Need ideas of shopping discreetly

[Radina]

Things were generally easy in terms of shopping for girl clothes, that is when my local Walmart decided to ditch the ever-so-useful self checkout lanes!! I've grown so used to this now I am plain angry. I went to my local Target and of course, they don't have self checkout either.

I am left with browsing the women's shoes and clothes aisle with the anxiety of potentially being embarrassed up front if a let a real person ring up my girlie goods. This is on top of being nervous around single moms and senior ladies that have nothing to do during the day then stare and wonder why a guy is looking at the women's panties aisle.

This has to stop! How can I get freedom from this? The obvious alternative would be online, but, many problems with online. The biggest being in my household packages are always opened up - doesn't matter who it's addressed to. I've told my parents/siblings to not do this but they continue to do it anyway. Another thing is online i can't tryout some things or just eyeball if they'll fit or not.

[kimdl93]

If the common expereince is any indication, most of the folks at Wally world or elsewhere are focused on their own lives and little concerned about what anyone else may be doing and why. And if my recent expereinces shopping en feem is any indication, people take it in stride. I've been to several department stores, talked with a dozen or more SAs, chatted with a few women shoppers and made eye contact (show no fear ;) with dozens more. You know what - they either don't care and ignore me, or they smile and go about thier business.

This afternoon, I picked up my wife's dry cleaning - fully en femme - from the local Vietnamese cleaner. The lady has seen me en drab many times, but this was the first time dressed. She had a big warm smile from the moment I entered the store. She didn't really comment on my appearance but she also didn't seem the least bit bothered by it. The three ladies picking up clothes while I was there were friendly as well and we chatted about the infernal heat while we waited for our garments. Long way of saying, most people either won't care or they may be genuinely interested and curious.

[TGMarla]

I use Ebay. It's perfect for what I'm after, and meets most of my needs anonymously and without embarrassment.

[Radina]

Thank you Nordic princess. Maybe I should be a bit more courageous and not fear pre-judgement. I'll have to make up some jokes or something if someone comments on my shopping.

I remember once in walmart I wanted to try a pair of cute slingback platforms and I took them and put them in the box. I then just grabbed some random guy clothes to mask the fact that I'm going in the dressing room just to try to shoes. The old lady then asks for the box..and opens it. (I'm like "crap!" at this moment) .. and I noticed how she subtly changed her look and demeanor toward me and she started feeling embarrassed her self and asked me to confirm if I'm going to try those or not. I proceeded to say a confident yes, keeping my cool, and I was able to go in the room and try them on. God, this shouldn't be so stressful!!

[RADER]

Radina;
I shop in drab all the time; Just carry in a small scrap of paper with some sizes on it.
If a SA asks you "can I help you" say yes, I am looking for______in a size ???
It works every time, and they think you are very special to shop for your "Mate" like that,
Since most men would not.
Rader

[Radina]

Radina;
I shop in drab all the time; Just carry in a small scrap of paper with some sizes on it.
If a SA asks you "can I help you" say yes, I am looking for______in a size ???
It works every time, and they think you are very special to shop for your "Mate" like that,
Since most men would not.
Rader

sorry i'm a bit new here what is drab? :o

[RADER]

Shopping in your "DRAB" mens clothes
Rader

[Marcia Blue]

I always thought DRAB was DRessed as A Boy. I also agree, that most people could care less, what you are purchasing. Just go out, shop and have fun.

[VioletJourney]

Go to a mall that nobody you know goes to. And the most important thing to remember when shopping in person is to relax and try not to be nervous. People basically react how your body language tells them to react.

[juno]

NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU BUY! I go to the store all the time as a male, buying tampons, panties, a breast-milk pump, etc. You have to realize that buying female items does not automatically mean they are for you. If you buy panties, people will assume that it is for your girlfriend whom you want to see wear them.

If you really want to see a cashier freak out, buy condoms, lubricant, and a very large cucumber.

[mercterr]

I try to shop a ways away from my local stomping grounds so I don't meet a neighbor in line (which may eventually embarrass my wife or son) but beyond that, I just buy what I want. Just act like all is O.K. and buy your stuff. The clerk doesn't care, the people behind you don't care. Nobody but you is really thinking too hard about who you are buying the stuff for. The only time I'm pretty sure the clerk knew was when I bought a pair of size 12 heels. She was very nice to me during the transaction and no police were called :) It gets easier each time.

[Janet Bern]

I think you should get over the idea that people care what you wear.
Just a NJ update.
Yesterday I was endrab and went to Macys intimate apparel shop at Quakerbridge Mall outside of princeton and was looking at bras . The sales woman was really nice and I asked if I could try 2 of them on. Macys has a policy of not letting men into the womans fitting rooms. She took me around the corner with the bras and put me in a mens fitting area. I found out why they dont let men in the womans area is because the rooms are only neck to knee rooms. She was so nice though.
Next I went to Lord and Taylor.. the SA was great and we picked out a couple of bras that I tried on and ended up purchasing one.
Today I stopped at Dress Barn on Route 130 and Route 133. The SA asked if she could help and I pointed out a dress I liked and held it up. She commented how nice it was and I asked if I could try it on. "Oh Sure " she said and when I had it on she asked if she could get another size. I said yes and she did. What a great experience. I was 20 miles from home and really didnt care who saw me and most of the women never batted an eye. We really are accepted.

[Eryn]

I've found that the more I shop the less I worry. I used to have elaborate scenarios made up just in case the Gender Police descended upon me. Of course, I never needed them. Salespeople are there to sell, and GGs are preoccupied with finding that perfect item for themselves.

I still have a few hangups. I prefer self-serve shoes and dressing rooms and avoid stores where the staff hovers over you. I really can't afford that level of service anyway!

[Michaela42]

It takes some time to get used to the idea that not everyone is observing your every move or action. It is all part of the fear and indecision we all feel. If it really is bothering you just take your time and start slowly. Visit the stores during slow times when there are less people around (but do not wait until it is five minutes until closing, that is rude and WILL draw unwanted attention). And before too long you will realized that what everyone else above was saying is true: people will either not notice or not care. Now get out there and shop away!

[Radina]

thank you all for the helpful input! :-*

[joanna marie]

Its true, no one cares what you buy or who you buy it for.
As far as trying things on in Drab ,use stores that have open dressing rooms
I just take things into the mens changing room and try them on, this includes dresses,
no one will stop you or say anything.

For shoes,payless is great, I wear pantyhose under my pants and just slip off my shoes and try them on
The only coment I ever got while paying was "those are cute shoes " in which I said ,"yes they are"

Just do it,
why do you care what someone you don't know and will never see again thinks about you.

[prettytoes]

I do not need to worry so much about packages. My wife knows and my kids are both out of the house (empty nest is great!). I have been buying women's panties since long before E-bay. I used to tell my wife (before she discovered my crossdressing) that they were more comfortable and cheaper than men's underwear. I tried to get styles and colors that were not super feminine, even though I longed to have the pink satin panties! I always figured at least they are women's, and my wife never thought anything of it.
I would (and still do) wait until the intimate section was fairly unoccupied, and then go in and grab what I wanted. I just took it to the cashier and paid for it. I never had any questions or comments from the SA. One time a young girl in line behind me commented on a nightie I was buying. She said "That will look good on you" in a joking kind of way. I replied "I think it goes nice with my brown eyes", and laughed. She smiled and laughed with me, not at me. I buy a lot on E-bay, because of the bargains...I just got a new Nautica bikini for $6.00 including shipping. Retail was $45. I buy all my panties, panty hose, bras, etc. locally and have never had a problem. You are surely not the first man to buy women's garments, whether for yourself or a gift.
You can also get a cheap birthday or anniversary card to make it appear as a gift, or do your shopping around the holidays. When I go to buy shoes (not often), I teel the SA I am doing the "walk a mile in her shoes" benefit walk, or I shop in October and tell them I am dressing as a woman for Halloween.
I hope some of these tricks help, but it will get easier when you realize that no one cares what you are buying. Have fun with it!

[Starr]

I normally shop in areas where people don't really know me so I don't worry about being seen buying anything. How many men do you think by things for their wives or girl friends? The people doing the checkout could care less what you are buying at wal mart or kmart. They are there doing their job, checking out your purchases. How many weid things do you think they see in a day that people buy for whatever reason.

If it helps get it in mind you ar buying them for a girlfriend or wife and just do it. I have bought things at womens apparel stores in my size. The girls checking me out knew they were for me but they made know big deal about it, one ask if they were fro my girlfriend and the other smiled at her and said no they are for him, thanked me and told me to come back... When she said that I just smiled and shook my head yes...

[Tara D. Rose]

NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU BUY! I go to the store all the time as a male, buying tampons, panties, a breast-milk pump, etc. You have to realize that buying female items does not automatically mean they are for you. If you buy panties, people will assume that it is for your girlfriend whom you want to see wear them.

If you really want to see a cashier freak out, buy condoms, lubricant, and a very large cucumber.
OMG I never thought that buying anything that could be more embarassing that the example you gave here. That is funny.

I do have the same phobia as the op here. It just scares me so. But if a cahier does figure you out at the register, you only have to be embarrassed for just a few minutes and the next time you go in there, the same cahier probably won't be working there then. Well about acmonth ago my wife and I were at Wal-Mart shopping for groceries. I went to the car to get something. On my way back through the store trying to find her, I couldn't help but take a stroll through the panties(my favorite) section. Well I stopped and was looking at this slinky lacy pair that I just wanted so badly but I didn't want to walk through the store with them in my hands so I put them back on the rack turned and took two steps and BAM, ran right into my bossman. he said hi I said hi. We talked for a while and moved on. Had I waited 30 seconds longer he would have caught me holding up the pair. I would never have heard the end of it at work.

[TexasCD810]

I can go into any Wal-Mart and buy what I want and just go through the self service lane. My favorite online is SNAZ 75.com

[TexasCD810]

I agree, I use to work for an intimate apparel company and was known as the bra man while working my retail outlets. Nobody cares or even notices.

[juno]

I can go into any Wal-Mart and buy what I want and just go through the self service lane. My favorite online is SNAZ 75.com
YES, but the OP is about what to do when the self-service lane closes, which her Wal-Mart is doing. The answer is that the less discreet you are, the less anyone cares. If you act nervous and sneaky when buying panties dressed as a man, people are far more likely to think you are buying for yourself. If you throw them on the counter like any other random store item, they assume it is for a spouse/GF/sister/etc.

[TexasCD810]

I have a UPS mail box and for $200 a year I get all my packages shipped directly.

[whowhatwhen]

The biggest being in my household packages are always opened up - doesn't matter who it's addressed to. I've told my parents/siblings to not do this but they continue to do it anyway.

This is my biggest fear.
They might not open it but I sure would get the 3rd degree, I simply have to grow some metaphorical balls and buy stuff in-store.

The odd thing is I've overcome the "omg everyone will know" fear before, I bought an (item *nudge nudge*) and nothing bad happened.
The cashier even ribbed me a bit on my nervousness "ohh it wasn't that bad!".

What I personally plan to do is take the "yeah, this is for me" approach.
Even though we all know that no one else cares, it's still a large mental barrier.

Remember, I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together!

[Amanda Styles]

I actually don't care about a self checkout lane. I buy what I want and take it through a line with a female at the register.
None have ever said a word about my purchases, although one did give me a little knowing grin, which was not bad.

[Schatten Lupus]

Well, they don't know if you are buying them for yourself or another person, and most people will automatically assume it's for someone else. I've even asked about dress sizes at one store (legitimately for my girlfriend) and the lady didn't bat an eye at me or think it was odd a guy would be asking about a very pretty dress. For all anyone knows, you are buying something you think your SO will look good in, something you think they will like for a present, or any other reason.
And of course it doesn't get anymore discreet than the internet. And not only is it 100% discreet, I have found the selection is often much better than in store.

[Loni]

to shop "discreetly" would involve paying with a cc. cash gets looks.

the clerks do not care, about the who, what, when, or were. just as long as you buy something so they have a job, they are happy.

[Jessica S]

I don't go out fully dressed only underdressed. So all my shopping is done in guy mode. The more you do it the less stressfull it is. A lot of times it is fun. I have gone to the mall anchor stores and shopped even tried on clothes. I have asked the sales assitance were the dressing room was while standing there with a dress in my hand and she just took me to the one in the women's section and put me in the stall with a smile. I don't think I was the first guy to do this becuase she did this with out any concern. When checking out once in a while I would get comments like this is cute or I like these heels.

But don't get me wrong sometimes I still get a little freak out and leave the store. Sometimes I feel like all eyes are on me or if I think I am making the other customers uncomfortable.

[mskanuchi]

It's all about the sale, and it's not illegal to purchase fem items. It's more of a self conscious thing, but I do my best shopping away from where my wifes friends may shop, don't want to cause any unnecessary weirdness for her, I find those who are so judgmental are the ones with so much to hide. Women buy mens clothes all of the time, why be ashamed if men buy womens? I hate the double standard s**t. My wife can be a bit uneasy when we are in a local store and I'm looking at things in the ladies section, asking her questions in a low tone, like "what do you think" holding it up on me, but when we are out of town, she knows that the people will most likely never see us again, and who cares what they think? They don't seem to care what we think. Just enjoy the experience, you'll make better purchasing choices.

[Wendy_Marie]

I have had real good experiences with the K-Mart stores in my area...So you may have to interact with a SA at the checkout counter I always remember what my wife said to me....My money is just as green and spendws the same as the next persons in the line.
if I wasn't there spending it, then they might not have a job and in the current economy it seems as if anyone who is working realizes just how fortunant they are.

[suchacutie]

I must admit that I'm still confused about the concern voiced about a check-out person deciding that we are buying feminine clothing for ourselves. How the devil can they know who we are buying for? :) Also, if they did say anything derogatory, it is completely unprofessional, and at that point THEY should be on the defensive. There are so many snappy (and satisfying) comebacks. Frankly, I've been waiting for a sales assistant or a cashier to say something negative now for the six years that I've been buying my feminine things in drab, but NOT ONCE has there been any negativity, from the very first time I tried on shoes in Payless and an SA asked if they were for me, and then proceeded to remind me of all the sales that had going on that day!

Ok, I do think that we should be prepared for an unruly SA or cashier, but only to make sure that our confidence is high, and to remind ourselves that buying feminine clothes is completely acceptable!!!

Consider this: the last time my wife needed a new purse she was complaining that they were all much too expensive. As it turns out I was heading out of town on business for a week to Philadelphia and I told her I'd take some time looking for her. I must have gone through 25 stores looking through every purse they had (finally found one!!!). What I realized is that no one batted an eyelash, and since I really was looking for my wife, it was an acceptable way of getting used to being in the women's section of every store I went into, or it was a women's-only store (at which point I always got approached by an SA who could just see $$$ immediately) and it was clear that this was a guy in a women's store. So, if you are not comfortable buying for your femme self, I suggest this mode of practice works well :)

[Natalee]

I can understand your anxiety. I'm not sure I'd do well at Walmart or Target either. Plus I sometimes bump into close friends there.

I've come to really enjoy shopping at Ross, or TJ Maxx. It started when shopping there for boy clothes, and spotting a girl item I COULD NOT live without; so I grabbed one my size and included it with my purchase. Now I have no reservation of shopping at these discount stores; not to mention getting really nice designer items. I'm not sure if the cashiers think I'm shopping for the wife; or not, but I don't care, and they don't either.

[Nicola]

Nicola's Top Tips are -

Write down what you want on a bit of paper and just refer to it often. If an assistant offers to help just say thank you and show them the bit of paper.
The more embarrassed you are. the happier they seem to be to help. I suspect more than a few assistants know what you are up to, but they really don't seem to care.

If you are embarrased at the checkout, just buy an obviously girly birthday card too and hey, suddenly you are buying for someone else and not yourself!

:)

[Kerigirl2009]

Sorry but I can only come up with two options, first one is to tell a GG and take her shopping with you, but that means "telling someone" then having to forever trust or option 2
Go shopping for yourself like you own the place. Don't worry about what others think, if your shopping and you start to get nervous, approach a sales associate or a female shopper and ask there opinion about "does this top go with these capris" and they will be more then happy to help you on most occassions by giving you their opinion.
Of course in male mode you have to play the dumb guy card and say " does this shirt go with these pants?"
I wish you the best and hope you find a way, TRUST ME its easy once you let go of fear.

[Brown Eyed Girl]

I've taken some of my dressed pictures with me and use it as a guide. "I'm looking for a top to go with the skirt. or capris (as Kerigirl mention)" It usually opens up a fun dialogue.

[Duana]

This has to stop! How can I get freedom from this?

How? Grow a pair and shop like a proud CD. The other day at Old Navy the cashier asked me if the clothes were for my girlfriend, I told her, "You think I have a girlfriend that wears 2X shirts? These are for me." And just smiled at her. They really couldn't care less.

[steph1964]

If you really want to see a cashier freak out, buy condoms, lubricant, and a very large cucumber.

Juno, that cracked me up :heehee:

[Chickhe]

You have to learn to get over the fear. For example, the other week I went to the local drug store specifically for makeup. I was looking for an eyeliner pencil and face powder. It took me ages to find what I wanted (they sure make those displays confusing) and when I did I went to the cashier. She scanned them in and I noticed the item was $5 more than the display. So she does a price check, turns out it was a misplaced pencil, but I had to go get the one I wanted. All the time she was friendly. I made a comment to her, that 'all the pencils look the same'...as a test to see what she would say and she basically agreed. She asked if I wanted a bag for the items and I said nope. If they are nervous, they tend to quickly put the items in a bag and almost force it on you, but I tend to say I don't need one. I don't care what anyone thinks and if they say anything to me I don't have to answer...I would probably just say something nonconsequential.

[Genifer Teal]

Something that I do I stumbled upon by accident. In very cold weather, I leave my coat in the car. Other shoppers often assume I work there. I keep getting asked where the restroom is, so you might want to find that out first - lol. Leave you work ID badge on too - if you can hide the company name. It will add to the effect.

Gen

[pattyv]

I find it very disturbing that other members of your household would open your mail without your consent. My wife and I have three adult children who do not reside at our home. On a regular basis we receive mail addressed to them individually. Never, never, never would we open their mail. To do so would be a total violation of their privacy. As parents we implemented this rule, and it still stands.We telephone them and make them aware of the mail. Sometimes they ask us to open the envelopes. Othertimes they ask us to thrash them. It is a criminal offence in Canada to open other people's mail without their consent.

BTW I have discovered, with the help of my wife, that nobody cares whether you buy female clothing or male clothing. It is all in our heads. Just go "bravely into this new world" and enjoy it. They love our money.

[Kaz]

many years ago... it was deemed as fun to buy lingerie for your wife/girl-friend... we loved it... the SAs loved it...I got advice... life was good. It still is good! Go somewhere you are not known and just buy. No-one will bat an eyelid, and if they do just act totally normal... like this is what you do all the time. If you are ever caught in an odd moment of indecision... just use... I think she will like it... what do you think? It ALWAYS works...

[Radina]

It started when shopping there for boy clothes, and spotting a girl item I COULD NOT live without

God this happens to me all the time! I go for some other shopping and I see a sexy dress or some elegant heels and I start to feel the love in my stomach for them. This never happens when I shop for guy clothes I dunno why!

But thank you ladies for the great tips, my confidence in this has risen sharply. I won't sweat it next time. Plus if one goes to peopleofwalmart.com and sees the pix, then, lol.. It's not so bad when I think about it.

[Margarette]

I buy a number of items for my wife, so buying women's clothes should not bother me. The sales people were always so helpful. When I started to purchase some items for myself, I was taking the cheapo way out and going to the "Goodwill Store" a resale store that supports charities in the area, one of which is the Association for the blind and visually impaired. The first time I was buying size 18 skirts, it was just before Halloween and if questioned, had an answer. However a few months later, I stopped in again and found a number of items, tops, skirt, slacks, etc. Had a pile. Now I was nervous. What would the sales clerk think? Just so happens that the very sweet young lady at the register was blind. She used the bar codes on the tickets to scan the items and did a great job at making change. It warmed my heart to know that my secret was safe, but also that these Extravagences were going for a good cause. Haven't had a concern since.

[Nikki A.]

I'm a bit lucky in that I have a 2 Wal-Marts not that far apart. I go to the further one and have shopped there, asked for help with sizes and tried on clothing there also. Never a problem. Once in K-Mart I had some jeans I wanted to try on, the keeper of the keys (to the men's try-on room) asked me if I knew that they were womens jeans. I said yes. After I came out, I needed to wait for my daughter who was still trying on things, I chatted with the young lady and told her that they fit better, have a little more stretch than men's jeans, are sometimes cheaper and in most cases look like mens . She saw my point and agreed.
In deference to my family I try to shop away from home, otherwise I don't give a rat's a## what others think.

[Fab Karen]

"in your head, in your head
zombies, zombies"
How can you get freedom? Relax, people don't care what you're buying ( try & list what others were buying the last time you were out- you won't be able to ). The salespeople will ring you up with as much concern as if you were buying men's socks. Once you do it, you'll see it's not a big deal. The stores have seen plenty of us before ( though sometimes they assume it's for a wife/GF ).

[Tina B.]

I've shopped in male clothing for years, alone and with the wife. When alone I used to get all nervous and would hesitate to get in long lines or go to older women or men checkers. Then one day at Kmart the only check stand open had a young man there, here I was with three pair of womens jeans, that where on a fantastic sale, it was put it down and walk away, or man up and go for it. I had spent so much time in womens wear that security had shown up to make sure I was not up to something nefarious, so to leave the store empty handed would have brought on some unwanted attention anyway, so I went for it, there where a couple of men in line in front of me, and the one closes started a conversation with me, about Kmart, ( I thought, please don't notice what I'm holding, while folding them so the label didn't show). He didn't say a thing even if if he did notice. Then I got to the checker, my worst fear, a young man, mid twenties, me with three pair of femme jeans and a top. As he started to ring things up, and saw the price on the Gloria Vanderbilt Jeans, he had to make a comment, (my worst fears) he said, "Wow, that's a great sale price!", that was it, just what a bargain I had gotten, nothing more, not who are these for, or why so many or did you know these ain't for men, nothing, just Wow, what a great price. I floated out the door with with my goodies, and I shop with a smile and a credit card very happily now. The moral of this story is REALLY, THEY DON'T CARE, JUST BUY SOMETHING!
Tina B.

[Jennie the CD]

Hi Radina-
I am about as new as you are here and with shopping in particular. I do shop at Target and Wal Mart and really enjoy and even sort of look forward to the possility of a shopper or salesgirl "discovering" me. For me it's a bit of a rush to do something sorta taboo and forbidden at least in my own mind, right in the middle of the day or evening. I do like the idea of some of the female shoppers wondering "what is HE in here for....looking at the blush or eyeliner section? Is he gay? Is he, does he, does he dress like a woman?" I rather like hoping that they ARE wondering what I am up to :)

[Angie G]

Just do it girl it's no big thing. Or you could get a P.O. box.:hugs:
Angie

[Janet Bern]

The more you do it, the easier it gets until you eventually find no one pays any attention to you.
Most of the nervousness is in your head.

[k lynn]

As everyone says the more you do it the more comfortable it becomes just wait the first time you shop Victoria Secret for a bra and the sa asks if its for you you think you will faint just answer for me and it gets easier every time I knowI wear a bra everyday good luck

[clairebabe]

i just back from first shopping today, so enjoy looking for clothes with other GGs, and I also use the fitting room to try the size, the assistant seems don't care what's in my basket just count and gave me a number. and i am just wear a man's tshirt. and i think you can also pick some men clothes and pretend buying for others. Also I think the idea ' pick up a birthday card and let them think u buy for others' might also be a good idea, you may end up with load of birthday card lol, be brave : )

[adrienner99]

Shopping for girl's things is terrifying for me, even in drab. But I have learned that if WE don't act like it's that big a deal, often the SAs won't either. Example---Awhile back while in drab I walked calmly up to the cosmetics counter and asked,"What do you have in the way of a birght red lipstick?" She looked surprised but only for a moment, then opened up a half dozen shades and discussed them...It was wonderful! So, if you can, don't act like a criminal and you may well be treated normally. A lot of the whole thing is just attitude.