Did this come after transition?

[MichelleW126]

Trying to sort out a few things about my gender issues. I have a throbbing desire to transition but I am worried about my everyday life. I know I want to clothes, the body, the change in mood etc. that comes with transition, but I'm not sure I want the everyday life. Mostly interacting with others as a woman.

Did you desire this before transition? Or did this happen gradually after you transitioned?

[Kerrylee61]

Well Michelle, you can't have your cake and eat it too or that's what "They" say whoever "They" are. Having said that, it's hard to sort of try to ride the fence. Just my 2 pesos.

Kerry

[Jorja]

For me, there was no decisions to make. It became a transition or die situation. Like most, I was prevented from transitioning by my parents when I was young. They of course had enough influence over me that I held back once I turned 18 and moved out. At that time I thought I had to prove to myself this was like they said, all in my head. I joined the Navy. That became the the longest 4 years of my life. The day I was discharged from the Navy I went full time and have never looked back. Transitioning and SRS were something I had to do.

[gerigirl]

On its face your central question seems a bit naive. If so you are to be forgiven since you are enviably young. Do tell though, what do see as problematic about daily life as a woman? Some have suggested here that giving up male status holds some of us back. Are you afraid of being seen as weak, or in some other stereotypical female fashion? Would you miss "hanging with the guys" and being seen as one of them? Is there something about the way you view women interacting with other women that you would find unfullfilling?

From my perspective I have always wanted to " be one of the girls" in both a social and interpersonal sense. This was with me even at a very young age, before the clothing interested me or before I fully understood the "problem" with my body. Just the same I have been very disturbed about the way many societies (including our own) treat women. Yet this hasn't been what has stood between me and a complete transition. If anything I worry that some other women will never relate to me on a daily basis as a woman. I don't post much here but I have written that I struggle with the reality that I will probably always be seen first as a transwoman.

My guess is that you are young enough, and at least some of the world will change enough over the next 40 years or so, that if you do transition you will be able to make your daily life what it needs to be to work for you.

[Badtranny]

Hi Michelle, I think you may have nailed the difference between a CD and a TS.

Well in my opinion anyway because I care a lot more about being treated like a woman than I do about dressing like one. Sure I love to shop and I love dressing cute and being attractive to guys but I would also like to roll out of bed on a Saturday morning and walk into the neighborhood Fourbucks in sweats and a Tshirt and STILL be received as a woman.

To me the most important reason to transition has nothing to do with how I see the world, it's how the world sees me. ;-)

[gerigirl]

To me the most important reason to transition has nothing to do with how I see the world, it's how the world sees me. ;-)

I couldn't agree more! Melissa perhaps our paths will cross one day in the bay area. (BTW I have enjoyed reading many of your posts.)

[AnnaCalliope]

I sat on that part of the fence for the better part of ten years. Partly because of family, and mostly because I was afraid of not being accepted by society. Eventually, like Jorja said, if you're truly transsexual, it will become either "transition or die". The need to female becomes so overwhelming that you're literally forced to pick one side of the fence, knowing that choosing the male side will put you into a deep depression from which you'll probably never fully recover. I've battled depression over that decision multiple times since I was 12, and every time I tried to fight it by refusing my female side, I may have had a few temporary victories, but in the end I always hated myself for denying that part of me.

Get thee into therapy, stat. I know now, had I the means (and courage) to get into therapy after high school, I probably would've started transition sooner and saved myself years of continued depression and hardship.

[Aprilrain]

Change in mood? I have about a hundred different moods a day! lol.

"Interacting with others as a woman" Is kinda the point of transition so if you don't want that then you probably don't want to transition. There are about a billion ways to scare ones self out of transition so you may want to discuss this with a therapist who is versed in gender issues.

To answer your question though YES I desired to interact with the world as a female and that is why I started this process. I wanted to be a woman in the grocery store, at work, in the yard, while driving, while waiting in line to use the bathroom (while the men just walk right in because there is no line) etc. I could not imagine a situation where I would not want to be who I am. I had done enough of that to know it didn't work.

[Frances]

"Interacting with others as a woman" Is kinda the point of transition so if you don't want that then you probably don't want to transition. There are about a billion ways to scare ones self out of transition so you may want to discuss this with a therapist who is versed in gender issues.

To answer your question though YES I desired to interact with the world as a female and that is why I started this process. I wanted to be a woman in the grocery store, at work, in the yard, while driving, while waiting in line to use the bathroom (while the men just walk right in because there is no line) etc. I could not imagine a situation where I would not want to be who I am. I had done enough of that to know it didn't work.

That's it exactly. With communicate with the world with our gender and the world communicates back according to our gender. Transsexuals need the world to see and feel what is inside their heads, so that the communication flows correctly. As a woman, I want men to view me as potential partner and position themselves that way. Normally when men interact, they size each other up and compare their relative power in a hierarchal structure (real or imagined). Conversely, I want women to view me as an ally, someone they can count on and share things with. All this happens instantly with every interaction every day. I don't want my femininity to be artificial or temporary. I want it to be permanent and intrinsic, even with no make-up and completely nude.

[CatAttack]

but I'm not sure I want the everyday life. Mostly interacting with others as a woman.

I think this is the one thing that I want the most. Everything else, like physical stuff/looks/passing, is just to help make that happen.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

For me there was no decisions I knew I wanted to be a woman and if you have any issues talk with your terapist and gradually it will go away.

[Melody Moore]

I personally think you might be still fearing rejection if you are so concerned about
how you will interact with others. Because like the others have said, the whole
idea about transitioning is to be perceived by others as the person you really are.

[Stephenie S]

Trying to sort out a few things about my gender issues. I have a throbbing desire to transition but I am worried about my everyday life. I know I want to clothes, the body, the change in mood etc. that comes with transition, but I'm not sure I want the everyday life. Mostly interacting with others as a woman.

Did you desire this before transition? Or did this happen gradually after you transitioned?

Sweetie? Don't think about transition. Crossdress to your heart's content. You will be happier and richer.

S

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I feel for you Michelle..

it seems quite normal to have all kinds of unique fears and hang ups about this.

You need to figure out if this idea in your head is because you are crossdressing and your feelings around womanhood are actually extensions of that... this is certainly possible.

but those feelings may also be part of a laundry list of reasons/excuses/phobias/fears we all share to avoid the problem of being a transitioning transsexual.

you have to figure out the difference...

FWIW I lived the guy's guy life, and frankly i enjoyed alot of it, despite being mystified about it..i just copied them, and went for the ride..

[arbon]

but I am worried about my everyday life.
Mostly interacting with others as a woman.


It is something I desired, to just be a woman in the world, but there has been a lot of worry in actually doing it, mostly my own fears of not being accepted by others as a woman.

[Aprilrain]

it seems quite normal to have all kinds of unique fears and hang ups about this.

FWIW I lived the guy's guy life, and frankly i enjoyed alot of it, despite being mystified about it..i just copied them, and went for the ride..

Yes I think overcoming FEAR and it many manifestations is a huge part of the pre and early, perhaps even later, stages of transition. Which is why therapy is invaluable. One must not rule out the possibility that it is all just a big fantasy. There is no way to tell without trying it out though. Of course one should be smart about it. Go to a support group, see if they have socials, "come out" to a couple trusted friends, GGs you could go shopping with ect. Go slow find your limits.

Kaitlyn I too enjoyed a lot of the things I got to do as a guy and frankly am starting to appreciate having been raised a boy. Boys are given a lot more freedom because the general perception is that their status as males protects them from predators. Which of course is not true it my be true for men but not for boys. but I digress.

[MarieTS]

It's ok to be unsure, Michelle. Maybe full time is for you, maybe not. That's the ultimate purpose of the RLT. As for me, yeah--I was scared plenty. After all it's a gigantic step. But every day feels better and better. I can't think of going back. I guess it's kinda like being in love vs. a crush. You just know. Be sure to take your time and be honest with yourself. There's a lot at stake, and the only wrong answer will be if you choose but still have misgivings. Not worries, not fear -- but misgivings that you are doing the wrong thing.

[Jay Cee]

I'm hearing your fears, Michelle. I'm in a somewhat similar situation - I'm relatively new to this journey, and I have all sorts of fears about who I would be if I make such dramatic changes to my body and in my life. It's going to take time to sort it out whether or not transitioning is the best path for you.

[Schatten Lupus]

For me, I hate it when people talk to me on the level of the typical guy. Being seen as "one of the guys" more often than not bothers me. Somethings that don't really bother me are when people start talking about sports, but I really don't care about sports. But when the conversations moves to things like viewing women as objects, and other "guy" things tend to make me feel uneasy.

[Traci Elizabeth]

...the whole idea about transitioning is to be perceived by others as the person you really are.

I have to disagree with this. I always knew I was a woman. That was never an issue in my mind. Getting past financial issues and raising children where what caused my delay in full filling my womanhood physically. Once those obligations were met, I have lived 24/7 only as a woman. I never transitioned to a woman to be perceived by others the person I really am. I transitioned for ME.

And since I transitioned for me, everyone else only knows me as a woman because that is what I am.

[Badtranny]

I never transitioned to a woman to be perceived by others the person I really am. I transitioned for ME.

I think you may be misunderstanding her. She's not saying you transition to BECOME a woman, I don't need this to feel any more like a woman than I already do. I'm going through this crazy transition so THEY see me the same way I see me. Really, the worst part about being a dude is being treated like a dude.

On the other hand, if you don't care how other people relate to you, then why transition at all?

[Amber99]

I think you may be misunderstanding her. She's not saying you transition to BECOME a woman, I don't need this to feel any more like a woman than I already do. I'm going through this crazy transition so THEY see me the same way I see me. Really, the worst part about being a dude is being treated like a dude.

On the other hand, if you don't care how other people relate to you, then why transition at all?

Because you need to? Although I think being treated like a woman is definitely important, feeling correct to my body is very important to me regardless of other people.

[DonnaLynn77]

Really, the worst part about being a dude is being treated like a dude.

That really resonates with me!
I don't get super upset when I get misgendered now (which isn't that often, really), but I don't really like it either. The point is that I know who I am inside, and I can deal with people in a better way.

As for the OP, what really drove me was getting rid of the male characteristics like beard and body hair, extra muscle, etc. Once I got rid of most of that, I could go out in the same clothes I've been wearing and still get miss or ma'am. Of course the new clothes are fun though haha!

[Sejd]

Dear Michelle. You have to find that out for yourself. You seem to be young, so my advice would be to go slow and just follow what your heart tells you to do. It will all be clear to you on this path. There is no one way of being a TS. Some want to go as far as they can surgically, others don't feel they need to do that. It's really up to you. A good thing would be to contact some other TS in your community.Good luck

[Schatten Lupus]

Really, the worst part about being a dude is being treated like a dude.
Ain't that the truth. From our early days of wanting to do girly things, whether we are consciously aware of our set gender roles or not, and being told "that's for girls" and being denied for no reason other than your not a girl sucks. And then we're expected to play sports, get dirty, and do the rough-n-tumble play. And it keeps getting worse and worse.
And is it me, or does it seem like anymore everything, even meal and snacking choices, have to be "manly," and almost to the point of absurd insecurity. I mean a "man-hug" or "mandals?":facepalm:

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Michelle,

I feel for your dilemma, and whilst I agree with much of what has been written, only you can tell in the end whether or not you are transsexual. However, it will be easier to discover the answer to that question if you engage the help of a qualified Gender Therapist.

If you are, then eventually simply cross-dressing will no longer do it for you. Although it is true that there is no single "correct" way to be TS, there is no escaping the fact that transition is about living your life in your true gender. If you don't want to be a woman in your every day life, it may be that you are not ready for transition - or you might even discover that you are not TS at all. It is not my place to prejudge the answer to that.

To answer your closing question, I needed to live my life as the woman I have always known that I am and that fact drove my transition. For me, the clothes are an incidental - I dress because I am a woman but the clothes don't make me who I am.

HTH

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Really, the worst part about being a dude is being treated like a dude.

On the other hand, if you don't care how other people relate to you, then why transition at all?

this is just so true!