New insurance, new doctor

[Shapeshiffter]

Since I had to start from scratch with a new doctor, I decided with my SO's support to be completly open with her. I told her what I ws taking. I requested referals to endo and a therapist. They were given with no problem. She did however ask me "why". My brain went dead. No answer for her. How do you explain its something that is correct for you and you have to do it? How do you explain that it is like living your life asleep and suddenly waking up. I can write it down but when I tried to explain it all sounded so confusing. Hoping a therapist can help me sort it out. I do know that I am not going back to sleep. I am 58 and feel that everything I have done in my life could have much could have been so much brighter.
Sorry to babble. I guess I just need to tell someone.

Bridget

[Hope]

No need to apologize sweetie! We all come here and babble sometimes.

I think we all sort of know how you feel. It is hard to answer the "why" question. Frankly, I am not sure anyone knows. I don't know why I am a woman - I just know that I am. I don't know why I feel SO MUCH better living this way, despite all the hardships, I just know that I do. I don't know what caused me to be this way - I just am. And it is a REALLY hard thing to figure out - when EVERY bit of concrete evidence points to the opposite conclusion - it is nearly impossible to figure out that this is true. Much less why.

That regret you feel is normal too. It goes away. Not completely, but it gets better as well. The trick is to use it as motivation, and remember it when you have those days when you look in the mirror and wonder "who the hell do I think I am fooling?" Remember how that feels when you think about putting off for just one more day, week, month - whatever because you are too afraid, or not ready, or whatever you are using as an excuse to not have to do XYZ that you know you want to do - but can't explain why.

It sounds like your wife is pretty cool too. Make sure you take good care of her - this is her thing now too.

I'm glad you chose to tell us.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

thanks for sharing your story..

i hope you find out quickly that there are many people that share the feelings you have... i know i share them, and i had a heckuva time figuring it all out, and then actually doing something about it to improve my quality of life..

[Rianna Humble]

What Hope said!

Please never apologise for sharing your feelings with us - that is what support forums are for.

It may be that your new doctor just wanted to check that you knew what you were doing, I'm glad that my GP didn't ask me "why" but rather "what can I do to help you?".

Don't worry about not being able to explain in great detail, you know that you are doing the right thing for you and that is the most important.

It's really great that you have the support of your SO, I hope she knows how much you appreciate her! Has your SO joined this site too? If not, do you think she might like to?

[donnalee]

I don't think there is a "why?"; there is only "is".

[TerryTerri]

Why? humm. Having pondered on that question many many times regarding many many things, I have only 1 answer that seems to absolutely answer that question in regards to anything and everything: Why Not? (or: Because works well too)