Do you regret coming out of the closet?

[Sandra]

PLEASE ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND REGRET IT REPLY

Why?

[Kerigirl2009]

Yes and No

I regret telling my wife because she is not accepting, Tolerant yes but not accepting. Now she looks at me and sees a different person.

I was hoping she would be accepting and want to share some quality time, I say quality time because at that time I could just be myself and be completely 100% honest.

Not that I am not honest with what I tell her, it is just sometimes I hold back. Like I want to go out because I NEED to spend time socializing to get my feminine feelings out or they drive me nuts.

No because Now I do not have to worry that if I leave something out that it will turn into an argument. I just wish things where different,

Yes because it hurt my wife and this is something that I can't take back ever. I am just hoping she will learn to acept and actually want to meet Me (Keri) someday.

She has only said my name once that I know of.

I so wish things where different

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Sandra!

Yes I regret the hurt I caused my wife. No I the fact that the harm I was doing to myself physically was on the border of killing myself. Hiding who I truly am for 42 years and coming out was like taking a mask off and total peace coming over me. Not being able to express who I am though is just a painful.

[ReineD]

Sandra, I guess I qualify even though I'm not the CDer. I'm also in the closet right along with my SO, by virtue of being her partner.

Do I regret telling some of the people I've told? Yes. The relationships have changed. They still talk to me, it's not like I'm wiped out of their existence. But the closeness that used to be there isn't there any more. This is because they don't embrace people who are gender variant as much as I do.

That said, I have another point to make. We all find ourselves in positions to make decisions. I've made a few in my life when the outcome has been worse than I expected. I can't regret the decisions I've made, because I can't go back and change anything. All I can do is move forward and cut my losses. I can even convince myself that my life is better now than it ever was, if I set my mind to it. But truth be told, if I could go back and change things, would I? In some instances I would.

[Debb]

Yes, I regret it. I've only come out to my wife and my sons (both adults now). By virtue of having told my wife and sons, I am out to others who they've chosen to tell .. their girlfriends, my wife's friends.

I regret it so much that I've not been able to bring myself to tell anyone else besides my hairdresser.

It's led to a cooling off between myself and my sons. It's led to a cooling off between myself and my wife. It's led to a ... hesitancy ... in our mutual friends. People who know are mostly not open to hearing about it, in any way.

... and the thing is, these people that I'm out to? They're the ones that are the less-risky ones to tell. My dad, and my three brothers, are way more conservative and quick to condemn any behavior they see as deviating from "normal". There's no way I can see telling them, and it going well ... so I'll have to wait until I simply cannot wait any longer. It's no fun to see a loss of relationship as ... inevitable.

[lynn_lynn]

Sort of... I mean when I came out more as a full grown adult after leaving the neighborhood for so long..

It seems like that I lost some the mystery of myself also. but too, I believe that some fetishism attached to it dissolved : which is a good thing by the way.

[KellyCD]

A resounding YES.

My SO pretended to be accepting but within the last couple weeks cheated on me and admitted that she hated my CD'ing. Even though I've only dressed twice in 7 months.

I regret coming out to anyone. I regret being this way in the first place. Its done nothing but ruin my life.

[kristinacd55]

Yes and no. It's caused my wife a lot of pain since I dragged her into the closet with me and now we (I) have told our sister in law and our daughters. Don't know where that's leading to now although my wife's on here now which I think is positive.
Yes, for the fact that I've met a bunch of new friends in the flesh who have become best friends. And just going out into the real world has been simply amazing. I'm just hoping that the blending of these two worlds can work out!
We can work it out, we can work it out...life is very short and there's no time......

[docrobbysherry]

YES! And, I've told only ONE PERSON. An old girlfriend.

We've been in touch for about 35 years and were quite close when I told her about a year ago. She continued to be cooler and cooler towards me in the months following my admission. Now, she doesn't respond to my mail at all!

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

I really regret coming out when I did. I regret the fact that it took me so long! I wasted at least 10 years that I could have been out by hiding and not coming out.

[Cynthia Anne]

I too have regrets of losing familey and so-called friends! But my biggest regret is I didn't come out 40 years sooner!

[Melody Moore]

I had a little bit of regret about how my kids have reacted & losing family, but that was expected anyway, so
I got over it pretty quick. And its the same here that my biggest regret is I didn't come out 30 years sooner! :heehee:

[Patty B.]

I regret telling my wife of 28 years of my cd and what its done to our marriage and being outed to my family, our small community, very rural and at work. It hasn't been pleasant and lately I've had very negative feelings about all this. I do regret not telling my wife when dating best time to tell and or at the very least when these feeling finally returned after being married. I can not change the past, but do wonder what may have progressed had I pursued cd'ing in my 20's and not backed off, but just have to keep on living and facing the consequences.

[Sandra]

Thank you for the responses :)

To those who have lost friends and family members I am sorry and I can read the pain that you have gone through in your posts :hugs:

Like Reine, I too came out of the closet when Nigella did and the only regret that I have is that it wasn't done sooner.

[Nigella]

Would those who have responded to this thread now please go and respond to this (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?157965-Have-you-had-any-good-experiences-coming-out-of-the-closet) thread, even if there has been no good experiences.

[Tara D. Rose]

I'm only out ot my wife, so I feel that I am out only to the ones that matter. Do i have regrets? Well that comes in stages, at first I was the happiest little crossdresser in SC. It brought my wife and I so much closer than we could have ever imagined. But like most, not all but most, she began to have her own side effects from it all. Giving 100% support, to bitching about it, to me stopping it, then showing her post's on here of likewide wivees like her, then she'd be back on again, sort of like a yo-yo thing. From the perspective, I do regret it, but yet I can still become Tara whenever I want to, sometimes she's with it and other times not. So with that being said, I have some regrets, and sometimes no regrets.

[TGMarla]

Yes, I have some real regrets about being outed. I did not willingly come forth on this issue. I grew up in the pre-internet days, when most of us thought we were unique in the world. So I formed habits of secrecy that were not easily set aside. I was caught crossdressed by a family member, who told everyone else in my extended family about it. I then confessed all of my sins to my wife, who was very angry and confused about it all. And who could blame her? It came as quite a shock to her. She and I have a strong relationship now, and I am forever grateful for her acceptance, even though she is unsupportive of this behavior. And although her extended family was made aware of this, they did not outwardly act any differently towards me, I think out of respect towards me and out of a sense of maturity. But I knew that they knew, and things were awkward at first. All that is blown over now, but the difference they see in me when they look at me cannot be reversed.

On the positive, though, they all know I crossdress. But I am otherwise just your average ordinary person. So that has to go a long way towards showing others that crossdressers are not usually the freaks and wierdos that they are perceived to be. They can be anyone, and they probably are.

[DebbieL]

I've had both good and bad experiences. Perhaps the worst was when I was in Colorado Springs, came out, and my employer decided "the fairy has to go". It was a major company where many of the executives were former military. During that same time, my wife was having an affair, her fiance wanted to marry her. When I finally resigned, I ended up getting a better job, higher pay, in Denver, and met a wonderful woman who loved going out with me as Debbie. Part of the problem is that when you try so hard to live the lie (Not being out), there are consequences for getting honest. But once you've created the space and freed yourself of those who want to keep you in the closet, there is space for new friends, new opportunities, and a whole new life, if that's what you decide you want.

[Petra.Briar]

I regret telling my wife, but am happy I did....and let me explain. For many of the same reasons others have, it has been a process which involves a lot of pain and confusion. We have gotten past the coming out and I am afraid to come out to anyone else, so it seems like it is all for not. I am glad I did because I would have been caught at some point and it would have been even worse. The net is, we would have gotten to where we are today, in a good but not great relationship, and I still am closeted to the rest of the world and it can causes questions such as what if I did not come out...

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

i 100% regret telling my wife of 27 yrs that i am a crossdresser, it has driven her to a nervous breakdown and put our marriage
in deep peril. before i came "out" i lived in such a happy home(while slowly dying inside) now the atmosphere is cold and
horrid.I so hope my wife can get the help she needs to overcome her problems, but our lives are changed for the worse
forever i fear. Ladies think hard before you come "out"!

[Karren H]

Hell yes.... I regret my wife finding out.... I'd take that back in a heartbeat! I don't regret leaving the closet and exploring the big bad world.... Its been such an awesome adventure.

[wanagione]

Yes , I regret not coming out sooner, I feel I wasted alot of good years. I regret I didn't tell my wife sooner. She is excepting, I regret that I am still afraid to tell my sister and some friends. I regret the fact that fear is why most of us don't come out of the closet and why it will take so much longer to be excepted in the world. No i don't regret that I came out because now I can be free to explore me, the real me.