jessbcuzz
10-10-2005, 04:51 PM
Hello, girls!
I haven't been on here for a month or so because I have meet the most wonderful GG in the world. If one could go to the local store and build the person of you dreams, Ellen (not her real name), is the one I have been looking for my whole life. I had gotten to the point in my life that I never would have belived that a soul mate is out there for me. She has proved me wrong. To give a better idea, it is like being with a clone of me. I know that I will never find somone so special as her ever again. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve her. I've had more downs than ups in previous relationships. If I had to go through it again to end up meeting Ellen, I would do it in a blink of an eye.
The only thing that I have an issue with about us is me as Mileena. It doesn't have anything to do with Ellen. She knows, and I have been totally open (even though it is hard at times) about it and let her know about Mileena from the start. She didn't go into shock, or ask 200 questions. She told me that Mileena is a part of me and she would never ask me to choose. She has said numerous of times that it doesn't matter what clothes I wear, it's what is in the heart that matters to her. She has been in some really bad relationships in the past, but I am the first that understand her thoughts and feelings. She attributes that to the female side of me. She also said it's been great to having a shopping partner. Now if only I can tell the lady at Victoria Seceret's the next time we go there that we are looking for something for the both of us that matches!
I really see this going somewhere between Ellen and me. However, throwing Mileena into the mix, it's down right scary and confusing. I will admit, that I haven't dressed all that often since we have been together for the past month. The desire and need hasn't been as strong as it usually is. I know that it will return. I have told Ellen of this, and she told me to relax and don't worry about it. I do worry about it because the past is always in my head about relationships that have gone sour because of Mileena. No matter how hard I try, and how much Ellen is supportive (when I opened up to her, she took the time to look up things about crossdressing), I am still very guarded, even though it's more than it should be. I still feel like I am hiding Mileena from her. I have worn panties around her, and even been in the same room when I am getting dressed or undressed, but it's always around the corner so that she won't see. It is more than what I have been able to do in the past, but as I said, it still feels like I am hiding from her.
We have talked about this before and she always tells me to relax and it's not a big deal. Today, I took it a step further and asked her if she would ever go out with me as Mileena, and she said yes. We don't get to see each other very much between her work and school and my work schedule, and so when I asked her what do we do if she gets an unexpected day off, she wants to come visit, and Mileena is here; she told me it's not an issue. I asked her what she would do if I wanted to sleep in a night shirt or something along that line, she told me it won't bother her and to relax and quit making a big deal about this. She loves me for who I am. That I know she does, and I don't doubt it.
The next question I asked was what about sharing clothes? That was a hard one to ask because I have always had my own and didn't feel it was right to wear anyone else's. She told me she didn't or wouldn't have a problem. She said that if I had soemthing she wants to wear, she'd be able to do it without a problem, wheather it be one of my Cleveland Browns t-shirts or my Victoria Seceret's night shirts. To take it one step further, I asked her what if she left something her either on purpose or accident. Would she fear that it would end up on me? She said no and that I didn't need to ask if I could (I always ask for her permission for things out of respect to her). What she added to that almost made me cry. She told me that it would be no different if I left something at her place. She said being able to share each other's clothing is a very intense thing. The reason being that when we put on each other's clothes, it brings us closer to each other's heart knowing that I was in her clothes that she now has on and vice a versa. I belive what she said was true because, well, she left her favorite PJ's here the other day. I asked her if she would, but not for the reason of me wanting to wear them. It was to make it feel like she was here. After her comment about sharing clothes being an intese thing, she was once again reading my mind (we do that to each other very often), and she told me that I could wear her PJ's. I didn't jump at the offer, and actaully thought it out carefully. I even asked her if she really ment it and if she really was comfortable about it. She said it was. I was still hesitent, but after what all we had talked about, I felt that it would almost be an insult to her if I didn't. And so, at the end of our phone conversation, I was wearing her PJ's. Know what? She was right, I felt as close to her as anyone could, even though she's 30 miles away. I also hadn't had that good of a night's sleep in a long time.
I am sorry this thread has become so long. I wanted to give as much background information as possible so that I can get the best advice possible for what I am going to ask from you girls. The question is, how can I ease myself into showing Ellen? Should I go all out, or ease into it like the next time she comes over, like have my own PJ's on? I don't do the wig or makeup thing for bed. Also, there are times, that I may just dress in casual clothes, but don't do breast forms or the other things either. I really want to let the rest of my guard down to her, and this is the last thing standing in the way. Is there an appropriate way to ease us into this? Thank you girls!
I haven't been on here for a month or so because I have meet the most wonderful GG in the world. If one could go to the local store and build the person of you dreams, Ellen (not her real name), is the one I have been looking for my whole life. I had gotten to the point in my life that I never would have belived that a soul mate is out there for me. She has proved me wrong. To give a better idea, it is like being with a clone of me. I know that I will never find somone so special as her ever again. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve her. I've had more downs than ups in previous relationships. If I had to go through it again to end up meeting Ellen, I would do it in a blink of an eye.
The only thing that I have an issue with about us is me as Mileena. It doesn't have anything to do with Ellen. She knows, and I have been totally open (even though it is hard at times) about it and let her know about Mileena from the start. She didn't go into shock, or ask 200 questions. She told me that Mileena is a part of me and she would never ask me to choose. She has said numerous of times that it doesn't matter what clothes I wear, it's what is in the heart that matters to her. She has been in some really bad relationships in the past, but I am the first that understand her thoughts and feelings. She attributes that to the female side of me. She also said it's been great to having a shopping partner. Now if only I can tell the lady at Victoria Seceret's the next time we go there that we are looking for something for the both of us that matches!
I really see this going somewhere between Ellen and me. However, throwing Mileena into the mix, it's down right scary and confusing. I will admit, that I haven't dressed all that often since we have been together for the past month. The desire and need hasn't been as strong as it usually is. I know that it will return. I have told Ellen of this, and she told me to relax and don't worry about it. I do worry about it because the past is always in my head about relationships that have gone sour because of Mileena. No matter how hard I try, and how much Ellen is supportive (when I opened up to her, she took the time to look up things about crossdressing), I am still very guarded, even though it's more than it should be. I still feel like I am hiding Mileena from her. I have worn panties around her, and even been in the same room when I am getting dressed or undressed, but it's always around the corner so that she won't see. It is more than what I have been able to do in the past, but as I said, it still feels like I am hiding from her.
We have talked about this before and she always tells me to relax and it's not a big deal. Today, I took it a step further and asked her if she would ever go out with me as Mileena, and she said yes. We don't get to see each other very much between her work and school and my work schedule, and so when I asked her what do we do if she gets an unexpected day off, she wants to come visit, and Mileena is here; she told me it's not an issue. I asked her what she would do if I wanted to sleep in a night shirt or something along that line, she told me it won't bother her and to relax and quit making a big deal about this. She loves me for who I am. That I know she does, and I don't doubt it.
The next question I asked was what about sharing clothes? That was a hard one to ask because I have always had my own and didn't feel it was right to wear anyone else's. She told me she didn't or wouldn't have a problem. She said that if I had soemthing she wants to wear, she'd be able to do it without a problem, wheather it be one of my Cleveland Browns t-shirts or my Victoria Seceret's night shirts. To take it one step further, I asked her what if she left something her either on purpose or accident. Would she fear that it would end up on me? She said no and that I didn't need to ask if I could (I always ask for her permission for things out of respect to her). What she added to that almost made me cry. She told me that it would be no different if I left something at her place. She said being able to share each other's clothing is a very intense thing. The reason being that when we put on each other's clothes, it brings us closer to each other's heart knowing that I was in her clothes that she now has on and vice a versa. I belive what she said was true because, well, she left her favorite PJ's here the other day. I asked her if she would, but not for the reason of me wanting to wear them. It was to make it feel like she was here. After her comment about sharing clothes being an intese thing, she was once again reading my mind (we do that to each other very often), and she told me that I could wear her PJ's. I didn't jump at the offer, and actaully thought it out carefully. I even asked her if she really ment it and if she really was comfortable about it. She said it was. I was still hesitent, but after what all we had talked about, I felt that it would almost be an insult to her if I didn't. And so, at the end of our phone conversation, I was wearing her PJ's. Know what? She was right, I felt as close to her as anyone could, even though she's 30 miles away. I also hadn't had that good of a night's sleep in a long time.
I am sorry this thread has become so long. I wanted to give as much background information as possible so that I can get the best advice possible for what I am going to ask from you girls. The question is, how can I ease myself into showing Ellen? Should I go all out, or ease into it like the next time she comes over, like have my own PJ's on? I don't do the wig or makeup thing for bed. Also, there are times, that I may just dress in casual clothes, but don't do breast forms or the other things either. I really want to let the rest of my guard down to her, and this is the last thing standing in the way. Is there an appropriate way to ease us into this? Thank you girls!