Has anyone had experience with havin a roommate/sharing an apartment?

[whowhatwhen]

I wonder that if I'm going to be moving out on my own the fastest and cheapest way to get started is by sharing a place with someone.
Can anyone share their experiences?

Was your roommate supportive? Indifferent? Hostile?
Were you out to them?
Did you dress in the open?

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but I can't imagine being comfortable to tell them let alone spend a day dressed.

[Jamie-Lynn]

when I moved out I moved into a house with a bunch of friends who then after a while i told them. They were pretty much Indifferent but none of them were hostile in any way. Although these are my best friends we are talking about so moving in with a stranger/random person/acquaintance would probably be a whole different story. I would suggest if you are going to move in to a place with a roommate that you get to know the person a little before telling them. Basic advice I know but I'm not certain what else to suggest.

[eluuzion]

hiya www,

not directly related to CD, but ...

I had roommates my first semester of college. Four of us in a two bedroom apartment. (prior to my CDing) It was my first and last experience with roommates. (Aside from living with female partners)

In my opinion, the size of the home you are sharing would have little impact on concealing something like being a CD. Plus, if you tried to conceal it...doesn't that contradict your reasoning for considering moving out?

If you decide to move in with a roommate that you have not revealed your CDing to, I would suggest signing the shortest lease possible...like a month-to-month. The chances of it working out well for either of you are low. It is logical to assume you would simply be facing the same issues or worse, but at a different location.'

good luck:hugs:

:love:

[Briana90802]

I don't know about the cd part of it but a word of advice: never move in with someone if it's their first apartment. When people move out for the first time they tend not to do basic things like, clean up after themselves, pay rent on time, pay utilities on time, or be good roommates. So if this is your first apartment make sure you do these things and learn them well.

[Badtranny]

Roommates are great! I hate living alone. I've been married twice (apparently it was me) and with roommates the rest of the time.

My current roomie (going on 4 years I think) is wonderful. We started out as strangers and now she is one of my closest friends. We live more like sisters now (complete with bickering) than roomies. She is a straight, very christian, GG and she knows everything about me. We share a bathroom so obviously there's no way to hide anything. She knows about my transition and supports me 100%. She's also brutally honest and never hesitates to tell me when I don't look good. (that can be irritating)

Personally I prefer to live with women but I've lived with guys before and that's not too bad either.

I would suggest that you NOT get in the habit of hiding in your own home. Being "out" is your own business but I can't imagine a sadder situation than pretending to be someone you're not while in the sanctuary of your home.

[juno]

I never shared an apartment, but I did a number of girly things while I was in the U.S. Infantry, including bringing pink toilet paper to the field and being an assistant girl scout leader. I was married, which gives me a bit of excuse, but I was definitely not trying to hide my lack of masculinity. They teased me a bit, but also trusted me and accepted me. Overall, it is just better to learn to be yourself rather than trying to fake something you are not.

As for roommates, I think that most people realize that having a roommate means putting up with each others differences. If you room with a male (assuming that you are M2F) then their biggest concern would likely be not wanting to be perceived as living with a gay male. If your male self is fairly masculine, then most male roommates will probably work out. If not, you may need a more tolerant male. If your male self is very effeminate, maybe a female roommate would work best. I'm sure that there are women who would like to have a non-threatening part-time man around the house.

The real answer is that sometimes it will work out and sometimes not. When looking for roommates, try to be very open so you find the right person to share space with.

[whowhatwhen]

I thought about that and figured that a woman or gay man would likely be more accepting, not that it's a sure thing though.
I don't care about being perceived as being gay since I'm not 100% sure myself, in fact, it only seems to matter to other people who believe you're either A or B no exceptions.

[sandra-leigh]

In the years that I had "roommates", I was not (knowingly) a cross-dresser, so I cannot really give any advice about that aspect.

My roommate experience:

two okay guys I did not know in advance, and whom I didn't really talk to (they were senior grad students, I was 2nd year). But they played the same music over and over and over again and it drove me crazy; their apartment. I probably wasn't the best chore-sharer.
a guy I did not know in advance, but we got along pretty well; I was disappointed when I lost track of him a few years later; his apartment.
a guy I knew a bit but not well before hand; we got along comfortably; his apartment
a guy I knew a bit before-hand; we got along comfortably for several months, but eventually he turned out to be a loser who cheated me out of several months rent; my apartment
a guy I knew a bit before-hand; we turned out to get along quite well, and he is now my best friend; we shared places for several years; joint leases.


Is there a summary? Not really. You can end up amicable or friendly or even best friends with a wide variety of people, or you can end up getting ripped off by people whom seem nice enough but are actually self-centered and make poor life choices. Or you can end up with polite people who will drive you crazy with irritating habits.

Advice: if practical, choose someone who has a respectable job that they don't hate and don't slack on. For this purpose, it isn't really important if the respectable job is "gas station attendant", as long as it is something that they have internalized responsibility for and do what they can.

More advice: if the person blames "society" or "Them" for their woes.. Run Away! The person for whom there is "too much month left at the end of the paycheck" and yet parties or junk-foods their money away is not a good bet either. If a person feels like the world "owes them" something, it won't be long before the person will be expecting you to owe them something.

[Leelou]

I've had good luck with responding to "Roommate wanted" ads. I've done it a few times and always was the renter, not the landlord. I've never been asked to sign a lease, so was always free to end the arrangement at my convenience. You're right, it's much more affordable than renting on your own. I've always shared a house, not an apartment, and think that would be preferable.

As far as the CD thing, I never came out to my roommates, but never made great effort to hide my stuff. I kept a panty drawer, washed my girl stuff with my boy stuff, etc. I figured if they wanted to go snooping through my stuff, fine.

[lilmissjenny]

i live with a room mate and hes not supportive. hes a homophobe and if he knew, he would throw me out since he owns the house we live in (i rent a bedroom from him). when i dress, its either in my bedroom with the door shut or on fridays when i am off work and hes at work. weekends, i dont have a chance to dress much at all since he stays at home and plays video games all weekend long...lol. it sucks i have to do it like this, but its the only way i can dress without him knowing. oh, he doesnt go into my bedroom at all because if he did, he would see a whole closet full of womens clothes and ask me about them.

[CamilleLeon]

I am living with some friends and I haven't told them. I have my own room but still almost never dress at home. I am working up the courage to come out to them, and I don't think it'll be a big deal. Regardless, I think it'd be awkward to hang with them while en femme...coming out would probably just allow me to walk barefoot while wearing nail polish...

[Maddie22]

I've had roommates for over 10 years. The last two I have lived alone though. I'd still prefer a roommate, however at this time I'd be very pick with whom I lived with.

If you're gonna get a roommate is it going to be someone you know or don't know? If it's someone you know, do you think you could be comfortable with telling them? If you're going to move in with someone you don't know, make sure that they are LGBTQ friendly, and then you should be ok.

I've lived with roommates who didn't know about my gender personas, and I used to have to sneak off and then get fully dressed. I've lived with friends that did know, and things were much easier.

[misskristykitty]

i live with a room mate and hes not supportive. hes a homophobe and if he knew, he would throw me out since he owns the house we live in (i rent a bedroom from him). when i dress, its either in my bedroom with the door shut or on fridays when i am off work and hes at work. weekends, i dont have a chance to dress much at all since he stays at home and plays video games all weekend long...lol. it sucks i have to do it like this, but its the only way i can dress without him knowing. oh, he doesnt go into my bedroom at all because if he did, he would see a whole closet full of womens clothes and ask me about them.

I know Baby I hate that we have to hide it too,but till we get our own place it is for the best. I don't know what I would do if our roomie was to find out. We guys if on Friday's we do pics and want to leave the house because we too have noisy neighbors he puts his guys clothes on top of what he is dressed in so far by the time our roomie comes home my Babe Jenny is already changed and makeup is washed off. Ikeep praying for a miracle where we buy our first house so he can stay dressed longer.

[BRANDYJ]

I am living with a roommate for the first time in my life other then when I was married, so a wife does not count as a roommate.DUH! She owns the house. She responded to an add I had looking for a roommate that already had a place. She is 42 years old while I am 62, so there is no romantic ideas for either of us, although she is very attractive. My SO lives in Michjigan due to family obligations for the time being. She is very trusting and not the least bit worried or jealous. I have no intention of breaking that trust or my sense of being faithful and honest with my SO that I love very much. My roommate and I get along very well. We both respect each other's privacy and are considerate of each other. We have not become that close, but we sometimes talk about what's going on in our lives or current events. So we are friendly, but not what I'd call "friends"...if that makes sense. Sure I'd love to open up and tell her I'm a CD, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I think she is the type of woman that would not bat an eye, but since she is a private person, I can't get a good handleon howshe's react. I don't want to ruin a good thing. Of course if I didnot have to hide my dressing, it would be a better thing for me. Sure, I'd rather room with a woman that knows and accepts that part of me. Maybe even another crossdresser. I tried to find one back when I was looking, but drew a blank. I don't think rooming wiht a gay man would work for me for several reasons. But to find a straight male roommate that is open-minded and somewhat shares in my other interests is even harder to find. I am very picky about male friends. Most have opinions about women that don't jive with mine. Therefore I don't like many men as close friends. So I am happy with the roommate I have and don't think I'd move unless another CD or a woman that knows and accepts came along needing a roommate too.