A life-long desire to simply be pretty

[Amanda22]

Since I was a little boy, the one thing I wanted in life was to be pretty. I've always admired pretty women and how they dress. Perhaps all of us here are like that. I've described the ever-present longing to my wife and others who want to get a better understanding of CDing.

It's a very powerful thing to yearn for something literally every day of your life for decades, and have society say it's off-limits. We hear that such a desire is evil or sick, when you know that your desire is just innocent and pure. My yearning has been so strong it physically hurt, like having a large lump in my throat when you hear about something really sad.

When I even think about what I'm going to wear next, my heart will actually skip a beat and/or it'll take my breath away. I'm not exaggerating at all; it is that exciting and completing for me. It isn't sexual. To put together an outfit along with makeup, jewelry, perfume, and a smile...I can't express how happy that makes me. That happiness I'm finally enjoying is proof to me that my life-long desires were indeed pure.

[carhill2mn]

Many of us here can identify with what you have posted.

[Sarah Michelle]

so, beyond "ditto", what can I say. You said it and well.

[Angiemead12]

As I explain it to my wife, I smile outside and inside when Im made up :) Something I dont do much off when Im a boy.

[Kathryn Philips]

This is exactly what drives me to CD. I want to look like a woman, a pretty one. It is not so much about the clothes but about the overall result end, even with my limitation. When I see Kathryn in the mirror, I feel so, so, so happy. The same happiness you feel, Amanda...


xxx
Kathryn

[Kaz]

Oh Yes.... for me it about how things feel...

[Cynthia Anne]

Very well said! Although with me, I found out that by the time I found out how to be pretty I was too damn old to be pretty!:eek::D

[kimdl93]

Same feelings for me. I know its a big stretch, but at a minimum I want to feel pretty...

[Jackiefl]

sometims i'm up,sometimes i'm down but i'm at my best when she's around !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jarts55]

Well said. I know exactly how you feel.

[Danni Renee]

My goodness, Amanda, did you hit the nail on the head for me today. I took the kids to the pool again and there was this very pretty woman there. She had her three daughters with her as well. She was dressed so stylishly and was just the epitome of femininity and all I could think about was how bad I wish I had that life. As soon as I got home I went and tried on new earings I got and that little time as the real me helped me feel closer to what I want to be. Thanks for your post to let me know I am not alone in these feelings.

Danielle

[Donna June]

I agree with you Amanda. You said since you were a little boy you wanted to be pretty. I remember as a child that I wanted to be a lady. Other boys wanted to be policeman, cowboys etc. I wanted to grow up and be a pretty lady.

[Starr]

Until i got up to the age of 17 or 18 i didn't think much about how i dressed or looked. However as i started to get older i found i enjoyed pretty things and loved to look good. As i have gotten even older now i find that looking good means look fem to me and i just love dressing and being my girly self.

[TGMarla]

Bingo! You nailed it! One of the primary reasons I like to crossdress is because I enjoy being pretty. And "pretty" is off-limits for guys. Ladies get lingerie and boys get burlap. I see elegant women, and I long to be able to address my life in the same way they are able to. I love and appreciate all the blessings I have in my life, but there's a huge hole in it where the "pretty" should be. So I fill it in my own time in my own way, and I get a little closer to actual fulfillment in my life. I may be a man, but I have a great appreciation for things that are fine and delicate, pretty and feminine. I like scented soap, perfume, lace, and fine fabrics. I like wearing hosiery and high heels. I like curls in my hair, and dangly earrings. All of this is taboo for men. But crossdressing Helps to fill the void.

[Terricd48]

I think if it feels right it must be right.Creates fond memories that will last.

Terri

[JamieG]

Although a strong desire to look pretty is what drives me today, I don't think I was always like that. As a boy, I just wanted to be able to wear certain kinds of clothing; I didn't really think of myself as pretty when I wore it. In fact, I never even thought about using makeup until about 10 years ago.

[docrobbysherry]

It was NEVER enuff for me to just dress, Amanda. I simply HAVE to look attractive to my male self in the mirror! I don't need to BE a pretty woman, just look like one! And, the prettier the better! Lol!


Very well said! Although with me, I found out that by the time I found out how to be pretty I was too damn old to be pretty!:eek::D

I'll bet you're not as old as me, Cynthia! If u want something bad enuff, you can usually GET IT! I use the thot of how little time I have on earth and how long I'll be living in the ground as motivation!

[suchacutie]

Since Tina first arrived when I was 55, being pretty didn't seem to be a factor. Yet, there are various forms of what might be considered "pretty". Just walking in heels properly has an effect on the mind and body. Add to that the sensory input of stockings, a skirt, lingerie, breastforms, long hair, long earrings, makeup (especially lip gloss), and other jewelry. And then add voice and deportment and ..well, you see what I mean :)

All of that adds up to "pretty" internally, even if external is a bit...well..mature. And then it spills over to wanting one's guy side to be "sharp"!

Quite compelling!

tina

[Persephone]

Oh, Amanda! One of the clearest and best written posts I've ever seen on here! Beautiful!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Eryn]

Amanda, your post should be required reading to help our SOs understand us a bit better. You've described my feelings perfectly.

Eryn

[Anna Bee]

If I can ever get just one guy to think I'm pretty, it would mean the world to me. Not having much luck though.

[Victoria P]

I have been very fortunate back in the late 1997 to about 2000 when I was out and about a lot in Toronto Gay District. I do not wish to sound conceited or above others but I did get a lot of compliments from both men who sometimes bought me a drink( yes only one-I would not take advantage of them),other CD/TV/TG's and some women.
I believe the fact that being only 5 "6 and 135 lbs or so definitely help the equation LOL.
Now being 10 years older and with fluctuating weight and a few more line of course its a little different as I don't venture out quite as much though my GF tells me I have gorgeous pretty eyes and make a fine lady LOL

I do agree though the need to be pretty never truly seems to diminish.......

Hugs Victoria P :)

[sometimes_miss]

When I was a kid, it wasn't really about being pretty; I just thought I was supposed to be a girl. An average looking girl would have been fine. But I think every girl wants to be pretty, and I'm no different in that way from the rest. I just wouldn't want to be ugly or homely.

[noeleena]

Hi,

To tell the truth i never thought of being pretty . & at close enough to 64 i never wont to be pretty. most of my life iv been quite happy in my self as it goes . i did not see being pretty as some thing i needed.

strange you may say . what was very important for me was to be accepted tho i'v allway's been a woman it was about acceptance, that surpassed being pretty . i have acceptance that mean's far more than my looks or being a pretty female / woman. my prettyness or beauty comes from inside.

Thats how i see it , & as i learn from others they see that as well. so a pretty ....cool ... woman will that do, & that comes from others . not my word's.

& im really humbled by what people have said of me .

...noeleena...

[annecwesley]

While I doubt I can actually "be" pretty, I love wearing wearing pretty things and making the attempt - it makes me "feel" pretty.

[erickka]

I'm so glad this thread was started. I'm no good at starting a discussion, but I can surely put my two cents worth in one. Thank you, Amanda (and everyone else) for affirming my thoughts and putting them in writing!

[AppleUK]

Hi. I'm a gg, spouse to a CD. I'm guessing - from things my husband has said - that this wanting to be pretty thing might apply to him too. And I note that someone said the first post should be "required reading" for SOs. But from my SO perspective, it doesn't "solve" the puzzle of why he (or anyone) is CD, it just begs more questions. E.g., Why do you want to be pretty? Is it an end unto itself OR is it a means to an end? I have difficult believing that being pretty is the end-goal (the source of happiness/pride). I suspect the desire to be pretty is the means by which to achieve something that pretty women (historically/traditionally) have had, which is some sort of power; whether that be the power to inspire lust, jealousy, etc. When you see a beautiful woman and you feel jealous, what is it exactly that you want of hers? Do you want her nose, her clothes, or do you want the power to make other people feel a particular way?

This relates to something I've asked on another forum, so I'll ask again here. For the hetero MTF CDers, when you see an attractive woman, what is the difference between finding her attractive b/c you want to look like her as opposed to finding her attractive because you fancy her (e.g., as a potential romantic/sexual partner)? I.e., can you tell the difference -- if there is one -- between an attractive woman you want to look like and one you'd like to have as your partner/girlfriend/wife?

Curiously,
Apple

[Elsa Larson]

As a young child, probably age 4, I recall wanting to be pretty like my mommy. I also wished to wake up as a girl.
But the next day, I'd want to be my cowboy hero, Hopalong Cassidy.
The pattern has continued for 60 years. It took 55 of those years to realize that I am bi-gendered.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda, That's how I feel as soon I pull the closet coor open.

Orchid

[Robyn2006]

With two older and gorgeous sisters, I never really knew a time that I didn't want to be pretty. And you're so right, Amanda, "To put together an outfit along with makeup, jewelry, perfume, and a smile...I can't express how happy that makes me. That happiness I'm finally enjoying is proof to me that my life-long desires were indeed pure." It's all such heaven, isn't it? Sometimes when the lighting and makeup are just right, I actually feel pretty and am so overtaken by all that I've become and… well, the sheer femininity of it all. It's the only time I feel completely myself and happy. And the purity of it all seems so undeniable. It all comes from a desire to express and simply be ourselves.

Thanks for a great thread and a reminder to experience the joy of it all! :cheer:

[SusanLCD]

Thank you for your interesting question, Apple.

Speaking personally, I feel no difference between enjoying the looks of a pretty woman and thinking of her as a potential partner. Because 1st impressions are what we often must rely upon, the pretty woman gets the attention. But, what constitutes "pretty" isn't always the obvious.

I think the first thing that makes a woman pretty is her presentation. Call it "being pretty" or "carrying herself well" or etc. Beauty queens may attract my momentary attention, but, it is fleeting. Instead, I feel that the most beautiful woman is the one who feels good about herself and shows it by the way she presents herself. If she takes pride in her appearance and presentation, I conclude that she believes that she has value beyond the superficial and I will think she might be that good potential partner. :2c:

When I'm CDing, I'm thinking the same things about Susan. I want to present myself well and look as attactive as I am able because that says that I have some value and sense of confidence/pride. At my age, I can't be a beauty queen, but, I can still try to present a reasonably attractive grandma.

There are many women on this forum who I regard as pretty. All of them are attractive; some are beautiful. When I read their posts or view their photos, I learn from them and try to be slightly better than I was before.

[Amanda22]

Apple, thanks for contributing and a big welcome to you. I hope you post often because your perspective is unique to mine.


I'm a gg, spouse to a CD. I'm guessing - from things my husband has said - that this wanting to be pretty thing might apply to him too.

First, the most valuable answer you'll get to your questions is from your spouse. I hope you plan to ask him soon, if you haven't already. If you don't get an honest answer, then focus on honesty as an issue, rather than why he'd want to be pretty.


But from my SO perspective, it doesn't "solve" the puzzle of why he (or anyone) is CD, it just begs more questions. E.g., Why do you want to be pretty? Is it an end unto itself OR is it a means to an end?

Speaking only for myself, although I suspect a large number of my crossdressing friends would answer very similarly, feeling pretty is the goal; it's the "end unto itself." Oh, I'm sure there must be some crossdressers who try to make themselves pretty to attract power/sex/money/(fill-in-the-blank). But that isn't me at all.

So why do I want to feel pretty? (Note: I don't consider myself actually pretty, I just feel pretty when I dress as a woman.) Short answer is that it makes me feel good. Long answer is that I was born with a male body and a female psyche. It's the born-in-the-wrong-body idea. When I dress, it brings the gap closer between who I feel my brain, heart, and spirit is (female) and the body I was born with (male). If I were the only person in the world, meaning I couldn't have any influence on another living human, I would still dress as a woman!

Can you imagine what it's like to live every day of your life knowing that you got the body parts of the "other" gender? It's a very painful experience knowing I neither belong fully to either gender. I did not choose this. Do you know what it feels like to be judged as perverted, sick, and/or evil by 99% of strangers and former friends and family alike? For that reason, when one discovers that crossdressing eases those pains and temporarily corrects the internal/external gender mismatch, it's very powerful. It's like breathing air or drinking water.


I have difficult believing that being pretty is the end-goal (the source of happiness/pride). I suspect the desire to be pretty is the means by which to achieve something that pretty women (historically/traditionally) have had, which is some sort of power; whether that be the power to inspire lust, jealousy, etc.

Why the suspicion there must be a motive beyond the simple and innocent act of feeling beautiful? I hope society hasn't taught you that genetic males emulating females are doing something "wrong" in order to get something reserved (by society) for genetic females. I wouldn't expect any non-crossdresser to understand the need to crossdress. You're entitled to your suspicions.

I hope my thoughts help you.:)

[Polly R]

Wow, what a thread Amanda! Marla, Tina and Eryn (especially), indeed, everyone - it just hits the nail on the head... Pity I didn't realise it some years earlier as I too have a few lines and middle age spread so it's more an inside feeling rather than my outside looks these days at 60... 8-((

[Amanda22]

It's all such heaven, isn't it? Sometimes when the lighting and makeup are just right, I actually feel pretty and am so overtaken by all that I've become and… well, the sheer femininity of it all. It's the only time I feel completely myself and happy. And the purity of it all seems so undeniable. It all comes from a desire to express and simply be ourselves.

Robyn, I agree with you 100%! I love what you wrote here. You've described my feelings absolutely perfectly.

[Gaby2]

:love:Thanks Amanda.
I've been quite happy pondering over your wonderful OP for the last few days.:daydreaming:
G:rose:a:rose:b:rose:y
:rose2:

[Mimi]

Amanda--you expressed yourself really well. This definitely gives some insight into the feelings of some of the CDers here, my spouse included.

[docrobbysherry]

But from my SO perspective, it doesn't "solve" the puzzle of why he (or anyone) is CD, it just begs more questions. E.g., Why do you want to be pretty? Is it an end unto itself OR is it a means to an end? I have difficult believing that being pretty is the end-goal (the source of happiness/pride). I suspect the desire to be pretty is the means by which to achieve something that pretty women (historically/traditionally) have had, which is some sort of power; whether that be the power to inspire lust, jealousy, etc.

Curiously,
Apple

Amanda has answered this question exactly as I would have. Please try to remember, most of us have a long history of being male. And, little or none at being female. Most men r not that complicated. When we're hungry, we eat. When thirsty, we drink. When we're tired, we sleep. Etc.

So, when we SAY we wish to look pretty THAT'S USUALLY WHAT WE MEAN, PERIOD!:battingeyelashes:

[Jenniferathome]

"Why" do you want to be pretty? Is it an end unto itself OR is it a means to an end?

Dear Apple, how would you answer your own question?

I suspect that you simply enjoy being pretty. Perhaps you also like the feeling of being appreciated by your husband but I doubt you get dressed to attract others or to make others jealous. I am a straight, married cross dresser. My wife knows and has no problem with my cross dressing, we even share clothes but she doesn't understand it. Sadly, you will never completely understand cross dressing any more than my wife. It's just impossible. But try to remove gender from the cross dressing and you'll see we are no different from you. What you enjoy about a new dress and pretty heels is exactly what I, Mandy and other cross dressers enjoy. You just need to take that on faith. Best wishes

[ReineD]

Amanda has answered this question exactly as I would have. Please try to remember, most of us have a long history of being male. And, little or none at being female. Most men r not that complicated. When we're hungry, we eat. When thirsty, we drink. When we're tired, we sleep. Etc.

So, when we SAY we wish to look pretty THAT'S USUALLY WHAT WE MEAN, PERIOD!:battingeyelashes:

LOL! Doc, as usual you express yourself with utmost clarity and I couldn't agree more with what you say. :D

... it just took me 50 years to figure it out and to believe it. lol



Still, I wonder why the impetus to look pretty seems to be more important to CDers than GGs. I just don't detect the same depth of desire to be pretty among GGs as I do among CDers, or certainly not the same amount of time and energy achieving it, talking about it, taking pics, buying the clothes, the shoes, trying on new outfits, exploring all kinds of different looks, etc, even after a CDer has caught up to what a GG knows about clothes and makeup. And that's not mentioning the sheer thrill, and for some, the sexual excitement of being pretty. The exception might be younger women who are on the lookout for mates, but even then, I can't see them enjoying their prettiness to the same degree as CDers. They don't rush home from college, put on the cute dress they wear out clubbing, and go, "Aaaaah". :) And then that leaves the rest of us GGs, who also enjoy being or feeling pretty, but again, not nearly to the same degree.

Is gender dysphoria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder) the cause of this, or might it be an obsession with feminine beauty, a need to strive for ideal beauty, more than a desire to get in touch with a feminine side? I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've read posts from CDers who say that it's not worth dressing to just look ordinary. It's either be pretty or bust! :)

But then maybe not every CDer strives for ideal beauty to the same degree.

I hope my post doesn't seem confrontational or critical. It's not. But after all this time here, I also still don't understand many things, like Jeniferathome says. I'll never get it, I guess, although I do accept my SO and other CDers fully, but something inside me persists in asking the questions.

I guess what doesn't make sense to me is, if it's just a matter of looking feminine in order to have the outsides match the insides, can't this be accomplished with a more modest wardrobe, about an hour's prep, and then just move on to other activities, whether going out or staying home?

OK. So I can understand feeling pleasure dressing if it has been repressed or if there aren't many opportunities to dress. But, I've read posts here from members who say they still experience the same thrill after a lifetime of dressing, even when they do dress frequently.

This turned out to be much longer than I thought. :p

:hugs:

[Kate T]

Do GG's get more "tries" at being pretty?

Is it like baking a cake. The GG gets to have lots of goes at getting the flavour right, then the texture, then adding some icing, some decorations until eventually (and importantly receiving criticism and assistance from other people e.g. that cake tasted beutiful) a baking masterpiece emerges. And then that doesn't stop them from continuing to improve or maybe try a different type of cake or a tart (OK, a dodgy pun there:))
The CD has to make sure EVERYTHING is right BEFORE giving the cake to friends / relatives to try.

Maybe? Just a thought.

[ReineD]

Adina, you make good points, for CDs who are learning how to put on makeup, or what size forms to use, the proper wig, etc.

But, learning all of this especially with forums such as this one takes what? Six months? One year at most? There is just so much to learn about putting on makeup and eventually the CDer will know as much if not more than the average GG. My question was directed more to the CDers who continue with the preoccupation of being pretty, even after they've learned just about all there is to learn?

I've got to also say that the average woman I know does not know as much about girlie stuff as many of the CDers here. I remember once I asked a member advice on pantyhose and I very much appreciated her very lengthy, and most knowledgeable response. There's no way I knew even half of what she knew, and this is because I had never done anything other than going to the nearest department store and just grabbing a pair of hose off the rack. :) Many CDers tend to study fashion and makeup matters way more than the average GG. It just can't be said they are trying to catch up. Heck, they move above and beyond! :)

[Eryn]

Still, I wonder why the impetus to look pretty seems to be more important to CDers than GGs. I just don't detect the same depth of desire to be pretty among GGs as I do among CDers, or certainly not the same amount of time and energy achieving it, talking about it, taking pics, buying the clothes, the shoes, trying on new outfits, exploring all kinds of different looks, etc, even after a CDer has caught up to what a GG knows about clothes and makeup.

I think that the depth of desire for beauty exhibited by CDers actually does exist in a small percentage of GGs. Those GGs with the desire and the natural gifts might become models or actresses, those without those gifts simply become the women around us who always seem very well dressed and groomed. GGs with the depth of desire buy a lot of clothes, cosmetics, spa treatments, and plastic surgery and pretty much keep the fashion industry going.

A lower-level depth of desire exists in the majority of GGs. They enjoy pretty things now and then but it isn't a priority with them as it is, frankly, a lot of work.

That same lower level depth of desire also might exist in the majority of GMs, but societal taboos prohibit them from acting upon them beyond wearing pink shirts while golfing.

A high level depth of desire might be what is required to push a GM past societal taboos to become a CDer. Given the cost of admission, it's no surprise that CDers are more enthusiastic about beauty than the average GG.

Compare GG fashion models to average GGs and you'll see the same difference in enthusiasm.

[ReineD]

Eryn, I agree there are some fashionistas among women. It's difficult to measure so I can only go by the many women that I do know, but for the most part (and also closing my eyes to picture the women I see on the street), CDers impress me as being more preoccupied with the quality of their appearance than the average GG. CDs may equal female fashionistas in enthusiasm, but I'm guessing that most CDers place a high priority on their appearance, compared to there being a relatively small amount of fashionistas among women, even if they do buy most of the clothes or even if women do buy more clothes than men in general. It is not necessarily the quantity of clothes that I am referring to, although many more seasoned CDers here say their wives' closets do not rival their own. :D

Just looking at the members who posted in this thread, there is almost a reverence over being pretty that just doesn't ring true when I think of the average GG that I know, and also the GGs who frequent this forum. Yes, we like to look pretty too, but I don't think it is as awe inspiring for us.

Again, I'm not criticizing this, and as I said above, eventually learning all about makeup & fashion does get caught up with the average GG's knowledge, if not move beyond it, but I wonder if it is in fact a deep admiration for ideal feminine beauty, more than simply wishing to express a feminine side that causes such exalted feelings when dressing? The OP mentioned her heart skipping a beat at the prospect of putting together an outfit with makeup, accessories, etc, and if we open up a thread in Loved Ones to ask the GGs if they feel the same way, I bet that most will say no.

This may well be a difficult question to answer.

[AppleUK]

"Prettiness" - a means to an end or an end unto itself?

For me? I don't know. I guess I want to look "pretty" and can feel a little blip of contentment when I think I've got there. But "pure, unadulterated, absolute BLISS"? Um, no. It is momentary flicker (like, "ah, I don't have to worry about that spot on my nose today"), and then it is gone. And I think that's b/c - for ME - being a woman isn't ALL or ONLY about appearance. Women have senses of humour (or not), intelligence (or not), wit (or not), kindness (or not), openness (or not), etc. etc. Just like men (imagine that)! So for me, when people-born/raised-male say they get a sense of sheer happiness out of achieving "prettiness" and that it is this that makes them feel they are like a woman, I hear an implicit (if not explicit, as one response in this thread made clear) assumption that the value of a woman is in her appearance. And this does seem like a stereotypical, hetero male point of view - at least to me. [Note: My personal feminism tends to conflict with some of what I read/hear that some CDers do/think.]

And I don't tend to buy into sex/gender differences stuff as much as a lot of CDers (and others, mind you) do, e.g., "men are simple, women are complex". That's a total crock of....well..."poo".

So yeah, prettiness is nice, but being a woman sure ain't only about prettiness.

Apple

[Gaby2]

"Prettiness" - a means to an end or an end unto itself?

For me? I don't know. I guess I want to look "pretty" and can feel a little blip of contentment when I think I've got there. But "pure, unadulterated, absolute BLISS"? Um, no. It is momentary flicker (like, "ah, I don't have to worry about that spot on my nose today"), and then it is gone. And I think that's b/c - for ME - being a woman isn't ALL or ONLY about appearance...

... So yeah, prettiness is nice, but being a woman sure ain't only about prettiness.

Apple

Hi Apple (... keeping the doctor away?:))
thanks eversomuch for your contributions and insights!

Let me put on my best hard-(l)earned male condescending swagger, just for you:
you're not just a pretty face!:doh:

What you mentioned above made me wince a little however...
Amanda did say that "it's a very powerful thing to yearn for something literally every day of your life for decades, and have society say it's off-limits."

As you say, looking and feeling pretty is something which you as a GG can choose at will.

But for many of us CDers this simple wish has always been a forbidden fruit laced with dire consequences should we dare reach out for it.

:2c:Gaby

[lauraabdl]

Bingo! You nailed it! One of the primary reasons I like to crossdress is because I enjoy being pretty. And "pretty" is off-limits for guys. Ladies get lingerie and boys get burlap. I see elegant women, and I long to be able to address my life in the same way they are able to. I love and appreciate all the blessings I have in my life, but there's a huge hole in it where the "pretty" should be. So I fill it in my own time in my own way, and I get a little closer to actual fulfillment in my life. I may be a man, but I have a great appreciation for things that are fine and delicate, pretty and feminine. I like scented soap, perfume, lace, and fine fabrics. I like wearing hosiery and high heels. I like curls in my hair, and dangly earrings. All of this is taboo for men. But crossdressing Helps to fill the void.

Marla you took the words rate out of my mouth. I soo agree that I am a man but my appreciation for the finer things is beyond compare.
Laura Lee

[Amanda22]

So for me, when people-born/raised-male say they get a sense of sheer happiness out of achieving "prettiness" and that it is this that makes them feel they are like a woman, I hear an implicit (if not explicit, as one response in this thread made clear) assumption that the value of a woman is in her appearance. And this does seem like a stereotypical, hetero male point of view - at least to me. [Note: My personal feminism tends to conflict with some of what I read/hear that some CDers do/think.]

Apple, I'm compelled to respond to your comment because you're drawing a conclusion that couldn't be more false about me and many of my crossdressing friends who I know personally. I really like feeling pretty. Mind you, I'm sure I fail miserably at actually achieving that and the general public must think, "look at that freak!" I did say that I feel dressing makes me feel like a woman, and given your "personal feminism," I see how you could be sensitive to concluding that I and others like me think that's all there is to being a woman -- being pretty.

You'll just have to take my word for it...I revere women for all of their beautiful qualities. This thread was about physical beauty. There are tons of threads on this forum about how crossdressing makes us better people. Qualities such as being better listeners, decision-makers, thoughtfulness, kindness, nurturing, compassionate, etc. are often mentioned as becoming easier when we're dressed. The fact this thread was just about appearance doesn't imply that's all there is to being a woman!

You wouldn't know this about me of course, but I intentionally only go to female doctors, accountants, designers, and auto mechanics. I'd love to have a woman leading our country. I have only one male friend but many female friends. I contribute time and money to women's organizations. I'm a feminist and most of my crossdressing friends would qualify for that label as well.

If I read a post from a Female-to-Male crossdresser who said that wearing a man's suit, tie, and masculine cologne made him "feel like a man," my heart would go out to him and welcome him into the world of maleness. I wouldn't interpret his feeling as an insult to men as though men are one-dimensional creatures. As I said, I would welcome him with love and understanding. In fact, I have three F2M friends and it's never once crossed my mind that they're trivializing maleness by doing their best to appear male. I am so proud to be seen with them because of their courage. I love them. Wouldn't everyone prefer to be treated with love rather than skepticism and judgment?

I apologize for this long post...

[Darla]

Hi - gotta go back to the original post and say kudos for putting into words how my perception of how I feel about myself makes me feel different than most guys. I DO like feeling pretty - no better word for it. And it encompasses more than appearance, it's a state of being and self perception. Now I know that dressed I wouldn't be considered gorgeous, but that's others perception. Inside, since I was a boy, I yearned to be pretty like how I imagined girl could be, or at least were given the freedom to play at being. At a certain age feeling pretty intersects with self worth and pride in yourself and that's where I like to go when I'm dressed. If I feel good when I dress(which I do frequently) then I'm pretty not just in appearance. That's what strikes a chord in me re: your post! Thanks for putting it into words!

[suchacutie]

Maybe sometimes our words are a bit careless, and I know that I have been just that at times. Let me try this with a set of well-chosen words:

Tina enjoys feeling attractive (I'm sure she fails at it, but the feeling is there). That feeling helps move her down the road to the illusion of being feminine. Notice, I didn't say the illusion of being a woman. Sadly, Tina can't be a woman, but she can strive to approach being feminine.

Now, here's the important point (for me): Since my body is that of a male, there are characteristics that make people think "male" when they first look at me in drab. Of course, those "clues" are well founded, and the people that think "male" are correct. That doesn't work too well if those same "clues" are mostly there when this body had been given over to Tina's use. One of the issues in transformation is to eliminate, or at least minimize, the "clues" that say "male" and to accentuate and move to the front those clues that say "female" to the casual observer. Ok, so Tina can't actually be a female, but at least those "clues" can say, in big bold letters, "FEMININE". As it turns out, in my limited experience, a lot of the "clues" that say "feminine" are the same "clues" that say "pretty"! I'm sure we can all follow this logic backwards from the "clues" that say "pretty" to what we would consider a successful physical transformation (and then add voice and deportment and all the rest for the other "feminine clues").

If all that makes any sense, "being pretty" is a large part of a successful transformation as it maximizes the appropriate clues that help us appear to be feminine. So, being pretty is an end to itself in that it helps us present ourselves (externally and internally) as the feminine beings locked up on our heads.

Heavens, I hope that made some kind of sense! :)

tina

[Farrah Rose]

wow Amanda that was a great post. It basically describe me and my feelings towards xdressing. well written

[drushin703]

amanda: I love the use of the word pure.Purity is sanctity. Ones personal invoice for these desires that we speak of.
when you really think of it, crossdressing is devoid of most of our manly human emotions.No lust or greed, no jelously or
enmity. As pure as a soul can make it.......pretty is our gospel...dana

[Amanda22]

amanda: I love the use of the word pure.Purity is sanctity. Ones personal invoice for these desires that we speak of.
when you really think of it, crossdressing is devoid of most of our manly human emotions.No lust or greed, no jelously or
enmity. As pure as a soul can make it.......pretty is our gospel...dana

Thank you, Dana, for your beautiful phrasing. A year ago, I said good-bye to any feeling of guilt I had over dressing. What a liberating decision that was! I love myself and that includes the honest expression of my femininity.

[Samantha W]

I could'nt put it better.

[Claire96c]

Yes, like any girl I want to be pretty. I have been told by a few men that I am pretty and feminine and I was thrilled. It was wonderful to hear. One of them was rather handsome and charming and we held hands and kissed but nothing more because I held back as I was nervous. Certainly, his telling me this made him more appealing and I became more receptive to his overtures.

Claire

[kristinacd55]

I think I understand what your talking about Amanda. I feel that way as well, just the thinking about how thing's will go together is so exciting. Good post!

[sometimes_miss]

Still, I wonder why the impetus to look pretty seems to be more important to CDers than GGs. I just don't detect the same depth of desire to be pretty among GGs as I do among CDers, or certainly not the same amount of time and energy achieving it, talking about it, taking pics, buying the clothes, the shoes, trying on new outfits, exploring all kinds of different looks, etc, even after a CDer has caught up to what a GG knows about clothes and makeup. <snip> I guess what doesn't make sense to me is, if it's just a matter of looking feminine in order to have the outsides match the insides, can't this be accomplished with a more modest wardrobe, about an hour's prep?

This is easy. It's because most women are just naturally pretty just the way you are; your bone structure, your figures, your hair and skin IS what we want to look like. But we are miles away from looking like that at all, so we have to go a bit overboard to hide the guy body inside the clothes. Sure, you use make up and feminine clothes to make yourselves even more beautiful, but a pretty girl in a warm up outfit (simply because they are most often form fitting, and show off your female figure) is still more feminine than 99% of us.

[ReineD]

This is easy. It's because most women are just naturally pretty just the way you are; your bone structure, your figures, your hair and skin IS what we want to look like.

I see your point about CDs wanting to look as feminine as GGs, but although we women do know we are women, we don't all feel as if we are pretty. There's a huge range there. :p

Although I'd say most people with good self-esteem think well enough about their natural looks, few of us fall in the same range of people who have the "model standards" looks, with perfect symmetry, high cheekbones, perfect skin, well formed eyes & lips, and cute noses and chins ... especially as we age. :) But we do eventually have to come to terms with how we look.

Earlier I wasn't commenting about CDs who want to present the feminine aspect of their natural looks, but more the desire to keep ramping it up. I guess I had in mind all the posts from CDs who say their wardrobes are much bigger than their wives.

There is also the degree of a blissful feeling that comes along with this, rather than just looking in the mirror like most other GGs and saying, "Good enough, looks fine, let's go". This is why I am asking the question as to whether or not it is more than transforming to a feminine version of the self; if it is more a question of wanting to attain a version of ideal beauty.

[kimdl93]

....eventually have to come to terms with how we look.

Earlier I wasn't commenting about CDs who want to present the feminine aspect of their natural looks, but more the desire to keep ramping it up....This is why I am asking the question as to whether or not it is more than transforming to a feminine version of the self; if it is more a question of wanting to attain a version of ideal beauty.

For me there's a compelling reality. I know I'm incapable of attaining an ideal level of beauty. Maybe if I was younger, prettier or had a different body type, but that's not it. I am coming to terms with how I look...and hope that even if I can't convincingly blend in as female, that I can try to emphasize my feminine attributes in the most flattering way possible.

[ReineD]

I am coming to terms with how I look...and hope that even if I can't convincingly blend in as female, that I can try to emphasize my feminine attributes in the most flattering way possible.

Thanks Kim! Your post is helping me to realize this is a case where 'east is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet'. :) (In terms of the way we look at it, and not how we look, of course)

What I mean is, for CDers I guess the choices are either to look fully male, or fully female with no variation in the 'looking fully female' side. In their eyes it's about passing or not passing.

GGs see the CDer's perspective too, by noting the difference between looking male vs. looking female, but then when we look at ourselves and also at CDs when dressed, it is also about attaining varying levels of what is considered ideal beauty or adornment. In other words, both a GG and a CD who is wearing basic makeup and a simple outfit are feminine. (Of course the CD also needs the basics of no beard shadow, trimmed eyebrows, forms, and either wigs or natural hair like my SO.)

But then, both the GG and the CD who is dressed simply as I've just described, have the option to ramp it up extensively with higher fashion, jewelry, elaborate makeup, fashionable shoes and accessories like fancy undergarments, thigh highs, etc. My observation earlier was that it seems as if CDs are for the most part much more interested in always or most always attaining the "ramped up" look?

And I also compare this to the average GG, who when she does dress for a night out, does not get as big of a thrill out of it as the CDs, as described in the OP and also in many other posts here.

[kimdl93]

Reine, Certainly, there's a difference in how CDs and GGs perceive and respond to clothing and getting dressed up. I know my wife enjoys looking her best and doing a lot extra with make up and selection of outfits for special occassions and nights out. But, I'll admit that these same events evoke a bit more excitement in me - and CDs generally. Maybe its because its still an expression of something we, as CDs, often had to repress and consequently dreamt about and were fascinated with. I suppose that's true of any aspect of living as a female. My wife does her morning routine - well - routinely and with great results. I'm still a little stunned and even pleasantly surprised when, after a 1/2 hour of conscienscious effort, I see a feminine reflection of myself in the mirror. She's been doing it all her life, its part of her "normal" and for me, its still something extraordinary. In some ways, I rather like that special feeling, but I also look forward to a time when it feels more routine. Perhaps then I'll really feel like woman.

[ReineD]

My wife does her morning routine - well - routinely and with great results. I'm still a little stunned and even pleasantly surprised when, after a 1/2 hour of conscienscious effort, I see a feminine reflection of myself in the mirror. She's been doing it all her life, its part of her "normal" and for me, its still something extraordinary. In some ways, I rather like that special feeling, but I also look forward to a time when it feels more routine. Perhaps then I'll really feel like woman.

So then it's more a question of newness? As you say, after having done this for years it would just feel normal for most CDs? You make a good point.

But I've also read many times here that when the thrill is gone, many of the CDs just don't feel like dressing. And also, many of the CDers still feel thrilled about the transformation and the outfits even after years of having done this. This is what is so difficult for me to understand.

[kimdl93]

hmmm, the word thrill might be part of the problem. I'm Scandinavian, a fairly reserved one at that. So, what constitutes a thrill for me, might appear to be mild amusement to someone else! But, I think you raise a really good point. If one is motivated to dress by the excitement, then I suppose it could become stale and, well boring, over time. Maybe that's why some of the girls I first met here a year and a half ago are now on hiatus...the thrill just wasn't there for them. And maybe that's why I find myself going out in public now...for the excitement no longer found in dressing exclusively at home.

I don't like to think of it that way, but perhaps. Its also possible that for some of us, its the way our brain is set to "express" femininity. I know, I'm not personally satisfied to be a man in a dress (emphasizing that there is nothing wrong at all with being a man in a dress). I deeply need to be more than that.

[sometimes_miss]

ReineD wrote: But then, both the GG and the CD who is dressed simply as I've just described, have the option to ramp it up extensively with higher fashion, jewelry, elaborate makeup, fashionable shoes and accessories like fancy undergarments, thigh highs, etc. My observation earlier was that it seems as if CDs are for the most part much more interested in always or most always attaining the "ramped up" look?
Depends on how far you refer to 'ramped up'. To me, any form of pants isn't going to do it. Has to be a dress or skirt. And if the top buttons towards the right like a guys, doesn't do it either. The clothes have to be what girls wear, but more importantly, what guys don't.

and: But I've also read many times here that when the thrill is gone, many of the CDs just don't feel like dressing. And also, many of the CDers still feel thrilled about the transformation and the outfits even after years of having done this. This is what is so difficult for me to understand.
Because different guys dress as girls for different reasons. For me there was never a thrill, or a 'rush' when putting on female clothing. Quite the opposite; it's like a feeling of relief, that I can finally relax. One thing that I think is probably unusual for crossdressers is, I often drift off into sleep while I'm dressed as a girl, while reading, or watching TV while I'm on the couch or recliner. Doesn't happen during say, war movies; but dramas or reading technical material for work, I'll pull a throw over me, push my hair out of the way (I'm usually wearing a long wig without clips or anything so strands are often hanging almost in my face), and just drift off and snooze. That never happens when I'm in guy clothes.


kimdl93 wrote: She's been doing it all her life, its part of her "normal" and for me, its still something extraordinary. In some ways, I rather like that special feeling, but I also look forward to a time when it feels more routine. Perhaps then I'll really feel like woman.
For others like me, it's the opposite. I feel uncomfortable in male clothing, and perfectly normal dressed as a girl...a 'casual' girl. Maybe because I'm just at home; or maybe because there's no way I could pass for the glamorous girl I might want to be at times; but wearing a 'dressy' dress isn't my usual choice. One woman remarked that my style was more 'preppy'. I get no special feeling when getting dressed or while wearing female clothes; it just feels normal.
Unlike Kim, I don't dress to 'express' femininity outwardly. On the contrary, I'm expressing it inwardly; everything I wear has to appear appropriate attire for the girl I thought I was going to become when I grew up. I really thought god was going to 'fix' me; my taste in clothing reflects the age when I thought it was going to happen, and I'm pretty much stuck there, forever waiting to get on with a life that will never occur. It's kind of like that saying; life is what happens while you're making other plans. As a pre teen, I thought my life would follow a female type pattern; everything I've done as a guy since then feels kind of like just 'treading water'. The closest I ever got to feeling like an adult female was when I graduated nursing school, and for a brief moment, holding that diploma, thought of myself as a young woman, in a white dress uniform and cap like the other women there (although nobody post graduate wears nursing caps or white dresses, for that matter, here in the states anymore; that was long ago). It's another reason I don't want to come 'out'; I don't want to reinforce the stereotype that everyone thinks of when they see a guy who's a nurse, and they automatically think we must be gay. Even a lot of women I work with periodically remark about other guys questioning their sexuality, for no other reason than our profession. So I know the discussion goes on behind my back as well. It's why I hide ANY female behavior from the public eye.

[kimdl93]

actually, I don't want to make it appear that its only the outward femininity I'm expressing. Like Lexi, I feel much more at ease....more myself...when I'm dressed. Which is why I dress pretty much 24/7...alone or with my SO. but I do enjoy feeling attractive - within the limitations of my body, age, and ability.

I want to emphasize that I recognize and appreciate Lexi's comments. While we are all different in what we are trying to express ourselves, we all have a lot in common!

[ReineD]

I want to emphasize that I recognize and appreciate Lexi's comments. While we are all different in what we are trying to express ourselves, we all have a lot in common!

Well said, and thank you both for your explanations. :)

There are CDs who are motivated by the excitement, and others who are not. And perhaps those who are initially thus motivated, will in time dress for other reasons, or perhaps they will not and continue to be motivated by the excitement.

But at the end of it all everyone has her rightful place in this community. :)

(I hope this answers Apple's question on the previous pages.)

[Dawn cd]

I hate to be skeptical of another's dream, especially one that seems to resonate so strongly with people on this site, but isn't idea of being "pretty" a rather superficial goal to aim for? Surely there must be deeper qualities to emulate among women. Even the word, "pretty," is superficial. A "pretty boy," for instance, is generally someone with youthful flash. And one is not often called a "pretty girl" after the age of, maybe, twenty-five (and when an older woman is called "pretty" it's sometimes done as a slight). This whole business of being a crossdresser forces us to put stress on the outer layers of femininity---the clothes, makeup, hair, posture, and voice. For real adult females these things signal that there's a woman within, but it seems to me that too many crossdressers are content to stop with the outer manifestations of femininity. So my question to you all is, when you do, finally, feel pretty, does anything change in your heart?

[ReineD]

I hate to be skeptical of another's dream, especially one that seems to resonate so strongly with people on this site, but isn't idea of being "pretty" a rather superficial goal to aim for? Surely there must be deeper qualities to emulate among women.

But that's just it! Read the posts above. :) CDs are all motivated differently. Some may continue to be excited by it all, while for others it will change. There's nothing wrong with that and I don't think it should be judged.

Doesn't mean we can't ask questions and try to understand someone else's point of view, but no one here is in a position to make any value judgments.

Not everyone here feels the same degree of the woman within.

[kimdl93]

But that's just it! Read the posts above. :) CDs are all motivated differently. Some may continue to be excited by it all, while for others it will change. There's nothing wrong with that and I don't think it should be judged.

Doesn't mean we can't ask questions and try to understand someone else's point of view, but no one here is in a position to make any value judgments.

Not everyone here feels the same degree of the woman within.

One of the values of this conversation is that by asking and responding to the question of why, we can get a little bit closer to understanding our individual and collective motivations. I don't really know the complete answer to "why I like to dress and why I like to appear feminine", but over time I'm come to grasp a few more bits and pieces of the picture. And of course, my motivations and needs have changed over the decades, so the complete answer to "why" remains somewhat elusive.

[Amanda22]

I hate to be skeptical of another's dream, especially one that seems to resonate so strongly with people on this site, but isn't idea of being "pretty" a rather superficial goal to aim for?

Good question and thanks for asking it. When I made the opening post, I shouldn't have assumed everyone would know what I meant by "pretty." What begins as a goal to make myself more feminine in a superficial, external way, always and immediately provides a relief on the inside that I'm honoring who I really am. It is then that I feel so much freedom and liberation.

I hope this makes sense.

[SuzanneBender]

Amanda what a wonderful thread and let me say that you have definitely achieved your wish. I am not sure why the feeling of grace washed over me the first time I fully dressed and looked in the mirror,but your original OP struck a chord with me. Its not completely about being pretty but its nice to feel that way after you have wished for it all your life. Does one have to be pretty to be feminine? Of course not, but somehow the better I look the more affirmation I find in my own mind.

[Victoria P]

HI Apple and welcome to the show lol.

My simple answer would be that I do not feel all that attractive as a male,I think of myself as rather plain. However my current GF tells me I am very handsome,but somehow I just cannot take this that seriously though she certainly means well.
So dressing for me gives me a slight 'high' or 'rush' which is basically sort of a slight tingling all over that is quite soothing but almost sedating.It is not a sexual thing for me as it was when I was a teen and never truly understood this entire saga. The need to be pretty just somehow brings a completeness,a slight euphoria and a mellowing of my personality.It makes me feel lighter about life in general,though also more gentle,patient and considerate.My GF loves me as a male and actually misses her 'sister 'Victoria if I don't dress for a while.She said it changes my personality in good ways. Anyway the need to be pretty basically stems from the above and makes me feel more attractive on the inside and out. Hope that sort of helps? Hugs VP

[carolynn2fem]

Very well said! Although with me, I found out that by the time I found out how to be pretty I was too damn old to be pretty!:eek::D

That is exactly how I feel. LOL

[Tina B.]

Amanda, there is nothing I can add, you said just what I have always felt, and couldn't find the words that explained it so well. While I'm way past the age of pretty, I can still dress pretty.
Tina B.

[FrillyShelly]

yep! sounds familiar.................. You said it very succinctly.

love & hugs,

Shelley....

[*Andrea*]

I just read the thread so I will comment on posts since the beginning of it. This is based on my experience and feelings and I do not intend to generalize. Also, i have to say that I share many of Reine's questions she has about her husband, since I am in my road to understand myself.

Although I share exactly Amanda’s feeling of being pretty, I always questions where it comes from. But finding cause is time consuming, emotionally exhausting, conflict building and totally useless as the situation is already there. So I decided to understand what I feel now and then find out what to do next.

I think that more than simply putting it as “beauty”, what I actually look for is “my SELF”. What I feel is that the woman inside has been trapped for very long. I have an incredible wife that is accepting and we share girlfriend moments specially when shopping (although I am not dressed) and talking about fashion (She even always asks my opinion when she dresses everyday).

I have found that before meeting my wife, I desired the clothing wore by my fashion role models or people at work that I admired. Always the best looks (dresses, suits, heels), but never anything “everyday” or confortable (example: shorts and flip flops). Then a couple of months ago I went to Be All Chicago. I definitely spent the time looking my best and enjoying me female persona. I finally spent 5 days made up, dressed up and heeled up. A blast.

But now I’m buying jeans, basic tops, and confortable Crocs style shoes (actually I bought Dr. Scholls DANCE shoes, which are GREAT!!!). And guess what? I am feeling more feminine even though clothes are less dramatically feminine.

Why?

I only dress at home after work. But I am tired and if I get into a dress, heels, and make up, I feel akward as it’s night time and all by myself (my wife at that moment is going to sleep), so I have to make up some fantasy (like being at the office, and I dress in a suit; or like being with some friends, and wear a day dress; etc..). Now, with confortable “house clothes” I feel I am an authentic woman living MY REAL LIFE after a work day, and not a FANTASY life (trying to correct my day by redoing it at home in women clothes).

This in part I discovered at Be All. I put on my cocktail dress to really go to a cocktail. I really felt being me in real life in my woman clothes. Now I don’t like wearing an evening gown at home and alone. My reality experience was really eye opening.

Something else I am doing is letting my real hair grow. I want a kind of androgynous hairstyle so it looks good in both genders. That allows me again to be me, fully me, female and male, in real life, no wig.

My point:
My journey is not centered on feeling pretty on the outside. It’s about the inside: feeling OK with myself. As Amanda put it: removing the guilt over dressing!
At this point, I must not put on make up or all female clothing to feel feminine. I am happy feeling as a woman at home in the type of clothes my wife wears when she is back from work. Whatever I wear I am a woman inside and this is the most important. Nonetheless, when I dress my prettiest, I LOVE IT!!!!

Apple:
I like your questions because they help me understand myself.
1. Is it an end itself or means to and end: I think it’s the second: a means to an end. I find there are many possibilities in my case, that I have not figured out, but the most probable is low self esteem: so the reason could be to be valuable by becoming what we find most beautiful. The problem with this is that I have many things to be proud of (career, family, etc..) and the desire does not diminish. So sometimes I think that I may be a real woman on the inside and me being a male on the outside gives me low self esteem about my true me. These are questions I constantly make about myself. An extra explanation: I say I have low self esteem as I don’t usually do what other men do, and I prefer to retreat at home and not socialize in order to dress up! Maybe it’s not low self esteem but the rejection of my female persona towards manly stuff, what in terms of “normal manhood” could be interpreted as low self esteem. If I was "out of the closet" and guess I would be more outgoing.
2. How do we differentiate a woman I want to look like to that I fancy: that is quite easy. Basically a women I want to look like is about the clothes and the style (I am not willing to modify the shape of my body to have someone elses – in this term I have to say that SRS is a correction of the body and not an imitation of someone elses). And she could be ugly, but has to be well dressed (I WANT HER CLOTHES). Women I have dated and my wife, are all because of what they look other than the clothes (real natural beauty, skin, hair, slim) and most of all her inner self. They can dress bad but has to be a beautiful person. (I WANT HER HEART)

Finally, Reine, I have to add something to explain something about the “ramped up” look. As a crossdresser that enjoys also not so ramped up looks at this point, I was there once, and in my case it all came to the scarcity of opportunities to dress up. Now that I am almost free to dress at home, I have relaxed the urge and enjoy relaxed looks, and have removed the fantasies which I replaced for real life womanhood (even if real life is only at home).

Reine, also the thrill issue. Also called Pink Fog? In my case when I don’t feel like dressing is because I dress after work and I’m tired (when it happens for one day), or because I felt guilt of not fulfilling my husband/father role good enough and removing my feminine side temporarily makes me more responsible in that area (this is all inconscious).

I have so many more things to say right now… many drift away from the main topic so I will leave them for later…

Raquel

sorry for the long post. i did not realize it got that long.

[kym]

the op hit it perfect so many have stated!!!

Apple let me try to help you understand your spouse a little: For me it is a means to an end of sorts, I am trying to make my outward appearance match my inner being. I love feeling pretty but I also know that my outward appearance is anything but at times when you just go by the outward appearance. My inner beauty does get a chance to shine through and that makes me beautiful all the way around just like it would a GG. When I see a pretty girl walking down the street that I do not know, then I am mainly admiring her outfit and appearance as one that I would love to achieve(i.e. I want to look as good as she does) but if its a woman(and not neccisarily a GG) that I know well and I think that she looks great then its something more for me. When it comes to my loving wife, she is stunningly beautiful and sexy inside and out to me as I seem to be to her. Its like we are more soulmates in this life than anything else and thats the way it should be. She has never thought of herself as "bi" or a "lesbian" until now, but now she identifies as either or depending on her mindset at the time and says that she could care less what the world as a whole thinks of her being with me no matter how I present myself, either they deal with it or not their choice.

hope this helps create a little insight on our mindset.

[BlondeFarrah]

" So for me, when people-born/raised-male say they get a sense of sheer happiness out of achieving "prettiness" and that it is this that makes them feel they are like a woman, I hear an implicit (if not explicit, as one response in this thread made clear) assumption that the value of a woman is in her appearance. And this does seem like a stereotypical, hetero male point of view - at least to me. ".



AppleUK, in my case, you are totally right. I dress up to be a woman because being a woman turns me on. This is the best sexual way to feel pleasures. The woman I like to be is sexy, elegant and very girlie. I cant imagine myself as a woman in a T shirt or without high heels. The choice of "her" appearance or what it means to me to be "elegant" and "sexy" is ,as you said, a typical hetero -male choice (as I am). In my dressing up, I' m not interested in another women's qualities anyway (after all, my wig is blonde LOL)

And you are right again when you said :


I suspect the desire to be pretty is the means by which to achieve something that pretty women (historically/traditionally) have had, which is some sort of power; whether that be the power to inspire lust, jealousy, etc. ?

For me, to be pretty is the best way to be SEXY. As the male I am, I know perfectly the incredibly strenght of this power over men.



can you tell the difference -- if there is one -- between an attractive woman you want to look like and one you'd like to have as your partner/girlfriend/wife?

in my case, there isn't. In my bedroom games, with my wife, I'm "her" slave but I always say her that she is the kind of lady I'd like to be if I were a biological woman

[NicoleScott]

Some cd's come home after a day at work, take off their male clothes and feel relaxed after slipping on a dress. I'm a part-time for pleasure dresser, and it's never been about how the clothes make me feel. It's how the clothes and makeup (and all the rest) make me look. Yes, I like the feel of certain things, as I like the smells and sounds of certain aspects of crossdressing. For me, it's not so much about BEING transformed as SEEING myself in the mirror transformed.
When I first started trying lipstick and high heels as a young boy, what's the first thing I did? Looked in the mirror! I loved the look of feminine things on women. I had to see myself in those things.
I added items to my "transformation needs" in my teen years and started dressing completely in my twenties. I always wanted to look pretty. It's never enough to just wear things feminine - I wanted to look pretty.
Of course, pretty is in the eye of the beholder, and I always saw pretty as "ramped up" as discussed in earlier posts. Everything overdone.
So for me and others like me, maybe pretty is important for us because we are visually stimulated to a greater extent than by other ways.
Reine, I'm one of the cd's who never tire of ramping it up, and the transformation still thrills me.

[ReineD]

Reine, I'm one of the cd's who never tire of ramping it up, and the transformation still thrills me.

I know. :)

............

[Hali]

All my life i have never seen myself as Handsome, right from the first time i heard my sister use it when i was around 8years of age after seeing our elder sisters son she said he is going to grow into a handsome man, i asked what is handsome she said is an adjective use to qualify a noun its used to show beauty in men. At that time i said to myself i'll never be handsome cos i always see myself as either cute-pretty-beautiful or gorgeous. I have always seen myself as beautiful at least in my head.

Sometimes i feel its gay for a man to be or feel pretty (thats what the society made me to believe) but at earlier age i made peace with myself that i'll make an exception for myself............that i feel pretty-cute etc yet am not gay.

I like my hands to be pretty (every body that lives around me knows), i like to tweeze my eye brow to have that symmetry in my forehead, i want to have an athletic body for ever....go figure.

[Amanda22]

...at earlier age i made peace with myself that i'll make an exception for myself............that i feel pretty-cute etc yet am not gay.

Hali, having made peace with yourself, as you put it, puts you so far ahead of most people who realize this is a part of them but live decades denying it to themselves. Congratulations!

[Staci]

I am like the others. I agree that it is about looking and feeling pretty. Something you never get to do in boy mode. Only in girl mode. It is exciting.

[Donna1]

Amanda, i feel the same exact samw way!!! BTW you are very pretty!!!

[CaitlynRenee]

I'll never be handsome and I surely won't ever be called pretty. Still, I've always had more than my fair share of gorgeous female admirers. What usually starts off as a 'friendly' relationship has on occasian turned into a much closer and fairly intimate relationship. Some have progressed to intimacy 30 to 40 years after friendly relationship developed. I get the feeling these relationships have grown due to my total openess about my gender identity and CD activity, and my partner's curiosity at the time. The truly 'hot' relationships have come with my personal revelation and coming out to the woman I happened to be dating at the time.

Sad in some ways, since there have been times when I truly wished I WERE a woman Oh to really BE that fictional 'shape shifter' who can be what ever they wish to be, at will.

One interesting development was when I was with a dear friend and she asked me how I could stand to wear mens undewrwear that was so harsh on the skin (this was before we became intimate). I agreed it was rough and to know how rough it was, she'd have to try them on. Well, she said one word.......STRIP. I did and she tried them on, then handed me her lovely pink nylon panties and told me to try them on and see what I was missing. I did and she was mildly surprised that they fit me. She was also surprised that I had no immediate meltdown at being in 'womens' underwear. When she asked me if I thought they felt nice, I of course replied that they did indeed and as far as I was concerned, she could keep mine if I could keep hers. She wouldn't agree to that, but she DID agree that I was to take her to dinner underdressed and she would underdress as well in mine. She finally gave me back my Jockey's the next morning. I gave her back her lovely pink panties (reluctantly) the next morning as well.