when you get the urge

[Cathrine]

MY SO is very supportive in my cding and we talk all thime about what we want and all the things that worry her and I, as she has told me that wearing a wig around her she is not ready for yet but i am allowed to dress to the nines but as long as i leave the wig off (which is fine with me as this is the boundry she has set). but here is the thing just like all of us girls we get horny (she is not sexually attracted to Cathrine) so what does a girls do? she said i (Cathrine) can go and have fun all be herself in the bedroom in any manner she wants but she is not interested in well playing with. I would love it if she would but boundries are there so a accept it. we talked about it and she understands the we all have urges i explaind to her how i felt and she said she just see's me and the Cathrine as 2 different people and not the same person (hope that changes in time) so i know i am not getting to a point here i am trying to though. ok the point is how do i get here to be intermit with me as Cathrine.

[prene]

First I would say you are doing pretty good.
You have a "very supportive in my cding and we talk all thime about what we want and all the things that worry her and I, as she has told me that wearing a wig around her she is not ready for yet but i am allowed to dress to the nines..." WOW.
For me to have a SO who is supportive. I think time is the only thing that can cure this.

Just keep the doors open and talk. Who know where it can take you.

You are lucky.

[AmyGaleRT]

As far as I can tell, it may not be possible. Then again, it may. Let her call the shots on this; this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, or so I'm told, and pushing too hard on your part could be disastrous.

I don't think I would have the same problem; I've noticed that, when I'm dressed, I don't actually feel sexual, just sort of a calmer happiness. So my fiancee wouldn't have the issue of trying to be intimate with me-as-Amy, because I-as-Amy really wouldn't be interested. (Of course, she might be interested...in which case, "Amy" might have to make a fast exit, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more :D .)

[Cathrine]

Prene I do feel so lucky to have a wife that helps with me being Cathrine i do love her more than life it self. i hope in time things change as i would like to involve her in all things ( which in away she is) but she has excluded herself from this one thing. other things she she says it get a bit much for her but i also told she needs to tell me if it does so i can cool it down abit as i only came out to her 6 months ago but we have a open door policy so we are able to talk openly and freely to each other which is so nice.

Amy it is not always a sexual thing as you i am happiest when Cathrine and feel complete as such as we all do feel that mens clothing sucks. but just like everybody male or female we get those urges that need to be attended to. when she is in the mood i have to get into guy mode fast as possible, before coming out to my wife we used to dress up in sexy lingerie for some fun. but since coming out she does not want me to anymore as see associates it with Cathrine which i fully understand.

[Sandra]

She may never be able to do this, as for what can you do I would say foremost keep talking and don't push or try and rush her, because if you do then it will cause a lot of problems.

She wants her guy in bed with her not another woman, a lot of wives/partners feel like this and it should be respected..and seeing as you only came out to her 6 months ago she is still processing all of this, you have had a lot longer.

[Iskandra]

Boundaries are different for all, and hopefully fluid..
My So didn't think the wig I bought looked natural on me, so she bought one that would.. (she was right, though I still love my red wig)
She doesn't understand the why's and whatnots.. Giggles and shakes her head when I'm dressed, But she's trying..
She will also never 'jump into bed' with Iskandra, but then I don't want or need that.. I'd be wrapped if we both just wore stockings and jumped in.. Stockings rubbing together is one of the most sensual feelings ever to me..

[Cathrine]

Sandra i fully understand what you are saying and i do respect that she has a lot to process and i respect her boundries and never pushed an issue with her what we do is first talk about it then if the end result is lets try it we do so if not then it is left at that point until the topic is raised again by her or myself or together i know talking is the best thing for any relationship and it is working

[Claire Cook]

As far as I can tell, it may not be possible. Then again, it may. Let her call the shots on this; this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, or so I'm told, and pushing too hard on your part could be disastrous.



I agree with Amy. You have to consider her feelings and needs -- not just your own. Let her take the lead -- in whatever way if leads.

[suzy1]

If there is one thing that destroys a marriage its trying to change your partner into someone they are not.
Is that what you are trying to do?
You married her, now love who she is.

SUZY

[Cathrine]

Suzy not trying to change anything you are getting me all wrong. i love my wife for who she is and never ever tried to change her in any way or form. trying to explain a situation i find myself in and how it affects us as a couple. my wife is fully understanding of urges but not willing to include herself in cahrines urges but on the other hand lets cathrine explore her urges alone, as alot of people have said things might change or might not if they do change well great if they dont wel great i am just happy she lets me explore my urges alone I HAVE NOT INTENTION ON SLEEPING WITH ANY ONE ELSE BUT MY WIFE. but she has toys and i can use them when and where HEHEHEHEHEHE i want

[terrianncd]

All things in balance. As I have said my SO is bi so she will want TerriAnn in bed perhaps half the time, but then she will let me know she reallys wants the guy who looks and smells like a guy in bed the other half of the time. I respect that and am happy to comply. Be sure you are making the time you spend together FUN for her. Always consider her feelings and you will be a happy gurl in the end. my thoughts

TerriAnn

[suzy1]

I understand Cathrine. I hope I did not offend in any way.
I did get you wrong. Sorry.

SUZY

[Natalee]

Wig or not have fun! You are light years beyond what most SO's/Wifes let their CD's here get away with.

How about nail polish, in boy and/or girl modes?

My boundaries with the wife are more self-imposed; she's never requested I remove clothes, or insulted me. But around her, I usually keep my attire limited to my girlie casual wear like sweats top+bottom combos, cap-sleeve tops, or casual ballerina-style sneakers or flats around her in the house. Mostly clothing which doesn't require breast forms. And my finger nails are often painted, and toe nails ALWAYS painted; whether dressed as boy or girl.

Once she leaves, I'll often do a dress with heels; and if asked on the phone "what I'm wearing", I never hide it.

Anybody else have self-imposed boundaries, even though wife has never discouraged or insulted.?


EDIT: Well speak of the devil. There was a thread further down ("Getting confortable dressed around my wife "), touching on the topic of self-imposed boundaries..

[Stephenie S]

Catherine writes:

"I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SLEEPING WITH ANY ONE ELSE BUT MY WIFE."

And yet, dear, you are trying to force her to do just that! Just a bit selfish, what?

She is not a lesbian. She wants her MAN in her bed. She does not want to sleep with your feminine side. MHO? be thankful for what you have. A wife who is accepting. Stop trying to make her have sex with someone other than her HUSBAND.

Try, just try, to see this from her side.

Stephie

[Barbra P]

Hi Catherine

Not knowing your Wife it is difficult to say anything for sure, but I suspect that your Wife is completely heterosexual and would never think of having a Lesbian relationship. Getting intimate with Catherine may seem like a Lesbian relationship to her, something she is not comfortable with at the moment, and something she may very well never be comfortable with.

As the saying goes, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and it quacks, it’s a duck. Now this particular duck may have external plumbing but in the eyes of your Wife she still sees a duck, and while she may be relatively comfortable being in the same room with that duck, she doesn’t want to climb into bed with that same duck.

My own Wife has mentioned the Lesbian feeling when around Barbra even though I don’t have any desire to get intimate with my Wife when I’m Barbra. I also don’t have any desire to get intimate with a man whether I’m enfemme or drab. We are both heterosexual, I like women and she likes men, and to paraphrase Kipling, never the twain shall meet.

Your Wife is a lot more understanding than many of the member’s wives here and I think you should be content with the liberties you have. When Catherine gets to feeling frisky, Catherine should just retire to the bedroom with the toys and satisfy herself to her heart’s content, knowing that she is doing so with your Wife’s blessing. I strongly suspect that the vast majority of members here wish they had the freedoms you have along with such a supportive and understanding wife.

Hi again Catherine

I think Stephenie is absolutely right on the target. You don’t want to be intimate with anyone but your Wife, but yet you want your Wife to cheat on you and have sex with Catherine. In your Wife’s eyes Catherine is not you, Catherine is not her husband.

What would your reaction be if your Wife walked into the room wearing work boots, dirty jeans, a sweat-soaked shirt, had a five-o-clock shadow, and was in need of a shower – looking every bit like a man who has just spent a hard day at a construction site – and said let’s go have sex?

[NyssaF]

I think you've just gotta assume she never will. Which is perfectly fine. Many spouses feel the same way, I think.

[sissystephanie]

I was married for almost 50 years to a lovely lady who knew that I was a CD when we married!! She supported me almost fully, but we did have one rule which was very exlicit. When we had sex, I was always HER MAN, not her girlfriend!! That is what your wife is trying to tell you, and as other have already said, that is what you must live with!! If you truly love your wife, it is not hard to do!!

[suchacutie]

If your wife is not sexually attracted to women, why would you expect her to be attracted to your feminine side?

If your wife wanted to present herself as a man, what would you do if she expected you (as a man) to be intimate with her male side? And even if that excited you, it doesn't excite your wife, so leave it alone. I'm sure she will show you just how much she appreciates your consideration!!!!

tina

[Karren H]

. but here is the thing just like all of us girls we get horny

Nuns don't get horny....

[carhill2mn]

My advice would be to accept the good fortune that you have and respect your wife's feelings.

[Cathrine]

I have left it a lone and not pushed the subject and i do understand what you girls are saying i guess i am being selfish on that side haveing my cake and eating it as well. i am happy and love my wife dearly and the freedom she gives meis beyond my wildest dreams so i have talken it and will leave it at that please bear in mind that this was something on my mind and was looking ofr input with regards to it and now i have it, i have got it off my chest and now it is time to let that sleeping dog ly.

[lindseycdg]

My advice would be to accept the good fortune that you have and respect your wife's feelings.

I agree completely with Carole! Who knows what the future will bring, don't push her into something she doesn't want to do.

[kendra_gurl]

Next time your all dressed to the nines and you start feeling the urge. Take off all your clothes, remove the makeup, take a quick shower, then take your wife by the hand and honestly tell her how much you love her for the support and freedom she has allowed you while you're leading her to the bedroom for the best husband/wife sex she has had in years.

Bet you both will appreciate it

[AmyGaleRT]

Catherine writes:

"I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SLEEPING WITH ANY ONE ELSE BUT MY WIFE."

And yet, dear, you are trying to force her to do just that! Just a bit selfish, what?

She is not a lesbian. She wants her MAN in her bed. She does not want to sleep with your feminine side. MHO? be thankful for what you have. A wife who is accepting. Stop trying to make her have sex with someone other than her HUSBAND.

Try, just try, to see this from her side.

Well spoken, Stephenie!

I can tell you right now that I would never force my fiancee to be intimate with "Amy." I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to, anyway; she has no lesbian tendencies. (I wonder if it would have been different with my ex-wife...she was bisexual. Oh well, too late to worry about that now.)

Cathrine, sounds like you're getting the idea. Thank your lucky stars your wife is as accepting as she is; you have an advantage many CDs don't!

[Stephanie47]

Boundaries are boundaries. There's also an expression which basically states "The expectation may exceed the actual event!" You're fortunate to have a loving wife who supports your dressing. Don't push it. As far as the wig goes, why don't you see if she is supportive of you growing out your hair long enough to be unisex-unless your bald already.

[DonnaT]

How into foreplay and fantasies is your wife? Sometimes, if she's into it, talking and touching, etc. might get her to entertain thoughts of trying certain things, like nylons rubbing together etc. At some point she may suggest trying something, but never try on your own, wait for the invite. If the invite never comes, then there's not much you can do but keep hoping.

[NicoleScott]

I don't see much in the way of boundaries here. Just the wig, really. Other than that, you can wear anything you want in her presence, and dress as you please and pleasure yourself in private. Not wanting to be intimate with Cathrine isn't a boundary - it's just her sexual preference. You've got it real good. Push the intimate-with-Cathrine issue too much and you could blow it. I don't think you can talk her into it (sex with Cathrine) - it's a turn-off for her. But that's OK. Enjoy what you have. When you get the urge, get private. If you need to use fantasies of Cathrine when in guy mode and intimate with your SO, that's OK.. You own your fantasies (just keep them to yourself).