Advice for chicken-Sh!t shoppers?

[Keyplayer74]

Attention K-Mart Shoppers --

I've been wanting to get a few items, but am really afraid to just go to the store and buy them myself. Mail order to the house isn't an option - the wife will PROBABLY find it. Also, I was stupid in the past to turn control of the finances to the wife - so she watches the credit card statements and pays the bills. So I can't spend money with a credit card without being discovered. I have managed to save a bunch of cash though.. it's hidden away where it will likely not be discovered. Once I got a P.O. box, and bought a couple of items on-line with money orders. But, is there any other way? I get scared renting the PO box because they ask a lot of questions, make a copy of your drivers license, make you fill out your REAL address.. I'm just plain chicken I tell ya. Someone here could make a lot of money to be the middle man for chicken CD's. :D

Okay, I know there are a bunch of you out there who's SO's are cool with this - so I guess I'm just asking those of you who have the art of hiding your CDing - have you found a way?

[Stephanie Brooks]

Well, you shouldn't be hiding things from your wife. It breaks trust. That said, the best way to shop is - to shop.

Decide you're going to get one item. It can be a pair of panties, a bra, a nightgown, whatever. It doesn't matter. Know your size and what you want. Make a list of stores where you'd buy the item. Then go to each store on the list until you actually buy the item.

Women buy underwear for men, men can buy underwear for women. You're not stealing or doing anything wrong. You give them money, they give you things. It's called trade. No one cares why you're buying it.

Role play it in advance if it would help. Figure out what you'll do and how you'll react in the possible situations you could encounter.

Imagine you're just buying men's briefs when you're shopping. I'll bet the only problem you have with buying guy's underwear is just the time it takes to do it. We go in, we find what we need, we pay for it, and we leave. Same thing with buying women's clothing.

Regarding PO boxes et al, again no one cares what you're doing as long as you're doing nothing illegal. The problem with PO boxes is that some package carriers won't deliver to a PO box.

Hope this helps!

[jenniferluv]

Ya, I was scared for many years to go to the store and buy the things I wanted....and my wife also controlled the finances(still does). I finally decided I had no choice but to go in and buy what i wanted...the comments from some of the female checkout people were attrocious...the men didn't think a thing about it. I remember one cute young thing at the cash register one day made a comment about how i'd look really cute in that lace teddy. Talk about embarassed!!! But that was the first time i actually got angry about it and just blurted out that i thought i'd look better in it than she would. needless to say she Harrumphed and gave me a dirty look and hustled me through the line as quickly as possible. I was embarrassed because of the people in line behind me and just plain mad at the register operator. But over the years I found that the older women on the registers were always very nice and ignored what it was i was buying--just made small talk like i was buying a hammer instead of a pair of panties. So, you just gotta go and buy what you want...and if you are too afraid go to a store away from your home area and damn what the b------ and A------- say. it does get easier with time trust me. I have since told my wife and gone thru all the time of pain that follows. now she wants...and even enjoys buying me things. I hope that someday you will feel secure enough in your own relationship to "come clean" with your wife....in the meantime GOOD LUCK!!!

[Keyplayer74]

Stef -

Yes, reading the first sentence of your post was hard for me. It made me very uncomfortable. Let me just tell you, I hide absolutely nothing from my wife except my Cd'ing. I love her very much, and place her mental and physical well-being at the top of my priority list. So you may ask this question, "Why do I crossdress then?" Well, that's a pretty darn good question - and if you find out would you please let me know?? I can't stop.. have tried all my life. Been through depression early on beating myself up over it - been there, done that. I got married fairly young, early 20's - and decided I didn't want to tell her - be it a good or bad decision. She loves me with all her heart, and I'm deathly afraid of what would happen to our relationship if she did find out. So, that's why I hide it from her. Reading that first line "...it breaks trust" Well, it's like rubbing salt in a wound. Why? Well, I read a little of your bio, take a logical approach to this line of thinking.. it leaves me basically 2 choices: 1 - Quit, or 2 -Tell her I'm a freak. (At least that's probably how she will see it) I'm not too sure of your situation - but hey, easier said than done okay? Read what happened to Britney1 - that's not where I want to be.

Are there any other closet cases out there who can identify with this?

[Stephanie Brooks]

Hi Keyplayer74!

Sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh. I'm not always good at this. What's a good way to put it?

I gave my full and honest response regarding how to shop. It's the same advice I'd give anyone who is nervous about shopping for femme items.

On the other hand, I don't want to be saying, "Hey, go ahead. Hide this from your wife!" It would be akin to someone asking me how to break into a computer and me telling them how, without saying, "You really shouldn't be doing this". Of course in most cases breaking into a computer is far more serious than hiding some clothes.

Does that make sense? I understand why we hide things. I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I also don't want to sound as if I'm condoning it either.

Hope this clarifies!

[Keyplayer74]

Yeah it's okay. I do understand. I guess I would feel the same way - if I were giving advice. I might feel like I was enabling someone to do something I feel is wrong. So, more or less - my reaction to your post was more my fault.. I'm self concious about it because I know I shouldn't be doing it! But it's sort of a catch 22 - because I still really want to do it! :D Hey, I've lived to be 31 and don't own any clothes.. haven't I been patient? :D Thanks for your advice though...

[Jacqui]

Key, I understand exactly where you're coming from, so I will offer you a couple of suggestions that have worked to help me feel a little more comfortable when buying things:

1) have a List of things with the item/s you want to buy mixed in there someplace. so, for example, after the toothpaste, blades, surgical cloth tape (to make your cleavage..., they'll never catch that), Maybelline Dreams Matte Foundation in Ivory, batteries, etc If you're in the cosmetics aisle with other women "watching" you, just keep on looking at the list, compare it to the item you're buying to make sure you got the right one. They'll probably think you're buying something for your wife. One time, a woman even offered to help me and I told her that I wasn't sure this is what "she" wanted. She told me that "she" could always bring it back as long as it wasn't opened.

2) clothing or lingerie is a little harder, but this worked for me: I was looking at a nice low cut blouse and when I decided on the right one, I took out my cell phone and pretended to call. "I see a nice cream colored one, did you say you wanted it in medium or large?" This took some of the pressure off from the other female shoppers who were probably admiring me for getting something for my wife.

2a) You can use the same cell-phone technique at checkout, just time it so that when you get to the cashier, you're talking to your wife and say something like, "Yeah, I got it, a Maidenform 44 Double D, right?" Or, "They only had the panties in pink, is that ok?"

Key, it's too bad that not all of us can be as open in discussing our situation with the most important person in your life. I wouldn't look at it as lying, cheating or anything else, although it would be a hell of a lot better if we could just let it all out and have them accept us for what we are.
Like you said, the last thing you want is what's happening with Britney. I pray that everything will work out for her.

Hope this helps.

Hugs,
Jacqui

[MsEva]

To piggy back upon what Jacqui said..I do exactly that ..write it on my shopping list ...queen size Leggs in off black..got it...blah blah..oh, and covergirl foundation..in light beige.....got it..along with my usual stuff..never get any looks.:rolleyes:

[NikkiT]

Most of the saleswomen I've dealt with think it's cute that a guy is picking out clothes for himself.

[DonnaT]

Attention K-Mart Shoppers --

I've been wanting to get a few items, but am really afraid to just go to the store and buy them myself.

Like Stephanie suggests, try buying in person. REally, many of us do it, and had to start sometime. We may have felt just as chicken as you, but when push came to shove, we did it and found it not as difficult as we thought.

Try one or two of the stores known to have no qualms with guys buying there, such an Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, Dress Barn or Victoria's Secret, to name a few. Even at K-mart, I've not had one sales person make a disrespectful comment.

Really, I promise, it is quite easy.

[Shannon]

I was so nervous the first few times I went shopping for lingerie -- but in those first few times I learned that the check-out clerks didn't seem to care (or were trained not to say anything). I got very comfortable shopping, even browsing around rather than picking up the first outfit that caught my eye.

The biggest surprise I ever had was when I was in a small wig store in a strip mall. I was in my male persona, and the only shopper in the store. I had picked out a dark auburn wig that was on a styrofoam head. I took it up to the clerk -- a young woman in her 20's -- and set it down on the register. She looked at me and said "Would you like to try this on?" I wasn't expecting it and was so surprised I said "I just want to buy it". I sure wish I had taken two more seconds to collect myself and had her help me try it on; I probably would have gotten some good advise and tips on wearing my wig.

Anyway, now I look forward to shopping trips and it has become an important part of my crossdressing journey. I hope you too can experience some joy and pleasure in shopping.

[TGMarla]

I do the "shopping list" thing a lot. It works. I bought a nice lacy bra and told the checkout girl, in response to her quizzical look, that our dog had begun chewing things around the house. I told her that last night it had been my belt and her bra, which I was replacing.

As for wigs, I think a great deal of their business must be from CDs. I had a similar experience. I can't buy such an item online for the same reasons listed here. She watches all the finances and credit cards, so buying in person is the only way. The lady in the store asked me if I wanted to try it on. I told her, with some hesitation, "Yes!" She treated me with respect and professionalism. The next time I go to buy a wig, I'll have more time, and patronize the same store. It was a thrilling experience.

[Wendy me]

i shop all the time realy no big deal for me ..but every now and then i play a game ...ok i will eather pick out a gg that is shopping and say excuse me could you please helpe me for a second ... i am trying to buy something for my wife for a supprize i got her sizes and i am haveing some truble with matching things see i picked out this skirt i think she would like it but i don't know what will go with it ... could you helpe me out please??? 9 out of 10 gg's will helpe you out and find something that matches ...and trust me it's a lot of fun as well....

[sliploverusa]

I found it hard to buy lingerie alone, at first, but now I love shopping for it and love to browse through the entire dept with the gals! :D

[Katrina]

I used to be scared of shopping. Now, when stores are not too busy, it is the best thing. Hang in there, it definately gets easier.

[Shannon]

Wendy -- I'm gonna try that game some time. Sounds like a lot of fun!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Just remember your money is just a good as anyone else. If you feel the need, there's numerous excuses you can use to have plausible deniability (several of which have been mentioned here).

OTOH, just remember any long-time retail clerk has probably seen more than a few guys who are shopping for their girlfriend/wife who's "just about my size" so you're not necessarily fooling anyone. So if you're at a store where there's good salepeople, being honest will help them help you better. Plus they're usually on commission and that's always a motivator for tolerance.

[Sindy]

Taking advantage of the fact that sweetest day is this Saturday, I just got back from shopping. I'm still nervous as all heck, but I used the excuse that it's for my girlfriend. Still can't bring myself to get lingerie though, I walked into a Victoria's Secret and pretty much walked out empty handed. But getting better, gonna try again tomorrow, I am in quest for a pair of new boots, should there be a lingerie store in my way, I guess I'll have to stop in.

[Denise01]

It took me a long time and a lot of patience to shop for my self especially when it comes to Lingerie.
I have now got to the point where it does not concern me, especially with lingerie and panty hose as I know my sizes. I just go into the ladies dept, look at what they have, and get what is needed.

This last march when on vacation ( a good distance from home ) was looking for a skirt for a St. Pattys day party, and saw one in green i liked in a Layne Bryant store. Asked the girl if they were sized large or smaller, and the reply was it could be returned. I then mustered enough courage to tell her it was for me, she said really, then immediately said i could try on anything I wished. It was a good thing i tried it on, as the sales girl had to get one size smaller for me.
After all especially if the sales people are on commission, a sale is a sale regardless of to whom it is for for whom.

Now the ice is broken, do not have any qualms about trying things on in the store, ( always ask first ) and never any problems.
Have a shoe outlet not far from where I live. the mgr and asst mgr are great, and they told me that they have a lot of men come in for ladies shoes. Having a very narrow foot, the mgr told me a ladies would fit better than mens, and her opinion is also that if all one has to do is to look at the shoes a person is wearing they have not much to do

Love shopping

Denise

[Rachel Morley]

As for wigs, I think a great deal of their business must be from CDs.---- The lady in the store asked me if I wanted to try it on. I told her, with some hesitation, "Yes!" She treated me with respect and professionalism. The next time I go to buy a wig, I'll have more time, and patronize the same store. It was a thrilling experience.

I totally agree with you TGMarla, I will never forget the time my wife MarlaGG and I went wig shopping. "It was a thrilling experience" because I was accepted. Here's what happened when I did it.

http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11789

[HaleyPink2000]

Ok, tell ya about WalMart.

I go there after work one night. Got a cart then to the women’s dress area I did go. I shop like a Woman does anyway. I graze shop for things. Anyway I found 4 dresses I did like, 2 skirts, and two blouses. Up to the try on rooms and asked the girl for a room to try on some clothing. She did count the items, and showed me to a room. I came out, and exchanged several for different sizes several times. Put my items in the cart to then be taken to the checkout. At the checkout one of the girls said Ma'am you know I'd love to have this dress, but they are just to much for me on my paycheck. The other Girl checking my items, told the girl removing the hangers to shush. Then the Cashier said " Ma'am those are pretty". I did smile and said thank you. Used my Debit card and everything.

BTW I was in male clothing, T shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes.

I buy from WalMart all the time with no problems. Try on everything except underwear.

Do Not Be Afraid To Try On Clothing At WalMart! One of my friends works in another town at a WalMart. She is a { M to F } Crossdresser also. She says that She does see many Males come into buy femme clothing. But most draw attention to them selves, skulking around, and looking all over very nervously. She told me, She did stop a CD one evening. She took Him aside and told Him to not be so nervous, as it was drawing attention. To just relax and have a nice time in the store, etc. Told the Guy, that his dressing preffrence did not matter. That WalMart is there to sell to everyone.
Said the Guy did write the store Manager and thank them for a wonderful staff.

I like shopping there, but right now this fall line of theirs is very limited.

Haley

[Carole/CCD]

In order that I do not get caught I rent space at a locker in a makeover stuido All cash and they protect you idenity Convenient no -- but quite safe . Then when I leave town I swing by and pick up my stuff .They can also receive packages . but i usually do my own shopping in drab The things you have to do when you are in the closet and you know it would not be accepted as you have tried many times

[knelson]

While I am new to this forum, I am and have been for a while an avid dresser. Frankly, I wish I had your legs. :) First, let me say, that I hid my crossdressing from my ex-wife and when she did finally find out she was shocked but understood. After our divorce, I kept up the little white lies to different stores that I was buying for my wife or daughters. No big deal. The first thing you have to remember is your size. Write all them down on a piece of paper and take with you when you shop. If a salesgirl ask if there is anything specific that you are looking for, then you can show her the list. Also remember that these ladies are experts on fashion so they will show you what is in style and never think twice about it. Second, remember that not all sizes quite fit so take it home, try it on, and then return it promptly if it doesn't fit. I don't believe in trying it on in the store since you never know who is watching. Lastly, the hardest thing to do from my part was to buy shoes. I wear a ladies size 12 and the only place to shop for them are at Pick N Pay or on ebay. As my collection got larger, hiding it got harder.

Good luck with the shopping.
Karen