coping skills

[kelsey12]

Coping skills, I have a few like holding an object whether its a ring, necklace, bracelet or maybe even a little of my personality. When I can't be my self witch is 99 percent of the time to I use some of these techniques to get me through the days. I'm curious to see if there is any thing else I can do in this period in life were I have to hold back so much

[Katesback]

Thousands of transsexual people have come before you and went through transition. You are NOT the first nor will you be the last. Your story is the same as all of us. Hopefully at some point your bell will go off and you will decide to do what you have to do. Simple as that. Once again your not the first to do this and your story is the same as all of us.

Katie

[Frances]

Why do you have to hold back so much? Even if most trans people's stories are similar, I would be curious to know more about your life. I too was 24 once, and I transitioned at 40. I wish I could get those 16 years back. But is holding you back?

[kellycan27]

Why do you have to hold back so much? Even if most trans people's stories are similar, I would be curious to know more about your life. I too was 24 once, and I transitioned at 40. I wish I could get those 16 years back. But is holding you back?

What held you back? I am sure Kelsey has some of the same reasons also. Have we come to the point where we forget where we came from? Simple as that...my ass! ( Katie) I guess hindsight is truly 20/20.

[Frances]

What held you back? I am sure Kelsey has some of the same reasons also. Have we come to the point where we forget where we came from? Simple as that...my ass! ( Katie) I guess hindsight is truly 20/20.

I do not know if that is a response to me or to Kate, but I am genuinely interested in her story. It is hard to answer a question with so little information.

[kellycan27]

I do not know if that is a response to me or to Kate, but I am genuinely interested in her story. It is hard to answer a question with so little information.

It was to both of you. I was asking you what held YOU back. Basically asking you the same question that you asked her. You know the difficulties, the fears, the cost. My point was yes we have all been there and we all had our reasons for "holding" back at some point or another. Just saying that her story is probably pretty much the same as ours. Without even hearing her "reasons" , as soon as i read the OP I could relate. It's hard!
My reply to Kate was simply.. it's not just "as simple as that".
Kel

[StaceyJane]

Kelsey, You can't keep yourself trapped in a bottle. You will never be happy that way.
The best way to cope is to find a way to express yourself as a female. It doesn't have to start with anything big. Maybe something simple such as underdressing.
See where things go from there.
I promise I have dealt with fear like so many of us and now that I am beginning to get past it my life is so much better.

[kelsey12]

What's holding me back money money money my job currently I'm working as a mover I did it during the summer in high school family got me in back then I would love to do something that's better suited for who I am but its not like jobs are easy to find I'm a massage therapist I'm just trying to find work as one.

Family who was once excepting of me rejected me when I decided I was ready for hrt I was going to go to college to become an RN witch would bring in some good money.
I was asked to leave my aunts when I refused to dress like a man I had all ready been living as my self for 7 months at this point,I was on unemployment during this time so getting my own place wasn't an option I had to move in with my grandparents who think things should be like they were in the 50

I'm just trying to save money get the right job and go back to school and move out I have my letters for hrt but I can't go one hrt on and its rating me apart emotionaly

[Frances]

Preparation is key. I have seen so many people in trouble because they had not planned their transition well enough. The off-shoot is getting old before getting it done. Having a career or a stable job is paramount. Especially one where transitioning will be possible. You could move in with other trans folks. At 24, your need for comfort may not be as important as it is for me at 45. Move in with a bunch of LGBT people. You don't have to be rich. I paid for my transition with credit cards and put myself in the hole while doing it. Stay away from your family for a while if you have to. Starting HRT if you cannot start living as a woman may not be the best plan. Lay the ground work first.

You lived 7 months full-time before HRT?

[Melody Moore]

Having a job certainly helps a lot, but I started my transitioning with no job & while receiving a welfare payment
because of a disability. But fortunately for me that is now starting to change as I expected it would. However
luckily for me I did always have something to fall back on & that is my many years experience working in graphic
art, web design & photography, which had almost come to a complete standstill over the past 5 years or so.

But I am very determined to succeed. So I picked myself up out of this rut when I started my transition
by getting into some volunteer work. Well since then one thing has led to another & just in the past week
or so I have picked up not 1, but 2 new web design clients that means at least $2000 or more to me.

Usually most of us have the skill-sets that if we really put our minds to it, we will find away to go forward.

Even if we can't find a job, an enterprising person can always create their own job. In fact I am now finding
some new & very interesting ways to even captalise on my transition as a graphic designer. Because I am
intersexed, I am now understanding that this is where my natural ability has come from that allows me to
create graphic designs & other marketing materials aimed at either the male, female or unisex markets. So
now I am realising that my 'transness' or dual gender identity psyche actually gives me an advantage even
if my customers were to ever know anything about me from my past.

A few days ago I started building myself what I now call 'the most perfect website I have ever built in my life'.
The website I have just built for myself is my new business website to support my work in photography, graphic
arts & web design which I have done before in the past. So why is my new site any different to my past business
sites? I tend to be very flamboyant in the artistic & creative side of my own websites, so as a male I don't think
that people understood why I was always like that & I think they tended to question it while standing back more.

All my life until I came out & transitioned it was always a huge struggle to limit & tone down my female personality
& flamboyance. About 20 years ago I was the entertainment writer for my local newpaper. However I recall another
new newspaper that started up & was running in opposition to the daily rag I wrote for, wrote a short piece about
me & described me in an almost defamatory type way while also attacking me for my flamboyance. But the funny
thing was though that this incident never affected me, in fact I wore the incident like a badge of honour because
I knew that my female flamboyance was a huge threat to them in an industry they were still struggling to break into.

How dare you dare to be different, an individual & so special & unique? :heehee:

This is a motto I have truly embraced & I think in my line of work that gives me a very special edge over my competitors.

Now I am not claiming bragging rights here, but in the past I have been described by a number of industry professionals
including my Gateway Media (http://www.gatewaymedia.com.au/gatewaymag/index.htm) in the Gateway magazine as one of the best web designers in North Queensland. A reporter
from Gateway Media also made the comment that a website I built for a friend's band would win 'best web design award'
for any band website in Australia! I kept the articles they wrote about me as a testimony about my artistic abilities.

So I believe that as a female my girly flamboyance seems perfectly natural & completely in-synch with the real person that
I truly am. But the main message here I have for you to help you cope is to make the best out over situation - good or bad!
Good Luck, I just hope this post inspires you & other people never to give up & to keep following your heart & your dreams! :hugs:

[arbon]

I have my letters for hrt but I can't go one hrt on and its rating me apart emotionaly

Why can't you start hrt? Are you being required to live full time before starting? It is not a requirement in the standards of care.
HRT made a huge difference for me in being able to cope.

[Melody Moore]

Well since then one thing has led to another & just in the past week or so I have
picked up not 1, but 2 new web design clients that means at least $2000 or more to me.

I just got another email! :eg:

Make that now 3 web design clients in the past week that I have now
secured - life just keeps getting better when you have a little faith ;)