Well, the cat was on it's way out of the bag anyway...

[whowhatwhen]

I've been thinking a lot about what my interest in CD means and how it will affect the future.
The thing is, it's going to remain a part of me no matter how much I want to forget and ignore it.
I can't pretend it doesn't exist, and in a way it's kinda scary and a little depressing.

Why am I posting this?
I've taken one step in the direction of accepting myself, I bought some clothes off ebay.

While it's not that impressive I believe it's part of me being more accepting of a part of me I cannot ignore and pretend does not exist.
I'm not sure how I feel about it now that the deed has been done, maybe a little regret and or fear.

I suppose if my family tears into the package I could just come out as gay, it'd only be half-true but at least it would sort of fit stereotypically.

[Noortje]

That first step is the hardest one, and takes the most courage. Be sure not to get spooked and throw everything in the trash ("purge"). Keep it in a box somewhere, even if you feel bad about it and wish it would just go away. Remember that you are not alone, and you can always come to the forum to talk and read. I would love to hear more about your journey.

[Cynthia Anne]

Taking these little steps are a sure sign of excepting yourself! However being gay has nothing to do with crossdressing! If your gay admit it If you're a gay crossdresser admit it! IF YOU'RE A CROSSDRESSER ADMIT IT! There's nothing shameful in being honest! Hugs!

[Tina B.]

Trust me, there is nothing wrong with self acceptance. It took years for me to come to the realization that I'm what I am, and it is never going to change, and that's not a bad thing, just different. If you quit fighting it, it becomes fun, and life gets better when we shed the guilt of being different. Besides being different isn't to bad when you realize you are different just like millions of others world wide.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

Who, its all a progression. You've taken a really big step in deciding to have your own wardrobe. As they say, you've taken ownership...of your Cding. That's great. I take it from your post that you live with your parents and that you're at least not totally afraid of coming out to them. It might be a good idea to start reading the threads on how to tell your loved ones. That time may be coming fairly soon. Better to be prepared.

[whowhatwhen]

I kinda would be afraid to tell them actually, I'm sure they would think it to be a mental illness and hound me to see my psychiatrist about it.
At least temporarily I'm living here, there are 6 people under this roof and I'm still pretty paranoid.

Maybe I would think of it when I have the resources to move out, but for now I have to keep it hidden.
Either way it's been paid for so there is no going back now anyway.

Thank you all for the words of support, it really does make me feel better about my decision.
:)

[Jennifer B]

I lived for years in a family that I kept my cross dressing a secret from. I know how nerve racking it can be if you don't want anyone to find out. I'd say don't do anything that you are not completely comfortable with and when it all gets a bit much take a deep breath, try to relax and go do something else for a while until you feel settled again.

When that package turns up, you're going to be so excited. Enjoy it!

[whowhatwhen]

I can't imagine!
I'm anxious enough still. :)

The weight range on what I bought was to 160lbs so I still have 8 to go, but I'm guessing it won't be too important.
The next size up was too large.

Maybe it'll be enough of a courage boost to go out and buy a bra since I measured myself.
They seem to be around 42B, I'm not sure how accurate that was since the guides said to be wearing a bra first which I didn't have.