I began to accept myself and eventually my spouse accepted me it turned into a blessing. I no longer hate myself or feel I am a freak. I just have more to offer than other people and I offer that as a woman.

[NV Susan]

Some days it's a blessing......:)
But other days, what a curse it is......:devil:
But no matter what today brings, we just have to make the best of it....:hugs:

[Inna]

BOTH, I truly believe that the difference between is in the acceptance of one self. I remember when I was deeply in hiding and thought of my dressing as sick, it definitely felt like a curse. Now however after the reveal and allowing truth to roam my world, I feel free, wonderful, beautiful and blessed.