How to get "out" but not sure how?

[Sweet Sabrina]

After reading all of these posts on who is out and who isn't and who wants to and who doesn't I am at a crossroads. I would like to come out to a few more people but how exactly does one start that conversation? I had thought to tell my sister, and at least two others. All female and all mature ladies who have been around the merry go round a time or two. With my wife it was one thing to tell her, seeing as how we have been working on communication since some infidelities Other people though not sure on. I guess the problem is that if I tell them I am assuming that it is something that they would want or like to know? Maybe that's a big part of the whole "out" problem? Is it that important for others to know? Are we that arrogant that we think it matters? Like I said just looking for some advice and discussion. Thanks

[Karren H]

If you need to be validated then why not? I'd drop hints or wear something fem and see if they notice and comment and then go from there. Not a big fan of springing things on people but maybe just come out and tell them you have something to disclose?

[Jessica Who]

When I have these discussions I usually start by sitting someone down and preparing them for a long talk, then saying "I have something important to tell you". After that, it boils down to exactly what you want to communicate (how you identify, where you are going, etc)

Hope that helps

[Sweet Sabrina]

If you need to be validated then why not? I'd drop hints or wear something fem and see if they notice and comment and then go from there. Not a big fan of springing things on people but maybe just come out and tell them you have something to disclose?

I don't feel the need to be validated just feel the need to be a little more open?

[Holly]

When I told my younger brother, I started by asking him, "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a sister?" It worked for me. For a general conversation starter, how about, "I have something I'd like to share with you that is very important to me. Many find it unusual and there is an enormous amount of misunderstanding about it. It's somewhat personal so your confidence would be appreciated." Good luck.

[kimdl93]

Don't underestimate the value of validation ;) Really, being accepted by others is a great feeling. It seems that since you're out to your wife, and you're working on communications with her, that the next conversation should be with her.

I do have a question. Are you hoping to be able to dress more openly, spend time with certain groups of friends, or perhaps go out in public? If so, then that may help answer Who you tell. How could lead to an interesting discussion with your wife, since I'm sure she'd like to be part of the process.

[Sweet Sabrina]

I do know it does feel good to be out to a few and not be judged about it. I guess I never considered that validation. I don't mean to imply I am seeking acceptance although the that would be a positive note but more less an explanation of who I am and maybe why I have been or done certain things. My sister openly questioned my leg shaving but just blew it off as showing off my tattoos. My other friend had asked about the same and basically did the same and now just think I squander an opportunity?

[ReineD]

I'd just come out and say it. You can maybe preface it with, "There's something I'd like to tell you. It is important and it is hard for me to share this".

So, do you just want to let them know for the sake of their knowing, or do you plan on dressing when you are with them? If you do plan on the dressing, I would also ask them how they feel about this.

Also, although you don't need your wife's permission to tell family or friends, it is a good idea to let her know that you plan on doing this.

[Sweet Sabrina]

Just trying to be more open and honest about who I am. I tend to bottle things up inside and then get irritable towards others so getting out helps. Not sure about dressing in front of them, but have showed pics to my one friend who I am also planning a shopping trip with that my wife knows about and is "comfortable" with. She isnt too keen on me telling lots of people just because of the kids. Not so much due to adults but other kids They can be ruthless Nd without mercy when it comes to picking on kids. So that's one thing I wish to avoid

[Sandra]

When we told people about Nigella, we just asked them to come round we wanted to tell them on home ground, we didn't have them all round at once though :) when they came we just said we have something to tell you, and told them that at Nigella was a cder ( at the time she was identifying as a cder and not TS) We only bothered with close friends..family well we're not really close with any of them, they know about Nigella but aren't supportive but that's a different story. Those friends we did tell, said they were relieved as they thought we were going to tell them one of us was ill.

[busker]

After reading all of these posts on who is out and who isn't and who wants to and who doesn't I am at a crossroads. I would like to come out to a few more people but how exactly does one start that conversation? I had thought to tell my sister, and at least two others. All female and all mature ladies who have been around the merry go round a time or two. With my wife it was one thing to tell her, seeing as how we have been working on communication since some infidelities Other people though not sure on. I guess the problem is that if I tell them I am assuming that it is something that they would want or like to know? Maybe that's a big part of the whole "out" problem? Is it that important for others to know? Are we that arrogant that we think it matters? Like I said just looking for some advice and discussion. Thanks

Absolutely. What you may be creating for them is a "burden". Now they know something that you want them to keep secret. Are they going to do that, or be forced to do that? So outing yourself, could be an unkind gesture. Perhaps it should be based on a need to know--then you have a legit place to start. Just "unburdening " yourself isn't justification for placing a burden on someone else.