Suzy and therapists.

[suzy1]

I know this is controversial and I feel I must apologise in advance.
But it’s this subject of therapists that keeps coming up here.
Now speaking for myself, I need no one to look inside my head, or give me any advice on how to think, or live my life.
I brought up this subject soon after joining crossdressers and was very careful not to come out and say I don’t agree with it. In fact I wanted to keep an open mind about therapists and just learn more about them.
Well since then I have learned a lot more. But I will only go as far as commenting on my feelings about using a therapist for myself.
I am perfectly able to go through this life without the need of any help from anyone full stop. The thought of needing the help of a stranger to give me advice on anything personal is totally alien to me. Complete nonsense. I can easily think for myself and have always been able to do so.
And I have much better things to spend my money on as well.

But that’s just my feelings on the matter, no more.


SUZY

[Diana Bain]

What was in your tea tonight?...LOL I couldn't agree more...we are who we are! Diana

[Suzy Parker]

I did the therapy thing and have mixed feelings about it. I think if I had it to do over I would use that money and my time for a different type of therapy, Shopping Therapy! Nothing can make one feel better than going out and buying nice clothes.

Suzy2

[Lynn Marie]

Suzy you are such a trouble maker! I'm considerably older now than I was in my youth! LOL I'm no longer searching for truth, or justice, or even the American way. I'm quite at peace with myself and no longer afraid of what others may think. I'm also financially secure enough to not have to please anyone other than myself and those I choose to care about. I've reached a kind of Nirvana with out even trying!

I'm in a good place, but to get here you may have to have a life changing event such as a heart attack, cancer, divorce, or all of the above like me. All these "game changers" help you to quit "acting" like what you feel others expect of you and enable you to "be" that silly, strange, and wonderful person you really are and have always been down deep inside. So here we are Cross-Dressers with a healthy outlook on life! What a weird concept. Make me wonder how many therapists would love to be in my heels!

[kristinacd55]

Right on Suzy, total agreement 100% with ya :)

[Gina X]

Suzy do some Chuffin housekeeping and tidy your INBOX there is no space and I want to send you a message **** ....................

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree totally! But I speak only for myself!

[sterling12]

OK for you. But, one big Caveat for our "newbies." If you decide that you are TS, and you want to "go further" with your quest for fulfillment? Your going to have to go through a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. At least that's true if we are talking about any type of legitimate protocol for SRS. Your "Shrink" is basically a "Gatekeeper," and you have to get written validation that your Head is screwed on straight BEFORE a reputable surgeon will touch you!

What goes on in places like Bangkok, I don't know. Perhaps in some Third-World Setting, with enough money, you can acquire Anything without any sort of legal/medical endorsements. But if you do? Without going through proper evaluation and counseling, your on your own!

Suzy will probably never be interested in SRS, nor anything like it. Just wanted to make sure some other folks wouldn't get confused. We may not be "thrilled" with these people in That Trade, but sometimes they are a necessary evil.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jorja]

I agree to a point. However, there are some people in this world that cannot reason out all of these feelings of guilt, depression, and confusion. Therapy can be a lifesaver for them. For those of us that have the need to go further than just CDing, seeing a therapists is a must to get the needed letters for hormones and GRS. It is not that we can't make the decision for ourselves but more of a safety net to ensure we know exactly what we are doing and exactly what the consequences are.
If you are one of the lucky ones that can figure out these things for yourself more power to you but do not look down your nose at someone that cannot do it for themselves the same way you can.

[Alice B]

I am also in agreement with you. I know who I am. Accept who I am and know what my limits are and accept them. Sure I am always expanding what I do and how I present myself, but always within reason for me. I do not need an outside source telling me who and what I am.

[Kaz]

Hey.. I spent a lot of my life giving therapy to businesses... they need me! :)

I think the issue Suzy is making is that there is a time and a place for everything? It is so easy to jump into the dollar vortex without realising that the therapy you need is not only free, but right on your doorstep...

[VioletJourney]

There's been a lot of talk about therapists lately... my opinion is that they should be doctors who solve problems, not touchy-feely paid listeners.

[docrobbysherry]

You're painting them ALL with the same BROAD brush!:brolleyes:


I know this is controversial and I feel I must apologise in advance.
But it’s this subject of therapists that keeps coming up here.
Now speaking for myself, I need no one to look inside my head, or give me any advice on how to think, or live my life.
I brought up this subject soon after joining crossdressers and was very careful not to come out and say I don’t agree with it. In fact I wanted to keep an open mind about therapists and just learn more about them.
Well since then I have learned a lot more. But I will only go as far as commenting on my feelings about using a therapist for myself.
I am perfectly able to go through this life without the need of any help from anyone full stop. The thought of needing the help of a stranger to give me advice on anything personal is totally alien to me. Complete nonsense. I can easily think for myself and have always been able to do so.
And I have much better things to spend my money on as well.

But that’s just my feelings on the matter, no more.
SUZY

A GOOD, EXPERIENCED therapist/counselor should NOT give u advice! Rather, they point out your options as THEY SEE THEM!:thumbsup:

Also, they can give u varied perspective. Something no one has naturally on their own! They listen to how u got to where u r in life. TRY to tell u what u did to get yourself there. Look back at the forks in your road and let u decide of u took the rite or wrong ones. Then, they TRY to point out where u r now. :eek:

The last step is to help u find out where u REALLY want to go and how to get there!:)

Granted, there r MANY folks that lead successful, happy lives and NEVER visit or need a therapist their entire lives! And, for every one of those, there's maybe 5 to 10 that COULD benefit, more or less, with the help, (NOT advice), of an experienced, qualified counselor!:straightface:

Been there done that! Don't need one, but wouldn't hesitate to see one if I thot I needed help!

[LeannL]

I feel the need to address the other side of this discussion. There are a number of people who don't need to spend time with a therapist. Equally though there are going to be some who find it useful. There are some, myself included, who over the years have come to a comfortable place with who we are but, if you are like me, it took a long time. What I spent a great deal of time doing though was trying to figure out what was "normal" and what was not. Eventually, I realized there really isn't a "normal" and that I should accept who I am and enjoy. If I had found a good gender therapist (not that I was looking) 20 years earlier, I could have come to that conclusion 20 years earlier and would have enjoyed being me when my figure was closer to some of the really cute girls here. More importantly, I could have lived 20 years without guilt, fear and loathing.

Personally, I did see a therapist a couple of years ago when I was having some serious stress and depression problems. The CDing didn't help but wasn't the main problem but the therapist was a gender specialist since I knew there would be a coupling of the stress and depression with the CDing. The therapist was very good and I am happy to say that I am a happy CDer who doesn't suffer from stress or depression any more. I must say though that if one is going to see a therapist and you have a gender problem that may (and it most likely will) interact with other issues, make sure you see a gender specialist because one that doesn't know what they are doing is worse than none at all.

What a therapist can provide some of us is the reassurance that we are not freaks, that there are many, many of us out in the world and that we can have a bright future. From my perspective, I think that the most important thing a therapist can provide is validation of our feelings and an understanding of where we could be headed in life. Understanding what could be in store in the future helps to dispel the fears associated with being a minority and help lacking a role model.

So it is fair to say that not everyone needs a therapist but it is equally fair to say that some will benefit from seeing one.

Leann

[Maria 60]

Every picture you post, you always have that beautiful confident smile. I don't see a problem there. Save your money for a summer dress instead.

[Dawn cd]

Suzy, my impression of you is a person who is rock-solid sane. It doesn't surprise me for a second that you don't need therapy. Yet I would agree with docrobby that therapy can be useful for some people. The therapist's job is not to tell us what to do but just to listen to our self-descriptions and tell us what she/he hears. The biggest problem is finding the right therapist who is not a busybody, or a moralist, or a therapeutic ideologue, but someone smart, wise and compassionate.

[Suzy Parker]

Every picture you post, you always have that beautiful confident smile. I don't see a problem there. Save your money for a summer dress instead.

She already bought one, now Suzy2 is in suspense just waiting for her to post up a pic of her modeling it.


Suzy2
:daydreaming:

[Sally24]

I was going to write something sarcastic or funny but decided on my truth. Anyone so certain that they'll never need help from anyone else in a personal matter is handicaping themselves. Thinking that you can always come up with all the answers you need by yourself belies the truth that life is complicated. I know enough to consult others and get their input. THEN I make my own decision.

Sorry Suzy......there's confident and then there's overconfident.

[gerigirl]

You're painting them ALL with the same BROAD brush!:brolleyes:



A GOOD, EXPERIENCED therapist/counselor should NOT give u advice! Rather, they point out your options as THEY SEE THEM!:thumbsup:

Also, they can give u varied perspective. Something no one has naturally on their own! They listen to how u got to where u r in life. TRY to tell u what u did to get yourself there. Look back at the forks in your road and let u decide of u took the rite or wrong ones. Then, they TRY to point out where u r now. :eek:

The last step is to help u find out where u REALLY want to go and how to get there!:)

Granted, there r MANY folks that lead successful, happy lives and NEVER visit or need a therapist their entire lives! And, for every one of those, there's maybe 5 to 10 that COULD benefit, more or less, with the help, (NOT advice), of an experienced, qualified counselor!:straightface:

Been there done that! Don't need one, but wouldn't hesitate to see one if I thot they could help!

Doc,

I read lots of your posts, many of them in a kind of confused awe. Frankly, I find your perspective on gender sometimes about as foreign to me as many of those in the dominant culture. Finally, I read your post quoted above and it is one that I truly understand and enthusiastically endorse. Do stay who you are, and more power to you!

[DebbieL]

As a transgendered person, I knew WHAT I was by the time I was 3 years old. I knew I was a boy who wanted to be a girl. I didn't like playing with boys, I liked playing with girls. But by the time I was 6, I couldn't play with the girls anymore, and the boys didn't want to play, they wanted to hurt. As a result, I quickly learned that I had to keep my desire to be a girl, a woman, a secret. I had to keep it a secret from my friends, my parents, my siblings, from everyone. But all that secrecy about something so fundamentally important had consequences. I had asthma, and intense emotions made the attacks worse. By the time I was 8 I was spending 2 weeks out of every 8 in the hospital. A therapist taught me to control my emotions, to calm myself, an early version of bio-feedback. It stopped the asthma, but didn't stop the conflict. In puberty, my testicles dropped and my voice started to change. With no one to talk to, I thought that meant that I could never be a girl, a woman. I thought that the testosterone pulsing through my veins, was like poison, it was killing the person I wanted to be.

Had I gotten good information in my teen years, I might have explored alternatives, but each attempt to discuss it with therapists, or even with my own mother, were shut down immediately. I began to feel like it was so terrible that I couldn't even speak of it. My father was somewhat transgendered himself and may have wanted to spare me the pain he went through growing up.

By the time I was 14, I had turned to drugs and booze. Drinking reduced my inhibitions, and when I blacked out, my feminine personality came out, with little to hold her back. I could match everybody up, then I turned into a ****. I flirted with everybody, and my feminine mannerisms made me appear gay. Even though I only got sexual with women, I didn't let them touch me, because I didn't want to get attached to sex as a man.

The drugs and alcohol took their tool, and soon I was a full-blown addict. I was mis-diagnosed as epileptic (actually drug withdrawals), and by the time I was 21, I needed long-term group therapy on a daily basis. But even then, I was unable to talk with the group about being transgendered. I tried to share it with the therapists during the review, but they didn't want to talk about it. This was 1977, and they know very little about it. Gender disphoria was not mainstream. Besides, they wanted to focus on the drugs, the alcohol, and the divorce.

I didn't tell anybody else until I met my wife. We moved in together, and I finally told her -- 3 weeks after we moved in together. She acted like it was OK with it, but I didn't found out until many years later, that she had lied. After 9 years in a platonic marriage, we found a marriage counselor who could discuss my transgender issues, and when we decided to get divorced, he referred me to a therapist who specialized in transgender issues.

This therapist started me on the Benjamin protocol, giving me assignments to go to different environments and improve my presentation until I could go out without attracting attention. Of course, during the "Cinderella" stage, I also liked dressing up so hot that I attracted a LOT of attention too. But this was for parties and dances. I eventually reached the point where I was living all but work hours as a woman. I had a girl-friend who supported me, and was seriously considering the transition. I attended meetings for TGs, and began to see what life would be like on the other side of the operation. I also got a better sense of the costs and time involved. Since I was paying child support, and had few resources to spare, I had to put things off.

After moving to the NYC area, where I hoped there would be more acceptance and more options. I ended up going to a new therapist but she wasn't trained in transgender issues. It seems that most therapists still have very little training in how to deal with gender issues. Most are barely trained in how to deal with sexual preference issues.

It's not that being gay, transgendered, or bisexual is wrong, or even a disease. On the other hand, there are so many barriers to getting the support of friends, family, and other more "traditional" channels, that we often find ourselves having to resort to untraditional, unhealthy, and even dangerous ways of coping with the physical, spiritual, and emotional pain of having to pretend to be something we never wanted to be, because we have equipment we never asked for.

We often try to express our femininity by dressing up, and find the new sensations arousing, which creates a close link between dressing and sexuality and sensuality. We develop fantasies that involve us being dressed up during sexual activities. Often, the best sources of erotica involving erotic clothing is found in material with bondage themes, and the fantasies of being forced to dress, by a very attractive sexual partner becomes a popular theme in fantasies. Our sexual preferences, a natural progression of our desires to be able to dress like girls or women, to wear "forbidden" clothing, follows a path that is often perceived as "perverted".

[suzy1]

Don’t be sorry Sally. I totally respect your point of view.
But at the same time I 100% disagree with you.
I am not over confident. I am very strong mentally. Not a boast, that’s just how I am.
I can and will always come up with all the answers I need without help from others.

Docrobbysherry. I don’t need others to point out my options. I can do that for myself.
Thank you.
But thanks for the comment.

Kaz, there is a time and place for everything. But not a therapist in my life. That would be a waste of there time and mine.

Leann, you say there are a number of people that don’t need a therapist. That was my point. Thanks. I was only talking about me here, not saying therapists are always a waste of time. Some people obviously need help in there lives.

To anyone here that is saying we all might need a therapist sometime in our lives, I know of one that doesn’t, ME!

[Kathy4ever]

I think it is not us who need therapist but the supposedly normal people need them. Who are we hurting (nobody) right. It is only cloths, makeup, jewerly and other items. Soceity has shoved what is supposedly normal down everyones throat. What is normal anyway?

[Gaby2]

Hi Suzy, indeed the topic is controversial, as we can all read.

My experience of therapy has been relatively positive.
I'm glad I met people who encouraged me to invest (modestly) in therapy at a time in my life when all doors seemed closed and all mountains insurmountable.
That was precisely in 2008.

In fact I visited three(?) different kinds of psychologist.
The tools these contrasting therapists used were simple but effective in allowing me to see my difficulties in a broader and more realistic context.
They also helped me in ways which my large circle of family, friends and acquaintances could never have done.
I never needed to confide my CDing in these meetings - that's something which I find extraordinary with hindsight.

I often feel out of my depth when it comes to emotional stress or even trauma.
Recently I wanted my SO to see a therapist with me, as we were having what I see as "normal" problems in a relationship.
She refused point-blank with much the same argumentation that you write in your OP.
I accepted and respected her opinion and didn't push the point.
We seem to be coping better now, thank God... but I can't help feeling that we might not be so lucky "next time".
But maybe she will have developed her opinion a little more by then.

I would advise anybody to seek professional help at any time, if they're feeling down and/or isolated.

By the way, Suzy, your bubbling enthusiasm (even in this thread!!!) is very much "therapy" for me!
:hugs:Gaby

[Paula_56]

I was going to write something sarcastic or funny but decided on my truth. Anyone so certain that they'll never need help from anyone else in a personal matter is handicaping themselves. Thinking that you can always come up with all the answers you need by yourself belies the truth that life is complicated. I know enough to consult others and get their input. THEN I make my own decision.

Sorry Suzy......there's confident and then there's overconfident.

Thank you Sally24, I wanted to write exactly what you just said, I couldn't agree more. I started therapy 6 months ago, it helped me.

[Gina X]

Suzy and the therapists sounds like a rock group LOL

[Edyta_C]

I had a lot of issues. I was raised as a girl for my first five years. Then I was forced back to reality of birth gender. I had a lot of anger and resentment. Later in life the GID raised its head again and I was very depressed. This almost caused the loss of my job. Mental health does work, but you need to know that you need it. Strictly CDing does not mean you need it. If you are TS or GID then you may need it. The gals on here were a big help to my self understanding. So I see both viewpoints.

Edy

[Taylor186]

"The unexamined life is not worth living" --Socrates