“But I am no longer living with a MAN”

[Frédérique]

That’s what my sister said to me the other night! :D

For your information, she and I have been living together in the same house, in peace and harmony, for the past five years, and we share many of the same viewpoints on males and male behavior. My sister knows I’m a crossdresser, but I do not crossdress in her presence – she has read some of my collected words from this site, even though I’m not too “open” about sharing everything just yet. I get the feeling she would like to see me doing something more constructive or lucrative with my time, but we both understand the nature of relaxation – with this in mind I hold back from revealing myself too much, since it is at odds with her overall view of me, or of males in general...

Anyway, the other night we were talking about things that happened years ago, before we both moved to Kansas from Massachusetts. We got around to discussing relationships we have experienced, and she spoke at length about her daily habits when she was living with a man in Duxbury, MA. Naturally, I asked her why she has changed so much since she moved in with me. “Well,” she said, “I was living with a man then, but I am no longer living with a MAN!” She immediately looked over at me and corrected herself, telling me she didn’t mean it to sound that way. I was smiling, of course, and I said, “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!”

Yes, I took that as a HUGE compliment – wouldn’t you? I mean, why ARE you crossdressing if you’re not actively trying to get away from being male, if only for a brief time? Your results may vary, but, for me, the need to dress springs from this desire to be less male, and, apparently, it shows. I’m pleased to say I have conquered masculinity - how about you?
:battingeyelashes:

[Cynthia Anne]

A beautiful little story! Since there is no men in the house perhaps it's time to show her who she IS living with! Hugs!

[suzy1]

I would have taken it as a huge compliment too Freddy.
In this world men are meant to be men. What a relief it is for us not to be burdened down with that sort of thing. I love my female side as do most of us here.
But I can see why she was worried you might have taken it the wrong way. But to us that remark will always be a compliment.
A nice story.

SUZY

[Marie-Elise]

I like the story; your sister sounds nice. However, I can't identify with the need to be less male. In my case, it is the need to be periodically feminine. My male side is pretty much well formed and intact. I am exploring/discovering/forming my female side.

[noeleena]

Hi,

conquered masculinity. well i never had it to start with , & i have no idear what it is. tho i'v seen it in acton & i hate it big time I know what it did to my Mum & how it affected her & of cause affected me , some 64 years ago , & i'v had to live with that.

Now that does not say every male is the same, ant'e men yes because of what they . = many have done not all just so many,

just had a think about what i said its because im a woman & think as one & it goes back to i did not or could not relate to men , thats the difference for me
...noeleena...

[sissystephanie]

I am not sure that I would have taken her statement as a compliment! Yes, I do like to crossdress, but no matter what I am wearing I am still a man!! I have had never had any thoughts of being a woman, even though I do like to dress like one. My late wife knew that I crossdressed, but she also knew that I was always her man!! But, to each his/her own!!

[Amanda22]

Frederique, I would have reacted the same way, beaming with happiness! I get a very uneasy feeling when someone refers to me as "him" and especially "sir." I'm really uncomfortable checking the "M" rather than the "F" box on forms. When I approach restrooms, selecting the "Men" side feels wrong. I'm so grateful that my wife sees me as another girl in the house; well at least a girl on the inside. In a word, I detest anything male as it pertains to me.

[kimdl93]

I can't say I've conquered masculinity entirely, but I'm very pleased to live my life in a manner that, as you say is helping me get away from being male, much of the time. My wife occassionally says "you're such a girl!" and I take it as a HUGE compliment as well!

[flatlander_48]

I mean, why ARE you crossdressing if you’re not actively trying to get away from being male, if only for a brief time? Your results may vary, but, for me, the need to dress springs from this desire to be less male, and, apparently, it shows. I’m pleased to say I have conquered masculinity - how about you?
:battingeyelashes:

I don't think that's where it sits for me. In my case, it seems to be additive. Basically, I don't renounce any of my male stuff but I feel like I've allowed this other side to surface. As I sit here in a skort, I just visited one of my favorite motorsports forums before I came here. It is a very different environment from here, but then again the various parts of my personality are also. You know, it isn't always a Zero Sum Game...

[Kathi Lake]

Freddy, I knew exactly what she meant - she was no longer living with a man, not living with a man.

Still, I would take it as a compliment as well.

Kathi

[Marie-Elise]

You know, it isn't always a Zero Sum Game...

I agree with that. Think yin/yang. Complementary but equal.

[suchacutie]

I am crossdressing because a part of me is wired to be feminine, and it's very difficult to show that side when presenting as a male!

What I mean by that is that it's just incongruous to look like a guy and act like a woman, just as it can jarring to be dressed to the nine's and use a male voice (which is why many of us are concerned about our voices!). Besides, my feminine self wants to be feminine, as completely feminine as possible. My male self does not want to be feminine and, frankly, my wife is not interested in my male self acting in a feminine manner (with a few exceptions). She wants the man she married and I'm completely in agreement with that!

So, if my wife were to tell me that she didn't think she was any longer living with a man, I'd be rather concerned, but that's why we belong to this forum, no? It's great to have many perspectives and to have all of us voice those perspectives and ideas. Even after 6 years on this site I'm still amazed at the richness and variety of thoughts presented here. It's just fantastic!

Thanks so much for this thread!!! :)

[TGMarla]

my wife is not interested in my male self acting in a feminine manner (with a few exceptions). She wants the man she married and I'm completely in agreement with that!

My wife feels the same way, and I am more than happy to oblige her. I keep my feminine moments to myself, for the most part. Like Yangstyle suggested, my male side "is pretty much well formed and intact." I'm no longer trying to suppress it like I used to, since I'm not actively considering ever pursuing gender reassignment. After all these years, my female side "is pretty much well formed and intact" as well. I've reached a place where both live mostly in harmony with each other. It's much more peaceful this way, too.

Freddy, I could interpret what your sister said as she is no longer in a situation where she's "living with a man", but instead she's "living with her brother". Did she really mean it in a way as to suggest that you are actually more like living with one of the girls, or that since she's not romantically involved with you, the "living with a man" label doesn't apply? Just wondering. If she actually was making an attempt to stroke your feminine nature, then I'm very glad for you that she's come to a place where she's comfortable with this part of you. But I'm wondering if you're reading too much into the statement.

[Natalie D]

I would take it the same way as you. Coming from someone so close as a sister you live with then it is as you say a huge compliment.

Although I'm not effeminate nor do I have the mannerisms, I do think I have the mindset of a woman. Dressing helps me to lose my masculine side. As for conquering masculinity I've just learned to live with it when I need to. I'm happy being male and love being a woman when I get the chance. If that means I've conquered it then fine. The two sides live side by side in my mind for the most time peacefully.

[Longing2be-Trisha]

I love your story, you are very fortunate to have such a nice sister!

Hugs

[Alice B]

I would see her comment as a well intentioned and positive comment. It shows her acceptance of you as a cross dresser and possibily her missing having a man in a romantic sense in her life, which has nothing to do with you. Why don't you be more open with your dressing around her? Since she accepts it might be a positive thing for both of you..

[Anne2345]

Congratulations on conquering your arch-nemesis!


I mean, why ARE you crossdressing if you’re not actively trying to get away from being male, if only for a brief time?

For me, this is the precise reason why I crossdress. I certainly do not go through all of the time and trouble (it's a labor of love, though :)) of dressing up and applying makeup simply to retain a sense of masculinity. When I dress, I dress all of the way, and embrace femininity, at the intentional exclusion of masculinity, to the absolute extent I may.


I get the feeling she would like to see me doing something more constructive or lucrative with my time . . . . since it is at odds with her overall view of me, or of males in general . . . .

It's your time! Of course, the wonderful sister that you have, she knows this, accepts it, and accepts you, even if you are at odds with how she perceives males in general. Although, in her defense, crossdressing in and of itself is at odds with society's rules governing males in general, and as a result, impacts most individual's perception of males. But do you not enjoy being odd, and at odds with society? As an odd-man-out, er, um, an odd-girl-out, I do not need to call up the odds-makers to place a bet on this one - I know you do! And given this, and your deep appreciation and love of crossdressing and its attendant beauty and magic, how is indulging in this very necessary and magnificent undertaking and gift not constructive and lucrative? Crossdressing may not be constructive and lucrative in the traditional sense of their respective meanings, but try giving it up, and obverse what that does to your overall productivity, psyche, and outlook on life. Crossdressing is beautiful! Observing beauty, engaging in beautiful acts, and appreciating the beauty of life, whatever form it may take, makes all of this worth it!

[Gaby2]

Marvellous story Freddy - I enjoyed every word.
And all the replies, too!

In contrast to you, I don't feel like I'm actively fleeing male-hood by CDing.
I have the feeling that CDing is coaxing me to widen my perpectives and experience,
and that in a feminine way.

I've spent quite a bit of time dressed since the day before yesterday...
...feeling pretty in a simple way.
(Amanda's :battingeyelashes: "pretty" thread keeps playing on my mind - God bless this forum!)
I practiced some funny (but feminine) walks in heels - John Cleese eat your heart out!
It was great and I couldn't stop giggling!

Of course, I choose to crossdress.
My masculinity doesn't feel not even a little bit compromised.
It just doesn't matter to me anymore!

By the way, I told my first male friend that I'm a crossdresser the other day.
That was a momentous moment for me!

:love:Gaby

[StephanieC]

I think it's a great compliment!

[Maiko Newhalf]

Freddy, I always enjoy reading your post. To me your time is spent very constructive. :)

[Mary Morgan]

Or perhaps she was trying to differentiate between living with a man as a love interest and now sharing a home with someone. Anyway, it sounds like a good time to really put yourself out there.

[Jenny Gurl]

I would definitely take it as a compliment. Sounds like you have a great sister.

[VioletJourney]

Crossdressing doesn't remove the male side from you, it just adds another dimension to your personality.

[Danni Renee]

Well, I would have taken it as a compliment as well. I cannot say that I have conquered masculinity but the fight is ongoing! As I reevaluate things, I find that alot of the masculine things I was doing was simply a way of trying to hide the feminine feelings I have. I even have to work throught the simpliest things. I used to insist on "equal rights" defined as toilet seat up when I was married or staying with my mother. I never did housework, laundry, or even made the bed when I stayed with my mother and this time I not only made the bed every day and did housework, I cleaned the carpets and dusted the places she could not reach! I am not sure I can or even want to totally give up all of my masculinity but I do want to be who I am with traits of both sexes and feel good about it. And grow my hair out. And get my ears pierced. And wear dresses and so on..... :)

[kristinacd55]

I have to agree with that, my wife and I feel like we're girlfriends. She hasn't said it just that way, but I know that's how she feels. I do take it as a complement also! :)

[Frédérique]

I appreciate the many responses! Please pardon my tardiness – a company was moving a house down my street (Queer Street) today, and they were “laying down" the power lines as they went...


Frédérique, your post begs the question... what are YOU holding on to that's male?

Everything I’m burdened with, according to my interpretation of the situation. I can’t get rid of it, so “tucking” is a term with many meanings for me. I do identify as a male, so that, in itself, is a handle of sorts. I was born this way, and I’m making the best of it by crossdressing...


Freddy, I could interpret what your sister said as she is no longer in a situation where she's "living with a man", but instead she's "living with her brother". Did she really mean it in a way as to suggest that you are actually more like living with one of the girls, or that since she's not romantically involved with you, the "living with a man" label doesn't apply? Just wondering. If she actually was making an attempt to stroke your feminine nature, then I'm very glad for you that she's come to a place where she's comfortable with this part of you. But I'm wondering if you're reading too much into the statement.

Oh, I know exactly what my sister meant, but I’m interpreting it in a certain way, using it as an excuse to communicate something. She does not “stroke” my feminine nature – I think she’s amused by it, but not quite comfortable with the depth of it. I take every opportunity to let her know who I am, even though we’ve known each other nearly all of our lives – the idea of "knowing” can be discussed in great detail in this regard. I’ve transformed over the years, and my sister still wants me to be the surface male she knows and loves – it’s difficult to totally “come out” under these circumstances, but I remain true to myself. Our family is not very “open” about things, so this affliction is a formidable barrier to overcome. As for reading too much into the statement, I do that with most things, but, when a compliment presents itself, I accept my own reality...


Of course, the wonderful sister that you have, she knows this, accepts it, and accepts you, even if you are at odds with how she perceives males in general. Although, in her defense, crossdressing in and of itself is at odds with society's rules governing males in general, and as a result, impacts most individual's perception of males. But do you not enjoy being odd, and at odds with society?

I protect my oddness more than my TG nature, trying to slip the crossdressing under the door I’ve pried open. What? I mean I attach crossdressing to my positive, inherent eccentricity. Although my sister likes all varieties of males, she seems to be more “normal” in her appreciation these days. I watch her reactions to things (i.e. males) very closely – at the same time, I seek an apart-ness in plain sight, something she is aware of, but reluctant to discuss...


Crossdressing doesn't remove the male side from you, it just adds another dimension to your personality.

A good assessment, but I need to tell you I don’t believe we have “sides,” nor do I feel we add other dimensions to our being by wearing different clothing. We simply ARE, and we reveal ourselves when the situation presents itself – please see that in a semi-closeted MtF context...
:straightface:

[Kaz]

We simply ARE, and we reveal ourselves when the situation presents itself...
:straightface: [/QUOTE]

And I do not wish to take your words out of context, but Freddie this is very profound! So glad for the narrative and arguement that got there!:daydreaming:

[BiancaEstrella]

Crossdressing doesn't remove the male side from you, it just adds another dimension to your personality.

Co-sign this all the way. While I don't mind feminine pronouns addressed to me while en femme, I'm still very much a male. I like being multi-layered, even if it means crossing gender lines.

[TxKimberly]

You know, I would indeed consider that a compliment! Good for you. :D

[Kaitlyn Michele]

it's always good when an open expression made in your direction is felt in a nice way..

it's a really nice moment i think..

it seems true that we reveal ourselves as the situation presents, her comment touched you and i guess you felt "revealed"..
as a transgender person, it always feels right when people see you the way you feel about yourself..

[docrobbysherry]

No one will EVER say that to/about me, Freddie!
"Men r jerks!" And, I'm guilty as charged!

PS: GREAT POST! I found I could easily read the entire thing!

[Anna Bee]

I might not have even tied her comment to your cross dressing, but more to the fact that you are her brother, family, and not some "alpha male" figure in the house.

As in, she used to live with her man, but now she lives with a male.

if that makes sense...

[Torrey]

As in, she used to live with her man, but now she lives with a male.

I don't think I agree with the assessment. I think it's a tremendous compliment of your inner spirit.

[flatlander_48]

Clearly, one thing that we can all take away is that we are not defined by a narrow range of characteristics. There is quite a spectrum when you consider the emotional distance from gay to straight and from male to female. You can't just box us into a small set of definitions. Maybe that is also part of the appeal of being who we are. We get to redefine who and what we are. To the extent that we are able, we can tell the world that we are neither This or That, but Something Else; Something Else of our own making and aligned with our true selves.

All of us here are on a journey; an unpredictable journey. What we know is that there is a mismatch between the person that we have been and the person that we really are. Hopefully, in time, we can resolve that mismatch...

[Sarah Doepner]

Freddy, I'm sure her intention was to say she wasn't romantically involved with someone. However, when she stopped and attempted to correct her statement, she then paid the compliment to you. She felt enough concern for you to make sure that she wasn't being insulting, concerned that you wouldn't be open to her in the future. You were perfectly right to take that compliment and by doing so you have reemphasized for her your happiness in adopting and enhancing your femininity.

I'm not sure there is a discrete feminine/masculine boundary or set of traits in my life that I can really put my finger on. The problem comes not from my attempting to find where my comfort level is, but adjusting to the comfort level of others I care about. It holds femininity in check here, but it sounds like you have more options should you wish to cultivate them out there in the plains.

And yes, the weather is improving here in the west as well.

[carhill2mn]

Freddy, in an earlier post you wondered what else there was for you to right about. At the time it occurred to me that even though you have written several long and detailed posts, I still did not know much about you personally.

This post tells me something about you! It also tells me some of what goes on in your life. I suspect that there is much more
that you could tell us that would be of interest to many of us.