So Far, So Good. Maybe the military really is a band of brothers (and sisters)

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

So today I came out to another one of my soldiers. Now it's up to a total of four of them that know. Two of them are NCO's over me and would have the power to get me kicked out for many violations of UCMJ, one being that xdressing is conduct unbecoming, another one, personal misrepresentation, and of course mentally unfit for duty. The two NCO's that know have known for 2 months and so far I don't see it an issue. They treat me the same as anyone else and were they going to spread the news it would have been out by now. Keeping in mind my grunt MOS I am pleasantly surprised. I came out to one of the lower enlisted about the same time, and he also seemed to have no problem with it. Nothing has changed between us. And the one that I told today did not have a problem either.

After watching Soldiers Girl, the story about Calpernia Adams and her boyfriend, I was terrified of what they may do to me if they found out. Especially given CA's BF was only a soldier dating a TS woman. But I couldn't hide it from everyone for the next year while on deployment. I needed to have some sort of support as I cannot go to anyone in the military's Combat Stress team, the counselors provided to soldiers in a combat zone to help deal with stress related to combat and personal issues.

So hopefully as I go through this deployment, I can keep a strong network of support, I know I am going to need it severely as putting me back in the box is probably going to be harder than the deployment.


Just figured I would share my small success, also being one of the reasons I haven't been on lately.

[Aprilrain]

Your too freaking cute (as a girl) to be a soldier! Just kidding, good luck where are they sending you? Come back in one piece breathing please.
I have decided NOT to watch soldiers girl, at least not for now, It would really upset me I'm sure!

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

Aww thanks! I can't say exactly where and when (opsec) but very soon and to the middle east. And yea soldiers girl is a very rough movie to watch in the end.

[Persephone]

Soldier's Girl is a very difficult movie to watch.

I don't know about the good or bad of coming out to others in your unit, but I do know that I appreciate your service and thank you very much for doing what you do.

Hugs, Thoughts, and Prayers,
Persephone.

[Lorileah]

do your job, do it well and keep your head down. Since you are required to dress in a certain fashion while on duty cross dressing should not be an issue as long as you keep it on personal time. Even though it isn't really part of DADT, most commanders at this time are keeping a low profile (even though the whole law is being held hostage by a few).

In Re; Soldier's Girl, realize that that was history, things have changed and it was perpetrated by people who really should not represent the finest military in the world. That said ever unit has a**holes so be careful

And I am being serious when I say keep your head down. Good luck and come home soon

[Melody Moore]

Well done I say, I know how hard it is to come out to Army mates because it can be
such an egotistical & testosterone driven environment, especially when you are a grunt.

I came out to a couple of friends who are ex-diggers, one is a decorated ex-Vietnam vet & the other a former
SASR Sergeant & both of them told me they fully respected my decision & for my honesty, integrity & courage.

Both guys bought tears to my eyes with something else they both told to me which made
me feel so good, so I want to share with you too because of how important & true it is...

"It does not matter if you are transsexual, gay, bi or
otherwise, you always will be a soldier no matter what."

I think there is still a lot of honour among modern day warriors that is now being realised more than ever before.
Especially when they wrote the script sometime before 2003 for Soldier's Girl. I doubt if you are serving in the
Army today then there would be little to no chance that you haven't been touched by someone who was WIA or
KIA. But sadly I think that it is because of the lives lost & other personal sacrifices that have been made over the
past 10 years in this 'Global War on Terrorism', that there is a much acceptance & tolerance of gender & sexual
diversity in the military is better than ever before. And even to the point that policies have been changed in the
Australian Army to permit transgendered members to serve. I also believe both the British & US Dept of Defense
was looking into changing there policies. A few months ago I was contacted through the Australian Transsexual
Network to give information as a former soldier because the US was reviewing it's policies! So I do believe there
has been a lot more talk going on by the top level brass about allowing members of the LGBT community serve.

Others who serve or have served probably realise more than anyone else & more than ever before the sacrifice that we,
even as transgendered/transsexual people, are willing to make. So at the end of the day nothing else really matters, does it?

I salute you for your sacrifices to your country & it's
allies. Good luck with it all, stay low & watch your six.

We can't have anything happening to that cute lil butt of yours now eh? :heehee:

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

Well I still have to keep it under wraps for now for the most part. DADT has been taken away which was the ban on lesbians, gays, and bisexuals serving openly. But Transgender people are still forbidden from openly serving here in the US. And as I am National Guard, dressing outside my biological gender AT ANY TIME not just on duty is a bar from service. It is counted as conduct unbecoming of a soldier. As far as the people in the army (my branch) I only come out to the ones I can trust most. Because there is, despite the big steps the US is taking to become more accepting towards its unique soldiers, there is alot of ignorance and bigotry that needs to be stopped.

[Victoria Anne]

Thank you for your service , keep your head done and come home safe , all my best .

Viccy / USMC

[Myojine]

Well I still have to keep it under wraps for now for the most part. DADT has been taken away which was the ban on lesbians, gays, and bisexuals serving openly. But Transgender people are still forbidden from openly serving here in the US. And as I am National Guard, dressing outside my biological gender AT ANY TIME not just on duty is a bar from service. It is counted as conduct unbecoming of a soldier. As far as the people in the army (my branch) I only come out to the ones I can trust most. Because there is, despite the big steps the US is taking to become more accepting towards its unique soldiers, there is alot of ignorance and bigotry that needs to be stopped.

Maybe it was just me, i dunno, But I came out to one of my fellow soilders. Well he was cool with it cause we were friends. But Alot of people can be decietful about things, especially men. not being sexist but really you dont know how anyone is going to react, you really dont.
On of my other fellow soldiers was trying to help me get through my hard times and well he kept pressuring me to tell him what was wrong so he could help.
I felt like i could trust him, god was i wrong. NOW no one was angry or anything who did find out, and they pretty much were confused as **** because well... dudes in the miltary share porn like its trading cards and a good amount of the guys in my unit saw the collection of "anime porn" on my laptop.
Most of them didnt ****ing get it, but they understood i wanst gay, and most of them didnt have a problem with it, but i was segregated from the unit and was required to split train drill instead.
after DADT was repealed they couldtn discharge me for being a homosexual, especially because I wasnt one.

I the end, put it this way... You cant trust anyone in the military with this. You never know how someone is gonna react. Dont tell anyone else.
ITs sad to think we were trained to be honorable, loyal and to work as a team, but a simple little predjudice ruins that entirely.
Becareful.
At least no one has outed you to command, they guy i trusted to hepl me out, ratted me out.

[Diane Elizabeth]

When I was in the military, I had confided in someone that I thought I could trust. Needless to say he was the only one I told but word got around. I ended up in the 1st Sgt office over it. So much for trusted friends. Be careful. That is for who you confide in as well as while you are overseas.

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

well, one of my sergeants just called me actually regarding this. He said he isn't going to push it up but he is sending me to see the Chaplain. I figure when I go I will just say I was having difficulty with deploying.

[Myojine]

well, one of my sergeants just called me actually regarding this. He said he isn't going to push it up but he is sending me to see the Chaplain. I figure when I go I will just say I was having difficulty with deploying.

Dont lie, the chaplain cant say shit, unless he wants to be removed.
Tell him the truth.

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

But can't he get me kicked out?

[Victoria Anne]

No the chaplin cannot have you discharged , or disiplined he is bound to silence .

[Krista M]

No the chaplin cannot have you discharged , or disiplined he is bound to silence .

thats true , he can not say anything, unless you plan on hurting yourself or someone else.

[Melody Moore]

ROTFPMSL :lol: and what? the good sergeant 'thinks' that the Chaplin can cure you of this problem? OK :heehee:

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

WELL.....
So here is an update. I may not be deploying. I was supposed to turn in documentation today to show I was medically cleared for deployment. Obviously deployment ultimately equals my transition. So what happened? Oh, my doctor decided to take a vacation to the mountains and take all my records home with him. The paperwork was supposed to be faxed to S1 by end of day today. I am now looking at being taken off the battle roster.This means me being stuck in the rear detachment, getting paid peanuts a month. Is there any hope? Oh, just that S1 doesn't do their job until next Thursday when my doctor will return to work.

This doctor has been a nightmare. I went to him for chronic shin splints, he didn't even thoroughly inspect me, he just felt me up a bit and told me to rest often during ruck marches, any service member here knows that isn't an option. He told me it would take 3 weeks for him to fill out the paperwork...literally all he had to do was write a single sentence on ONE piece of paper and sign...I called three weeks later and he still, I quote, "didn't know how to fill it out." That was my first deadline. My second deadline came 3 days later. I called to see if the paperwork had been completed and they said they would find out before close and call me back. They closed at 1800. After waiting all day for them to call I called at 1730 asking if they had found out. They had found the paperwork 4 hours prior, just didn't bother to call. When I asked if I could sign a medical release and have them fax it, "Sorry we don't fax any records." Disregarding that they would be faxing a military document to a military facility. I have found this doctor and his staff to be completely incompetent. And thanks to their incompetence I may not be able to transition.

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

In short if I don't deploy getting kicked out may be very welcomed so I can at least start HRT.

[Myojine]

But can't he get me kicked out?

Nope, but he might be a religious idiot.
Like my chaplain for example.
I told him about the situation and well his responce?
"In my experiance and education, Trangender peopel are just so gay that they want to be women to be bettter with men"

What education?! A silly 2000 year old book education!?
I never trusted him again.

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

Hahahahhahahhahahhahhahahah. So i guess not. One of the Sergeants I told, the one who said I needed to go see the Chaplain told. It's over. I got counseled yesterday by my PSG and my PL. This has already made it up to brigade and the counceling listed as a course of action "administrative seperation under honorable circumstances." Oh well maybe this is a blessing. Under honorable I will still retain my VA benefits and Gi Bill.

[Melody Moore]

That is great news Teagan and yeah, it really does sound like a real blessing in disguise ;)

[CatAttack]

Hahahahhahahhahahhahhahahah. So i guess not. One of the Sergeants I told, the one who said I needed to go see the Chaplain told. It's over. I got counseled yesterday by my PSG and my PL. This has already made it up to brigade and the counceling listed as a course of action "administrative seperation under honorable circumstances." Oh well maybe this is a blessing. Under honorable I will still retain my VA benefits and Gi Bill.

I think this might actually be the best possible outcome. Don't you love it when things just unexpectedly work themselves out in your favor?

[Myojine]

Hahahahhahahhahahhahhahahah. So i guess not. One of the Sergeants I told, the one who said I needed to go see the Chaplain told. It's over. I got counseled yesterday by my PSG and my PL. This has already made it up to brigade and the counceling listed as a course of action "administrative seperation under honorable circumstances." Oh well maybe this is a blessing. Under honorable I will still retain my VA benefits and Gi Bill.

Lucky you, i didnt get to retain any of my benifits.

[TxKimberly]

Now THAT is brave! In the 12 years that I was active duty army, I only told two others. They were good friends and I knew that they were both gay, so it didn't seem like much of a risk.

Good for you my young friend! Now a little advice from an ex-NCO if I may? Cut it out before you stumble across that one asshole that could ruin everything for you.

Oh, and thanks for taking your turn at the wall! :D

EDIT-

Opps - just saw your update. I am SO sorry my friend. I thought that DADT was on the way out? Any way you can use that to your advantage> I would have thought that they would be reluctant to separate someone right now for that.

[Myojine]

Now THAT is brave! In the 12 years that I was active duty army, I only told two others. They were good friends and I knew that they were both gay, so it didn't seem like much of a risk.

Good for you my young friend! Now a little advice from an ex-NCO if I may? Cut it out before you stumble across that one asshole that could ruin everything for you.

Oh, and thanks for taking your turn at the wall! :D

EDIT-

Opps - just saw your update. I am SO sorry my friend. I thought that DADT was on the way out? Any way you can use that to your advantage> I would have thought that they would be reluctant to separate someone right now for that.

DADT doesnt techincally apply to transgender'd people like it does with homosexuals.
Because we actually ahve something wrong with us(female brain, male body) it creates and unatural amount of psychological stress.
So that psychological stress could be a catylist for many psychologcal problems that could happen with deployment, or combat ect.
I dont agree with the viewpoint, i think i would do just fine in wartime situation but the military doesnt care how patriotic you are.

[Joanna41]

First pandering foremost let me say that military service has always been an honor for me and I applaud all those that serve. As far as coming out to fellow soldiers...well that was just brave. Perhaps a bit foolish but nevertheless brave. For me personally had you shared that with me I would have replied to you something like this...I don't care what you wear panties or briefs...cover my back in the field and I cover yours. Your still a part of this team and we look out for each other... Keep those spirits up and hang in there. This forum is here for you!

Joanna

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

Thanks for all the support everyone. But as all blessings come with hardships it seems, in my life at least, I do have a whole other slew of things to contend with. I may retain my benefits, but I don't work, so i need a job, I just got a loan because I fell on hard times for $3500 to get me caught up, oh and I drew that on a promise of deployment, and of course I was planning on using my deployment money for my transition. We can now toss that out.

[patti.jean]

Teagan,

I am so sorry. I know this has been difficult and this deployment was a way to get what you want even though it would have been very difficult for you. I wish I had the words to make this better, but I do not. Having only known you for a short time I have come to admire your courage and know you will find a way through this.

My thoughts are with you,
Patti

[Melody Moore]

Teagan, keep faith hun, which I am sure you will do anyway because you really seem like a very positive
& confident young woman who will always land on their feet. It might take a little time, but I am sure that
you will find another way to go forward. Remember it's only early days yet since this issue has raised it's
ugly head. Once the dust is settled & your head clears, then I am sure that a new path will reveal itself.

You also seem intuitive & very switched on, so I don't think that you will be the type to let any sort of
good opportunity to slip through your fingers, because of your willingness to lay your life on the line in
the military like this. If you are prepared to die for something, then I believe that you will get it, but I
think that big guy upstairs called God thinks there is another way for you to reach your objectives &
realise your dreams. And I don't think the battlefield is the right way to be trying to do that right now.

I took a year out where I promised that I wasn't going to be looking for work because I need to focus
on getting my transition under way properly. I talked to my pyschologist yesterday about this & she
agreed that with the way things had been for me there wasn't any other way for me to deal with all
of that & be trying to focus on a job at the same time. I would hate to think how hard it would have
really been for you being over in the sandbox & staying focused while you have all this other stuff
going on in your life. I know that since I started to transition, the distractions with that went along
with that has made it very difficult for me to focus on anything else at first, but its all settled down
a lot now.

So maybe those that made the decision to discharge you honourably really did do the right thing for
you & perhaps they saved your life? So I would see this as a positive step, and take the time to deal
with the most pressing issues - which if it was me in your situation, I would be focusing on getting my
transition underway, living as a woman 24/7 & changing my ID. Once that is all done & you do settle
down & life gets back to more of a normal way of life - then you don't have all those other distractions
to also be trying to deal with.

I had a plan where I was going to be back working a year after I started my transition. I was thinking
about looking for a job, but I got back into my graphic art & web design work. And the funny thing is I
didn't have to go looking - this time it came looking for me & took me completely by surprise. I am now
working on 3 websites for clients and that wasn't through advertising - it was just through word-of-mouth!

This is a good example of how I believe faith really works - because I had a conviction about something
and stayed true to myself then I feel that God has blessed me with this wonderful opportunity, so I cannot
let this one slip me by - I am hitting the ground running & am back in business again now, but on a new path.

This is my new path to follow in my journey - these jobs are going to give me a cash injection of about
$5000-6000, which is more than enough to really kickstart my business again with some advertising, fix
my car, & still have enough to start my SRS fund on. I plan on being in Thailand around this time next year.

So my advice is, look at doing something else that interests you. I don't know what other skills & qualifications
you have, but maybe it's time to also give that some thought as well. If you don't have much behind you then
maybe look into doing some training or something to give you the basic vocational skills in a field that you would
like to get into. I am not sure what is best for you right now Teagan, only you know that, but I can see that
you are at a crossroad in your life, where you go from here is just a matter of your own personal choice. But I
would personally choose a path where I can be the most happiest because that seems to have served me best.

Anyway, these are some suggestions from my own perspective of your situation & based around how I would
probably feel if I was in the type of situation that you are now in. Anyway, we are here for you as always &
I will look forward to hearing about how things do end up working out for you. Just keep your chin up girl ;)

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

I will. I am still smiling :) its not like me to keep a frown on my face longer than a day, hurts my face and could cause wrinkles bahaha

[Melody Moore]

its not like me to keep a frown on my face longer than a day, hurts my face and could cause wrinkles bahaha

Hahahaha, that is too funny, because its so true and I came to that realisation with my
ex-girlfriend who had very bad frown lines & when she got angry, she look super ugly!
Then I came to the realisation that her bad mood swings had been with her all her life
because there is no other way you could get those types lines etched deeply into your face.

It was sad really because when she smiled then all those frown lines would completely disappear.
So I even took photos of it to show my ex-girlfriend how beautiful she really was when she smiled
instead of frowning all the time, it still wasn't enough to pick her self-esteem & confidence back up.

That my biggest wake up call that there was no point in trying to help someone that won't help themselves.

[TeaganNataliaAcheson]

Update update update

So as it stands right now the last word I had was that all active duty orders have been revoked. I had to meet with a therapist on the 10th that the military had provided me. The therapist was very understanding and agrees that the military is wrong in kicking me out. He is trying to help me find some sort of advocacy work with the military if they do kick me out to maybe help review policy. He also suggested to my commander that he take into account my past service in his decision. So as it stands now I am still in for the moment but not on so much as drilling status. I am awaiting word from my commander who is taking his time.

[Kris83]

I'm sorry to hear about all of this Teagan, and I know better than some where you're coming from. I was in the Army Reserves, and I've been on Active duty for nearly 6 years. Although it kind of "appeared" suddenly with me, I too am dealing with something similar at this exact moment. In a matter of 6 weeks I've gone from being Bi & otherwise relatively "normal," to wearing women's clothes at home, thinking that "they" are always in the way down there, and wishing I had breasts. It's been such a sudden change for me that I'm scrambling to try & figure out what to do. My body (and heart) are telling me that I should be a woman, but my head is more worried about everything else. I too am wanting to transition, but like you said... the military not only doesn't support that in any way, shape, or form, but they also don't have the resources to deal with people who may have or end up with GID. I don't know if I have GID yet or not, but the longer this keeps going for me, the stronger these feelings get. I don't want to get out, but I'm already wondering what it would be like to have to stop what I'm doing now for a full year while I deploy, which is what I'm looking at here in about 8 months. If things keep progressing like this, I don't know if I'll be able to do it or not, so I feel your pain sister.