What if your wife says...

[pinto]

... you and your girlie things. well, let's get started then: you become the wife and I will be your husband from now on. But not only mentally but at least also in dressing.
Would you accept your wife to have short hair, menswear etc.?

[Sharon B.]

If I had a spouse in a heart beat, I would accept it.

[Samantha Scott]

Of course, if that's what she truely wanted. She already has short hair but it may take a while to get used to her hairy legs and underarms, at least I would get to dress up when I liked.

[pinto]

Hehe, i don't know if i could get used to her hairy legs. I think i would prefer i kind of androgene husband.

[VioletJourney]

I'm not married... but if I were I know it would revolve around making her happy, cuz that's just what I'm like, so I would be delighted.

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes I surly would. Id that's what she wanted I would do that.

[kym]

If my loving spouse said that to me, we would wisk off to get her some mens clothing.

[AnnaCalliope]

Only if she wanted to go the full FTM route, and even then I'd be wary about it. This house is already going to have one person adjusting to HRT, we don't really need another.

[Schatten Lupus]

My girlfriend already wears men's shirts almost all the time, and acts more masculine than I do. So it really wouldn't be much of a change.

[Mollyanne]

I would have to think about it........OK, lets do it!!!!!! does that answer the question?????

Molly

[Carol Elizabeth]

I would agree to it, but she would quickly discover dressing as a man isn't nearly as comfortable as dressing as a woman. She would want to trade back and I wouldn't want to.

[Raychel]

I say let her try it for a while. Then she will understand more why I like to dress in womens clothes.

[erickka]

But of course! After all, marriage is a two way street.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Marrage may be a two way street. just remember its has shorter ones ether side, & going down them may not be so good
Jos & i sure know that,

...noeleena...

[Samantha43]

I'm going to have to be honest here. I wouldn't like it if she wanted to present herself as a male 100% of the time. She wouldn't want me to present myself as female 100% of the time. If she would want to dress up as a male occasionally, I have no problem with it, but there is no danger of us reversing roles.

[Amanda22]

Absolutely, I'd accept whatever she wanted to do.

[Leilani68]

Not to be a snob, but my wife is already a Tom Boy so our relationship works pretty much this way naturally.

[Eve II]

?? How could you be a member of this site and not say "Yes" ?

[pinto]

yes it does. thanks molly.


My girlfriend already wears men's shirts almost all the time, and acts more masculine than I do. So it really wouldn't be much of a change.

wow Lupus, you are a lucky one. so you the wife in your relation and she is the husband?

[Jennifer811]

I Think My wife would look hot wearing a suit and tie. It would be great but not full time. I like her shaved legs in high heels !!!

[mskanuchi]

Of course I would. She has already worn a Tux to a Gay Mardi Gras Ball we attend every year, and seeing that I'm semi-retired and already take care of the house, which she is fine with me cleaning in lingerie ( I mentioned I want a maids outfit last night ) it's a no brainer here. She is great, we have a wonderful marriage, its seems our roles inter-mingle already, we work as a team. When we watch TV, I always wear a chemise, slip, or something, its just the way it goes here.
I guess I'm already 75% the wife already, and I love it.
Now I just need to get her to ramp it up on getting me things to wear, mmmmm, those thigh high, 6 inch heel boots I want...........

[Karren H]

Nope. I wouldn't. Any more that she accepts me as a woman!


?? How could you be a member of this site and not say "Yes" ?

Just because your a member doesn't mean your a lemming! Lol.

[kimdl93]

Of course. She looks cute in short hair.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Pinto, That would be a double cross/cross dressing.
Or chrisscrossdressing.

Orchid

[pinto]

Hi Pinto, That would be a double cross/cross dressing.
Or chrisscrossdressing.

Orchid

Thanks Bluie Orchid, something new i have learned. So I am a crisscrossdressing lover.

[kendra_gurl]

Ken is Straight, Kendra is a lesbian so NO my wife needs to remain female in appearence at all times.

[donnalee]

You really think you would have a choice in the matter?

[sometimes_miss]

The clothes I could deal with; my ex wasn't a feminine person in behavior, either, and she dressed primarily in loose fitting jeans and androgenous tops and sneakers. But I find short hair really, really repulsive. I've had girlfriends cut their hair real short, and I had trouble functioning sexually with them like that. Don't yell at me for being insensitive, it's not something I get to choose. We don't get to choose what turns us on, or turns us off.

[Jessie29]

I would accept that without doubt

[susmitha]

i have a great desire to dress and act as a woman in private. during lovemaking, i really want to be pampered as real woman. my wife should dress as a man and use me as a woman, this is my dream.

[ReineD]

?? How could you be a member of this site and not say "Yes" ?

How true. :)

Believing we might react a certain way and actually reacting to the situation once it presents itself are two entirely different things.

[pinto]

i have a great desire to dress and act as a woman in private. during lovemaking, i really want to be pampered as real woman. my wife should dress as a man and use me as a woman, this is my dream.

Yes susmitha, this is exactly what i mean and what i would like to experience.

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Oh yeah in a heart beat.

hugs

[Suzy Parker]

No. I am a man and and actually enjoy some of my manly duties. I often think about something like this but my reality is that it is not possible. I do need to unwind and destress and the absolute best way I can do that is to dress en femme. I am so so ready to have the talk with my wife so maybe in the future I can destress en femme more often. Food used to be my destresser when not able to dress but I have taken that away as an option, trying to shed some tonnage. Down 32 pounds in four months but still have a ways to go.

[retrofitme]

I would be a hypocrite if I were not to grant my wife the same freedom she grants me. That said, I would want her to remain in her feminine form, as I am not attracted to men.

[Lorileah]

Yay! another you be the boy I'll be the girl thread But this isn't a sexual thing right? I mean we don't dress for sexual purposes, and we think that it is just clothing that has nothing to do with sex or gender or gender roles so this would be like totally hypothetical right? Because we don't want to reinforce things that can and will be used against us later in an argument especially as to homosexual feelings. Right? Fantasy totally.

It is amazing to me how we, as a group, keep reinforcing things that don't help our cause at all. Why do you want to wear a dress? Because I am comfortable in it. So you don't want to be a woman? No, I just like the clothes. So you are not gay? No I just like how it feels. So if I allow you to wear the dress you will still be a man? Ohh yes absolutely, all man, your man. and then the issue of gender roles arrive. Don't people see that even in this context it is a way to keep someone in a position? Women do what? Oh yes they cook, and clean and mend and sew, do laundry, eat bon bons while watching soap operas, shop, nurse, are totally submissive to the whims of the "husband". Yeah and now define a husband's role, work to support the family, fix things, play sports, drink hard, chase skirts. Why, especially in this forum, do we keep reinforcing these things? Why do we keep confusing our SO's with this? And you wonder why they ask if you are gay or want SRS?

Most families have blurred the 1950's lines and now the woman and the man share responsibilities. So unless this is totally about appearances I don't understand the post at all. The answer then should be "If I can wear what I like, then she can do likewise." Isn't that what we want? Maybe I missed the memo. Nice to see some hypocrites here who are at the least honest though. I am still confused about being straight and a lesbian though, how does that work, especially when a lesbian is a female who is sexually attracted to a female, not a male who dresses like female who is attracted to women. That would be a transgender straight male (unless you absolutely don't have any contact with your male parts during the adventure) having sex with a woman

[pinto]

By having posted at least 5014 times this thread may bore you or remind you of stereotypes but others like me haven't been here for so long and so it's still an interesting subject for some.
It doesn't need to be sexual thing - it's a matter of lifestyle and opinion and I think CD'ers may have have different opinions that should be tolerated by the users of this forum because all of us are seeking tolerance in this world. If we don't tolerate our diverging opinions how can we expect to be tolerated by the "straight world"?
I regret (and I know not only me) that the 1950's have gone and this not because I as a man cannot benefit from that kind of relation anymore but I as a woman cannot throughlive it anymore. Yes, I as a woman regret it because chores were shared in a way that I prefer. I don't expect others to think the same but I expect to be tolerated in this forum and not to be adressed "yay, another one of these threads" Just accept.

[ReineD]

Lorileah, thank you for posting this. There's something to be said when a CDer has been doing this for a long time (this is not a comment on your youth and vitality ... you look great :)) and who brings experience and solid truths to the table. I'm grateful there are people like you around who can help bring others along with their own discoveries of themselves.

Pinto, I see your point too. It may or may not be sexual for you right now and if you posted this out of a desire to have a fantasy (your post #32), that is your right. I'm sure you're not in any different place than most CDers on this board were at one point in their lives, even if that point is distant for them. But, you might want to revisit what Lorileah says a few years from now as your own process continues to evolve, or at least keep it in mind for the future, especially if you begin to have issues with your wife about the CDing.

I don't think that Lorileah is intolerant of you. I rather think that Lorileah is giving you the benefit of her experience since she has lived through it all, like my own SO.

[xErica]

that's a great question. of course is be supportive hell nothing more fun then shopping right girls.:battingeyelashes:

[wanagione]

My wife already has short hair also, and I already do the "mom /wife " thing already. I work on the weekends and do everything during the week. When she comes home from work, dinner is on the table.

[pinto]

Thanks for arbitrating between us. Not all of us necessicarily need to have the same opinion. It's just a matter of style how to meddle in threads. I know that my understanding of the wifes role is not very popular today although as you can see by the posts it doesn't seem to be so rare amongst us. I don't care so much if its sexual related or whatever. As I can see almost all CD, TS etc. are confused and don't really know what they are. Even philosophers are struggeling to explain what is mankind. So let it be as it is - the most important thing is that we feel comfortable and satisfied in our role. That applies also to our wifes and partners. Explanations are good but I fear nobody is really able to interpret really what is going on concerning these subjects.

[Jorja]

Geezz, now I have a headache, thanks Lorileah. :)

[Farrah Rose]

Well my wife xcrossed a few times to take her lesbian sister to a gay club and i was cool with it. But in a general sense, my wife is a beautiful women, but when i firtst meet her it was her personality i feel in love with and it was just a plus she was hot :p I didnt notice her hotness until my friends were talking about her. lol. i dont really focus on appearance but rather the persons true self.

[Janet Bern]

Sounds like there are two closet CDs in your household.. Cool

[Schatten Lupus]

wow Lupus, you are a lucky one. so you the wife in your relation and she is the husband?
Sorta, maybe in a ways. She doesn't fall anywhere in the transgender spectrum, but she definitely has more masculine traits than feminine and is very "tom-boyish." It's to the point I have more female clothing than she does, more make-up, longer fingernails, the only time she plucks and shapes her eyebrows is the rare occasion I talk her into letting me do them for her since I can't do mine (yet), and she isn't much for housework. Actually if she were to bind her breast she wouldn't have any problems passing as male. Actually that just gave me an idea, that if I can get at least a decent female voice going by Halloween we might have to try her going out as the male in the relationship and me the female. And I can probably talk her into it.
She does have some feminine traits though. But I think because she has had somewhat of a rough life (her grandma is very psychologically abusive and her mom was an alcoholic when she was younger), combined with being a victim of very heavy bullying (she even has a scar on her arm from a failed suicide attempt), her natural defenses kicked in and out of necessity she never had much of a chance to express much femininity and it became habit. But I love her dearly as she is, and if it wasn't for her love and support I don't think I'd be able to start transitioning with the degree of confidence I have about it.

[sherib]

My wife is only five feet tall, we wouldn't look good as a couple since I'm over a foot taller than her. But if she was as tall as I was, I'd consider it.

[ReineD]

Schatten, I'm curious .. separate from any comparison to you, would your wife agree to your assessment that she is more masculine than feminine within herself? I mean, is this how she sees herself, as being more male than female?

The reason I ask is, I know women who don't care about makeup of clothes. They have other priorities, other concerns. But when you ask them, they do feel and identify as 100% female.

Oh, and I can't think of any woman who does enjoy housework. :) And my SO also has way more clothes, shoes, and jewelry than I do, but this is because these things are a bigger priority to her as a CDer than they are to me. Don't get me wrong, I like cute clothes too, but I don't feel compelled to get as many new things as she does.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind me asking.

[Schatten Lupus]

My wife is only five feet tall, we wouldn't look good as a couple since I'm over a foot taller than her. But if she was as tall as I was, I'd consider it.
I've seen it happen. One of of my friends is very short for a male, and his girlfriend is very tall for a woman. Sure it looks different, but nobody really gives them a second look.



Anyway, I hope you don't mind me asking.
Not at all. Actually once she became more comfortable with the idea of me being with someone who will be transitioning to female, one of the first nights I dressed up, put on make-up, and made my best attempt at looking female, she got this weird looking grin on her face, shook her head, and said "it's just my luck. I kept insisting to people in school that I'm not a lesbian, and I end up being stuck with someone like you....and not only did I end up with someone who is really a girl, you are more girly than I am. It's not fair." She'll even admit to some things, like "walking like a dude." She identifies as female, just not a girly female.

[ReineD]

She identifies as female, just not a girly female.

Thanks, that's what I thought. I have several friends like her. They just don't buy into all the girly stuff. :)

Anyway, sounds like you're a good match and everything's going great. Congratulations! :hugs:

[Lorileah]

Geezz, now I have a headache, thanks Lorileah. :)

So I guess that will screw up gender roles for the night :)

Pinto, how you view your life and how you view gender roles are yours personally. Yes, I have been around awhile, not just here but in life in general. I have seen the transition of gender roles, hopefully to the better in my life. In my opinion when a TG starts with the "Gee I wish I was you" stuff they just see the good things. The pearls, the nice clothes, the being treated like a princess. All great things and they all are designed to make you feel really good about yourself. The fantasy of all that (and it works in real life too) is that things that are often considered feminine of wifely are also considered demeaning. It can fall into a fetish associated with crossdressing and that specific fetish (d/s) really does not advance the ability for "us" to be accepted.

I believe one of the major hurdles here for the TG community is that they believe that somehow, if they were magically transformed they would be like Cinderella and live happily ever after. GG's may have a similar fantasy. One where they can be like a stereotypical male and do all the fun things guys do (You know sit around in boxers, with your hand down the waist band and eat chips while watching sports while the dutiful wife does the household chores and then has the libido to make passionate love all night long). But if that happened to you, tomorrow you got your wish and your SO did transform into that and you had to do everything you believe is so marvelous, I think your opinion would change.

Role reversal can be good for a relationship on a sometimes basis. In real life things work out better if you are equal. Where nothing is expected of the the other and everything is appreciated of the other. Take it from an old queen.

Sorry if you think that not getting the answer you wanted was meddling. I am interested in seeing how the GG's would answer this. I don't remember now if I answered you specific question. I was with a woman for over 30 years. I saw this evolution and she did wear short hair, jeans, no heels, less makeup. She helped fix the car, shovel the walk, do outside chores. I interfered with her doing more not because I thought she was being too masculine but more because I didn't want her to get injured in any way. OK that much of me is stereotypic male. So tho answer your question, I would give her the same respect and freedom she gave me. She never interfered with what I wanted to wear or what I wanted to do. I know it seems trivial but the relationships that last are the ones where you are partners, equals, and as someone here stated, you see the person inside.

[juno]

Totally! I have always told my wife that she does not need to shave anything for me, but only do it for herself. I even offered to help her dress male if she wanted to try it. I wouldn't like it full time, but I am not full time female either.

[Jillian Faith]

A role reversal might be fun as a one time thing say for a Halloween or costume party. But I'm not attracted to men. I might be interested in some lipstick lesbian action but my wife is not into women so I'll settle with being BFF girlfriends when I dress.

[prene]

Is that a dream or a question?

YOU BET.

[Schatten Lupus]

Anyway, sounds like you're a good match and everything's going great. Congratulations!
Thank You. :)If there is a fate, then I believe we were meant for eachother. I've got the patients and understanding to deal with her having borderline personality disorder and something under the bipolar spectrum (she has improved by leaps and bounds with therapy and encouragement), and her mom done a fantastic job at raising such a loving and accepting daughter. We have our problems like any couple, but neither one of us can imagine life without eachother.
Just a short story, when I first came out to my girlfriend, about three years ago maybe, she was understandably upset and shaken by it. She called her mom to talk, and her mom asked what was wrong. She told her mom about me, and her mom replied 'oh is that it?' And then explained to my girlfriend how she had been with a couple of guys who crossdressed and even one transsexual who did plan on transitioning.

[ginafaye]

yes i would, and we have done a lot of role reversal already she will always still be the real woman ,but i do more and more girly things all the time

[mweb015]

Well, I certainly do not mind a gal in short hair at all. Mens clothes for her 24x7 I would not care for or hairy parts.
Now the last time she wore heels and skirt I cannot remember, nor can i reason why

[pinto]

Lorileah,
thanks for your explaining words. I do understand your point of view well and probably i am not so far away as you may think. First, this thread and the connected question "What if your wife says..." does not necessarily mean that the result of the transformation of my wife into a husband is my greatest dream. Maybe a parttime role-switch would be ok. You also mentioned it.
Second, i was just curious what others think about that subject or how the maybe live with it.
Third, you are completely right concerning the wish to be someone and to be really in his/her shoes. I know quite good what that means. I don't know if it results out of a fetish, a certain mood, sexual pressure or whatever when people (including me) sometimes wish to be someone or a certain gender. The everyday always is much different. To be a woman does not always have advantages, the same for a man, an adult, a senior, whatever. Usually we only see the positive sides of something we wish. If we know there also negative aspects we try to cover them because we don't want to realize them. So I think I understand you know and we are not so much apart. This thread and some posts may results out of a certain mood. I doubt some of us would change their mind if the had to make a decision that would not be reversible.

[RenneB]

My SO already weighs more than me, wears clothes that are too big for me and cut off her hair about 5 years after the wedding.

You may think that I'm shallow Hal but I did the mom check and then checked her siblings. All skinny and healthy.

In fact when we met she was a size 10 at 135 and medium to long hair wearing a dress in heels. After a few biological replacements she just let herself go. Oh I tried the "lets get up early on saturday and go for a walk", but after the wedding she wanted nothing to do with that. Before the wedding we'd go for long walks, work out together, etc. I thought we had everything in common. Boy did I get duped.

After a decade or so we've basically just become roommates that really don't share anything in common except our love for our replacements.

Sorry for pouring it all out on this one but in short the answer is she already wears mens shirts, doesn't wear dresses, hates heels, cut her hair, eats all the time and just happens to be married to a CDr.

Renne.....

[ReineD]

Pinto, I didn't delve into the reasons for my reply in post #31, but since this thread is taking a more serious turn, I'd like to explain further now.

I do think that sex play and bedroom role reversal is a good thing if both partners are into it. :)

But, I also wonder how the CDers who responded in this thread might really feel if their wives were to wear male hair cuts, stop shaving their legs, glue on facial hair & male eyebrows, pack, put on weight in order to lose their waistlines and generally look more hefty, wear guy clothes that are even more on the "guy" scale than the average. And in addition to just the changed appearance, if the wives experienced deep satisfaction out of constructing a life for themselves (several times per week with other like minded people, plus a much more elaborate online life) that excluded their husbands. Or if these wives actually preferred being their guy selves when their husbands weren't around, and if they waited for every opportunity to transform themselves and they couldn't wait until their husbands went out of town so they could do this. And if they eventually resented having to be in girl mode, say when the boss comes over for dinner and it showed in their moods. And if parts of their maleness started to creep into their everyday lives such as the buzz cut, the weight gain, never wearing any color other than guy blue or gray even if they are still wearing girl clothes, wearing male sneakers, adopting decidedly male mannerisms in they way the sit, walk, swagger.

So .. there are several ways that someone can take your question. The first thing that I thought of wasn't the fun bedroom play, but all the other stuff. There would be many changes in such a marriage and I'm not saying it wouldn't be doable, but it would require even the CDers to readjust their expectations of their marriages and the person they live with, and perhaps even their own sexual preferences.

[brina_cd]

Well, back to the OP. My wife was out, so I had some time alone a little bit ago and did laundry,vacuumed and some other housework while wearing a chemise/robe set I just got from OnStopPlus.... Imagine what would happen if she 1) was accepting; and 2) bought me a maid's uniform...

[Suzy Parker]

Its quite simple for me, at least with this issue, I enjoy dressing and looking en femme but thats it, nothing sexually driven, I want to be a man for my wife in the bedroom and would not wish to do anything while dressed, and I do not wish to live full time as a woman, I just hope someday to not only be her husband but also her bff girlfriend.

[susmitha]

Lorileah,
thanks for your explaining words. I do understand your point of view well and probably i am not so far away as you may think. First, this thread and the connected question "What if your wife says..." does not necessarily mean that the result of the transformation of my wife into a husband is my greatest dream. Maybe a parttime role-switch would be ok. You also mentioned it.
Second, i was just curious what others think about that subject or how the maybe live with it.
Third, you are completely right concerning the wish to be someone and to be really in his/her shoes. I know quite good what that means. I don't know if it results out of a fetish, a certain mood, sexual pressure or whatever when people (including me) sometimes wish to be someone or a certain gender. The everyday always is much different. To be a woman does not always have advantages, the same for a man, an adult, a senior, whatever. Usually we only see the positive sides of something we wish. If we know there also negative aspects we try to cover them because we don't want to realize them. So I think I understand you know and we are not so much apart. This thread and some posts may results out of a certain mood. I doubt some of us would change their mind if the had to make a decision that would not be reversible.

i totally agree with pinto. i am happy as a man. but i want to enjoy my femaleness also, while allowing my wife to explore her masculine side.

[Cheryl T]

... you and your girlie things. well, let's get started then: you become the wife and I will be your husband from now on. But not only mentally but at least also in dressing.
Would you accept your wife to have short hair, menswear etc.?

My first question would be....did you finally get me my maid's uniform? I'm not working without my uniform....

[Tina B.]

My wife cut her hair short, real short years and years ago, I have not seen her in a skirt or dress in many years, and has not had a girlish figure in over a decade. Her blouses are all camp shirts, (guy shirts with the buttons on the wrong side) her shoes could go either way. I do most of the cleaning and cooking, and when she gets home, it's sit in front of the TV, all evening. I think it's already happened, she has become the husband, and I've become the wife, and life is pretty good that way.
Tina B.