A little good news and a hefty chunk of disappointment

[Rianna Humble]

I should probably have put this in my journal, but I wanted to share it with my friends and maybe get your feedback as well.

My biggest disappointment at the moment is that I am not making real progress with my voice - even though my doctor says that my speech patterns are markedly more feminine than when I first saw her a year ago.

I have already learned that in the NHS system, something that is done "right away" can take 6 or 7 weeks, but I must admit that I thought the doctor at the Gender Clinic had not taken my request for voice coaching very seriously last month.

Well, it seems that I was wrong! He had contacted the speech therapy department "right away" to ask them to assess what support I should have for my voice and I got the letter telling me this yesterday. Hooray!

Just as I was getting ready to celebrate, I read the next part of the letter - they have a waiting list for speech therapy and will not even put me on the list to be assessed until they have a vacancy on that list. Boo! :cry:

I do have a self-study course although the input on my sound card seems to be broken so I cannot record my voice :sad: Also, since I am tone deaf, I find the musically-oriented lessons very difficult to work with.

I guess I will have no choice now, though since I cannot afford private lessons but to find another way of following the self-study course.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Rianna

I found that despite three attempts...1 DVD, 2 Speech patholgists (that had totally different ideas!), the only thing that worked was doing it...

i don't know your voice..but i have met many girls that hate hate their voice, but it sounds good to me...and trust me, i can "read" voices like all of us can...

i hope you are willing to just go out and do it, see what works, see what doesnt, and not feel disappointed about getting more speech therapy quickly..

[Nigella]

This has surprised me, but then that is the NHS for you. I am pleased to hear that you can get speech therapy as part of your therapy, not so in my case :(

Our NHS system whilst good in that we dont have to pay for a lot of things like our cousins across the pond, the delays we see are bothersome to say the least. Whilst I understand that you may be a little disappointed, at least you have an acknowledgement that it is one part of your transition that is taken care of.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Nigella, I'm sorry to see that your GIC didn't offer you speech therapy. According to the NHS website (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/pages/treatment.aspx)

Adults who have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and transsexuals should be referred to a specialist gender identity clinic. These clinics offer ongoing assessment for people with gender dysphoria. They can also provide support and advice about living in your preferred gender role, including:

* mental health support
* hormone treatment
* ways to dress in your preferred gender role
* ways to behave in your preferred gender role
* language and speech therapy
* hair removal treatments

Although I have heard unofficially that some PCT's won't pay for things like hair removal :sad:

[Nigella]

And that Rianna is the crux of the matter, I can get 6 weeks of "speech therapy" through the GIC, but that is the GICs own therapy not a specialist therapy. That is not much use to me due to the cost of getting there and 6 x 1 hour sessions is not going to do much, especially as they are group sessions.

PCTs hold the purse strings, as you are aware, and whilst the NHS say that they can provide support, they are under no obligation to provide nothing more than details of where you can get the treatment/therapy done.

As for my voice, I really don't see it as an issue for me at this point in time, maybe later who knows. I do know that my PCT will pay for "cosmetic" treatment, but only if the gender specialist states that it is crucial to your wellbeing as a transgendered person. Unfortunately or fortunately as the case may be, I am so relaxed about the whole transgender life that my specialist couldn't give that statement.

Anyway, as I say I'm glad that you are moving on with your progression and I hope that you will not have to wait too long before you are contacted for an assessment. :hugs:

[shoegazer]

Get a cheap digital recorder that you can record and listen to yourself easily if you don't have money to get a new soundcard/mic for your computer. (Although doing it on the computer is preferable since you can use programs like overtone analyzer to view the frequency range and harmonics to see where you need improvement)

Other people can give you guidance but in the end it will come down to you doing lots of practice on your own time, no matter what. Recording yourself is absolutely vital because it will sound very different 'inside your head' than it does to other people.

My female voice sounds laughable in my head, I think it sounds awful.. but when played back from a recording it sounds good. I was really self concious about using it in public at first cause I was always worried it would sound weird but I got over that quickly once I found that I was not getting clocked by my voice anymore =)

[danielle40I]

You can...you will...and it's gonna happen. Believe it!

[sandra-leigh]

One of us could probably dig up a sound card for you. What kind of connector do you need? PCI okay?

[Hope]

I hear you loud and clear. I am at the point now where I am relatively passable. Which surprises me more than you can imagine. The way I know this is the way people turn around and look at me when I open my mouth. One second it is "we are all girls here" and the next it is "were did that guy come from?" It is incredibly reassuring and horrifyingly depressing all at the same time.

But I will say that now that I am nearing the end of my first semester of voice therapy - the most helpful part of the experience has been the assessment. The honest assessment. If you ask your friends how your voice sounds - they will lie to you. Guaranteed. "Oh it definitely sounds femme!" But when your therapist records you speaking and plays it back for 3 anonymous strangers and they all say "It's a dude!" you know you are hearing truth. The exercises have been pretty... useless. If anything they have made me a bit neurotic about my voice. Not in a good way.

So - my point here is - don't pin all your hopes on voice therapy. Go out - use your voice. Practice with it. Experiment with it. Play with it. You will need to get it in shape ANYWAY... so you might as well start now. It will improve. It will just take time. Though during the periods where I feel like I am not making any progress, (like now) it is excruciating to be me.

[Carvery Carly]

Sorry to hear you've had more delays in transitioning.
Is this something I'll have to wait for as well?
Bad enough waiting for first appointment with therapist, which is 3 weeks time, by the way. Yippee.

[ReineD]

Rianna, I just want to let you know that I wish you all the best with this! :hugs:

[Kelsy]

Rianna,
You have inspired me to purchase a digital voice recorder! I need to be working on this aswell.
Thanks for lighting a fire under my----------- !

K

[Beth-Lock]

Here in Ontario, Canada, voice therapy is not available under one's medicare, unless perhaps wone is able to drive the 250 miles and back, where they are available in the provincial capiial city. Paying for it yourelf is about $100 an hour here. Hair removal is something that comes out of your own pocket. So, things are not really much better here.
People tell me that my voice is not a problem, but then over the phone I have trouble convincing people I am Ms. not Mister. And I am not satisfied with my voice, which is not musical at all. Maybe whether your voice is sutiable is a subjective thing anyway.
I remember when I went to a lesbian dance, and the feminine woman who sat next to me started to speak, and she had a deeper voice than I. But then I learned why when she went off for a smoking break outside the hall. (So, for ll you folks who are still smoking nd want a feminine voice, there is a lesson in that.)
Certainly I agree with you that voice is a worry. I am told though that the tone of my voice has gone up a bit now. It is necessary to keep being mindful of keeping it up, rather than letting it slip down, and even boosting it further. Good luck in your real life practice of voice feminization, which is where most of us seem to really learn it.

[Carvery Carly]

Whenever I sing, I for some reason always sing in a female voice i.e get higher pitch than normal talking pitch. However, I can't seem to get my singing voice into a talking voice.
I've tried slowing it down but still end up, talking as if I'm singing. Frustrating!

(So, for ll you folks who are still smoking nd want a feminine voice, there is a lesson in that.)
Maybe why I can't do the talk but doesn't explain why I can do the singing bit.