Overcompensation in day to day life

[Suzy Parker]

Who else besides me overcompensates and often plays the "Stupid Man Card" when more femanine issues and topics are at hand with your SO or family?

In the past when out shopping with the wife for clothes I had to either look completely bored, when I wasn't, or start pulling out hideous clothes for her to try on. I have good taste for both myself and for her but I DARE NOT show that, my god, what would she think.

Around the house I do the MANLY jobs, take out the garbage, fix the cars, mow the yard, things like that but never the laundry or cooking. I don't mind helping with all of those chores but as a man I DARE NOT show that, my god what would she think.

I have loosened up on that over the years so I only still do that some of the times but I still must occassionaly play the Jerk of Clubs.

I plan to come out with her soon and if nothing else I hope to gain release from acting like a moron because I don't want her to see my femanine side and suspect something. I am hoping for at least tolerance from her and hopefully a better relationship as a result.

[Schatten Lupus]

I use to be like that, especially when I was a little kid and teen, but then I realized it was wearing me out, people don't care, and it's just not me.

[eluuzion]

I suppose the difficulty in climbing out depends upon the depth of the hole you dug before you quit digging. :battingeyelashes:

Some of my fondest memories are connected to the years when I was closely connected to the art world. I started an art glass studio with a female partner who was bi or lesbian...she was not sure. We had an intimate relationship and she also had one simultaneously with a female friend who was lesbian. So I was always hanging out as the oddball in a tight group of about 6 female friends (all lesbian). That was prior to my CD interest. Many of the people I knew in the art business were also gay.

One of the things I liked about the art world was the absence of this thread issue. One of my favorite friends in that tight group of 6 was a soft spoken gal that was rather shy, until she put on her uniform and walked out onto the softball field. When she hit the ball I was always expecting to see the cover fly off! hehehe Most of my friends in those days seemed to have no gender related ego issues.

I was probably the only one with the initial confusion. But I quickly realized there was nobody else relating to it or having any expectations of me to reinforce my gender or sexual orientation. Those years changed my outlook on the entire issue of female/male "roles" forever. It simply did not matter anymore. I still approach it that way today. (I do not have a SO so I don't have any personal experience with the CDing in a relationship that many here do).

:love:

[suzy1]

I was talking with my son and his wife the other day and the subject of epilators came up.
Now I have been epilating my body for some time.
So I said to my daughter-in-law does it hurt? And how long does it take before the hair grows back?
But the best bit was when my son said, “Dad you would never stand the pain, I tried it and I couldn’t”
I kept a strait face but inside I was cracking up!

SUZY

[steph1964]

Absolutely, I was so afraid of being found out that I would go to extremes to avoid anything that would appear feminine. My wife always says that I would be the last person any of our friends would expect to be a crossdresser, to the extent that I wouldn't wear a man's shirt of it were pink.

Last night my wife was happy that her new shoes were 7 1/2. I said that they were tiny and stated what they would probably be in a man's size (I intentionally picked a wrong size). My son said "Dad you don't know anything" and corrected me. Before my wife knew about my crossdressing, we got into an argument because we were going out and I refused to pick up nylons for her on the way home from work. She sarcastically said "What, are you afraid they are going to think they are for you?" I didn't admit it but that was exactly why I didn't want to buy them.

[Raychel]

Totally opposite here. I spent the whole day yesterday doing laundry, cleaning up the house, doing dishes, ect.

[Karren H]

Not really. I'm always up for a discussion on fashion with some of the girls at work. My wife drags me shopping to help her even though she doesn't want me wearing their clothes. Think she does that to torment me. Lol. My wife actually will not go shopping with me for me. She says I take to long... Daughter says "dad your so weird".

[erickka]

Not me. I love to cook, and I don't mind laundry or other tasks considered to be "womanly" I lived with my dad for many years after divorce, and without a woman around, I got accustomed to doing these things. Today, my wife says "thank you for helping" more times than I can count. After all, marriage is a two way street, and sharing chores is a small part of it.

[Danni Renee]

I certainly overcompensated thorugh most of my life. I was terrified of giving any indication of my feelings and of dressing and avoided anything that might give anyone the idea that I was anything but a strictly run of the mill male. The only exception was in my music. I love music and mostly female artists because I can relate so much better to them. I always sing along in the car to my favorite songs and my Ipod is filled with more femine music. I still tried to hide it but it was much harder when a song i loved came on because I just wanted to sing and dance.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I would dummy up whenever the conversation was about feminine things. I still do around my co workers. Mostly I do not correct them on GLBT issues and comments that they mention.

[Inna]

40 years of guarded, ultramanlyness, I couldn't just be a man I had to camouflage everything so that she stayed undetectable. Body building, Ultra gay-phobic( it hurt but what else could I do), business shark, and yet all that was me was seeping to the surface despite my efforts. They never suspected her but could tell I was so soft on the inside that this facade of reinforced concrete shell of testosterone didn't keep the truth from penetrating to the surface.

I can't describe the feeling when I finally burst at the seams and spilled my truth into the open. Love filled in the dark empty space of my heart and I begun to live.

[meri]

So this begs the question, why are most men afraid of showing anything feminine? Has our culture always been that way?

In my journey, as I look back upon my life, I see that I have been using both masculine and feminine energy all my life. It's only recently that I have become aware that several of my activities were suspect... My wife of 34 years has always known and it didn't bother her. In fact, my ability to use feminine energy (for lack of a better word) is one of the things that attracted her to me. However, when my feminine side became interested in dressing, then it pretty much crossed the line for her...

[Dawn cd]

I've always been the principal cook in our family. I do most of the decorating around the house and help with the cleaning. My wife does the laundry. We kinda share most household chores.

Actually it's a non-threatening way of letting your SO know you have femme leanings. It will get her used to the idea. It's certainly a lot better than ripping off your shirt to show her your bra.

[Butterfly Bill]

I absolutely can't believe your wife wouldn't want you to wash the dishes.

[Eryn]

I think that I used to overcompensate, but it was more from fear of acknowledging my own true feelings then from anything else. Now that I'm more "at home" with myself I find that life is too short to restrict myself to being hyper-manly. With a wife and children there is ample evidence that I'm a Real Man so if a little Eryn leaks through it is perceived merely as an eccentricity.

[WandaRae2009]

I tend to, especially around family and friends. My male mode clothes are always masculine and no jewelry except a watch and my wedding ring. My niece is getting married, and how I would have liked to go to bridal stores, see all the dresses.

I had always helped my wife shop for clothing. Once I came out to her, she felt really uncomfortable shopping with me for a while. Now it is back to normal. Recently I went with her bra shopping, and helped her look through the racks for the same style in different colors, so things may be improving slowly.

[Fab Karen]

The more over-compensating you do, and the longer you go hiding it, the bigger the explosion when that ticking time bomb goes off.

[Inna]

When mine have exploded it was felt around the world as far as rejection land and the blast was so strong that it only left a little, shy girl at ground zero.

[suchacutie]

I have no trouble at all being knowledgible on any feminine topic. The very few times I've been questioned about it my standard response is, "Hey, I've been married for 38 years. I'd be pretty silly to continue to be uneducated after all this time!". And if it's a married man I add, "and why is it you haven't figured it out yet?"

:)

A good offense is often the best defense!

[Yolanda_Voils]

I answer effeminate questions pretty openly, like the previous poster, I respond when eyebrows are raised that I had two sisters and have lived with about half a dozen women.

[Sophiewouldbenice]

There was a big overcompensation in my case, too - 100 masculin, not discussing anything female and pretending to have no clue, and I never let any guy embrace me, even a friend. Well now I start playing and give some hints of my "knowledge" and let some desire coming out - probably trying to get outed and to figure out how people think.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Who else besides me overcompensates and often plays the "Stupid Man Card" when more femanine issues and topics are at hand with your SO or family?

In the past when out shopping with the wife for clothes I had to either look completely bored, when I wasn't, or start pulling out hideous clothes for her to try on. I have good taste for both myself and for her but I DARE NOT show that, my god, what would she think.



I used to do the exact same things especially when shopping. Before I came out to my wife I can remember her commenting on how disgusted and bored I looked while she was shopping for clothes. Of course now it's the exact opposite and we will have very lively discussions about outfits while in the clothing stores.

Of course whenever topics such as make up, clothing styles etc. come up when people other than my wife are around. I've mastered the art of looking like I have no clue what they are talking about. Which I aquired naturally along with hiding my fem side from just about everyone I know.

[Debutante]

I have done that/been there! too much so... working on balance and harmony internally and outwardly....
this is a life lesson all us TGs need to learn... when one is young, with lots of hormones, this is hard, and doesn't want to happen!

[TxCassie]

That's an interesting question. I think at times, I have over compensated and other times, I have not, depending on the situation. I never thought of myself as super macho, but I was always very careful to tow the masculine str8 line (i'm gay). Yet, as I got older, it's been harder to "two the line" as once you past 35, I think people start to assume without questioning that you may be gay. But as far, as being a crossdresser, I don't think I've ever over compensated. But, I also don't think anyone would suspect my feminine persona. I think people would suspect me being gay over a crossdresser. I never really revealed my interests in feminine things and women never really assume me into their discussions. When I am in male mode, I tend to present myself totally as male, even if at times, I am thinking sometihng else.

Yet, be that as it may, I've never been overly atheletic, or "into sports". So, the guys never included me into thier chit chat as well. But I feel, this is because they suspect me being gay more than being a crossdresser.

During my 40s, I entered in the public safety/first responder world which I know totally surprised everyone, including myslef. While I wasn't the nelliest guy, I was neve the most macho either. There are several reasons I entered the public safety, 9/11, a long time interest, fighting middle age, etc... And I do admit, I wanted to surround myself with masculine men because I felt if I did that, I would be thought of the same way. And finally, I was hoping to meet a really wonderful masculine man lol.

But what I found out is that, you really don't change, all you do is allow another aspect of your presonality to come forth and be expressed.

Saying all that, I have been told over the years, by other men, during various convesations about women, relationships, etc... and I quote " You always take the woman's point of view"... So, what can I say.

[TxCassie]

Alexia,

After you came out, did you continue with the bodybuilding, and the homophobia?

Cassie

[lynnmcarthur]

Well, yes. I was an all state athlete, captain of the team, administrator, coach, dad-so much so that people cannot believe I have a gender identity issue

[TxCassie]

Believe it or not, Lynn, it's gals like you that encourage me and validate my own journey. If a man like you can have a gender identity issue, why not me. Gender and Gender Roles are assigned by society. We are not. You go girl!