Out to my family

[VioletJourney]

Well as of tonight my entire family knows.

I created a thread already for when I told my mom a few months ago, well, now she's flipped and doesn't approve anymore. She thinks I dropped some of my classes last semester so I could spend the refund money on clothes. I told her there was a refund so I didn't have to tell her she was out the tuition money due to me being too depressed to complete the classes.

Last week I told my brother. Just quick and simple, brutal honesty at its finest, I brought out a pair of heels and said "I'm a crossdresser". He started punching things and got angry, and last night he started sending me some incredibly transphobic and homophobic text messages.

Then tonight he told my dad. Not good, because he obviously said everything with a negative spin and made me out to be a pervert. My dad sent me a text saying he loves me no matter what but he will sign us up for counseling so he thinks I have a mental disorder. He also says I need a girlfriend, which may be true but as you all know won't affect my CDing and is completely unrelated.

I guess now that the cat's out of the bag I can be myself. Time to start coming out to friends, even though this is putting me through a lot I'm glad to not feel ashamed anymore, as hiding in the closet made me feel like I was ashamed.

[NathalieX66]

This will be an ongoing saga for a long time. You are at the initial stage.

My dad thinks I'm gay which he doesn't have a problem with.......but I'm not.

This will take time to resolve. People need time to absorb the situation. I've dealt with my transegnderism for 38 of my 45 years, and finally owned up to it two+ years ago, while your family is just grappling with it in a snap reaction. How can you expect them to figure you out so quickly?

[satin n lace]

I don't have any experience in that situation. none of my family knows except for my wife. In the long run everything will be allright you will always have friends to talk to here and there's a lot of us here in Cali.too ever get together to talk and have a laugh together. Hugs :)

[Cynthia Anne]

I love your attitude! They may not like it but you have one life to live and you should be happy living it! I live by my signature and will die by it! Hopeing the best for you! Hugs!

[paulaloha]

Wow that sucks! I hope things start getting better for you!
My dad has caught me before, but I explained it away as just experimenting...
I know it will get better, just be confident in who you are and you will be alright.

[bobbie h]

Just remember--you can always find friends that understand here!!

[Alexiz]

I'm glad to hear that there's a lot of progress in your life, as far as coming out to your family.

It's never easy at first, but I'm sure in time they'll understand. You've gotten the largest part done and over with. For that alone, I'm proud of you. c:

Things will look up for sure. Your optimism is a great sign.. expect greater things in your future!

[Ava McGhee]

I'm sorry you had to go through that... When I first came out to my father, waaaayy back in 1994 he didn't seem to react very much until a week later, when he'd randomly waggle his tongue at me and say, "Does that look good, you f**ing f*gg*t?" The rest of my family was in total denial over it...

Thankfully things have mostly blown over; my father's learned to accept it even though he never wants to see me en femme... unfortunately, I've learned why the only other "LGBTQ" in my family moved far, far away and nobody ever mentions him.

Great attitude on your part, I wish we could all be so optimistic!

[Loretta]

It's when I read about an experience like this that makes me feel lucky that my family is so accepting.

I feel for you, TC.

[DonnaT]

I suggest you sit down with both parents and give them the ABCs of what a CD is/is not. And if your dad wants to pay for therapy to change you, tell him not to waste his money.

[Lady_Chaos]

Its great you do not feel ashamed anymore! This is a big step!! Applaud!! Job well done :)

It will be rough with your folkes for a little while. At least your dad still loves you, I never got that when I told him. He just thinks I was a fairy ... (past tense as parents think I've stopped ... rather I've came out to lot of people). Go to the counseling, you might actually benefit in finding out you you really are. Finding a good one may be tricky though.

Great job though, this is a big step for a long journey! I am only 18 years into this whole ordeal with the past few years really pushing forward for what I want and believe in!

[JenniferLynn0370]

Hang in there; I know it'll be rough and tough for a while but hopefully they will have open hearts and open minds and love you for who you are.

We are all here for you! Good luck!!

Hugs,
Jen

[wanagione]

You have made a hard decission, and i'm sorry about the reactions, however as natiele said, you have to give them time to comprehend this. In my life my wife knows, my kids suspect and a friend knows. my parents are both gone, and my sister would not be so kind. I choose at this time not to put myself though the aggrivation. I will some day.

[Wendy G]

All though it's been quite a few years ago, I went through a very similar experience. My initial reaction was an attempt to stop CDing immediately. Of course over time, my resolve ended. Denial to oneself never is the answer. I'm inspired to see that you are true to yourself. I think you'll find yourself in a better state of self understanding at the end of this. Remain strong.

[mercterr]

Thats harsh. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's hard enough accepting ourselves let alone without our loved ones support. If your father is willing to pay for therapy I recommend you take him up on it. He may believe the therapist will help you change but my therapist has really helped me deal and accept who I am and move past the guilt and shame. He may be paying for it but the therapist is there to help you and has no obligation (in fact cannot disclose what you talk about short of you threatening to harming yourself) to report back to him. Good luck and I hope your friends are more receptive and understanding of you than your family was.

[TorieGG]

As the mother of 3 sons and the wife of a CD I can tell you that your family is having a tough time dealing with this news. Give them some time and try to be patient. The counselor might end up being a GOOD thing in that they can maybe give them more information about CDing if you get the right counselor. Give them this web site as a resource if you feel comfortable with that or point them toward other places where they can get the information they need to help them understand. Remember they will ALWAYS love you, no matter what, but it's going to take them some time to adjust. Take Care and be patient.

[Tina B.]

Brothers can be such jerks, hope things get better.
Tina B.

[Nicole Erin]

My family is accepting, thankfully, of course my step-family is not but I could care less about that. I mean they are "step family", which is about as important as in-laws.

If your family is gonna act like this, I say the best thing is to work towards getting away from them. Find new living arrangements. the real world is tough but the last thing you need is to be around unaccepting people. They need to be cut out of your life. Your mom is probably just reacting like this cause your dad doesn't approve. At least your dad is expressing his unacceptance in a civil way. You should talk more to him cause who knows what your brother said. There might be hope with your dad.

And on the note about school - however far you are along in school, start planning for your career now. Don't make the mistake that I did and never even think about it til school is finished cause then you won't have as much chance at making it a career. I did this twice and though my present job is decent in many aspects (pay not being one of them) but it is not my dream job by any means.

[t-girlxsophie]

Violet,I commend your bravery.It can't be easy when your family are so entrenched in their views (your brother is a different matter he's just being an arse) Maybe if you sit down with your Mother and Father,and try and explain things they may be more understanding,I hope everything gets better for you

Sophie

[VioletJourney]

Well at least I found out everything I heard about my mom was a lie. My brother told me she no longer accepted me and cancelled my insurance out of his own anger and that everything is OK between my mom and I.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Instead of taking you to therapy, he should take your brother instead (no joke.) If that was enough to set him off into a violent rage, he needs professional help before he ends up hurting someone else (or ends up in jail.)

[VioletJourney]

Instead of taking you to therapy, he should take your brother instead (no joke.) If that was enough to set him off into a violent rage, he needs professional help before he ends up hurting someone else (or ends up in jail.)
I've suggested that SEVERAL times, my dad is just waiting for "the little light bulb to go off" and for him to suddenly just mature overnight :rolleyes:

[Engendered]

Well done you! It's an incredibly difficult thing to do to come out to family members, and you've done it young. Knowing your personality from this board, I have total faith that they can only become more accepting, and that things will be easier with everyone involved in the future. Friends (in my opinion) will be a lot easier. Good luck V! :)

[jillcutie]

way to go on coming out :), I'm glad to hear at least your mother is accepting. If your dad does send you for counseling try and get your brother to go along, he needs it!

[kristinacd55]

Wow Violet, so sorry to hear of your families reaction so far. My wife's known for 4 years, and a month ago told my sister in law. I told my 2 daughters 2 weeks ago and so far I've had nothing but positive reactions.
Hopefully, things will get better for you!!

[Blaire]

And if your dad wants to pay for therapy to change you, tell him not to waste his money.

Better yet, pick your gender therapist of choice, and send him the bill!

[Nicole Erin]

well cool your mom is still accepting.
Soinds like your brother is a liar if he tried to tur you and your mom against each other.

[Karen Francis]

A lot of the posts refer to the hope that with time your family will accept your TG lifestyle. I think it is beneficial to add a little more precise definition here. The various members of your family might tolerate your actions and decisions, but never accept them. That means they will still allow you to interact in family situations that have nothing to do with your TG activites. Some of course won't even tolerate your situation, like your brother.
Acceptance is a rare situation. That would be like a sister or mother showing a geniune interest in your TG activities, and they might show it by asking to meet other TG friends or going shopping. A lot of people grow to tolerate us, very few really accept us.

[JL Walker]

I told my sister many years ago and also my best friend. My partner and her 12 year daughter also know about me. So I thought it was time to tell my parents, so I sent them an email (as we are not on talking terms at the moment)and I haven't heard anything yet. so is this the calm before the storm who knows! I will keep you posted

Jenni
x