It's not a game

[Shannen]

It's not a game we play once in a while, it's me.

I'm sorry I let you think it was a game.

I can't be any more "me" than when I am at my most vulnerable, sorry you had to use that against me.

I won't ever play that game with you again.

[ReineD]

Can you fill us in on any details? Your OP is a bit cryptic. It's hard for people to respond in a meaningful way when they have to guess what your situation is.

I'm assuming you just broke up with a SO who thinks that your CDing is a hobby or a game?

You're online still, so I'm hoping you'll clarify your post a bit, before others jump in with responses.

[docrobbysherry]

Ok, Shannen, have it your way! I WON'T call u the next time we need a 4th for bridge!

[Tanya C]

No, it's certainly not a game, and I think that many of us cders do ourselves and our spouses a great disservice when we attempt to portray our cding as merely some sort of game or hobby.
Personally, I consider my fem side to be just as important as my guy side. And even though I am only a part time dresser my gender expression is just as important and serious as a full time TS.
Sorry if I am assuming facts not in evidence but you didn't give us much to go on.

[eluuzion]

Alrighty then, if that is the only clue we get.:doh:
I am going to give it a shot anyway...

It was the OP, in the kitchen, with the candlestick. Did I win? :)

:hugs:

:love:

[girlygirly]

It's not a game we play once in a while, it's me.

I'm sorry I let you think it was a game.

I can't be any more "me" than when I am at my most vulnerable, sorry you had to use that against me.

I won't ever play that game with you again.
I know what Shannen is talking about here.

Thanks Shannen. Is it really real?

[Shannen]

Sorry for being so vague in the op. I wasn't in a talkative mood.

It's my fault really. I thought if we "played together, we would stay together".

Oh, we'll stay together, don't worry about that. Shannen won't be around the house anymore. I'm not some dress up doll that gets thrown into the corner when play time is done.

I'm a real person, all aspects of me are me. If she can't handle that, then I won't ask her to anymore, in any way.


*******************************

[Karren H]

Maybe I'm odd.... But "playing" seems to be such a small part of what makes for a good long tern relationship, imho....

[Shelly Preston]

Shannen

Our femme side is part of us be it small or large. It will never be a game.

We can have fun and games with different outfits but that is not the same thing.

Sorry to hear you are hurting so much right now :hugs

[Shannen]

No, it's certainly not a game, and I think that many of us cders do ourselves and our spouses a great disservice when we attempt to portray our cding as merely some sort of game or hobby.
Personally, I consider my fem side to be just as important as my guy side. And even though I am only a part time dresser my gender expression is just as important and serious as a full time TS.
Sorry if I am assuming facts not in evidence but you didn't give us much to go on.

Tanya, that's right on. I just realized I has turned it into a game for her. I never wanted it to be. I poured out my heart to her and she didn't understand. I don't blame her, there is nothing else in her life as a reference point on how to handle this, so it's all new (for the last 15 years), and every time I try to take another baby step in the process, the door gets slammed in my face.

[Stephenie S]

Well I must confess I haven't a CLUE what is going on. Are you talking about a relationship on this forum? With your boss? With your SO? With a friend?

Do tell. I just LOVE gossip.

S

[ReineD]

Tanya, that's right on. I just realized I has turned it into a game for her. I never wanted it to be. I poured out my heart to her and she didn't understand. I don't blame her, there is nothing else in her life as a reference point on how to handle this, so it's all new (for the last 15 years), and every time I try to take another baby step in the process, the door gets slammed in my face.

She just doesn't get it especially as you say, if you had played it out to be fun, kinky bedroom stuff, or a pastime you could easily do without.

Shannen, it does take a while for some GGs to wrap their minds around it and the most difficult barrier is to get over all their misconceptions of what CDing really is, if it is more than fetish. GGs don't grow up having healthy role models of CDers and CDing marriages all around them. And they can't know internally how it feels. So now you are telling her that what you had told her all along, which reinforced what she always thought it was all about, is now inaccurate.

It will take time, and perhaps other resources such as the book, "My Husband Betty", and perhaps joining this site for added information and also GG support.

Also, please don't take this the wrong way and of course everyone's communication styles are different, but if you communicate with her as sparingly as you have to us in this thread, she may not be able to fully understand what is in your heart. You need to reach down and maybe learn to explain things in greater detail? I may be wrong and this is just a suggestion.

I am sorry that you both have to be going through this. :sad:


EDIT Also, have a look at the Sticky in this section, "How To Tell Your Partner" and also the Sticky in Loved Ones, "Now I LIke It, Now I Don't".

[Lorileah]

Feelings are hurt, that much is plain. The question is will this type of response only work against the OP. I think it will. Things didn't work out the way you though they should have so instead of discussing it, you explode. We talk about how SO's over react here all the time.

What is clear here is that you have a failure to communicate. Different ideas and no central reference. I see three outcomes.

1) you will get back together in the same manner because in some way you have both felt rewarded and have had some pleasure from the activity.

2) You will hold a grudge and no matter what the other person does you will not relent and thus your punishing them will eventually punish you and when all is said and done no one is happy. If that is your plan best to cut ties now and take what pain you have and go on.

3) They will take you at your word, you will miss the attention you had, you will beg an d plead they will remind you what a b*tch you were over and over and over and you will be miserable and they will go on with whatever they do, totally happy that they don't have to pamper you. Again, best to cast off now before your life becomes the hell you believe it is.

Of course you could tell them how you feel in real life, try and work toward a mutual agreement. Just a thought before you severe a part of you you might like to have at a later date

[kimdl93]

I have to admit the sparse explanation given in the OP left me a bit perplexed too. Based on your later responses, I'd concur with Reine & Lorileah...communications is the key. I would counsel more communication, patience and some active listening on both parts. here's a useful link: http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm

[countrygirl]

It is not a game but two sides to one person a fem side and a male side. Both I enjoy having. It is nice being a guy then again it is nice to be able to go and dress as Amanda.

[suchacutie]

It's never a game. It's emotional, terrifying, exciting, and very very vulnerable. It's also hard for anyone outside of the experience to comprehend that this "guy" suddenly has an emotional range that is not normally ascribed to a masculine being. That's a part of being transgendered that we seldom talk about. Even without hormones, our emotional selves can go through a roller-coaster like set of swings. Maybe you have begun the process of having that discussion. Thank you!

tina