HRT and sexuality

[Jay Cee]

I think that my biggest fear re: starting HRT is my sexuality. Right now, I'm kind of in a sexually ambiguous state. I notice women, and will look at them a lot. On the other hand, I'm starting to catch myself rarely checking out guys (although nowhere near as intensely as I check out women). I don't really feel any great sexual attraction to either right now.

While my fantasy life may involve men, in real life... they are gross. I know all guys aren't like the crowd I work with in construction (who are not the pinacle of humanity :) ). Still, it is hard to wrap my brain around the idea of maybe feeling a much stronger attraction toward males if and when I start hormones.

Any ideas on this? Advice?

[KrystalA]

I don't have any advice for you, but I can almost identify with what you are saying. Being totally heterosexual, I notice women constantly even though my inner feelings of being feminine myself get stronger all the time. It's like if I was a woman, I'd be a lesbian. But at times, I've wondered what it would be like, if I really was a woman, to be with a man sexually. The complexities of being a crossdresser are never-ending.

[GypsyKaren]

The problem with fantasies is they give you unrealistic expectations of the reality, letting yourself see things with an open mind might clear it up a bit.

[Aprilrain]

Everything we do started with a thought. even if we only thought about it for a split second! you may need to just experiment, nothing wrong with that.

[Wendy_Marie]

I have considered myself to be Bi-sexual ever since my first M2M contact at a young age...so young in fact that I won't print it here.

Certain guys have always turned my head but I find that my dressing is more related to fitting into the female side of society and not directed towards trying to attract a male...but if that were the case and I wasn't currently Married...I dunno...things might look different from the other side of the fence.

[Frances]

I am post-op and currently in a wondersul relationship with a woman, but what I am attracted is what I am attracted to. I gave up a long time ago on taboos and barriers. I love women, but I also have men on my mind quite a lot these days. I don't know what the future holds, but there is nothing scary about those magnificient beasts. Sure, they smell, they spit, they're loud and they take a lot of space, but come on... have you seen them! Grrrr

[kellycan27]

It's just sex... it washes off:heehee:

[Stephenie S]

I am post-op and currently in a wondersul relationship with a woman, but what I am attracted is what I am attracted to. I gave up a long time ago on taboos and barriers. I love women, but I also have men on my mind quite a lot these days. I don't know what the future holds, but there is nothing scary about those magnificient beasts. Sure, they smell, they spit, they're loud and they take a lot of space, but come on... have you seen them! Grrrr

Oh Frances, you naughty girl, you. Now I'm all hot and shivery.

Stephie

[CharleneT]

Jay Cee, you already sound like your sexuality is changing, why worry ;) Different people, different reactions to HRT wrst sexuality. One thing you can be sure of is change. Not that you'll suddenly flip orientation, but rather that your whole outlook will change. One big affect for me was a lot of "static" in my head was gone. In a good way - I think about sex more clearly now. I am still very much sexual, but not at all similar to me "of before". Gotta remember that HRT is likely to re-wire your brain in many ways.... if you fear change, then it is not for you.

As for men, yes they do smell, but that can be good :drooling: They are clods, idiots, difficult and a WHOLE LOTTA FUN !!

[Badtranny]

JC,

Fantasies don't really mean anything. You may or may not actually be attracted to men and HRT may or may not clear things up for you. My biggest hurdle was self acceptance. Once I could admit to myself that I wanted a romantic relationship with a man, it was easy to admit it to everyone else.

Be careful of the "bi trap". I'm sure that bisexual people exist, but it certainly isn't me and all the years that I wasted pursuing women would have been better spent pursuing a real relationship with a man. I hurt a lot of people because I wasn't able to be honest with myself.

[Amber99]

I'm actually kinda afraid of hormones changing my orientation. I like girls and I want to keep liking girls. I almost feel like if I liked guys I wouldn't be myself anymore.

[Schatten Lupus]

Fantasies do not necessarily reflect what you actually desire. Most often they are nothing more than the mind at play, and it's quite normal for men to fantasize about other men.
I'm still aways from HRT, but I remember when I first began to accept myself (one of the many times), I read that it's normal for someone's orientation to change, and the thought of being attracted to men bothered me a good deal and I was very certain it wouldn't happen. But as I have embraced myself more strongly, and became more comfortable with myself, I found the thought of guys to not be that bad. And I have reached the point where I would love to have sex with a man. My girlfriend has even come to terms knowing that after I've been on HRT for awhile, I may not even be attracted to women anymore.

[JennyA]

If your sexual feelings start to shift I would say embrace them. It will be something to enjoy and explore. Mine shifted a lot since I have been living full time and I'm not on hrt yet. Men do have a lot to offer and their are diamonds out there that are unlike the vulgar meatheads we all see everyday.

I would love to get in a serious relationship with a woman, but if I meet the man I will go with him too.

I'd say have fun with this new door life is opening.

[CharleneT]

I'm actually kinda afraid of hormones changing my orientation. I like girls and I want to keep liking girls. I almost feel like if I liked guys I wouldn't be myself anymore.

Think of it this way, if you are changing genders, and you do that, then you are not changing orientation - rather you are just switching sides of the fence. Start as a hetrosexual male, end as a hetrosexual woman. So, ya like guys. For HRT to change your orientation, you would end up still liking girls . . .

[Bree-asaurus]

You like what you like. If you find guys gross right now, that's fine. If you end up liking guys... then guess what? You won't find them gross anymore. The old you won't be around to be grossed out by what the new you likes.

My sexuality changed prior to HRT. But changed is the wrong word. I subconsciously forced myself to like girls and be repulsed by guys... And then I opened up my eyes and realized that I had been hiding from who I really am and what I really like. I think that's the case for most people who's sexuality "changes" on HRT. HRT doesn't make you attracted to different people. Admitting to yourself who you really are, opening up your mind, and going through transition allows you to find out who you truly are and who you are truly attracted to.

[arbon]

I don't really feel any great sexual attraction to either right now.

Still, it is hard to wrap my brain around the idea of maybe feeling a much stronger attraction toward males if and when I start hormones.

Any ideas on this? Advice?

I don't really have any advice but my experience so far is that prior to HRT I did not have much sexual attraction to men or to women, but it was stronger towards women. HRT really changed that and I don't find myself sexually attracted to women anymore but I definitely am very attracted to men. So a shift is possible, and I am actually enjoying the feeling. Though I knew that was possible from others experiences I could not imagine how that would really feel, to be attracted to men like that. I just wish I had the right parts all the more.

But I am still very much in love with my wife and we still seem to make a great couple despite not being sexually attracted to each other. She is not at all attracted to me as a woman. But then sex was never a big part of our relationship anyway. It was never that important to either one of us in our relationship. I think about this, try to get my own mind around it - I still have a penis (but I thank god for the effect E has had on it, it can't do anything), I identify as a woman, I still love and am in a relationship with a woman and we are pretty happy together, but I am sexually attracted to men and so is she. It does not make a lot of sense. I'm not sure what that makes me. :)

It is an interesting journey.

[Badtranny]

You like what you like. If you find guys gross right now, that's fine. If you end up liking guys... then guess what? You won't find them gross anymore. The old you won't be around to be grossed out by what the new you likes.

My sexuality changed prior to HRT. But changed is the wrong word. I subconsciously forced myself to like girls and be repulsed by guys... And then I opened up my eyes and realized that I had been hiding from who I really am and what I really like. I think that's the case for most people who's sexuality "changes" on HRT. HRT doesn't make you attracted to different people. Admitting to yourself who you really are, opening up your mind, and going through transition allows you to find out who you truly are and who you are truly attracted to.

YES YES YES

I couldn't have said this any better myself Bree. Not that I may not still try ;-) ...nope, you said it perfectly.

[Kelsy]

I have never been driven in either direction and tend to be asexual. My orientation has been toward
females but never aggressive in nature. I was always a lost puppy when it came to sex!

[Schatten Lupus]

You like what you like. If you find guys gross right now, that's fine. If you end up liking guys... then guess what? You won't find them gross anymore. The old you won't be around to be grossed out by what the new you likes.
Very well said! That post also made me giggle alittle thinking about if the old me of not even 10 years ago only had a clue as what I would become, I would have probably been thrown into a severe panic attack that would require hospitalization and institutionalization. But the old me is forever gone, and the current me couldn't care less about what the old me would have thought about how I would turn out.
If you end up being attracted to men, then that is just how it will be. It may (probably will) take some getting used to, but once you do it will seem just as natural as when you are attracted to women.

[BreenaDion]

Bree_K is right, my psychotherapist said when after I had to excepted my situation all I needed to do was allow myself to become a woman. Then I was able to achieve what we all thrive for, having the feeling of being gender "CORRECT ". That is where I stood a couple months ago. I probibly never have funds for SRS but I have excepted my situation and made myself adapt to the current situation, physically, emotionally , sexually and psychologically.

It will be 2 yrs on HRT this xmas and I haven't defined myself sexually , althou I do feel more pansexual and when I receive the attention of someone , I let myself be open to any feelings I may have. I am married to a wonderfully excepting woman in that way I am truly blessed. I have the fantacy of being with a man like a school girl does but in reality my life is with my spouse. Good luck.
Breena.

[Steph.TS]

I'm actually kinda afraid of hormones changing my orientation. I like girls and I want to keep liking girls. I almost feel like if I liked guys I wouldn't be myself anymore.
I have the same fear, but think about this, if you are physically male and are attracted to women then go on HRT hormonally you're a woman if you don't start desiring men then hasn't your orientation already changed? I mean I think hormones are probably the biggest change to being TS, it doesn't just change you physically it changes how you deal with things emotionally, and I've heard that it can potentially change how you think about things/process information/who you are attracted to (but not necessarily). SRS is a major step but it's a physical modification I think that if you are on HRT biologically you are biologically a woman with or without SRS.

As I said I have the same fear, and I asked myself what is straight after transition, well it's about being attracted to the opposite sex, but does that mean pre or post transition? if it's pre-transition then we should continue to love women, but if it's post transition then we should love men, but what about the third option, the other gender that has done the polar opposite of us, transmen what if truly being straight after transition means being with some one that was physical a woman but is now a man? I honestly don't have the answers to this I don't know what's going to happen or what exactly what to expect.

[GypsyKaren]

There's no pill that will change sexuality.

SRS will effect you mentally a lot more than you think.

[Frances]

SRS will effect you mentally a lot more than you think.

There is no use Karen. No one believes us until they cross that line themselves. It is as if we loose our credibility with the loss of our... you know?


I have the same fear, but think about this, if you are physically male and are attracted to women then go on HRT hormonally you're a woman if you don't start desiring men then hasn't your orientation already changed? I mean I think hormones are probably the biggest change to being TS, it doesn't just change you physically it changes how you deal with things emotionally, and I've heard that it can potentially change how you think about things/process information/who you are attracted to (but not necessarily). SRS is a major step but it's a physical modification I think that if you are on HRT biologically you are biologically a woman with or without SRS.

As I said I have the same fear, and I asked myself what is straight after transition, well it's about being attracted to the opposite sex, but does that mean pre or post transition? if it's pre-transition then we should continue to love women, but if it's post transition then we should love men, but what about the third option, the other gender that has done the polar opposite of us, transmen what if truly being straight after transition means being with some one that was physical a woman but is now a man? I honestly don't have the answers to this I don't know what's going to happen or what exactly what to expect.

If you need labels, think of it this way. Orientation goes with your gender identity regardless of your physical situation. If you feel you are a woman and are attracted to men, then you are straight. If you are attracted to women, then you are gay.

Another way of seeing it is getting rid of this idea that the object of your desire has to force you into a labelled category, or that it reflects on the subject, i.e. you. If you like men, you like men, if you like women, you like women, if you like shoes... You don't have to label yourself straight, gay, fetishist or whatever. There is no need categorising the subject because of the object of its sexuality.

Orientation is not an absolute concept. I had a peri-anal abcess a couple of years ago that was not healing and met a surgeon to see what I could do. After looking at my heinie, he asked if I was a homosexual or a heterosexual (this was in the beginning of my transition. I presented as male, but looked female). I answered that those terms probably did not mean the same thing for me as it did for him. I said to him that he not asking the right question, that he needed to ask me if I had been penetrated by penises or objects. He did, and I answered no. The point is that the labels do not tell the entire story and are incorrect or misleading in some cases. What matters is the actions. If you sleep with men, you sleep with men. You are not gay or straight. The concept or orientation from the perspective of the subject is not absolute and very easily taken apart.

[Angel.Marie76]

My thoughts mirror many of the rest - If you're bi-curious now, then you'll likely be bi-curious later. In my early 30's now I've had fantasies of desiring men, even had a an experience where I had a chance to be intimate with a GM and wasn't even turned on... years ago. I was always arguing internally with my sexuality, with my gender easily leaning on the M2F spectrum with little effort. I was afraid to be labeled 'gay', but, oddly, I wasn't afraid of being trans.

FF>> a dozen years and what I see now is that my attraction to men is a fearless experience for me, as an out transwoman. I've been on HRT for... 15 months now, and I can tell you, clearly, that what once caught my attention in GG has faded.. and now... every essence of the GM.. scent, looks, personality.. it's a drug that causes the blood to rush to places that have been generally dormant for the better parts of a year or more. My heart races and my face flushes. Clearly, my attraction to men has gone beyond a mere fantasy, and has become reality. A few of my GM close friends even see me as potential date material, and are not hiding it, lemme tell you.

In summary, I would say coming out as Trans empowered me to not be afraid of my feelings, that being on HRT and blockers for even a year has changed my body and mentality / way of thinking, and that acceptance by others further validates those feelings thus giving me the strength to live up to the convictions I've had for years that all this change was needed and appropriate. Perhaps I was actually gay / Bi before and was too afraid to admit it.. however I will tell you that all the changes that have occurred over these past 3 years has been vividly revealing. Much of the feelings I hold today are an accumulation of 20+ years of self-restriction and, in being given the freedom I hold today, I can easily say that - once you start making these choices to accept yourself, the sky's the limit. Not everything you believed before will be true in the future. Believe in yourself, the rest is just a ride. <3

[Bree-asaurus]

There is no use Karen. No one believes us until they cross that line themselves. It is as if we loose our credibility with the loss of our... you know?

Why do you say that? I don't think that's the case at all...

[Frances]

Why do you say that? I don't think that's the case at all...

Because whenever post-ops on this site speak of a profound change after SRS, threads get real ugly and eventually get locked.

[Aprilrain]

I believe you Frances.

I was terrified that I was gay before I started to transition, I wrestled with these thoughts and feelings for years! what a waste of time! I was sexually attracted to woman and even find myself a little bit so now but for the most part I just want a man. I don't really worry about "what I am" any more it hardly seems to matter basically we are all freaks to the rest of the world anyway so why get in a tissy over what turns you on!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

homophobia in homosexuals, and transphobia in transsexuals. these are INCREDIBLY COMMON things.... it is part of what gets indoctrinated into you from the first time you are told to stop being a pussy, or that you throw like a girl..and it creates shame and resentment in so many of us..

some of us (i was not one) are blessed with the internal compass that bypasses these things, and they don't feel those internal shame and worthless feelings ...

i have serious advice to forget about the sexuality.. especially the keyword to avoid is "fear"...what do you really mean when you say "i'm afraid" my sexuality will change...think about it... afraid? really? afraid of what exactly?

as frances says, things will change... if you are in this to live a lifestyle, and you enjoy your gender blessings sexually, then you have a great option to live a middle lifestyle and be sexually active as a guy, and pretend you are a girl as you see fit..even sexually..and there are many people that live this way.. forget the idea of whether this is ts or cd or some middle path..it doesnt matter what you call it..... if this is your lifestyle, then HRT is something you need to carefully consider as a risk to your lifestyle....

but if you are transsexual, and you are looking to transition or plan to transition, then you just need to cross sexuality issues OFF your list... there is nothing to fear, because being your own person , being in the correct gender will solidify your true feelings around your sexuality.. it will allow you to feel sexual without feeling shame, and it will allow to feel a part of your sexual experience instead of feeling outside of it..(trust me, being penetrated and being with someone as a woman is very different that i had imagined in my millions of fantasy sequences..pretending you are the woman while making love is not comparable to being in the moment)..it sounds obvious when you write it out, but there is such a fundamental lack of common sense in the idea of fearing sexuality changes that i guess you need to hear it..

so do yourself a favor, cross this "fear" off your list, and trust that if you go through with transition, it will not be an issue...there is lots more to worry about instead of who you will want to sleep with.

[Avana]

I've been bisexual (pansexual) for some time. My fantasies used to be mostly about women, however, and I used to think I preferred women.

After starting HRT, I basically only fantasize about men and other transwomen, though I still am physically attracted to women more often than men. Since I basically have no sex drive anymore, this is more just like appreciating beauty (and in some cases appropriating it for my own life or style). I am in a long term and open relationship with a natal woman, but I'm more open than ever to dating a man. I'm much more comfortable in the company of other women, and I see men to be more or less the scary, unpredictable, hard-to-relate-to 'other'.

I don't attribute my rise in interest in men to the HRT itself, but rather just that I have gotten comfortable in a new gender role - I am no longer perceived as male by men, which helps, and I no longer feel boxed in by my earlier conceptions of sexuality. My earlier experiences with men was that they liked the male aspect of me the most, which was what I disliked most about myself, so it always made me feel terrible. Now that I am a woman of the world more or less, my options have increased considerably. That said I tend to be a lot pickier about men than women, and I find many stereotypical male gendered behaviors to be for the most part irritating, if not down right offensive or scary. I tend to be mostly attracted to gay men... which sucks for me as much as any woman :p

[Bree-asaurus]

Because whenever post-ops on this site speak of a profound change after SRS, threads get real ugly and eventually get locked.

I think there are a couple people on both sides that cause that. I know there are only two post-ops here that I think are full of themselves (there are also plenty of pre-ops that I think should have their keyboards taken away as well). I look up to several of the girls here who have gone through SRS. I just think there are a few bad apples here (regardless of where they are in their transition) that ruin things for everyone else.

[Badtranny]

I think there are a couple people on both sides that cause that. I know there are only two post-ops here that I think are full of themselves

HEY! Don't forget me! I'm on record as being full of myself and I'm a confirmed pre-op! ;-)

Possibly non-op? ...Only time will tell.

[Amber99]

You like what you like. If you find guys gross right now, that's fine. If you end up liking guys... then guess what? You won't find them gross anymore. The old you won't be around to be grossed out by what the new you likes.

My sexuality changed prior to HRT. But changed is the wrong word. I subconsciously forced myself to like girls and be repulsed by guys... And then I opened up my eyes and realized that I had been hiding from who I really am and what I really like. I think that's the case for most people who's sexuality "changes" on HRT. HRT doesn't make you attracted to different people. Admitting to yourself who you really are, opening up your mind, and going through transition allows you to find out who you truly are and who you are truly attracted to.

That makes me feel a lot better about it. If its something that has always been there then I'm not afraid of it.




If you need labels, think of it this way. Orientation goes with your gender identity regardless of your physical situation. If you feel you are a woman and are attracted to men, then you are straight. If you are attracted to women, then you are gay.

Another way of seeing it is getting rid of this idea that the object of your desire has to force you into a labelled category, or that it reflects on the subject, i.e. you. If you like men, you like men, if you like women, you like women, if you like shoes... You don't have to label yourself straight, gay, fetishist or whatever. There is no need categorising the subject because of the object of its sexuality.
That's what I meant actually. Despite not being full time I still consider myself a lesbian and therefore I meant that I was afraid of being hetero.

Good thread!

[Starling]

I believe it is a benefit of a reduced sex drive, whether it may come with HRT or simply as part of the aging process, that the compulsion to engage in peacock behavior lessens. Now that I'm no longer obsessed with attracting a partner, I've become indifferent to how I'm perceived in terms of gender or orientation, and I'm happily oceanic in my appreciation of the beauty of the entire human race. Puppies, too.

:) Lallie

[Jay Cee]

Because whenever post-ops on this site speak of a profound change after SRS, threads get real ugly and eventually get locked.

Not if I can help it! I didn't ask these questions or share my fears, just to have this turn into a circus. Grrrr!

Anyways, I thank everyone for sharing their insights here. It's good to hear from so many of you on this subject.

[xErica]

ok so i like this thread. I agree that you are who you are no need to fear it. Frances you are so well spoken and insightful. but i pose this MY FEAR....... I'm married and happy, the fear is not being attracted to her anymore after. I'm not afraid of the whole "am i gay" thing. as of now i have no attraction to men. I have found this very insightful thank you all for your contributions.