My mom pulled me aside today and talked to me about SRS.

[Loretta]

We talked for a while, and eventually, the topic of vaginoplasty came up.

She looked at me, and said "If you want to get a sex-change, you'll need to start taking hormones. If you want, we'll talk to an endocrinologist about it."
My Aunt has said the same thing to me.
I'm not entirely sure if I want it or not. When I dress, it feels right. Like, REALLY right.
It's exhilarating.
But I'm not too sure if I want to go through the process of living as a woman for the rest of my life.

Any advice? I'm so confused...

[joanna marie]

I think you answered your question as to why your aunt is being so accepting

Just because you CD does not mean you want a sex change

you should talk to someone that can help you make that decision before you see an endocrinologist.

then you need to have your mom involved so she understands

[HappyErica]

If you like being man and wearing women's clothes that is fine and if you feel that you were meant to be a woman then it is great you have the support of your family but it sounds like you just like wearing women's clothes and if that is the case let your family know.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Loretta,the answer is simple. You're a crossdresser or a transvestite possibly but even though you are a very feminine and effeminate guy,you're not a transexual and you don't want to transition. That's OK! I have lots of freinds who've transitioned,but I'm very put off by the idea of even getting started to put myself through something like that and what's more,I damn well don't want it. Lots of people in the LGBT and CD spectrum don't want to transition. Some people think that makes them fetishy perverts but what's the big deal about people who dress simply digging the s___ out of it and having that be one of the major things they do with their time. It won't lead to mental incapacitation or other oddities like pedophilia. I mean,for better or worse there are a large,whopping large number of people out there who are very pleasure oriented. A few trannys having a good time can't make things any worse than they are already. I'm afraid there are a lot of misguided souls out there who think if you have LGBT or CD tendencies you apply the "transexual operation" the same way that if you have paint in one hand, you have paint remover in the other. I don't blame you for being a little nervous and hesitant about hormones and surgery. I have a lot of freinds who've transitioned and I figure that usually where people need hormones and surgery they'll communicate that to their doctor or their family members.

[Cynthia Anne]

I can only agree! Don't start anything unless you are sure you want to finish it! Loretta, you sure are pretty enough to live as a women! But be darn sure that your heart is in it! Hugs!

[sandra-leigh]

Transitioning is a process. You don't just make up your mind one day that Yes, you would like SRS, book the next appointment in Thailand, and fly off to it. You take steps like appearing in public in your chosen gender, experimenting with clothing styles and make-up styles, and shifting from getting dressed up just to Go Out into getting dressed to go and do everyday activities. You have to learn what you like (which GG's usually spend their entire teens and more in doing!), and you have to learn to "be yourself" when dressed -- or learn to become who you want to be and then have that reach back and absorb your "other" life. You have to learn how to become comfortable being whoever you are; you have to learn who you are. You have to learn to deal with hecklers; you have to learn to live with being called "Sir" and not have it destroy your entire day.

Eventually you will get to the point where you will decide that HRT is not important to you, or that HRT is not important enough to you considering the consequences (e.g., loss of libido, sterility, probable eventual loss of social acceptability of going out topless as a "guy", possible damage to your job or career, and so on.) Or you might decide that HRT is important enough to you to at least try, knowing that there is a possibility that you might not like how it feels to you and so might decide to stop. Or you might decide that HRT is of high importance to you. These HRT decisions are often only "simple decisions" to those who feel that they would rather risk dying with HRT than risk living without it: there are a lot of people who never reach that "Do or Die" state of mind, and so must often weigh a lot of complex and nebulous factors and fears in making the decision.

Typically people do not start HRT quickly unless they "have always known" that they needed to be the other sex: instead, they typically go through a period of socialization of living and growing as "the other sex" and "getting their head together" before making a decision one way or another. You might never feel inclined towards SRS; you might not feel inclined towards SRS until after extensive HRT and living 24/7: e.g., you be happy without SRS for years and then one day wake up and realize that you "just don't feel complete" without SRS, or the like. SRS isn't a decision you have to make now; it isn't a decision you have to make any particular time in your life. It is true that doing it while you are "young" is generally going to lead to better outcomes, but we have members over 70 who are getting SRS.

The WPATH Standards of Care do tend to impose "speed bumps" towards starting HRT or SRS, as they find rushing the decisions, on average, leads to less satisfaction about the outcome.

[renee k]

I think your mom has the cart before the horse. You need to see a therapist first to get a letter for hrt. Which is what I would recommend you do. You'll be able to see yourself in better light and determine which path is right for you.

Renee

[Loretta]

I think you answered your question as to why your aunt is being so accepting

Just because you CD does not mean you want a sex change

you should talk to someone that can help you make that decision before you see an endocrinologist.

then you need to have your mom involved so she understands

No... That can't be right. Can it?

[Badtranny]

But I'm not too sure if I want to go through the process of living as a woman for the rest of my life.

Well, I think that pretty much covers it.

I used to say that I wasn't sure I wanted to RISK everything for transition, but I definitely wanted it. Either you want it or you don't, one thing is for sure, if you are indeed a transsexual, you certainly won't be confused, so don't worry about it.

You are what you are, and whatever that is, be proud and own it ...and always be honest with yourself.

[AnnaCalliope]

Short and sweet personal life story from me: I knew I should have been born female at 14. Actually making the decision to start therapy to get my letter and begin HRT -- age 28.

You are still young and have a lot of time to get your thoughts in order. First and foremost, find a decent therapist and work out your issues. I know from my personal standpoint, had I the access (and nerve) to start therapy at a younger age, I may have been able to start HRT much sooner.

You're not getting any younger, and you seem to have a very open-minded family (I do not) that is more than willing to support you whatever your choice may be.

[joanna marie]

No... That can't be right. Can it?

Transexual is sometimes easier for people to understand than Crossdressing

there has been much good information on transexuals and people tend to understand being born in the wrong body
they tend to think CDing is a matter of choice and not as accepted

You are lucky to have such an understanding family, I hope everthing works out for you whatever your path

[Vickie_CDTV]

We talked for a while, and eventually, the topic of vaginoplasty came up.
But I'm not too sure if I want to go through the process of living as a woman for the rest of my life.
Any advice? I'm so confused...

While there literally is some truth to what they say (the younger you start the better the results), you do not ever have to go on HRT if you do not want to, much less have SRS. The path of transsexualism can be a lonely, painful and miserable one and if you are happy just dressing and saying male then you are so much better off. You way also want to explain that to them as well. You can be a dresser your whole life and never have to go the TS route, it is not inevitable as some make it to be. You can be a dresser and not be a TS and that is just as ok as someone who opts to transition (I can't say this strongly enough.) You may even want to give them some information on transvestism and what it is, and what it is not. It might give them a better idea of what you are as opposed to what they may think you are.

Traditionally, it is said, if there is any doubt in your mind, don't. I still think that is sage advice.

[Iskandra]

I took up a hobby once and a good mate decided to 'join' in.. Everytime I was enjoying myself zoning out with my hobby letting instinct and emotions guide my brush, He'd be there with a comment like "thats nice, but I would...." until the day I snapped and told him if he made one more comment about my painting, I would shove all my brushes and paints up 'there'... Still enjoy painting, but him and his constant 'meddling' near killed it for me..

Just remember, just cause you enjoy gymnastics a few times a week, doesn't mean you have to try out for the olympics! (or will even enjoy being on the team) Despite what the family thinks!

[erickka]

IMO, you need to take a real hard look at doing SRS. It is permanent, whereas what most of us are doing now (you included) have the best of both worlds. Whatever your final decision, I'm behind you 100%.

Erickka

[Shelly Preston]

If it was me I would be tempted to explore the possibilities but combine it with medical advice

Yes its better if you start younger.

This is not a decision to be rushed take all the time you need.

[meri]

A good example of black and white thinking.... to her, you no longer seem to be "black", hence, you must be "white"... Let's get you there so I can relax and relate to you as "white". I know how to relate to black or white, but this gray thing -- that makes me uncomfortable....

Be gentle with them, but don't allow anyone to push into something you don't want....

[Karren H]

So you are abandoning your dream of being a drag queen after a week? You are truly living the dream girl!

[Sophiewouldbenice]

It should be your decision, I have only read in the inet, that some people who got the transition always knew, that they wanna be women... You should be absolutely sure and think about losing the opertunity to have own children, about what happens, when becoming older, sexuality and so on...

If I would think about such a big thing, I would start living as a woman for a while without taking hormones and so on, and that fulltime - then you can maybe make a better decision, but don't do it for others!!!

[suchacutie]

Just the fact that you started this thread tells all of us that you are unsure, and that means STOP! Transistioning permanently to being a woman starts with the obsession to need to be a woman, goes through therapy and actually living as a woman for a period of time, and finally realizing that being a woman is what you need to be.

It seems that you are on the opposite end of the spectrum from most people in your situation in that those around you not only accept you but "accept you a bit too much!". Slow it all down and start to think about what YOU want, versus what everyone else THINKS you want (or what they want, frankly). There's no rush.

tina

[TGMarla]

This isn't a decision you want to make rashly. I know it feels right when you're dressed. A whole lot of us feel that way. But being a woman isn't all dresses and high heels, hosiery and pretty nails. You will still have to live your life day to day every day. You'll have to clean your house, go to work, pay your bills, take out the trash, and all of the other things that everyone has to do all the time. Right now, when you crossdress, it's special time for you, isn't it? That will all go away once you begin your RLT. Special time becomes all the time, and the luster might soon wear off.

This is why you have to go through the process if you really want SRS. A lot of people back out, because it isn't all fun and games. I've wanted to be female most of my life. But I have opted to keep the life I have because the payoff isn't worth what I'd lose and what I'd have to go through were I to follow that other path. If I were you, I'd have a sit down with my mom and my aunt, and let them know that you're not ready to consider things like SRS just yet. If you have any doubt at all, you already have your answer.

[deebra]

One of the most important things in transistioning is will your face, voice and body pass as a woman. Remember you'll be upclose talking to a lot of people so they will be scrutinizing you up close so you don't want to be viewed or talked about as a man in womens clothes. If you want to start hormone replacement theapy it will start to change your body to be more female but this will take two to five years and you must keep taking it to keep that fem body. If you had started in puberty the change would have been quicker and more female. Breast implants can be done in a couple of hours and can be removed down the road if you decide being girly full time is not for you, also stop taking the fem hormones will bring back your male body. To have sexual reassignment surgery you MUST live for one year full time as a female and be in therapy. No reputable plastic surgeon will touch you unless you have this therapy and they certify you are mentally approved for this life time change, once it's done you can never stand and pee again. Thailand has some great surgeons and much cheaper than the U.S. My advise; if your face, voice and body will pass try dressing full time and start hormones, after six to nine months if you are loving being a girl and accepted; have breast implants and enroll in the program for SRS. You just might want to stop short of SRS since all the stuff that comes before this can be reversed and you can go back to being a CD or guy. Go to the tgirl or ******* web sites and take a look, they are drop dead gorgeous but have chosen to keep the plumbing. Also if you start to transition you will greatly limit the number of people that will accept you and you can have a relationship with. If you had SRS would you be O.K. with having sex with a man?

[Tina B.]

I don't believe that any doctor is going to give you much in the way of hormones unless you start therapy, after all they want to be sure that is the right for you. Mom and Aunt have no way to know if you are a CD, or TS, do they even know the difference? If you are not sure, you either are not a TS or your are not ready, either way, slow down and catch your breathe, and enjoy what you have right now, and then in time you will know what's next.
Tina B.

[Elle1946]

Just because you crossdress doesn't mean that you want to be female, it could mean that you like to dress. I like to dress but don't think that I would like to be female all of the time. But, it would be neat if we could just select our sex for the day.

[sandra-leigh]

My advise; if your face, voice and body will pass try dressing full time and start hormones, after six to nine months if you are loving being a girl and accepted; have breast implants and enroll in the program for SRS.

Breast implants are not recommended until at least 18 months on HRT, as continued HRT will continue breast development, possibly shifting the implants in ways that look pretty bad. 6 to 9 months is also typically not long enough to give as much tissue base to work with as would be preferred.


also stop taking the fem hormones will bring back your male body

Some of the changes are eventually permanent, but other than perhaps some nipple enlargement, you have a few months before anything irreversible happens.


One of the most important things in transistioning is will your face, voice and body pass as a woman.

I'm not sure I agree. The most important thing is whether you are happy with whatever you get to. Being happy differs from person to person, and "blending" / passing close up is not the goalpost for everyone. I do agree that these things are extremely important to some people.


Special time becomes all the time, and the luster might soon wear off.

I agree.

I have been dressing in women's clothes full time for at least 3 years -- but not always obviously so. I look in my panty drawer, at what used to be forbidden and thrilling, and I say, "That one's boring; that one is wearing out; I don't care for that style any more; I don't feel like wearing something bold today... oh, I guess this simple fading pair will do for today." Like a comfortable old T-shirts of a long-ago rock concert: it still has some personal meaning, but eventually it just becomes "my clothes" and "part of my wardrobe" and "what I wear". Not that for a moment I would consider switching back, but the "magic" is gone.

Now that I am on HRT and have started to develop something in the chest department, I pretty much stopped wearing a bra. I do not need a bra with my current development, and a bra tends to smooths out what I have too much -- my development is more notable when I go braless, so I do. But bras have stopped being psychologically important to me to help get me through the day.

With the HRT affecting my brain, my brain is less conflicted, and on the whole I Dress less, and shop less, and feel less need to have "Sandra-Leigh" burst out. I am still looking forward to more breast development, but with the lessening of the inner conflict, I have far fewer impulses to do drastic things such as show up at work in a skirt. Not that I wouldn't still like to be able to do that, but the drive to drive to exert my feminine existence has lowered notably -- even as my feminine existence comes to occupy more of my everyday life (e.g., nightgowns, even more people knowing.) Less of an "explosion" and more of an every-day thing. Will I ever go for SRS? No idea: it turns out that (at least for now) I can live more or less decently without actual SRS, now that my brain isn't fighting itself.

[SuzanneBender]

STOP! Take a breath and ask your Mom to help you find a gender therapist. Don't do anything irreversible until you are sure. Most reputable endocrynolists will not assist you until you are under the care of a gender therapist.

[giuseppina]

Hello Loretta

Your post has me concerned that your family is (subtly) trying to push the issues of SRS. If I am mistaken, please accept my apologies.

If you are a male who likes to dress as a woman but want to remain male, hormones and SRS are not for you. Their effects are irreversible.

If, on the other hand, you have reason to believe you are a woman, then, and only then, should they be considered.

Your post at 1:21 today quotes Joanna Marie. She is exactly right.

At one time, I thought I wanted to be female. It was escapism from other problems in my life. Gender transition would have been a disaster.

A gender therapist will help you make that decision. It is your decision and yours alone.

[Veronica Lacey]

Perhaps your confusion simply equates to you needing to enjoy your dressing for what it is as a man. If you really wanted to be a woman then I believe you would not be wondering if you should or shouldn't and be more pro-active with this one.

Just a thought :straightface:

[Rianna Humble]

We talked for a while, and eventually, the topic of vaginoplasty came up.

She looked at me, and said "If you want to get a sex-change, you'll need to start taking hormones. If you want, we'll talk to an endocrinologist about it."
My Aunt has said the same thing to me.

I think it's great that both your mum and your aunt are so open with you, but from the things you have written before, it seems to me that they are adding two and two and getting twenty two. This is probably down to a lack of knowledge, and you can work with them to help them understand that cross-dressing is not the same as gender dysphoria.


I'm not entirely sure if I want it or not. When I dress, it feels right. Like, REALLY right.
It's exhilarating.
But I'm not too sure if I want to go through the process of living as a woman for the rest of my life.

I think that the others who have suggested therapy are right, a qualified therapist with experience of working with transgender people will be able to help you to see clearly exactly who you are and where dressing fits into your life.

One of the things that you will need to help your mum and your aunt to understand is that transgender does not necessarily mean transsexual.

I would also like to echo the advice that if you are not sure you want to live as a woman for the rest of your life, then don't rush into anything.

[docrobbysherry]

U get SRS when u r ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN u want to live the REST OF YOUR LIFE AS A WOMAN!:straightface:

And, you'll need PROFESSIONAL HELP to understand whether u want to travel that long, irreversable road or not!

When I started dressing rite out of the blue, I constantly fantasized about having real breasts and even a vagina! I tried various ways to increase my breast size to prep for augmentation surgery! They didn't work.

Then, after awhile, my desire for permanent body changes waned. And, finally disappeared! Now, I'm quite happy APPEARING to be female! :)