Dressing en femme and wanting to go out but being scared :/

[Megan-Louise]

I am dressed en femme constantly and walk around the house freely 24/7 but cannot go outside :( any tips? Xx

[Karren H]

Yeah. Grab the door handle. Turn it and walk out. There's nothing to fear. Nothing. You will be so amazed that you didn't do it years earlier. I sure was.

[Megan-Louise]

The furthest I have got is the front door but as a baby step I'd love to walk around the block :)

[Dawn cd]

Do it is stages, like baby steps. I don't know the layout of your place, but try walking from your door to the street and back. Then next time go a little farther. Try it first in darkness, later in daylight. Or, if you have a car, go for a drive en femme. Next time, try a drive-up service window. By taking smaller steps the fear never becomes overwhelming, and gradually you will feel more comfortable.

[Megan-Louise]

See the area I live in is full of young idiots and that's why I'm so unsure :/ I'm in en femme now just waiting for the dark to come lol

Any ideas for wig stockists also xx

[DonnaT]

First, figure out what you are scared of. If it is the neighbors, go someplace else.

Many leave the house with their fem clothes covered, and the wig and makeup in a bag, then drive somewhere, and put of the wig and apply the makeup, before getting out of the car or in a nearby single use restroom.

[Megan-Louise]

Thanks that's an idea :)

[Carole Cross]

It is a bit dangerous to walk around outside in the dark when you are presenting as female. I would suggest looking for a support group near you and go to one of their meetings first. Just Google 'transgender support groups in *your town*'. There should be something not too far away. Alternatively scroll to the bottom of the forum and choose whichever state you live in.

[Megan-Louise]

I'll be okay I'm a big girl :) xx

[Meredy]

I woke up this morning at 2:00 AM, and decided to check out the boards.
I usually don't leave my room dressed, but I spent this morning in my nightie. When the craving for a smoke came (don't smoke in the house), I stepped outside and sat on the front steps in my nightie and had a cig, and I did that until 5:00AM. Felt wonderful!

I also enjoyed the different feels and lengths depending on how I sat. I hope someday I can come home from work, take a shower, and change into something more comfortable for the evening, instead of hiding in the bedroom.

[Megan-Louise]

I find nothIng better than curling up watching tv(en femme) but can't wait to go out :) am gonna let you babes know how it felt :) xx

[Tara D. Rose]

great , do that and let us know how it all went. But be very safe.

...............Tara

[Megan-Louise]

I will :) can't wait :) any tips on wigs? X

[Stephenie S]

Please don't let your male confidence lure you into a situation you can't handle. Women just don't go out alone after dark. Period. Women DON'T go out ALONE after dark.

Someone (you) who LOOKS like a woman is gonna arouse attention. Cops are going to assume you are "working", and drunks (what? there are no drunks where you live?), are gonna assume you are fair play for anything. I know you can "take care of yourself", and that's a part of male privilege that women don't get. But just be careful, OK? Things can get out of hand very quickly when you are alone and there's too much testosterone in the mix.

Remember, going out alone after dark REALLY calls attention to you. If you want to be invisible, go to a busy mall. I'm not telling you what to do, dear, just reminding you to be careful.

S

[Fab Karen]

#1 change what you're saying: not "I cannot", say something like "I have put off going."
Forget your appearance, and focus on the task: noticing details around your neighborhood if just a walk, shopping, getting something to eat, etc.. If you had a job as a clown & went out in public you'd get far more attention that way than being en femme.

[Jenniferathome]

Megan, I was like you just a short while ago. I was liberated when I told my wife. Now I go out. In fact i am dressed to the 9's as i type this and taking off for town shortly, t's still daylight but I know that I do not look like "me." You have to remember that YOU do not look like your male self. You may look like a guy in a dress (you can work on that) but the worst that can happen is embarrassment. Of course, as others have pointed out, women do not walk around alone at night. Drive to a hotel and walk around the lobby or go to a mall and window shopping. You will love it!

[Cheryl T]

Take out the garbage one night...then get the mail the next day....then go for a drive...then go shopping and never look back.....

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Well, I was standing out on the street chatting with a couple of local shopkeepers when out walked a man wearing women's clothes from the hairdresser. He did not care about anyone and he was immaculately dressed. Despite a very wide lat spread and thick chest, narrow hips but dressed in a tunic style jumper and black leggings he held his head high and walked to his car. The two shop keepers commented " that's a man dressed in women's clothes" , I said nice top and changed the subject.

I have tremendous respect for him and yet still proved to me to close ones ears, look straight ahead and walk forward as is life.

I guess if no one had the determination to push a product despite many saying it will never work then maybe we would never have many of the innovations that help us in our daily lives eg computers, mobile phones, or even an understanding in magnetism.

Maybe one day I will have the guts to step out too, until then I peek out from behind the curtains and wish. Silly I can be creative in other ways just not in creating the feminine me.. publicly.

[Starr]

What was the old saying " all we have to fear is fear itself" .. or something like that... and that is pretty much what you are up against. Most people could care less what you wear, even if they did take the time to notice you. The question you have to ask is this, Are you living for yourself, or some stranger you don't know.. be who you are and enjoy it.

[KateSpade83]

Why don't you post a pic of yourself in the Picture Section so we can comment and improve on your looks so that you can be confident in going out!

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Here's one of my favourite quotes:

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours." - Richard Bach, "Illusions"

Quite simply, if you believe that you can't go out the door, the fact of believing it will make it true. It's not true, so don't believe it.

It's why I am one of the regular members of a cafe night group. Every Tuesday night, at the same time, in the same restaurant, there will be someone to greet any TG person who comes along, including those coming out of the closet for the very first time. It works, too. Knowing that there is a safe venue to go to, in a completely public place, we get new people fairly often, and those who come along become more and more confident in their ability to go out, regardless of whether they "pass" or not.

Four years ago, I struggled to get myself out the door. Now, the only struggles are finding the time (due to work) and choosing what to wear. :)

[Nancie64]

It all sounds so simple. I share your concerns and agree with some of the responses that 1st you have to decide that you would love to venture out and see how you view the rest of the world as a woman. I never left the house until about 10 years ago and than I did it in baby steps. The best thing I did a few years back was to go and have a makeover. Even if after the makeover is finish and you decide to wash it all off, you will find that a look in the mirror changes your idea of who you look like. I was nervous the 1st time and most of us girls are, but the ladies who do these makeovers are super wonderful. Yes, we all have to be careful about where we go when dressed. My favorite spot is a wayside where you can see a car coming. It was always at night, now I stop to check out the view even in the daytime. Baby steps lead to giant leaps. Haven't got to go shopping yet but I have stopped for fast food and many other things. Shopping this fall in Vegas.

[sometimes_miss]

What was the old saying " all we have to fear is fear itself" .. or something like that.
Riiiiiiiiigggggghhhht. Tell it to this guy:
http://yesbuthowever.com/baltimore-mcdonalds-beating-cross-dresser-500746/

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Guy? You're calling a post-op M2F TS a guy?

Getting beaten up for being the wrong race in the wrong neighbourhood can happen regardless of gender. Ditto for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time and being assaulted by known criminals. That case was a combination of both.

Using a criminal assault that had nothing to do with the gender of the victim as an example of why people should hide in their closets is on par with arguing that you should never drive a car because there are fatal car crashes every day, or that you should never fly in an aircraft because when they crash, people die.

It's called a non-sequitur, which is Latin for "it does not follow".

Having Agoraphobia does not give you an excuse to try to give to others.

[prene]

Small steps and after a while you will see you have gone a long way.

I started maybe taking a drive dressed.

Then of course the Halloween nite. I had a gf who helped and that I was pretty good .
I think I turned out to be a experiement . . . not that i have been out to much 8-9 times.

[Vickie_CDTV]

See the area I live in is full of young idiots and that's why I'm so unsure :/ I'm in en femme now just waiting for the dark to come lol

Any ideas for wig stockists also xx

It depends on how bad the kids are. If you live in a bad/dangerous area, maybe your fears are founded and you shouldn't go out where you live. I certainly wouldn't want to go out dressed and walk around a neighborhood where kids are selling crack on every corner. If it isn't safe there, you might want to go somewhere safer (out of town, or at least to a better part of your town.) Try a TG group if you have one locally, take slow steps. If you must go out in public right away, go to a mall or other well-lit public place.

Whatever you do, don't go out at night and walk around alone. As others have said, it is dangerous and you are a potential target for so many reasons.

[Kathy4ever]

I understand your fear. Two days ago I over came my fear and did it durring the daytime as my thread reads "saw daylight" It was my first real time out. It was a huge small step in I what I will accomplish someday. Just act natural and hold your head up and most of all smile.

[DonnaT]

I will :) can't wait :) any tips on wigs? X

http://www.paulayoung.com/category/sale.do?sortby=ourPicks&length=all&style=all&color=all

[linda allen]

I recently went out dressed for the first two times. I did what was suggested above, wig and forms in a bag, male top over my female top. And wearing "girl" jeans. I went to a shopping center and parked away from the other cars toget "fixed up".

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?156760-Baby-Steps&highlight=

Not the easiest way to do it and not the best, but if you don't want your neighbors to know, it's about the only way.

It was dark and I did walk in the park and I know that's a risk. I kept my keys in my hand and didn't stray further from my car than where other people were. I also went to a shopping center, parked, and walked to the K-Mart and bought a soada from the machine. Nothing "not normal" in doing that.

I'm going to see if I can do it in a skirt next time with hip and butt padding. I don't shave my arms, chest, or legs so I can't really do it in daylight.

My biggest fear is being seen and recognized by someone I know or being stopped by the police. It's not illegal that I know of, but I don't really want a report on record that I was stopped and found dressed as a woman.

[Stephanie47]

My presentation as a female is awful. I wear a size 18/20 dress. I'm height/weight proportional, but, still!!! Without heels I'm six foot even and 205 pounds. I do have the luxury of having a secluded backyard where I can sit. I have gone out en femme.
I live in a neighborhood that is relatively safe. I have gotten dressed and taken a drive through the area. Before I turn the ignition key I make sure all my brake lights, headlights and turn signals are operating. I really do not want to get pulled over by a police officer. I also make sure I have a full tank of gasoline. I also pack my 'man' bag to change i necessary. If I want to take a stroll, I usually do it in the rain so I can use an umbrella to conceal my face. "I dress for less stress" (my motto) so I do not want to put myself in a situation to negate the feeling of tranquility being en femme brings me.

And, I do agree Halloween is a great time to going out en femme. I have dressed several times. However, I avoid the obvious costumes and have dressed in a normal knee length dress, etc. The best outfit I've worn on Halloween was a simple long sleeve black dress with black stockings, wide red belt, red scarf and red heels plus wig and makeup-very simple but very tasteful.

[Audrey34]

Hi Megan-Louise! If I may add my 2 cents in, if you can find a support group (such as Tri-Ess) in your area then by all means go for it! I've been very happy with my own group and once in a while we do have outings away from the meeting place. This year back in April we all went to the local Dress Barn and shopped for a couple of hours.
-Audrey

[NicoleScott]

I agree with taking baby steps to gradually build confidence, but want to add: go out of town where there's no chance of you (or your car) being identified.

[Nicole Erin]

Just maybe start slowly femm'ing up your look when you go out. Ya know, maybe androgynous looking at first and slowly tip the scales more towards femme. Like building up to it cause yeah, going full femme for a first "outing" is some scary shit.

When I first started tranny'ing about 14 years ago, I remember wearing this long black dress, having my makeup done, hair done (I have never owned a wig) and I went to some grocery store. No one noticed or cared. Next outing was to the laundromat. What, don't most women wear a dress to go do laundry? Once again, no one seemed to notice or care.

But let me tell you where things lead me -
When I go work work, like today, I was wearing capri jeans, a fab white blouse I found at DOTS, hair done, and daytime makeup. Oh and since I got my nails done, that too.
Yes I live full time as a woman, convincing or not, but since I deal with the public, I cannot pick and choose who sees me.

Point is, at first it is scary yes, you will probably hear some remarks on occasion or laughter, but overall, no one gives a rat's ass. I mean at work the other day I had an experience that would crush the less confident - some customer asked if I was really a dude. I just said, "No" and he asked if I liked women at all and I said - "I tend to go both ways" and he kind of laughed and said, "right on bro". Well that was a bit annoying but I am big enough to let it just roll off.

I don't think the apprehension of all this ever goes away 100% but you get to the point where your fears won't stop you for a second. Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes.

And that whole "confidence helps with passing", to this day I don't completely believe that one, BUT - confidence and lack of worry will prevent people from noticing or at least saying anything.

What are you gonna do? Live life or sit around and worry?