A bit disappointed at work

[Diane Elizabeth]

At work we wear uniforms with our names on the shirts. Due to the heat and humidity we are aloud to wear a t shirt with a safety vest over it. This is great because then I get "ma'am" a couple of times a week. Or I get confusing stares from people as they stop in. This allows me to wear a sports bra while working. Something happened (don't know what was said) and now the county boss says we cannot wear T shirts and vest. We must wear our uniform shirts. I get so hot and sweaty from work that I am afraid to wear a bra as it would be seen through my wet shirt.

So I am a bit disappointed with the situation. Yesterday at work I didn't feel feminine all day. I think it was due to this change in uniform policy. its harder to present myself as I want when you have a male name on your shirt.

[Laurie Ann]

Hopefully this too shall pass and they will see the error of their ways.

[CharleneT]

Is there be a nickname that is gender neutral that could work for you for a while ??

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have been using "Dee". Or at least trying to. I think I finally confused my neighbors because I didn't ssay why other than I didn't like my male name. At work they disregard my request. I can't get the name changed on my shirts as they won't pay it. I offered to pay but they still won't let me. they keep pushing for answers and being a terrible liarm I won't explain. I don't want it to become the center of conversations at work. I shy away from the spotlight and this would be as big as a hollywood premier. A bit exagerated.

Unfortunately I am already in their headlights as a target at work over some other things. I am just trying to hang on until I can come out and do a name change with thee HR people and then find a job elsewhere.

[Katesback]

If you are TS and serious then why are you delaying the enevitable? I mean if I was your employer I would not do anything till you got your name changed. Till that day I would expect you to present yourself by the standards put forth for male employees. Sorry but it is the facts. NOBODY will take you seriously till you change your name. Of course after you changed your name I would expect you to present as a woman employee 100% of the time. No back and forth behavior. Sorry.

Another way to put it is you could tell me your a dog and I would not believe you. You can tell me your a girl and I certainly cannot take words at face value. There are too many nut cases and dreamers out there. I am not a big fan of religion which is based on faith in a belief that cannot be proven. Ya want my respect and approval then SHOW ME!!!!!! Simple as that.

Katie

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am in the process of researching the laws about the job and TG. My therapist says I am not ready totake that step yet. I have other issues that I am working on in regards to that. Knowing the people I work with they wouldn't take me serious even after a name change. The company says that I am still a male until I have GRS and therefore have to keep using the mens lockeroom. I base this on what I had to endure when I let my hair grow out. They were very abusive about it with their jokes. Even my immediate supervisor didn't help. He wouldn't admit that it was harassment on their part. Comments still occassionally pop up about my hair. But I am working on getting a harder skin to deal with the problem when it happens. But thank you for your comments. I really appreciate the support.

[Katesback]

First of all yes you will need a thick skin. Second of all the lockerr room thing. If you have to ask for permission your NOT ready. A real woman does not ask for permission to use the locker room. I recently joined a gym. I did not ask for permission.
Finally because you have a penis yes you should not be using a female locker room where people are possibly going to be seen naked. There is always a chance you will get called and if you dont have the right goods a bluff will NOT work. Stick with the mens room till you loose the penis and learn NOT to ask for permission.

Katie

[RADER]

Just pretend you went Bra-Less to work that day. lol
Rader

[Badtranny]

My therapist says I am not ready totake that step yet.

Your therapist?! No offense but what in the heck does your therapist know? You are getting solid time tested advice from none other than "The Voice of Experience"!

Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have free access to her wisdom? How dare you presume that a mere therapist is more qualified than "The Voice of Experience" herself! Your college kid counselor with her degrees and book learnin' can't even compare to someone who has been there.

I'm sure your polite apology would be accepted.

[Aprilrain]

[QUOTE=Katesback;2565527 A real woman does not ask for permission to use the locker room.

Finally because you have a penis yes you should not be using a female locker room [/QUOTE]

some times I agree with Kate some times I don't I agree that if you are legally female you don't need to say any thing to anyone!

I disagree with the contention that a Full time legally female TS should be using a mens locker room just because she is waiting to have her surgery! come on Kate thats just insane!

[Katesback]

No I simply did not use a locker room till after SRS. Bathroom yes but lockerroom NO!!!!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

it's not insane april...

no penis allowed in the women's locker room.. bathrooms are different than locker rooms...
it's not fair to pre op transsexuals, but i happen to agree with Kate here.

as far as your therapist starla , i have to chime in with melissa...i don't know if you overstated it, but your therapist does not control you!! yikes!!
if your therapist "advises" you and you take that advice, that seems ok...but all too often we wait and wait for the "diagnosis" or the "go ahead"..it is always up to you..

Frankly starla i think you seem to be doing well.. you seem to be in a tough spot, and in the short term, in this economy, i don't find any issue with a person being careful about proceeding....stay calm and clear headed... always consider what you have to gain transition wise, and act accordingly...if they know you are ts and you want to stay there, then kate is probably right, and the longer you wait, its just gonna get worse.....being in the middle does you little good if you are staying at that job..

if you just don't know what to do next, then going slow and figuring out the lay of the land is good business for you and good for the business of your transition..
maybe you are just cashing $$'s until you know your next steps..way too many girls take Kate's F$*$ the world advice and wish they had saved more money...

[Badtranny]

Kaitlyn,

I'm sorry if I wasn't over the top enough, but I was being about as sarcastic as I could be.

I think advice from a therapist would pretty much always trump ANY advice from ANY anonymous person on the Internet.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I do like to listen to the "voices of experiences". I can understand the "no penis" in the lockeroom. I would be willing to work something out. The issue I have is having to change in the mens lockeroom. By the way the restrooms are in the lockerooms. But to them I would still be of male gender dispite what my ID card says. I listen to my therapist- that doesn't always mean I do what she wants.

According to what the Outfront lawyer told me, the company has a right to set the rules as they see fit regardless of what my ID says. Does that mean a gym womens lockeroom is off limits to a pre op woman if their rule says no penis' in the womene lockeroom. Time to think this oout some more. Supposedly the difference is that the coworkers know me on a daily basis and the gals in a gym do not. Not sure this has a true ring to it.

[Aprilrain]

it's not insane april...

no penis allowed in the women's locker room.. bathrooms are different than locker rooms...
it's not fair to pre op transsexuals, but i happen to agree with Kate here.

just to be clear I was saying that it is insane to expect a woman to go in the mens locker room.

[Avana]

No I simply did not use a locker room till after SRS. Bathroom yes but lockerroom NO!!!!

but by the same token, is it OK for men to potentially see a transsexual's woman's breasts while in the locker room? And isn't it potentially dangerous for her?

[sandra-leigh]

When I talked to my HR about 2 years ago, saying that I was TG, and that I was getting to the point where I would, at the very least, be able to walk in the front door in my clothing of choice, even if I then had to change in to "work" clothes to keep things running smoothly, it took my HR person about, hmmm, 7 seconds to think of a quite acceptable and workable solution.

In my workplace, at the back of the ground floor, near a meeting room, there are a couple of washrooms with lockers in them and in which the washroom itself is self-contained within the room, with mirror and sink and lots of room. The HR person pointed in their direction and said we could trivially remove the gender designations on them.

This is the sort of thinking that is not difficult when management wants to work with people to solve problems smoothly. Indeed, from management's point of view, the weak part of the plan would have been if I had said, "No, I identify as a woman, so therefore I want to use a washroom marked for women!". Maybe at some point that might become important to me, but that time is not soon. At this point, I am fine using a non-gendered washroom, as I'm more concerned about the workplace getting distracted with debates about perceptions that I am using the "wrong" washroom.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Sandra, I would befine using a non gender washroom. However the restroom/lockerooms are gender specific. I will have to dress in a bathroom stall until I get SRS or quit my job.