I Don't Know How to Fix This!

[Aleria]

Sigh. I am a person of two distinct and unblending worlds. There's my firm and definite desire to transition and my love of my career in the military.

These two worlds are exclusive, and I am at a loss.

I love being in the military, serving my country, especially during this time of war. It is like a calling.

And yet, I don't think I can wait until retirement - over a decade away.

So, do I resolve my inner conflict of self? OR.... continue my service?

Just makes me inconsolable...

[Jorja]

I wish there was a really simple answer for you. You need to consider what is best for You. Make a list of the pros and cons of each, transitioning and staying in the military. Remember, transition can be very costly depending on just how far you want to go. 10 years of savings could be a plus to you. Do you have a family? Is it worth a discharge under other than honorable conditions? Only you knows what is best for you. I wish you all the best.

[Sophora]

Sigh. I am a person of two distinct and unblending worlds. There's my firm and definite desire to transition and my love of my career in the military.

These two worlds are exclusive, and I am at a loss.

I love being in the military, serving my country, especially during this time of war. It is like a calling.

And yet, I don't think I can wait until retirement - over a decade away.

So, do I resolve my inner conflict of self? OR.... continue my service?

Just makes me inconsolable...

This may be a stupid question but why can't you transition while in the army. In Sept. the "don't ask don't tell" policy will be void and you should be able to continue in your military career or did I miss something.

[Aleria]

DADT covers LGB, not T. Policy specifically does not include T, which is still a classified psych disorder and gets you put out.

[Melody Moore]

First of all let me start by saying that I don't envy being in your type of situation. I too am an Australian Army
veteran. Now I know that my motivation for enlisting in the army was all driven by repression of my true self &
the need to prove to myself & the rest of the world that I was a man's man and that was obviously as a grunt. LOL

Now I am not trying to sound like I am blowing my trumpet here but I was a good soldier because I was so keen
to always try & prove myself & earn the respect of others & in that I was promoted to the rank of a Corporal
within 3 years. So like you I really did enjoy being in the Army but decided on getting out of the Army to take on
a new career & one that that I had always dreamed about - working as a Divemaster on the Great Barrier Reef. :D

I have a love & appreciation for natural beauty which is also why I liked being in the army, out in the bush. Because
these were way I could really indulge myself in something that I felt so connected with. But at the same time I don't
think that I was ready to start looking into transitioning. I had to explore myself as deep as I could as a male as part
of the process in dealing with my inner conflicts. So I struggled on until the age of 47 years old to repress my issues,
but as I got older, they just became a lot more difficult to deal with. I think this is what you might be experiencing now.

My situation was very different to yours I was still young & I got out of the army at the age of 22 after 4 years in 1984
so back then there was zero tolerance for any LGBT person, however the Australian Army has changed it's policy now &
transgendered soldiers can now serve - the policy was changed when an Australian Army Captain came out about being TS (http://www.smh.com.au/national/sexchange-soldier-forces-army-to-scrap-transgender-policy-20101204-18ks9.html).

I do believe that the US & the UK military are also considering the same types of changes to policy now as well. But I am
not going to tell you that you should "hang in there & wait & see what happens", but maybe that is an option, but it is up
to you what you do. If it was me, I would have to assess how bad my GID is becoming and weigh up if that was going to
become a distraction to me in that job. My GID reached a crisis point in my life where I could no longer keep ignoring it, so
something has to give in the end. I would hate to be in the military when that happens, so with what I know now about how
bad this can get, I would probably consider getting out before finding myself in a situation that could lead to a dishonourable
discharge. So you have a lot on your plate there and this is why I don't envy being in your type of situation now.

Maybe start exploring ways where you can transition back into civilian life, but will also allow you the opportunities to
also continue your transition with nothing to stand in the way. Look into careers that are not male dominated & not so
discriminatory. Maybe you need to start doing some other studies on the side to get there, but these are some of the
options yo might like to consider to find a way out of the tight spot that you are now in.
Good luck hun, I hope you can find a way out here. :hugs:

[Michelle.M]

Is it worth a discharge under other than honorable conditions?

No OTH discharge. It's a simple administrative discharge (honorable, as long as honorable conditions are met) with no disciplinary action.

[Kittykitty]

Currently I am not willing to die for someone that doesn't believe in me or my rights. That may change one day, but I can not anticipate when. I can only speak for myself, of course.

If you look deep within, is your devotion to an abstract ideal, or a present physical reality?

[CharleneT]

Hey, you can wait, I did. But life between my various aborted attempts at transition and now was not a good thing. It can eat you alive. You have a good purpose for your wait. That will make it easier than my path, you're lucky that way ;) I waited, and finally at age 50, I asked myself a simple question: if not now, when ? I was close to suicide and the "approach" was slow and included a lot of self deception. Anyway, here is some advice I read a while back. It struck a strong chord for me. Maybe you too ??

A young girl asks a wise old woman;
"How does one become a butterfly?",
With a twinkle in her eye the old woman replies,
"You must be willing to give up being a caterpillar".

[Sharon]

I can't tell you what to do, Aleria, but I wish you all the best. :hugs:

[Beth Wilde]

The UK Military also allow transgendered people to continue serving, there are a couple on my base and many more throughout the country. I remember when homosexuality was removed as a bar to service...... All those generals resigning saying it would ruin things..... Oddly, it made no difference at all!
The same thing is true of transgendered members, though women are still not allowed to be SAS or a few other frontline specialist jobs, so if you were in one of those, you would be moved.

I really hope the US forces catch up with the enlightened common sense policies that so many other countries now apply.

I wish you good luck whatever path you take Aleria!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Giving up on things you hold dear is very difficult..

there are lots of careers, but you only have one life.

the word inconsolable is an important word.. it this really true for you... is it really true you simply can't transition or is that a fear youhave....these are tough self analyzing type of questions...they are easier to avoid than not..

very often transsexuals that enjoy success in things in the wrong gender role find that over time, life becomes more of a trap than anything else...your choices are to wait for the inevitable feeling to become overwhelming, or to start doing things that aim you down a transition path and see where that takes you..

it's a tough situation and i think based on your OP, you should start getting very serious about dealing with it.. that doesnt mean transition...it just means truly figure out what you would need to do, and slowly start doing it, see what happens..

[Sally24]

I don't know how you feel about everything involved so I won't deal with that. I do know a few things about the military from my 6 years in the Navy. From your post it sounds like you're on you second enlistment. At this stage your probably still a "doer". If you stay in long enough and move up in rank then you become management. That in itself can be a tough transition for a soldier. Whether you're a technician or a footsoldier, your job will change a lot in the next few years. Will that make a difference in how you feel about serving? And eventually you will have to retire. Will putting off your life and waiting to be yourself be worth it at that point. My gut says no. What does yours say?

And thank you for your service in these difficult times!

[Jorja]

No OTH discharge. It's a simple administrative discharge (honorable, as long as honorable conditions are met) with no disciplinary action.

With the homophobic and archaic ideas and beliefs in the military, I would get it in writing before I signed anything.

[Stephenie S]

I skipped right to the end of this thread and so this may have been asked and answered already. BUT, why don't you transition and stay in the military? They need more women.

S

[Michelle.M]

With the homophobic and archaic ideas and beliefs in the military, I would get it in writing before I signed anything.

It is in writing. AR 40-501. And there's nothing to sign, it's all command driven.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I can say I was in your shoes. Maybe not for all the same reasons. I joined the Army tobury my other self in a way as well as wanting to serve my beautiful country. I was able to staid my transitioning while I wore the uniform. I was even married a couple of times in what I beleive was a show of my masculinity as well. I served for 20 years. Many were not easy and some were fun experiences. I finally let my armor down and saw who I really am after my kids were grown and certain obligations had been met. I realized I had served my country, my families, my ideals. But I had not served my self. I had not done anything for me. Now many years later with many grandkids. I am doing what makes me happy. With my transitioning, my self esteem and confidence is improving. I am relying less on making everyone else happy and looking out for me.
I am not one to say what you should do about your situation. I wish, as most people do, that if I had known in my youth what I know now, I would have transitioned decades ago. Since that didn't happen I can only dream of a shoulda/woulda/coulda life. Now I am moving on and enjoying my ride thru life with more control over where it takes me. I wish the best of luck in your endevour and please keep us posted on how things go for you.

Thank you for Serving.

Donna

[AnnaCalliope]

Are you skilled enough in whatever branch you're a part of to perhaps get an honorable discharge and join the private sector? A lot of the private security companies often get hired by the military or government, so its still possible to serve your country and not be a direct member of the armed services.

Of course, given that most of them are staffed by ex-military types, I'm not sure you would find yourself in a situation
where being trans is any more acceptable than the military.

[Michelle.M]

A lot of the private security companies often get hired by the military or government, so its still possible to serve your country and not be a direct member of the armed services.

Of course, given that most of them are staffed by ex-military types, I'm not sure you would find yourself in a situation
where being trans is any more acceptable than the military.

Good point. Booz Allen Hamilton has a LGBT-friendly HR policy (according to their website) and they even have an online resource and forum (like this one) for their LGBT employees. They have lots of military support contracts worldwide.