Blindsided by my wife!

[dennisGTS]

10 years of marriage as of May - I'm currently deployed to Afghanistan - and just a few days ago, my wife tells me that our marriage is over cause of my CDing. Not only is this deployment stressful enough, she drops this bombshell on me 2 1/2 months before I redeploy back to the US.

I have no other outlet but this forum cause nobody else knows that I CD except her. She tells me that this deployment (our 4th together) has given her some time to think and realize that she cannot live with a CDer. This was devistating news to me since I had no idea she truly felt this way and that I never knew that this divorce was coming.

She says that she still wants to be friends cause she still loves and adores me but cannot live with my secret for the rest of her life. Until my anger and emotions calm down, I don't know if I can still be friends with her...although, she has been (IS) my bestfriend. The good thing though, is that she is not going to "clean me out" since our parting is not on an anger filled sour note.

I guess, when I get back, I'll have all the time in the world to CD since I don't have to hold back when she's home...but the thought of not being with her for the rest of my life is still so depressing...

[Adriennegrl]

Oh no... I hate to hear that, I can only imagine how this must feel. We're here for you and good luck w/ your deployment too.

[kimdl93]

CDing may be getting the blame, but its rather a convenient scapegoat. The fact is that you've been away for 4 deployments, something that has been destructive of many marriages. Of course, CDing may be too much for her to handle, but my guess is that the repeated separations were the real issue.

As for the future, no one can tell. I think you're wise to play the divorce low key and avoid recriminations. Whether you can be best friends - not likely - but who can say. But don't let it make you feel you've failed. The marriage failed because we have asked so much of you as soldier. I salute your service and wish you the best in the difficult days ahead.

[MargoM]

So sorry that is harsh doing that at this time, but it is much deeper than cross dressing I am sure.

[TxKimberly]

I dont know what to say other than I am so sorry . . .

[kristinacd55]

So sorry to hear of this, but your situation with your wife sounds a like how it was with mine. My wife found out about 4 years ago, and she was the only one who knew also. She felt like I dragged her into the closet with me. I was sympathetic but I wasn't going out myself so we were in there together.
Fast forward to this year and I started going out to support meetings, shopping with a friend, and going to clubs occasionally. Really, this wasn't fair to my wife so she told my sister in law with my approval. And, 3 weeks ago I told our daughters (25 & 20). Now, we both have our closest family members in the loop and things have improved greatly. We've been together 36 years.....will it save our marriage? That remains to be seen.
Good luck to you and God Bless you for your service as well!

[Sheren Kelly]

I'm so sorry for you. Try to keep from wrapping yourself in anger. She may have disapointed you, but at least she hasn't attacked nor outted you. Perhaps there is someone out there who is looking for you, just as you are.....

[celeste26]

Did you ever consider it important to tell the one you loved about your CDing? You wrote that you never knew her attitude about CDing so I'm guessing that you never did it in front of her either. Sounds to me like so many other cases of the CD "lack of communication" and sadly so many of them end up in divorce. So you're not the only one and while that is poor consolation, it does mean that you're not alone in this.

I hope that next time you honor your G/F and tell her as the relationship gets serious. Then she can make that decision prior to spending 10 years, with all the proper information she can choose to enter a relationship or not freely. Enough said?

Stay safe DennisGTS and make it back all in one piece.

[Eryn]

I am so sorry to hear about this. Repeated deployments have destroyed so many relationships.

CDing isn't the issue. It's been months since CDing has affected her at all! It's a convenient thing to hang over your head to make sure that you don't cause her any problems.

My cynical side says that she will likely "find" a new love interest remarkably soon after the ink is dry on the divorce. When the cat's away...

[sissystephanie]

Dennis, first of all Thank you for your service to our country. I did my time during the Korean War, and married after I was discharged!! For her to pick this time is, to me at least, a sign that she has other things planned!! It will be good if you can remain friends, but I do suspect that there is more to come! We are here for you, and pray that you will stay safe!!

[JustWendy]

The marriage failed because we have asked so much of you as soldier. I salute your service and wish you the best in the difficult days ahead.

:iagree: Marriage takes a lot of work and focus. And, perhaps, a reassuring look or touch when doubts creep in. This is difficult under the best of circumstances. It seems like the constant separations that the two of you have had to endure have taken their toll. Perhaps not on the friendship, but certainly on the marriage. I wish I could offer you more than just my thanks for the sacrifices you've made and to hope for you that there are better days ahead.

Wendy

[Suzy Parker]

First of all Thank You for your service.

I truly hope once you return you can reconcile this and stay together. I cannot imagine parting with my wife of 26 years. I plan to have the talk soon but it scares the hell out of me to even think about having this break us up.

Good Luck

[Marie-Elise]

Sorry to read about your marriage. Take comfort in the fact that you will grieve, you will get over it, you will live on to love another woman.

[NatieBe]

First I would like to say I'm sorry things have gone South for you....as a former senior active duty member (20yrs), I have seen this happen time and time again...for a variety of reason and the closeness to your deployment date really raises my well plucked eye brow. My cynical side like Eryn's is saying something else. You say she's not going to "Clean you out "...I've heard those words before...Ouch! that hurt $$. Truely I'm not being mean or disrespectful...I know the hard road ahead...but PLZ !!! Protect your future and get some Good legal advice. Your wife IS probably a wonderful women...but ....My $.02 Plz be care over there and THX for your service...God Bless... XO's Natie

[Kaz]

The title of the thread does it for me... there are somethings you don't expect, and when they hit... they hit hard?

[Jill Devine]

As several girls said, there's more to this than the dressing. I guess being apart for so long so many times can take a toll on any relationship.

Sorry to hear.

[Iskandra]

Did you ever consider it important to tell the one you loved about your CDing? You wrote that you never knew her attitude about CDing so I'm guessing that you never did it in front of her either. Sounds to me like so many other cases of the CD "lack of communication" and sadly so many of them end up in divorce. So you're not the only one and while that is poor consolation, it does mean that you're not alone in this.

I hope that next time you honor your G/F and tell her as the relationship gets serious. Then she can make that decision prior to spending 10 years, with all the proper information she can choose to enter a relationship or not freely. Enough said?

Stay safe DennisGTS and make it back all in one piece.

Uhm, I think she knows.. It's the excuse given, so she must know..
Sure you're replying to the right thread?!
As for honour! How about not giving someone a bullsht excuse for a divorce..
How about not doing it long distance, but face to face..
How about not adding stress to a combatants life when stress or distraction in a combat zone can lead to death(s)..

Good luck DennisGTS.. I hope it is something you can discuss when back home, coz frankly it sounds like bigger issues than CDing..
When that happens, be open, be honest and communicate.. Some of the real issues she has might hurt like a motherbitch when you hear them, but suck it up princess warrior! If she means that much to you, you will know what to do to keep her in your life!


I guess, when I get back, I'll have all the time in the world to CD since I don't have to hold back when she's home...
Depends on which you want more.. her or a frilly dress?!

[suchacutie]

Thank you for your service to all of us.

I'm disappointed in your wife that she would drop this on you while you are deployed. On the other hand, now that you know you at least have the forwarning to protect your assets. I agree with others that the CDing is convenient. If it was the CDing she would have told you before you left. It takes tremendous faith and dedication to maintain a marriage with so much separation, and it appears that she just didn't have it.

There are women who do.

I'm sorry for your loss, and it may look like a tremendous loss right now, but time will help with perspective.

Be safe, be careful, and protect yourself in all ways.

Tina

[heatherdress]

What is really important is to take care of yourself. Deal with your depression and pain. GET HELP from assets available downrange. You can get throught this and work out problems you can't control later. Lots of Service members have trouble with spouses and girlfriends when deployed. You are not alone. Talk to someone - the chaplain is a good place to start. You do not have to go into any personal details. They will understand. Deployments are very hard. GET HELP. You can't afford to be depressed where you are. Don't blame yourself. You have had 4 deployments most likely in the past 5 or 6 years. You are separated and in harms way. It is not unusual for a spouse to get tired of worrying, tired of being alone. Who wouldn't be thinking about ending their marriage? You wife says she loves you and adores you. Hang on to that. Many married guys never hear that. You may be able to address her concerns when you get back. Maybe you need a new occupation when you finish your duty. You have my thanks for what you have done, but you have done enough. There are a lot of jobs for Veterans. Maybe that's where you start to rebuild. Maybe living in a private neighborhood instead of a military post would help. Maybe some new boundaries in your relationship. Maybe some compromises. Maybe a lot of other things. She may feel different in 2 1/2 months. Maybe not. But for now, take care of yourself. GET HELP that you can confide in. Thanks for your service to our country.

[juno]

That is all so damn unfair. It seems common for women to be tolerant, then something happens and they declare that it is over. Why not say "This is difficult for me. Let's get some counseling to help work it out." If she is not willing to wait for your return and try counseling, then don't blame it on your CDing.

Deployments are horrible. Not only are you apart, she has to worry about your life, and how it will change you. There is so much stress. People who love each other don't want to blame it on service to your country, even if that is the main cause. Don't blame yourself. It is just one of the sacrifices that the military makes for their country.

[Marcia Blue]

My heart goes out to you. I am very sad to hear of your situation.

[LilSissyStevie]

She did give you advance notice, at least. I came home one day and everything was gone except a pile of my personal belongings in the middle of the bedroom. The bank accounts had been emptied, the credit cards maxed out and I didn't know where my children were. Turns out they were safe in their new apartment with my wife and her new boyfriend (not the first one it turns out.) I don't know your situation but I wouldn't automatically fall for the "let's still be friends" stuff. That could be just be to keep you off balance so you won't see what's coming next. Divorce has a way of bringing out the worst in people, even those that have the best intentions initially. Good luck. My wife leaving me was one of the best things that ever happened to me, especially after I got custody of the kids, but I didn't see it at the time.

[StephanieC]

I am sorry to hear about the situation with your wife. Perhaps this could turn out to be an opportunity?

Thank you for your service.

[mercterr]

Wow. I don't even know what to say. First, thank you for going into harms way for the rest of us. Please just keep your head up for the next 2 1/2 months and get home safe. There is not a lot you can do about this until then. Maybe you can fix this, maybe not. I suspect she is using the crossdressing as the excuse, but it may be the separation and fear of losing you on a daily basis. I don't know but you can deal with it when you're back home. Good luck. stay safe.

[Joan_CD]

I am going to ask you to do the impossible... Put this out of your mind until you get back. You need to focus and stay sharp to protect yourself and fellow soldiers. Take care of yourself and address it when it is safe to do so. I am not judging but it was really crummy that she did this to you during your deployment. Says volumes. Be safe.

[Debglam]

Deployments stress the best of marriages. I know, I've been there. This may work itself out but if it doesn't it may be for the best. Try your best to not stress out over this (yeah, easier said then done!) and take care of yourself. You have a lot of friends here and for what it is worth, when one door closes, another opens.

Deb

[5150 Girl]

CDing isn't the issue. It's been months since CDing has affected her at all! It's a convenient thing to hang over your head to make sure that you don't cause her any problems.

My cynical side says that she will likely "find" a new love interest remarkably soon after the ink is dry on the divorce. When the cat's away...
This was my first thoughts as well. CDing makes a good excuse to keep you quiet in a divorve, as you're in the military, I'm guessing you want to keep this CD thing quiet. But at the end of the day, if she's a vindictive person, she'll likely out you anyway.
Whereas you're wawy alot, I'm guessing she's cut a pony from the herd, and while she may not be riding him yet, she's likely taken the saddle out of the barn.

[GaleWarning]

There is nothing you can do about it until you get back home, so concentrate on getting back safely.
If you do split up, know that life goes on and you will meet someone better down the line.

Meanwhile, try to find out from friends and family what REALLY is going on.
Knowledge is strength.

My heart goes out to you.

[michelle2020cd]

I am so sorry, thanks so much for your service

[Jenniferathome]

DennisGTS, I am so sorry to read this but, if you are still friends, I am sure you can get her to join you with a counselor. Once she hears that cross dressing is just a place on the sexual spectrum and not terribly unique, she may open her mind. Talking is the only option.

[busker]

Hi Dennis, sorry to hear your sad news. Though it comes at a bad time, at least you have time to prepare. If the military is your career, you have likely been gone away from her a lot of that time--your deployments equal how many years==4? A military wife needs something most women don't have and perhaps yours does not have it either. It is stressful on both sides. Try not to get too occupied with this , your safety is more important now, and you can address a bit at a time until you get home. If TG is going toward TS, it may be a blessing in disguise. It will also give you a chance to start in hopefully a new way when you get home. Wishing you the best, stay safe

[Mary Morgan]

This is a very sad and difficult situation. As others have said watch out for yourself over there and deal with this when you get back. Sounds like there are a number of possible issues including the long periods of your absence. God bless you and thank you for your service. This points out clearly that there are many costs of serving ones country.

[adrienner99]

How awful for her to throw this at you now. Even if deployment is hard on the families at home--and of course it is--this is just not fair. She could have waited....

But it also the risk we all take when we Tell Someone. My wife has never left me--because I have never told her of my CDing...and the secrecy and hiding are awful. So I don't know which way is better... I pray for your safe return and I thank you for your service. Please just stay safe and focus on your survival over there. You can work on this when you get home.

[Charona]

I would also suggest a trip to the base Legal Officer for advice. Don't wait till you get home.

[TiffanyJoHayden]

Dennis, let me start by saying that I am terribly sorry to hear that your wife has dropped this bomb on you. I also want to express my sincerest thanks to you for your service to this country. I have followed your adventures and exploits for many years now. I was Joe_Panties over at PantiesEtc., one of the first 100 members there, and also an early member at MWWP several years before that. I have read every one of your posts over the years mainly because your adventures and life mirrored mine in so many ways. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling right now, but I can guess that it is beyond words. My ex-wife was very much against my CD'ing as well. In time our relationship hit a very similar end, and there was the words of lets continue to be friends, but it was not to be. Ultimately she went and found someone else. She then raked me across the coals by using me and my secret as fodder for her character assassination of me to her friends. I know she did it to garner the pity of them and make herself look good. That hurt. In time though, the hurt faded. Her memory faded. I eventually met someone who was very accepting of my desire to CD on the side. I have never been happier. You too, in time, will find a true happiness. A balance will finally come into your life and all will be right. Back in the days of MWWP and PantiesEtc I did not post much at all, but I was there reading every day. Your post today brought me out of the shadows. I hope that my words, and the words of the others here, help bring even a tiny bit of comfort in this trying time. Take care my friend, be safe, the sun will rise again.

[RADER]

From one old Vet (Viet-Nam) to another; If you do not have children, cut off the spouse allowance as
soon as you can. She can not get a divorce while you are deployed. The old Deer John Rule.
Ask for a lawyer in your unit, maybe some one in the JAG unit.
You do not have to tell him about your CDing, but he can advise you on your legal rites, as
well as protecting you from her taking you to the cleaners. I have seen it done before, no matter
How Nice she seams, Money is still Money.
Rader

[Danni Renee]

First and I know it is hard to do but keep your eye on what you are doing over there. I fully understand relationship difficulties during a deployment and I know how stressful they can be - I lost my marriage to deployments to Iraq. You are not the first this has happened too. I do have better news than most as my ex-wife and I still maintain a friendship and made an amicable split. She did not know about my dressing until after the divorce so it did not impact anything but yours might. I do recommend you talk to your leadership about what you have to provide her versus what she may want you to provide - you still have legal rights. You also have to protect yourself and your future and I am sure there are people in your unit that can give you better advice. Treating her nice now may keep you friends but don't so so at the risk of coming home broke and no place to live.

Danielle

[Patty B.]

Its sad to hear about this, you're a long way from home in a far away place, not the time to hear this. You are not in much of a position to do any thing about this except to get some legal counsel, and if this is a career you've got to tread lightly. It's amazing she tells you this considering where you are, but it is what it is. Danni has some good advice, cant say anything else except best of luck from a SE Asian vet, and not far from H2O.

[Nadia-Maria]

I'm convinced you will find a new wife, better than this one, more proud and accepting of you as you are : a brave soldier, a loving husband, etc.
Most probably she didn't deserve you.
Hugs

[Pythos]

You are deployed....IN A WAR ZONE. You are serving your country in "defense of freedom" (at least that is the meme), and your wife pulls this? What an absolute load of crap!!!

Talk to her...calmly. There is something else in the mix. Another man, a nosey neighbor, and so on. Or perhaps she is using your CDing as the "obvious" excuse to get out of a military marriage. Or if you are not in the military, a marriage where their SO is continuously in foriegn lands.

Don't just let this happen like this. You two need to talk, and the two of you need to attend counselling.

[Fractured]

Everyone has chimed in with what I may have been able to contribute. I wish you the best.

[Angiemead12]

I do hope you find the strength to carry on in your redeployment.

[Lorileah]

Separation during military service is stressful as you say. It has been that way for as long as time. First I want to say that I am very sorry you have been treated this way. It is through no fault or your own that you have to be half a world away at this time. Hopefully soon you can come home and stay home. Giving your time and service is a great sacrifice. One that she shared I am sure but now finds too great a burden.

I don't think I would put too much credibility in her using the CDing as the real reason though. Having been in the Army, I saw this a lot when someone was deployed and it had nothing to do with anything more than having time on their hands and finding a new outlet.

I wish you luck and I hope you come home soon

[Ria]

That sucks... You know, you seem like a strong person and your post indicates your positive mental attitude shining through. Better to find out her feelings now while you're still young right? Goes to show that we all run a risk of this kind of thing happening.

My wife seems somewhat supportive but I'm careful not to over expose her to it. I wan't her to have the man she married and not give her reasons to reassess her choice but you never know what may be going on deep down?

[Persephone]

Oh damn, Dennis! My heart goes out to you. What a crappy situation.

So many thoughts are running through my mind. Thoughts about trying to express how high I hold you in regard for being a real hero, for doing what you do, for enduring miserable conditions, and for protecting all of us. And then there are thoughts about how you've been blindsided.

There really is no good way to type "Dennis, I care," and to let you know that it is heartfelt. All I can say is that I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers and that I believe that you will make it through this difficult time and that life will get better.

Hugs and Prayers,
Persephone.

[wanagione]

I'm sorry about your marrage, and thank you so very much for your service to us all. As for your wife, I think there may be more to it than the CDing. It very well may be an excuse for other things. We, both know how hard it is to live with this and keeping it hidden, sometimes there is just to much to loose ot let it out. It may be even harder for her because she can't even talk about it with her friends. When you return try to work it out, see if there is anything else that is really the cause of this breakup. My prayers and with you.

[Inna]

Dennis, I am so sorry about your ordeal especially adding to already extreme stress situation. My love goes out to you as well to your wife. No words will calm your sorrow, I know, I have been there but truth is such that sometimes it hurts so bad before it feels sooooo good. I know you will be fine and whats more I believe you will be able to embrace fully who you really are.

Love Inna.

[ReineD]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Did she say why she wants to start the process now, rather than wait the 2 1/2 months until you get back?

As others have suggested, I wonder if there are other issues than the CDing that are spurring her on. Would she agree to not do anything until you do get back?

[SamanthaS]

I hope things work out for you either way, but I really feel your pain. Ten years is a long time. Why she couldn't wait until you get back is beyond me. A distracted soldier, is a dead soldier. Please try to keep your head in the game while your over there :)

[anonymousinmaryland]

What a kick in the arse. Great. A hand grenade from home. Stay safe.

[Alice B]

That is a real bummer, but in my opinion she is only using this as an excuse.

[Cynthia Anne]

Sad as it may be! All I can say is! We are the lucky ones! For having you to fight for our freedom! We all owe you more then we can ever think of repaying! The one thing you can count on is our friendship! For it is a love forever without end! Thank you!
With love,
Your sister
Cynthia!

[GG Kathy]

I'm sorry she feels that way. I do agree with waiting to cool down o talk to her. I hope you can find happiness with or without her. It could also just be she's missing you, angry and needs to vent. Either way I want to thank you for your service.

[TGMarla]

Obviously, she's had a lot of time to think about this. Don't etch it in stone just yet. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. But there's an old saying: The soup is never eaten as hot as it's cooked. I'm sure you're just stewing right now, but let's see what a few days or a week brings. Let us know if we can help.

[Tracy Lynn]

Sorry you have to go through this sweetie :( You`re not alone here.

[PretzelGirl]

I am with Marla. Can you talk with here about keeping it at a separation for now and for a period of time when you get back? It would be hard to convince anyone that the deployments are not a factor. If you two are still best of friends, a legal separation should not be a big deal. And then you would be back where the two of you will be face to face. That gives you the opportunity to get counseling, talk it out, examine your feelings with each other, whatever. But trying to examine a relationship and working on it from a distance is quite a chore. If you still have strong feelings, talk it out with her and see if you can get a chance to get all the true issues to the surface.

[kittypw GG]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Did she say why she wants to start the process now, rather than wait the 2 1/2 months until you get back?

?

Look why is it so hard to believe that it is the crossdressing??? THis life is not for everyone. She has had time to live without this hanging over her head for some time now so she might be experiencing an increase in anxiety of his comming home and living with this "elephant in the living room". Maybe she just wants a clean break and felt it was now or never? Unfortunatly it is not such a good thing to do to you while deployed but perhaps she just can't do it anymore.

Thanks for your service to our country and I hope you can stay safe, come home and resolve these issues. ~hugs~

[giuseppina]

Hello Kitty,

There is more to this story than just the crossdressing. Sure, it's a convenient scapegoat, but there are almost certainly other factors in DennisGTS's relationship that likely contributed to his wife packing it in. One obvious one is long term absences while he's deployed. The military wife's role is not easy even without the crossdressing.

Hello DennisGTS,

Sorry to hear about this. :sad: It wasn't necessary, at least in my mind, to tell you this way. Please stay safe and thanks for serving your country.

[dennisGTS]

Thank you everyone for all your support and advice.

There are so many details and dynamics about our relationship that I can only take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. I've seen military marriages fall apart and end in catastrophy. I've known my wife for over 10 years and I think I have a really good handle on her personality and what she is capable of.

I do think that these past 4 deployments have taken a very huge toll on our marriage but I seriously think that my CDing has a very big role in her departure. Almost 3 years after our marriage is when I finally broke the news to her and she didn't take it lightly. Quite a few counseling sessions later and I thought it might have seriously helped our marrage. Little did I know that her unacceptance of my CDing was eating her from the inside and she never felt the need to express to me what she really felt; an now all that pent up frustration has finally reared it's ugly head. I am defending her to a certian extent because she never knew about my CDing until after we got married.

In the end, we both want what's best for each other. Unfortunately for me, she feels it is best if we go our separate ways so that I can further explore my desire to CD and she not hold me back. Right now, I cannot fathom a life without her but I know that I will eventually get over it and find someone else that will be truly accepting to my desire to CD.

Again, thank you everyone for your support!

[Leelou]

Hi Dennis, I understand what you're saying about having to take advice about your wife and the relationship with a grain of salt since you understand the situation better than we ever could.

So I'll just echo everyone else who has thanked you for your service. Hopefully you can find some support and comfort from your friends here. I truly wish you the best. Be safe. Leelou

[5150 Girl]

Ya know waht, I was out of sorts when my (unsuportive) ex left me (mainly over money though)
However, less than a year later, I found my very supportive Polar Bear. I know it seems devistating right now, but hopfully you'll find somone suportrive. They're out there.

[Lee51964]

first i have to say thank you for my freedom and doing your job and plaese come home safe

I am totaly sorry that she can't live with your secret but I am glad that she is being sivel about everything she could have waited to tell you in person but most people can't call it quits when they are face to face its too hard to tell someone you love I can't be with you
be strong and stay beautiful

Love
Sarah

[Bootsiegalore]

I think she may have found a "greener pasture" and is using this as a scape-goat. Go through cell records when you get home. Everyone I know has been caught by cell phone records. I do not know if NY has at fault or no fault divorce. But if what I mention is true it may help to keep payments at a minimum for spousal support in the event of a divorce - unless you can work it out. My brother-in-law got married and deployed and she cleaned him out and split and filed for divorce all within 6 months.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

CDing is not the reason for the marriage breakup. There is a deep seated problem that is really causing this conflict. The CDing is just an excuse for her. You both need couples counseling because the CDing was not brought up before now. The ability of families holding together during combat assignments overseas is hard enough and unless you are with that very special person who can roll with the puches, you can look forward to troubles. Different viewpoints because of your's and her experiences and how we interact with the world lead to the need for couples counseling so that communication of what has been going on inside your head and hers. Don't give up. Get to the root of the problem and you may find that the CDing excuse fades away. Just the opinion of another CDer who is being treated for Lupus Profundis and PTSD.
As always;
Phylis (Dr. Phil - the one with the hair)

[Autumndawn]

Thank you for thr sacrifice of time and service. Divorce, and having to deal with all its facets is definitely something a soldier in harms way should not have to face. Personally, it was callous and selfish on her part to do so with her reason.
I pray you stay focused on your duty while your still there, that will keep you alive, and your comrades as well too. Get legal assistance. Being nice, and thinking she'll be nice after dropping that bomb on you, doesn't make sense. Divorce = Law suit. Treat it as such. My two bits. Take care, and God speed to get you back home safe.

[NicoleScott]

There seems to be a lot of denial here that crossdressing can cause a marriage breakup. A lot of experts here say it has to be something else, although they have no way of knowing that. The sad fact is that some wives cannot tolerate a crossdressing husband.

Also, I agree that protecting your interests is a good idea, but cutting off support is starting a battle that doesn't have to happen. Divorces don't have to be a fight and grab for all you can get. Been there, done it right.

[Bobbie Bee]

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. It never ceases to amaze me; Some people just don't have any courage to meet problems or adversity head-on. Be strong and don't let the situation get you down. Time heals all. Oh, and thank you for your service, you are a courageous person in my book.

[tammie]

Dear Dennisa:

My sincere condolances , sounds like a death in the family , perhaps it is, but don't let it be yours or "Dennisa's" .
The truth is hard to find always , in this instance its almost impossible to know it if U see it, and ultimately its irrelevant .

I applaud your desire to "remain friends" , as its almost impossible to tell how U will feel 10 yrs form now , although we as humans R so sure of the future sometimes.

U have achieved the first part , the desire to be friends, desire is the engine that pulls the plan (to remain friends).
My friends said "why would U want to remain friends with that bitch". The truth is I Liked her and admired her and that is why I married with her,

the fact that she threw away our marriage was something that I was unhappy about , but we as humans can disect action from person and hate the action and not the person, as I said U don't know how U will feel 10 yrs from now .

The biggest mine to avoid is between now and when U get this thing done, there will be many times U want to come back and "share" the pain U R feeling.So bite yhour tongue and remember she will be influenced by GG girlfriends who will be telling her "bla bla bla" and "U should do bla bla bla"

so things may change and she may become less "reasonable", don't fall into this trap of discussing or blaming her friends (she will protect them)

Also some nite (the worst time to discuss things or make decisions) , also when tired or distracted (like being in a combat zone) if she says something hurtful or feels like she is trying to start an argument, she is and U should say goodnight.

I am not saying it will be easy or fair or "feel right" at the time but know in your haert sir U R allowed to be who U R despite her judgement of U .

Perhaps its not because of your CDing or maybe it is. The most accurate assessment is that it is for many diverse reasons and CDing is of course one of the top picks by all observers.

If U were not a CDer, if U had not been deployed for more than 2 weeks , if U were not too tall, too short ,too fat ,too skinny , too dumb, too smart, too caring or too distant , or whatever reason she has to justify leaving your marriage,

It may have failed anyways so whatever U do , don't beat hyourself up over this .

Do however realize that U R at a higher risk now of , some dangerous outcomes, from being distracted by a gnawing doubt and deep pain that seemingly will just not let up .

The only fix is to trust in a higher entity, to watch and guide U (if U so desire and request) U know the drill , and the application of what my fav professor used to call "the tincture of time".

At least U know there R others who can understand what is happening to U , and that U R not alone in this.
Good Luck to U troop