Confusing our kids

[PretzelGirl]

Well, in my case it is my 25 year old. She goes out with me at least once a month and invariably she will call me Dad in front of others. She bursts out in apologies and I always laugh and ask what she is apologizing for.

So the two of us went to help my mother-in-law who is in bad health and doesn't know about me. I had my hair down because I don't worry about it in front of her. I normally keep my hair in a ponytail in guy mode and down in girl. My daughter is helping my MIL to the couch and my MIL is saying something about me and my daughter goes "Don't you worry about her.". She immediately apologizes and my MIL comments and I tell her that my daughter never gets it right.

So I think I have her totally a mess now. I am trying to convince her that I don't care what she calls me at any time, as long as she is comfortable.

Anyone else have your kids tied in knots?

[Cynthia Anne]

That's cute! Oh yes She's my daddy!:eek::heehee::D

[Farrah Rose]

No knots yet, I have a son on the way and im thinking im not going to hide it from him and educate him early on crossdressing etc. Did you hide it from your kids and tell them later, or let them know early?

[Eryn]

I have two teens and my wife and I weighed the pros and cons of telling them. Their lives are complicated enough already without having to keep my secret as well, so we decided not to tell them for the time being.

With younger children you have to make the decision about being out before you tell them. It's asking a lot to have a 4-year-old keep a secret like this. It will be perfectly normal for your child to see you in two personae, but how will they react when they find out that their friends' fathers don't do the same?

[thechic]

My young kid often have to say to people "Thats Not my Mummy thats my dad,he likes being a girl" my older daughter shes 17 is just to embarised to go out with me, ever since we found out that her school mates and teachers thought i was her mother.I dont know how that happened.

[PretzelGirl]

Farrah, I had these feelings come on late in life, so my daughter just found out a year and a half ago.

Geneva, sometimes our young kids get it right and don't layer it with anything unnecessary. Great attitude!

[Jorja]

I am really intrested in this thread. I was not allowed to see my children until they were 18 by court order (crazy faggot you know). I fought that for 18 years to no avail. I did not get the chance to see my children grow up. I often wondered about this very subject. On the day my daughter turned 18 there was a knock on my door. A young man and woman stood there and as I opened the door they said, are you Dad? What should we call you, they asked. I told them my name was Jorja, call me what ever makes you feel most comfortable. There were many times they would call me dad at just the wrong time but I delt with it. Now days it is Jorja or even mom.

[Marie-Elise]

My wife and I had a talk about dressing in front of our son who is an infant now. She says he won't know the difference right now and that, as he grows up, it may not be a bad thing to dress in front of him to teach him gender and sexual tolerance. I am hesitant because I think he will look up to me as a role model. I don't want him dressing because he saw daddy do it. If he wants to when he has enough self awareness to make such a decision, that will be fine. But I don't want to impress it upon him because of my preference.

I guess what I am saying is that I probably won't dress in front of him till he is maybe out of high school at the earliest.

[celeste26]

I'm dealing now with the grand kids who are less than 2 years old and dont even talk yet. They dont care at all what I wear just that I love them. My own kids are cool with the idea or at least they dont freak out when they see me.

[RachelOKC]

No knots yet, I have a son on the way and im thinking im not going to hide it from him and educate him early on crossdressing etc. Did you hide it from your kids and tell them later, or let them know early?

My son is 2 1/2 and we haven't hidden anything. I personally think it's better for him to grow up with it but to each their own depending on their circumstances. I'm out to many people I know and am on a don't ask / don't tell basis with some others. Of course there are occasionally going to be some things not to be shared with the kids, but in our case this isn't one of them.


I have two teens and my wife and I weighed the pros and cons of telling them. Their lives are complicated enough already without having to keep my secret as well, so we decided not to tell them for the time being.

With younger children you have to make the decision about being out before you tell them. It's asking a lot to have a 4-year-old keep a secret like this. It will be perfectly normal for your child to see you in two personae, but how will they react when they find out that their friends' fathers don't do the same?

It helps to not worry about keeping a secret but obviously not everyone can do that. I came to the realization that there'd be some embarassment here and there when something gets blurted out by a little boy ("daddy wears makeup too!") but also I need to not be ashamed of who I am. People are free to judge all they want - as I am also free to dismiss their judgements.

As far as friend's fathers not doing the same...well, we have a bit of an unfair advantage over many TGs, since we have friends who are same sex parents, we occassionaly participate in a GLBT family organization, and we also regularly attend a group for trans-parents. We want our son to know - and experience - that there are families that are not so-called "traditional" but are just as loving and strong as any other.

Even without a support group, kids can be taught that not every family or every dad has to be in the same mold. "It's ok to be different" is a very simple lesson to teach and learn but you can't say it once and forget it. I still have to be reminded myself from time to time.

There are resources for kids of trans: http://www.colage.org/resources/kot/


My wife and I had a talk about dressing in front of our son who is an infant now. She says he won't know the difference right now and that, as he grows up, it may not be a bad thing to dress in front of him to teach him gender and sexual tolerance. I am hesitant because I think he will look up to me as a role model. I don't want him dressing because he saw daddy do it. If he wants to when he has enough self awareness to make such a decision, that will be fine. But I don't want to impress it upon him because of my preference.

I guess what I am saying is that I probably won't dress in front of him till he is maybe out of high school at the earliest.

I think if you teach your child about acceptance and diversity from early on then it will have a positive lifelong impact. If you are a good parent then your child will look up to you. At least until he turns into a surly teenager.

Kids experimenting with gender "norms" isn't uncommon, but it is highly unlikely that your child is or would "become" transgender just because daddy is. Did anyone make you dress or did you learn from someone else? A million fantasy stories aside, I'd be willing to bet not. Nobody made me trans - I was born this way and maybe my child was too. Who knows? There's a lot of things I worry about for my child, but my transgender nature is terribly high not among them.

[Marie-Elise]

I think if you teach your child about acceptance and diversity from early on then it will have a positive lifelong impact. If you are a good parent then your child will look up to you. At least until he turns into a surly teenager.

Kids experimenting with gender "norms" isn't uncommon, but it is highly unlikely that your child is or would "become" transgender just because daddy is. Did anyone make you dress or did you learn from someone else? A million fantasy stories aside, I'd be willing to bet not. Nobody made me trans - I was born this way and maybe my child was too. Who knows? There's a lot of things I worry about for my child, but my transgender nature is terribly high not among them.

Well, interesting you should ask if anyone made me dress as a girl. I know my mother wanted to have a girl and thought I was going to be one when she was pregnant. She had all girl baby clothes ready. Also, I was born with long hair and she kept it braided when I was an infant. So, yes, I guess someone did make me dress as a girl.