First time going out (soon)

[RachelDee]

Hey all,

I have not posted on here for a while (as moved house and didnt have internet for a bit, or a phone line for that matter :sad:). However I thought I might share some things that have been happening for me.

In about a weeks time I plan on going out for the first time in female clothes. I have an upcoming appointment in London at the gender clinic I attend, and thought this was a perfect time to try do it. I was on a bit of a shopping spree recently (over this past week or so) and was buying lots of clothes, all female. I even bought 2 Bra's since I have things have been progressing in that area a little (I measured myself and came out as a 36AA).

I decided that I am now going to start phasing out my 'male' clothes and buy female styles only from now on. I'm not wearing makeup (because I still need to sort out the facial hair thing) but hope to get to that point. I have experimented and stuff but I really don't feel happy doing that still (even though I'd like to).

I'm not buying dress's just yet, im staying in female jean territory for a bit. However a positive step is a positive step? :) I think that I will look plenty female with what I have regardless (EDIT: What I mean there is that the clothes will make me look like I am presenting as lol). I got some nice lower cut tops/open necks. Lots of pink/shiny materials. But greys/whites too to make them a splash andro looking. It's sort of female, but not 'in your face'. Which is fine, I mean I bought what I liked and what I would feel comfortable wearing.

It's been great buying clothes I want for a change!

I recently had my first blood test after starting HRT (been 3 months now). My results were interesting, though lots of room for improvement of course. Was 29.1 (Testosterone) originally, now at 11.2. My estrogen level was 72, its now 129.

Not been totally plain sailing with family, but they are coming around I think. My father is still stubern about it and has come out with some unsuitable comments at times... but I never expected him to be ok with it (I dont think he ever will be really).

That's about it really I think :) oh also while I might be very unsure/upset sometimes about how I look, I no longer am having any panic attack like moments of gender issues like I was just before Christmas. I am not sure if thats the HRT or just the fact that I am now being the person I feel I am and not hiding it (or a combination of both of those).

I'll leave it here then, and here is a picture of meee smiling =] its not often I take pictures of myself, or smile. So its a double rarity lol.

Oh there is one small thing, I would like it if anyone had any advise or comments on their experiences going out for the first time. How to deal with any unsettling or negative reactions? That sort of thing.

Thanks x :)

[Jeanna]

You are so cute! No need to worry girl. Just keep your first outing to the day time and conservative

[lynn_lynn]

hrt will make your panic less.. I get into fights with my family all the time. Still after 30some yrs of me coming out. Its like a big joke to them. Of course they are ugly people inside and out, I cant expect anything else from church going bigots.. ..

[Frances]

Wow, what a change in attitude! You are doing great. Don't worry about dresses. I still only wear jeans and yoga pants apart from the Holidays. Go conquer the world!

[RachelDee]

Thanks :D appreciate it.

[Shapeshiffter]

I don't see any reason to worry. You look very cute.

[Sophora]

I wouldn't sweat it. The first time I went out in female clothes I was very nervous. No one really cared or seemed to noticed. and you are very cute so you should be fine.

[arbon]

Another wow.

It's great to read a post from you.

You look good and I think you will do just fine on your first outing and can't imagine you'll have any problems. I have never been given much grief by people, I don't really know what I would do if anyone did give me a hard time, but I would most likely just try to ignore them. I'm just not very witty and tend to avoid confrontation.

Hrt really helped calm me down. Before I started I had terrible anxiety and I was not functioning very well. It did for me what antidepressants and anti anxiety meds could not.

I don't know what it is like where you live but around here where I live wearing a dress makes you really stand out. I don't care much for that so I stick to jeans to.

Like was already said - you sound great and you look great :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you look really nice in the picture and your "look" seems just right for you... lots of women wear dresses but spend a day just watching and you'll notice most people, including women dress very casually..jeans, sweats, sneaks...etc..
the cap you have on is just right...

as far as makeup..a little bit of mascara, and a light lip color will look great no matter what..

all the best !
kaitlyn

[Stephenie S]

Yup. I agree with all the rest. You look just fine. You will have no problems at all.

Stephenie

[Hope]

Oh there is one small thing, I would like it if anyone had any advise or comments on their experiences going out for the first time. How to deal with any unsettling or negative reactions? That sort of thing.

You will be fine.

You will eventually get those negative responses. We all do. You may or may not get them the first day out. The nice thing is that the negative responses are usually less frequent than you expect, and as you get better and better with your presentation they become less and less frequent.

The best way to deal with the responses is two fold - internal and external. Internally, I think it is important to remember that the response you are getting has nothing to do with you - it has to do with the person doing the responding and that person's biases. Remember that they are unintentionally telling you something about themselves and it makes it feel better. They aren't telling you anything about yourself that you don't already know (or know to be bullshit).

The external response is a bit more tricky and should be based on the nature of the bad reaction. I try to always leave people with a positive impression of trans people, even when they are complete ass-hats. I know that a lot of times the giggling, and the pointing and the picture taking and whatever else has more to do with their discomfort with trans people, or lack of experience with trans people than it has to do with anything I have done. I want what is possibly their first experience with a trans person to be positive. That makes it better for next time, and for the next girl. Laugh, point, take a photo - you will get a smile from me. Usually it is a genuine smile because I know that I have just made your world bigger simply by existing - and that is a powerful feeling. You are one of the many splendored things in the world - be proud and happy about that.

Now - if you encounter someone who is belligerent and or threatening - well... no more Mrs. nice tranny. That is why I carry pepper spray. For the record - I have never felt the need to use my pepper spray - but I know girls who have. So I keep mine in my purse... You are unlikely to need yours on any particular outing either - especially your first one... but that doesn't mean you should go w/o it.

[AnnaCalliope]

First off, congrats on making another big step towards full-time. Second, toss out the boy clothes! Well, donate them to the local thrift shop or homeless shelter, but get rid of them nonetheless. When I decided to transition, I switched to a completely femme wardrobe, even when still presenting as male. It just felt normal. I got a few looks, odd stares, but mostly support from my peers and friends. I still present as male for work, by that's just a temporary thing until I start HRT and get my name officially changed. My femme/drab look consists of flared jeans or slacks, women's blouse or t-shirt, flats or sandals, nail polish on my fingers and toes and light make-up (foundation, mascara and pale pink eyeshadow); basically how I dress as female, sans breast forms.

For the facial hair, find a good 3-5 bladed razor, hair conditioner and a good moisturizer. I don't know what it is, but hair conditioner as opposed to shave gel or cream works best. You'll probably need a good concealer to cover up what shadow is left behind. In my case, I actually went to my local costume shop, which does a lot of business with the city's drag performers and a very helpful SA spent over an hour with me trying different shades and powders until we found one that was a perfect match.

For make-up, I like to keep it looking very natural. Just concealer, powder and cream foundation for a base, a light colored eyeshadow and a bit of mascara. Get your eyebrows trimmed and ears pierced if you haven't already.

Above all else, hold up your head and smile! Rock those hips! Look alive and people will usually let you be. You're gonna get a few people who stare, but in some cases, they are actually checking you out.

[Melody Moore]

I have to also say 'Wow!' and what I find really interesting Rachel is how much stronger you have become over the past 3 months because as you know I have followed all of your postings & replied so often to you. And I kid you not, I can really see a huge change in you & your attitude You have turned around completely from being so shy, living in fear because of your family & rejection in society to finally coming out in such a positive way. Just looking at your photo it is easy to see that you are so darn happy & proud of yourself inside now. And so you should feel proud Rach, its so good to see someone like you take charge of your life. You are a great role model for a few others here to follow.
Well done hun :hugs:

[danielleb]

I just wanted to add that perception creates reality.

If you walk out the door looking for all those negative reactions, you're going to get them! But if you feel good about yourself and who you are, then you won't create any negative scenarios in your head, and will learn to only react to the positive, and I'm sure you'll get plenty of positive. ;)

It's going to take time to be comfortable with yourself out and about. Maybe try a couple small trips locally before making the journey to London. It will be much easier going on the train if you feel confident in yourself than to sit and have hours to wonder about why that person is looking at you, or why that person never made eye contact with you. The most dangerous place is in your head! So learn to be proud in who you are and it's much easier to not listen to those negative thoughts and enjoy life.:battingeyelashes: