I am nervous and scared

[Sophora]

In less then a week, I will be back in PA living with my mom. I have decided that this is the time to tell my parents. My dad is coming up with his truck and we are going put my car on a dolly and put all of my boxes in there. I decided that I am going to tell him on the way to PA. Although I think he may already know as I accidently came out to my cousin(and I believe that cousin took my dad already). He at least knows that I have been dressing as a girl and said that he wish I could have told him first.

My mom knows that I dress like a girl(She has already stated that she is ok with it but I can't cross-dress in the house...she has renters and runs a massage business out of the house and doesn't want to lose any business or the tenants). I have decided that I am going to take her out to dinner and let her know what is going on.

I am scared. My parents mean everything to me, even tho I haven't seen in 2 years. I don't know how to approach it or even what to say to their questions. yes I can direct my mom to some books but I would love to be answers every question they have.

However, despite that. I will have an excellent support circle in PA. One of my childhood friends knows a FTM transexual and has stated if I need a place to get away I can go there, as has my BFF.

However, what do I say to my parents. What is the best way to approach it?

[Aprilrain]

Parents are tough, no two situations are the same. I told both my parents at the same time. I think shock and just not wanting to know has kept them from asking a lot of questions. My dad did ask me if I seriously thought someone would hire me! lol. Out of all of my family members my parents seem to be taking it the hardest but they have not disowned me as I feared and in fact other than just being strained our relationship is much the same. I don't see them as often but that is not because they don't want me to come over it is because they don't want to see me dressed as a woman and that is the only way I dress. If I do go over I usually wear capris and a feminine tee shirt, my little mosquito bites show no matter what I wear! I don't usually wear make up because I usually go to their house on sunday and I have electrolysis on Monday mornings. SO what I'm getting at is they have yet to see me looking good which probably only contributes to their fears. I told them that after my name change on the 12th that they will see me however I am dressed or they can chose to not see me at all, really its up to them at this point.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I would suggest you write every thing you wont to say down on a sheet of paper , & think ahead as to the ? s you think they may have. .

Youll find it a very emotional time trying to explain in words & easely lose track of what you need to say.
My self i would write a letter & let them both read thier own letter. & that gives them time to read think & digest as they go . & then the ? s after.
Make it simple & to the point yet explain it in a way they can understand.

Have a look at my profile it may or not help just put my name on the net. noel to noeleena...

...noeleena...

[Stephenie S]

Dear Sophora,

Your parents are going to ask "WHY". Remember, dear, that there is no why. No one has a the answer to this. So don't struggle too long over this question.

What you need is not understanding, what you need is acceptance. Ask your parents for acceptance. Just ACCEPT me for who I am. Don't ask me why I have to do this. No one knows the answer to that. Just accept me.

Stephie

[david]

hi sophora being scared is a natural reaction girl.Taking the step of telling of telling others of how you really are inside will be hard for them to understand so try and give them time to absorbe that this is your decision and to respect your feelings on this matter .I know it will take time and you might loose some friends but believe me going down this road will give you the happinesstime of your life as you are being true to your inner feelings.It might help to write a letter explaining all your reasons for your decisions and to ask them to sccept you for how you are as you are stii the person they knew before.Be happy girl it gets better believe me i shoud know..............davinax

[Kaitlyn Michele]

This is huge sophora...we can debate the why's but your parents made you, and this is how they made you...

you tell them you love them.
you tell them that you have gone through hell trying live up to others expectations..
you tell them you know it's hard for them, but that you don't have a choice, and you are doing this no matter what..
you make sure that you let them know you are going to be ok, that you took your time, you thought it out, you have support, etc..




Dear Sophora,

Your parents are going to ask "WHY". Remember, dear, that there is no why. No one has a the answer to this. So don't struggle too long over this question.

What you need is not understanding, what you need is acceptance. Ask your parents for acceptance. Just ACCEPT me for who I am. Don't ask me why I have to do this. No one knows the answer to that. Just accept me.

Stephie

[Kaitlyn26]

I had a similar problem just like everyone else here most likely has. Being scared is normal. The silver lining is that by doing this you will know the true nature of your parents. When I came out mine showed their true nature by eventually restricting me to the point that we rarely speak anymore. They were more worried about their own shame than me. It's a test for you and them both. Mine failed. I think if they already know and are not displaying any bad signs, that's a good sign.