Do you build up and get knocked down?

[Kaitlyn26]

This is only for those that present themselves as a gender other than their birth gender in public.

Do you get bothered while in public or "called out"? I do. About once a month I run into someone that just can't resist a confrontation about my birth gender. I notice it seems to happen about the time I'm over the last one. Anyone else notice this happening to them? How do you handle it?

[AllieSF]

Hmmmm.... I was with a small group of TG friends and a GG 4 years ago when some young guys standing around a downtown made a catcall, maybe whistled. Nothing more. We just kept on walking. Other than that, after 4 years of going out dressed I have never experienced what you are describing. I get looks, read, whispered about, but nothing worse that what I just described. How do I deal with that? I ignore it all and go about my business and enjoy my time out, and I do enjoy my time out. My recommendation is that you just develop a tougher skin and forget about it. Good luck.

[sissystephanie]

Must be something in the D.C. water. I have been crossdressing and going out in public for over 60 years, and have NEVER had anything like that happen. But if it ever does, I will just ignore it! There are too many other more important things to worry about!! BTW, for the past 6 years I have been going out in public dressed totally enfemme but wearing no wig and no makeup. Sure I get some looks, but who cares!! I dress to please myself, not anubody else!!

[Karren H]

No one has ever called me out.... And the only time I get knocked down I when I play ice hockey. But can and do retaliate! :)

[Cynthia Anne]

Just be and enjoy yourself! I look at the narrow minded as just what they are! Hugs!

[Kaitlyn26]

Must be something in the D.C. water. I have been crossdressing and going out in public for over 60 years, and have NEVER had anything like that happen. But if it ever does, I will just ignore it! There are too many other more important things to worry about!! BTW, for the past 6 years I have been going out in public dressed totally enfemme but wearing no wig and no makeup. Sure I get some looks, but who cares!! I dress to please myself, not anubody else!!

Maybe it has something to do with my job?

[Marie-Elise]

OK, so don't keep us in suspense: what is your job?

[Melody Moore]

I personally believe that if you feel like you need to 'build up' to be out in public & then you are feeling
'knocked down' then you have some self-esteem or confidence issues relating to your gender identity.

I have no issues when I go out, everyone see me & accepts me as a female. Maybe I pass ok because
I do look a bit more naturally feminine, especially now after being on hormones for a year. But I also think
that has very little to do with being accepted out in public when I know other transsexuals who still look
very masculine & have deep voices and they have no problems being out.

What it all boils down to is how much faith & confidence you can have in yourself. In a nutshell if you
go out with fears about being 'outed' then there is a good chance you will be outed purely by your own
nervousness which festers from your own self-doubt. I have had little incidents as well where my gender
has come up, but I don't let it bother me. I deal with it, then I move on. If anyone has an issue with who
I am, I walk away from them. But if my girlfriends are out with me & someone starts crap, then look out!
I have my own private security team now with me if I am out on the town and I don't have to say a word. ;)

My friends all accept me as a woman, the person I believe I truly am & at the end of the day that is all that matters.

So I think you have to learn to put your big girl panties on there & find a way
you can deal with it, or I should say, not deal with it by learning to ignore it. ;)

:hugs:

[diannecourtney]

Noted that you are in the "DC area", I would presume the libs are not that tolerant. Be good and have fun, some how.

[erickka]

D.C is a horse of a different color when it comes to big cities. I have been out in Tampa, Baltimore, Nashville, and Atlanta, just to name a few and have not really had any problems. I think Dianne hit the nail squarely on the head. Anyhow, be safe, have fun, and enjoy.

[Gizmo, Debbie]

Up i get 'called out' from time to time. Just yestarday a group of about 4 guys made some crass comments. I ignored them and if anything found it, somehow, slightly amuzing.

[PretzelGirl]

I am going to agree with Melody. Your perception of how an outing goes is going to be heavily impacted on your confidence and you nerves. If your confidence is good, you will probably not notice things that may or may not be someone taking a hard look at you. If you confidence is low, every smile is about you, every stare is in your direction, and every laugh is someone thinking you don't look good. If you have those thoughts, work on getting rid of them. They are very toxic.

This doesn't mean that there won't be people who speak up to make a biting comment, but as you can see from the comments here, they are probably more the exception than the rule.

[lauraabdl]

I have been going out for several years now. I have had some reads and some comments, and I just ignor them. The other day I was out and about and a young boy kept asking him mom something and was looking at me. The mom just told him I was a different kinda girl and they walked away, I thought that was just precious. She went out of her way not to say anything to me and it really just made my day.

[Violetgray]

Noted that you are in the "DC area", I would presume the libs are not that tolerant. Be good and have fun, some how.

Yeah, really, because everyone knows how hard those libs campaign against gay and transgender rights, right? :brolleyes:

How about she gets negative feedback because there are a-holes in EVERY state, regardless of political affiliation?

On a side not, Kaitlyn I'm in Baltimore, do you ever go goth clubbing in D.C. or up here? :D

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I suspect that you can run into a**holes whereever you go. I suspect also that the places you go in any particular city or state has a lot to do with the character of the people you encounter. I haven't been out enough to be "called out". The few times I've been out, I certainly got some disapproving looks, but for the vast majority, I was irrelevant.

[Cheryl T]

I was at the boardwalk at Asbury Park a couple of weekends ago and as I was walking with 2 girl friends (CD) we had a couple of people make small comments. We just smiled and kept walking...no big deal. Some people just have to get involved in what's none of their business. As long as they don't get physical just let it slide.
We aren't the only ones that get comments....women get them all the time...gays get them...the disabled get them...we aren't special in that category.

[Chickhe]

I'm pretty sure women get harrassed quite often and men probably almost never in their entire life. So if you go CDing as a woman, I'm guessing that half of the time you are just being harrased like any woman gets it. The other thing, you have to admit, its not everyday people spot a CDer, so there will be curiousity. In a way, if the people notice and look, but seem shy about it, its almost enjoyable because you share something with them and you know they are harmless. The people who shout out are very rare and the thing to remember here is not to give them any attention and the other thing, most other people around will support you as long as you act respectable.

[Kaitlyn26]

Yeah, really, because everyone knows how hard those libs campaign against gay and transgender rights, right? :brolleyes:

How about she gets negative feedback because there are a-holes in EVERY state, regardless of political affiliation?

On a side not, Kaitlyn I'm in Baltimore, do you ever go goth clubbing in D.C. or up here? :D

Sometimes but not often. I don't really do the whole club scene, never have. I do go to different conventions and concerts though. It rarely happens there. Just at work.


I personally believe that if you feel like you need to 'build up' to be out in public & then you are feeling
'knocked down' then you have some self-esteem or confidence issues relating to your gender identity.


I also tend to keep putting up with it. I think anyone that gets bothered like that would feel a little displaced don't you?


OK, so don't keep us in suspense: what is your job?

I work retail at a department store. I don't always put a strong effort into passing and sometimes dress down for more of an androgynous look.

[Melody Moore]

I also tend to keep putting up with it. I think anyone that gets bothered like that would feel a little displaced don't you?
I know this might sound easier than it's done, but the key is don't let others get to you like
this. And if you cant do this own your own, then see a pyschologist for some proper help.

There have been many arseholes I have encountered during my life and if I
took offence & let everything bother me, I would have killed myself years ago.

How well you 'pass' or are accepted out there in society all boils down to your
own level of self-confidence & faith. I go out in public all the time & don't even
raise an eyelid. Maybe I do, but I certainly don't take any notice of it and that
is why I don't have any issues with getting 'knocked down'. I refuse to let others
put me down - end of story!

[Nicole Erin]

This is a good thread.
Few things I would like to comment on -

the four guys who commented about Gizmo, Debbie - I guarantee at least one of those guys was probably wearing panties and he goes to CD forums to brag about it.

Working with the public - Well, those people who are "out" and claim to have never had comments made either pass really well OR they avoid hostile places. Working with the public, you pretty much have to face whatever garbage is shopping there that day.

Inconfidence and thinking all smiles, comments, etc are about you - Well, I can honestly say I have finally gained confidence in who I am and how I present. Having a job that allows me to be who I am, an accepting family, and a few friends who don't make an issue of me helps that.
However, I still feel that the smiles comments etc ARE about me, but for a different reason - Everything is about me. I am Erin, I am the center of the universe. My awesomeness radiates far and wide. So it really is all about me.

Men who make comments about women/TG - men who do that have a problem. You see, all your life you have been told that men have what the medical field calls a "penis". But insecure men who must razz others, they have what is medically known as an "inadequacy" between their legs. This song best describes it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1w8OQEcplY

[sissystephanie]

I work retail at a department store. I don't always put a strong effort into passing and sometimes dress down for more of an androgynous look.

That is probably the reason for the problem!! I worked in the perfume department of a major department store for several years some time ago! But I never tried to "pass," the ladies who worked there with me thought that I was just a rather weird man. Rather weird because I liked to work in the perfume department!! But I made very good money, and of course could get perfume very cheaply!!

I still say just ignore them!!