Time to tell the kids?

[Danni Renee]

I wonder if it is time to tell the kids. I came out to my girlfriend, ex-wife, and mother - all successfully. I am back from overseas and will now have shared custody of the kids and I can choose to hide everything when they come to see me or be who I really am.

I have went shopping with my youngest daughter (8) and bought myself some clothes while she was watching. I also bought some bedroom accessories with both my youngest and oldest daughter (14) present that was clearly feminine (hot pink to be precise). My oldest has seen my belly ring and noticed I shave everywhere.

So I am trying to decide if and how I should tell the kids. I really want to and not just for my own reasons. My oldest daughter is into anime and manga (Japanese cartoons and comics respectively). She asked yesterday if she could get her hair cut like one of the boys in one of her books. I told her it was okay if she wanted to but I wanted her to do it before school started so she could change it if she did not like it (I do not think the style is very complimentary to her face). I have bought her an anime costume that she wanted that was a male costume. I think by telling her about me that it will put her at ease with her own issues (she is very shy outwardly but has a mind of her own and does not care about what others think, mostly).

My youngest is carefree and a very prissy tomboy (she was playing with worms while wearing a dress and makeup the other day - and this is the norm) and I do not think it would phase her in the slightest.

What are your opinions on telling them and how should I approach it if I do. Thanks.

Danielle

[5150 Girl]

see'n as howtheyre teens and tweens, I say it depends on their personality... how well they acept things that arre difernt.
my personal thoughts are, the younger they are, the better. we all learn at an ealy age what social norms are. I say kids need to be exposed to miniority groupes before they have a chance to develop predudices.

[wearingtanpantyhose]

It might work, but I'm actually more concerned about your x-wife than the kids. I don't know your relationship with her, but it would be wise to consider her reaction especially if it might jeopardize your visitation rights. Sounds like the kids might be accepting.

[Briana90802]

Has your oldest ever watch Ranma 1/2? anyway I'd have to say that they already know and that they don't really think anything of it. Coming out and saying it might put it all together into one big picture but I doubt that they would be shocked. I would, however, suggest that you explain to them that whether in boy mode or girl mode you are still "Dad" the authority figure.
You might also include them the first time so that they can see the transformation. Mentally it's easier on the brain then shocking them with a sudden reveal.

Good luck. :)

[Inna]

Danni, everything you are experiencing in your journey unfolds with mysterious yet loving consequence. Listen to you heart, and I can already tell your heart aches to let them know. You will know the time, the moment for each to hear your story, don't use your mind but you heart. It knows everything and the truth shall fill your children's hearts so that they can love you unconditionally and understand who you are. Also it is one of the most important lessons in their lives, to be truthful despite the consequence, and that their dad/mom has strength to have no secrets and truly shares her life with them in full embrace.

[Anna Bee]

I think the younger you tell them, the better. But that is a tough choice. If you already have support from the other key players in your life then go for it. I would consult your ex wife first and ask her to openly support you in front of the children while they adjust to the change.

[Nicole Erin]

just like dealing with everyone else, explain it however seems fit but don't "show" them until after they have heard about it.

I am sure they might be curious to see "her" in person but just don't walk out in a dress and say, "BTW..."

Legally I don't think it will hurt visitation but yeah the ex might act stupid. You know they will tell their mom all about it.

[VioletJourney]

Young people these days are surprisingly open minded, I doubt it would freak them out that much. Based on my own experiences, it's not the CDing that gets the reaction but the fact that people thought they knew you but find out they really didn't. The sooner you tell people, the better.

[kristinacd55]

Well, Danni funny you should post, but I just told my 2 daughters (25 & 20) 3 weeks ago. They felt like Dad had died....but since then they've realized that I'm still around and kickin. So, it's been a short time but has it been worth it? Absolutely! Good luck with your decision