happy / frustrated / and sad all at the same time

[Jessica_Grl]

1st i want to thank everybody for this website, lots and lots of posts/ replies have helped me out allot. I know everybody is not the same weather it be in physical surroundings or what not.

i have (last year) purchased that online hrt stuff, but my friends actually prevented me from taking any untill i quited smoking and got my blood panel work done. i dont regret holding off and will listen to what my doctor has to say before i take anything.

so i quite smoking Feb 1st, 2011 (though i still get some nicotine from the electronic cigs, i have even dropped my nicotine dosage (E-Juice) from 32mg to now around 11mg -- i dont want this post to get into trouble for talking about ecigs, but i do know as a 3pack a day smoker this is a big step for me and i will still continue to drop my nicotine dosage over time, as i know the nicotine itself is responsible for the blood arterys and stuff -- but atleast i am am staying away from the other 4,000 chemicals found in tobacco.

enough of that ramble, i will get better on that and i know i only have about 30 days to lower my nicotine even more. (wich is a good thing)

so i stopped my smoking, and just the other day i went to see a ENDO. living near the dallas area, i am actually lucky now (i just moved here few months ago from real small texas town of 3,000 people) can we say REDNECK? - anyways i guess i was very lucky the other day when i went to see the doctor, and here's how it went.

i went to see the doc / i have studied the Harry Benjamin stuff and i know i gotta see a phyc but i was hoping that page 13 last paragraph would help my situation, and it might of, but my blood pressure was way too high (160+ / 90+ ) and i was already on high blood pressure meds.

so my new birthday of July 26th, 2011 never happened, i cant argue with the doctor about my own blood pressure, but something interesting did happen - he let me take the spiro 200mg aswell as updating my HBP meds to 40mg without the duritec as the spiro has it. (seeming i brought that to his attention). he didnt prescribe it, he just said go ahead, but leave the mones alone till we get that down.

so i am happy to live another day, i am happy i atleast got start half of what i set out. and i am frustrated and sad because i was so depressed i prolly caused all this stuff on me as i cared less about my insides and i am sure my BP is first steps of it showing up.

41 / 173lbs should not have BP that high 5foot 11" -- i was never suicidal but maybe i was drinking myself to death from age 22yrs till i was 38yrs

anyways, the blood work is sent in, i am waiting on the results and the doc said another 30days if the pressure goes down then he can THINK about prescribing -- and yes i am putting myself on a waiting list to see a so called SHRINK anyways, cause its just smart to sometimes let it all out

sorry for the ramble / i hope this post did not break any rules / i just wanted to share my feelings and maybe in return get some feedback about page 13 last paragraph of the Harry Benjamin

thanks -- Jessica

*** edit note for B-day -- i know lots of sisters like there B-day to be the day after surgery --- my real B-day will be the day the doctor prescribes me the correct hormones for my body :)

**** edit note #2 -- its been a couple hours since this post and i emailed the SHRINK -- too late to call her cell phone for something like scheduling, besides she already said i gotta wait 30 days or so :(

[renee k]

Hi Jessica,

Welcome to forum. You've already taken taken a couple of steps in the right direction. First by coming here. And secondly getting your BP under control. A letter of recommendation from a therapist to start HRT is norm, under the Benjamin standards of care. The changes which being on hormones bring are quite significant. And being ready for them mentaly is important. So please find a therapist that is familiar with GID, and go from there.

Renee

[Jessica_Grl]

Hi Jessica,

Welcome to forum. You've already taken taken a couple of steps in the right direction. First by coming here. And secondly getting your BP under control. A letter of recommendation from a therapist to start HRT is norm, under the Benjamin standards of care. The changes which being on hormones bring are quite significant. And being ready for them mentaly is important. So please find a therapist that is familiar with GID, and go from there.

Renee

its all good, when the therapist has a 30 day or so waiting period, then you know i am picking a good one, i am in no hurry to be prescribed mones as i already got them, (but i aint taking them till my BP and Blood Panel tests come back saying i can) but atleast with 30 day waiting period you know i have done my research for one that specializes in the field of GID

same with the doctor, i actually canceled 2 previous doctors/ENDO's -- not to get a prescription, but for one that was TG friendly and understanding

to me its important they specialize in the GID field, any doctor is better than none, but compared to self medicating, any doctor is better than none,

i only been to my first doc visit, $325 for blood panel work without insurance paid in full -- price well spent -- // cause i know i am heading in the right direction :)
*** when the doc updated / strengthend my normal BP medicine -- i found it amazing he caught the fact sprio was a diuretic -- he not only prescribed me BP medicine / he doubled the strength to help me and my GID --- he also took out the diuretic cause of my questions about spiro and he prolly knew i would atleast take that (even though he didnt prescribe it)

it is little things like that, not taking two different diuretic's --- i know i pick good doctor, and i know i am on a waiting list for the therapist, but also i picked just as wisely

i will NEVER lie to myself --------- NOT EVER :)

Jessica :)

*** small edit post - i dont live in dallas, but only living 30mins from dallas helps me allot more than any time in my past --- i just moved here cause of GID -- i still am in country, still cant dress the part to work in, and still cant put a bra on fast enough when i get off of work -------- but all this is small in comparison to where i lived last year --- 3hour drive from dallas -- small texas redneck town of population 3,000 (yes 3,000) --- its all good and my closet got to big for my britches :)

[Barbara Dugan]

41 / 173lbs should not have BP that high 5foot 11" -- i was never suicidal but maybe i was drinking myself to death from age 22yrs till i was 38yrs

:(

I am pretty close to your body type 42/155 lbs 5' 9'' and used to run BP much higher than yours even that I never smoke or drink. I tried several medications without results till I found one that work for me..I hope you find the one that can control your BP then you can start your HRT:hugs:

[Jessica_Grl]

I am pretty close to your body type 42/155 lbs 5' 9'' and used to run BP much higher than yours even that I never smoke or drink. I tried several medications without results till I found one that work for me..I hope you find the one that can control your BP then you can start your HRT:hugs:

thanks, i appreciate it, i never really understood how serious hypertension could be before concidering hrt ---- thanks for the hugs :)