Options for mild femenization

[Ingrid1999]

Hi
I am looking for some information on how to or if it is possible to get some feminizing effects on my body or to slow or stop the masculinization process (I am in my mid 40s btw) without going full bore into transition.

I am not able to transition at this point in my life due to work and family, but I want to do something and not just let time pass me by. Call it a tgirls mid life crisis.

I can live without drastic changes ( and due to the above it is for the best) but fat redistribution, loss of bulk and softening of skin etc would be a blessing to me.

Any and all suggestions and comments are welcome.
Thanks

[darla_g]

i would think feminization has to do first with suppressing male characteristics, and then adopting more feminine characteristics. As for male characteristics the first is to get rid of body hair. All of it. You could shave, which gets old and then ultimately there is more long lasting techniques like using an epilator or ultimately laser or electrolysis.

Diet and exercise would also be important as well.

To maintain a feminine appearance you might want to look closely what you would do with your hair if you wish to wear your own hair in a feminine style or otherwise select a good wig.

Good undergarments, like a corset would be really good as well. then obviously a bra and breast forms.

there;s a starting point maybe others have more suggestions.

[kellycan27]

Most of the things you want to do fat redistribution ,loss of bulk, and skin softening.. to be perfectly honest are going to require hormones, and even then it's a gonna be a crap shoot as to what you will achieve. Not trying to rain on your parade, just being honest.
Good luck!

Kel

[Steph.TS]

Most of the things you want to do fat redistribution ,loss of bulk, and skin softening.. to be perfectly honest are going to require hormones, and even then it's a gonna be a crap shoot as to what you will achieve. Not trying to rain on your parade, just being honest.
Good luck!

Kel
would an orchiectomy or simply taking spiro or other t blocker aid in feminization? of course both of those would require a doctor's approval, but would that be another way of bringing effective feminization?

[kellycan27]

would an orchiectomy or simply taking spiro or other t blocker aid in feminization? of course both of those would require a doctor's approval, but would that be another way of bringing effective feminization?

Not in and of itself.. no.

[Ingrid1999]

Thanks for the responses.
Its not the clothes I wear but the skin I am in. Its an honest question from someone who honestly cannot throw the life of everyone around me up in the air right now. But who needs to do something nevertheless.
Perhaps there is nothing I can do, but I hope that is not true.

[Melody Moore]

I think you need to talk to a clinical pyschologist before you decide taking any hormones
because it sounds to me like you have lots of issues to sort out first. So I wont be one
recommending anything to you at this point other than getting yourself into therapy fast!
I am not trying to be cruel here - I am only trying to help the best way I know how. :hugs:

[Aprilrain]

Darla_g had some good suggestions. I know CDers who have had tons of laser and electrolysis and like the results in both male and female mode, so to speak. Unfortunately what Kelly said is correct without hormones your not going to change the things you mentioned even with them ya never know what your going to get.

Not that you brought this up but just to throw it out there in case you're considering it. DON"T bother with herbals they will do nothing but drain the money out of your wallet! As for self medicating with the real stuff, have fun playing with fire! I'm not judging, I self medicated for 6 months but I had Blood work done before, at about 4 months and just a few weeks ago all were normal. I also had a letter from my therapist for HRT I just couldn't get a doctors appointment for 6 months! I knew I wanted to fully transition and was more than willing to accept the risks. I figured If I wanted to die because my body was not female I might as well die trying to get it there!

As for the questions about just taking a T blocker or getting an orchiectomy: First No doctor is going to do either without a letter of some kind and second NOT having any sex hormones is bad for your bones!

[Badtranny]

Ingrid,
There's really no way chemically to do what you want to do as far as I know, but I'm not a doctor. I don't think it would hurt to find an Endo that specializes in this sort of thing and tell her what you want to do. I recently heard of something called "cycling hormones" that apparently feminizes the body while still leaving the pickle fully operational. I don't know if this is true, but the doctor should be able to answer your questions better than we can.

The adorable Kelly is correct of course about the crap-shoot. Even with a full dosage, no one has any idea how it will affect your body.

I think Darla's advice was awesome and it would probably keep you busy for awhile. I would second her motion for hair removal and get started on your face tomorrow. If you plan to EVER transition than your facial hair has got to be taken care of sooner rather than later. My whole transition is essentially being held hostage by my facial hair. Go ahead and get that going and if you find out that you are happy as a cross-dresser than no harm done.

I also have to strongly agree with Melody about the therapist. Some girls don't need it I guess, but I can say from personal experience that I would likely still be conflicted and confused about a number of issues if it wasn't for my wonderful therapist.

[kellycan27]

I think you need to talk to a clinical pyschologist before you decide taking any hormones
because it sounds to me like you have lots of issues to sort out first. So I wont be one
recommending anything to you at this point other than getting yourself into therapy fast!
I am not trying to be cruel here - I am only trying to help the best way I know how. :hugs:

I think the question was trying to do it.."without" using hormones.

[Ingrid1999]

Counseling is definitely the next step for me and no I am not considering self medicating. But I have considered herbals in part because their effects are not particularly dramatic (at best). I have to be able to keep my job at this point and it is not an environment conducive to transitioning. I know all who transition have responsibilites to consider as well and make choices that are right for them. For me, transition is not the right thing for me at this point in my life.

But, I do want to transition even though I might have to wait another ten years. I do want to do what is possible in the mean time and that involves maintaining a plausible male persona at work.

[CharleneT]

Hi
I am looking for some information on how to or if it is possible to get some feminizing effects on my body or to slow or stop the masculinization process (I am in my mid 40s btw) without going full bore into transition.

Unfortunately at your age the possible physical changes are relatively small - even with full HRT etc... You can change the things that others have mentioned. The trick is that to get there, you will have to go on HRT, and that is not an Ala' carte menu. You get what you get, and don't know what that will be until you are way into the middle or so. At that point, if you quit and go back for some reason, it is possible (if not likely) that testosterone production would not restart...

One specific thing: fat redistribution doesn't occur quickly at all -- and is often not very extensive.


I am not able to transition at this point in my life due to work and family, but I want to do something and not just let time pass me by. Call it a tgirls mid life crisis.

There is much you can do without physical changes ! Someone mentioned removing your body hair first. That is easy and very effective. You do not really say if your wife is in favor of any changes ??


I can live without drastic changes ( and due to the above it is for the best) but fat redistribution, loss of bulk and softening of skin etc would be a blessing to me.

Can't get "there" without the other changes...

Any and all suggestions and comments are welcome.
Thanks

as has been suggested, go find a qualified therapist and find out the extent of your gender issues. Then you can figure out what you might find to help ... and what that might mea.

[Melody Moore]

I think the question was trying to do it.."without" using hormones.
And as others have pointed out Kelly, there is no real way to do it without hormones & even if she
starts using a testosterone blocker, then her wife is going to notice eventually as it impacts on their
sex life. I think Ingrid's wife should be informed as soon as possible because this is part of the problem
holding Ingrid back. I know coming out to her wife won't be easy that is why she needs the support here.

But I think Ingrid is starting to realise that the best way forward is talk to a therapist first, because
as Charlene has suggested it would pay to explore the extent of Ingrid's gender identity issues. As
you know it's all comes down to the luck of the draw with proper hormone therapy & in most cases
the herbal alternatives are just a complete waste of time & money anyway. So my suggestion about
going to a therapist is the best way I know of to help get Ingrid onto the right path that is best for her.

[Sally24]

With your stated requirements I think the best you can do at this point is this......

1. Start permanent removal of your body hair. You'd be surprised how feminine that can make you feel!

2. Protect your skin from further sun damage by using sun block ALL the time. And use moisturizers and cleansers on it, especially the face.

3. When you notice any hair thinning on your head, get one of the many medicines that will stop or reverse that.

[CatAttack]

Counseling is definitely the next step for me and no I am not considering self medicating. But I have considered herbals in part because their effects are not particularly dramatic (at best). I have to be able to keep my job at this point and it is not an environment conducive to transitioning. I know all who transition have responsibilites to consider as well and make choices that are right for them. For me, transition is not the right thing for me at this point in my life.

But, I do want to transition even though I might have to wait another ten years. I do want to do what is possible in the mean time and that involves maintaining a plausible male persona at work.

Don't do herbals. They will not work. All the nonsense about phytoestrogens or whatever is half-true. Yes, they will act like estrogen in your system, but you will not be consuming enough to achieve any real results, especially if you have male hormones coursing through your body. It will make very little difference, if any at all. But, it will cost a good amount of money. Maybe it is worth a shot if you really really want to try it and have a lot of extra money, but I wouldn't bet on herbals.

To add to the ideas, you could also begin practicing voice or slowly try to work femininity into your actions and mannerisms, because physical qualities are only like half of transition.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Ingrid,...take good care of yourself is job ONE... your options physically are very limited without HRT.

definitely start getting rid of the hair...RIGHT NOW!! laser, electro, whatever...hair removal is one hair at a time...it takes forever....do it..also get in great shape..

HRT is the answer for what you are seeking, other things will very likely disappoint you.

HRT is misunderstood in the sense that you will not grow huge boobs (at least probably not)... the feminization from it is modest and slow , and you can easily go on it with nobody knowing about it....

as melody and charlene have pointed out.....you are well served to get professional help... maybe a support group? GID almost never gets easier to deal with, and once a transsexual that repressed/denied/avoided things starts to realize what their life is all about, it can get messy..fast... you are at "the" age, you are saying what many of us have said,..i couldnt lose my job, i couldnt "do this to my family", etcetc..
i can advise you that it will be very difficult for you to stay in control of your thoughts and feelings as you go down this path....

my masculine features protected me, i really didn't think of it at the time, but i felt verymuch in charge of my issues until i started losing weight, losing hair and actually was able to see a female image at times...rather than comforting me, it exploded inside me ..
i went to HRT to manage my feelings...this only made me more certain that i needed to save my own life..

so get with some people that you can count on day to day...see what they are doing...start actively thinking about the issues you are avoiding by saying you can't transition today...if you are going to be successful w/o transition you need some role models for that too..if you feel you may transition someday, i can't stress enough that you will need help..knowing soemone that did it is invaluable..

i'm not trying to be a downer. i'm just sharing a very common scenario for ts folks..don't avoid your real issue...by all means start slow and think things through, but having realistic expectations and some good close to home support can be a life saver.

[ReneeT]

1. Hair removal, as others have said. For your face, i recommend electrolysis, as it is permanent
2. Skin care. It is amazing what a good skin care routine can do for your appearance
3. If you smoke, STOP. its amazing what bad things smoking does to your skin, among other issues
4. Feminize your brows. Done gradually, most people won't notice
5. Have your ears pierced.
6. Maintain a healthy weight

None of these things requires a prescription.

I do disagree with CharleneT, though, in that hrt effects can be significant at your advanced age. I started hrt 8 mos ago at age 46 and have had very noticeable increase in breast size, softening of my skin, and some fat redistributio. Of course, your mileage may vary

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Either way Renee and Charlene, HRT carries a huge caveat that if you are doing it just to feminize your body, there is a high risk that you will be disappointed.. this risk goes up with age..

great point on the brows Renee..i plucked one to three hairs a WEEK and over time it changed me alot...i must admit after i started transition, people commented that they did notice, and since i had divorced there were behind my back discussions of why i was losing weight and looking more "put together"....was i gay? was i on the prowl? nobody would ever guess your brows are softer so you must be transgendered

[MillaMarie]

Not much to add but ..... For me growing out my hair really made a huge difference, it's a constant pleasure & reminder of my true nature. It takes a while to get long, shoulder length locks, in most cases 2 - 3 years. It also allows you to gradually push the borders in your job & social life. It also takes time to learn how to style it, the best color/highlights, & what looks prettiest with your face shape.

[gerigirl]

I haven't much to add either but will reiterate that you should see a therapist. Also some respondents to this thread seem to believe that hormones must be accompanied by transition. Many therapists now argue that low doses of hormones can be helpfull in treating those with gender disphoria. As written here they may or may not produce the physical changes you desire and may have undesirable side effects. On the other hand they might do what you want and give you an enhanced sense of well being. If you are healthy, well informed, and medically supervised hormones could be the answer. Under these conditions the only possible irreversable side effect that would require drastic intervention is breast development. (At your age sterility might develop and persist long term or be permanent but you could bank some sperm as a precaution.)

[Ingrid1999]

Thanks for the kind and thoughtful responses.

I have been focusing on hair removal, I am a bit cautious about permanent beard removal, but I have been clean shaven for over ten years now, so honestly who would notice.
Weight loss is a real challenge, even though I have a slim frame by nature, I eat a lot and it has caught up to me.

On the emotional level, I have a real fear of further masculinization and sometimes it gets acute.

[Melody Moore]

On the emotional level, I have a real fear of further masculinization and sometimes it gets acute.
Which is very typical with GID and this is why I believe that you need to get to a
clinical pyschologist with transgender experience. There are no cures except for
transition for GID and the sooner you start getting help, then you can start finding
new ways to overcome all your fears & those hurdles that stand in the way right now.

Ask any transsexual here, and I am sure they will also tell you that these feeling don't
ever go away, they only intensify until you reach crisis point. And there is no shame
in getting help to find ways of dealing with things. Many people try to bottle this stuff
up & keep it hidden and in that they have to work really hard to maintain their discreet
& hidden true identity, and generally sooner or later someone will notice something and
this is usually when things do start to get really ugly. My friends were noticing that I had
left little bits of make up on my face occasionally which I had to lie about to cover up.

Other people get found out through clothing or some other item that you might have left
laying about. But keeping this hidden from everyone, especially your wife is going to rip
you apart, the more time you spend in denial & living a lie then the greater the chances
are that your marriage will not last. But having said that you cannot expect your wife
to go through transition with you. When you go through transition, your partner is also
then forced to go through it with you if they choose to say with you. They will have their
own social & sexual transition to deal with and not all of them will be accepting of that
and if you truly love this person then you should always respect that & be prepared to
set them free if that is what they want. This way you can walk away with your dignity
still in tack & most often staying good friends.

Irrespective of whether or not you really love someone, at the end of the day you have to
be true to yourself. If you are not, then eventually it will have a grave impact on you anyway.
Many transsexuals are only putting off the inevitable by repressing their issues & keeping it
hidden from their partner. And while some partners won't accept it, many also stick by their
partners & become very supportive of them. However in transition you have to be prepared
to lose everything. At the end of the day you won't ever end up losing everything, but you
must be prepared because transition involves a degree of selfishness, but also a lot of sacrifice.

I don't know what your work background is and whether or not transition is possible in your job
without any sort of discrimination. We also don't know what state you live in & if there are laws
in place to help protect your rights & your job. So these are all things that you need to also look
into, because there is usually a point where we feel so compelled to present as our true selves
that this can escalate into more stress for you because you know that you can no longer keep
living a lie. Now that I am a year into hormones I can say there is no way that I can go back to
living as a male. Even when I look in the mirror now I see a woman & not the man I once knew.
So if I dressed up as a male today then I would feel like I was cross-dressing because that isn't
who I really am anymore, that was merely a phase of my life I went through - this is the true me!

Like you I suffered living in fear about who I really was, and for me that was for all my damn life.
So once I let the real me out of the box, and set myself free there was no way that I was ever
going back to living in a cage. The fear that held me back was mostly based around rejection &
while some people, mostly my family have rejected me, I have learnt who my real friends are &
who really loves me. My pyschologist once said "The best way to find out who your real friends
are & who really loves you, is to transition" & I guarantee there are no truer words ever spoken.

But here is the thing about facing up to these fears, I took that leap of faith and at the end of it
I have landed squarely on my feet, even though I did suffer a few bumps & bruises during the fall.
Now I am free of the fear and the bonus in all of this is that over the past year I have made so
many new good friends it just blows my mind! And I did this by getting involved with my local LGBT
community as a stepping stone to helping me merge back into society with a group of friends that
accepted me 100% as the person I truly am. I live in a normal household & share with other straight
people now and live a normal life now as a woman. before I took this leap of faith one year ago, I was
doubting that any of this was at all possible, but here I am now living my life for the first time ever &
I know that reaching this point has had it's moments where I had some doubt if I could get there.

Maintaining your personal faith & self-confidence is the key here & the only way that you will get through
this is by setting yourself the goal & keep battling until you get through them - stay focused & let nothing
else ever become a distraction to your reaching your goals. it sounds selfish, but at the end of the day the
greater majority of people are going to find you a much better person because of it. There comes a time in
everyone's life where the most giving of person has to reclaim something of themselves. Good luck with it all.

:hugs:

[Jay Cee]

Not much new to add to the comprehensive list that others have given. You said you were working on hair removal, but didn't say if it was body hair or facial hair. For me, gradual reduction of body hair with an epilator was a huge step. It kind of sneaks up on people, so that they aren't sure what exactly happened.

Get counselling (with someone who specializes in TG / TS issues). Maybe joint counselling with your wife, to help her understand what you are going through.

Get some girl jeans. Seriously, not one person has made a comment about my moderately bell bottomed, stretchy jeans. And they feel so good to wear.

I too work in an environment that is not kind to folks who are different. I think after you totally accept yourself for who you are, you will find it easier to make changes. I haven't heard any comments regarding my polished nails or hairless arms. The pierced ears got a few comments, but at least half were encouraging. I just wrote it off as a midlife crisis (I'm in my 40's) to whoever asked why.

Wishing you luck, Ingrid. It's not an easy journey, but it is ultimately rewarding.