A Nice Couple of Days. . . Now Depressed

[Debglam]

Sorry for what is essentially a vent. I’m feeling kind of depressed and need to get it off of my chest. :sad:

Last Friday I made an appointment at a local salon recommended to me by one of my girl friends to look at some new wigs. I dressed, headed over, and had an absolutely wonderful appointment with a very lovely woman who owns the salon. She helped me select a couple of wigs and one that I will probably buy the next time I stop by. Chatting with her was as fun as trying on wigs.

Saturday I attended my TG group’s monthly social. I got to dress up again and wear my new “hair.” I just love chatting with my friends and meeting new girls too. Basically a very pleasant evening spent with good food, good wine, and nice conversation. To top everything off, it was my birthday and I got a cupcake and a lovely card. This really touched me deeply. In a way I really consider it a BIRTH-day as I have finally found a place where I can be myself with sisters who “get” it and “get” me. A very nice time but here is where things turn.

The event wrapped up and some of my friends were going to stop by a friendly bar for a drink. While I really wanted to go, I had to decline. I started feeling kind of envious at their ability to just go. My wife had helped me get out of the house and was expecting me home. Home I went. After changing, I wanted to tell her what a nice evening I had. The problem is that at this stage of the game we are at what I call a DADT Plus. With our kids out of school there is no privacy. My wife helps run interference to give me some privacy to get ready and to get out of the house. She has also given me some clothing in the past but doesn’t want to see me dressed or get too into the details. So other than “thanks for taking the kids and I had a great time” that was the conversation.

Since then, I’ve been feeling like a bratty kid. I REALLY am grateful for having a wife that is willing to give me this much. I do love her dearly. However, on another level I am feeling bad that this has to be such a big deal. That I can’t just dress when I like and come and go like my friends. I want to be able to freely talk about this with her without worrying that I am pushing things. Yeah, I know I am being unreasonable but I feel the way I feel and it is making me sad. Instead of being appreciative for two very nice days en femme, I am sulking around because I don’t know when the next time I am going to be able to dress is, pouting because my girl friends get to go out and I don’t. I don't normally act or feel like this and that is adding to my bad feelings.

Bottom line is that instead of enjoying my family I find myself wasting time resenting the lack of freedom and instead of savoring my two days of fun I am souring the memory with thoughts of what I want to do next. Basically I am being an ass and need to snap out of it. I think posting this will help but I always appreciate words of wisdom from you. Thanks.

:spank:
Spoiled Brat Debby

[Marie-Elise]

Sounds like perfectly understandable feelings. I mean, those of us who can't leave the house dressed because of society probably feel the same way sometimes. I know I do. I guess we all have constraints. When we were young and single, we could do what we wanted when we wanted. As we get older and form obligatory relationships, we have to compromise so that we can meet the needs of those to whom we are obliged (wives, parents, kids, co-workers, etc.). So, go ahead, be a little bratty. You deserve it.

[Tamara Croft]

Yes you are being bratty :slap:

However, it's like anything you've really enjoyed doing for a few days, when you get back to reality, it bites, sometimes with a vengence. The DADT must be hard :sad: have you thought about asking her to join this forum for support? She must feel alone with no one to talk to about it herself? The thing is with DADT stuff, things will eventually get to a point where one of you is going to snap... you'll get into a deeper funk than how you feel now... trust me, been there, done that, joined a forum... hell I even help run it now, so there's hope :hugs:

[Karren H]

Looking back on times when I got like that.... my family noticed that I was distancing myself from them big time!! Life is about balance. You want to have a family and go out enfemme then you better not let one over ride the other. Personally I'd die to have a situation like yours... So yes. Your being whiny... Imo...

[kimdl93]

Deb, stop beating yourself up for feeling your feelings. Its perfectly understandable that you might wish to have more freedom to enjoy dressing and the company of others. Again, stop that!!!

Rather than trying to "make you happy", think about the reality of your life situation. Some of what you said is true and honestly, quite positive. Compared to many people on this site, you have a pretty good situation and over time it has the potential to get better. You have a wife, who though not entirely engaged in your dressing, is actively supportive - helping you by running interference and accepting your need to get out occassionally. Realistically, any married person, cross dresser or not, would to be expected home at some hour, right? And you are grateful for the support your wife has provided. So, omstead of beating yourself up over those feelings of regret, remind yourself of just how much you have to be thankful for.

Another piece of advice I have is that if you're feeling down, the best way to get out of it is to do something with your wife and/or kids. Then you'll be refocused from self-pity and I pretty much guarantee that the depressive mood will be forgotten. The old addage is that it is easier to "act" into new ways of thinking that to "think" yourself into new ways of acting. Try it - you'll see.

And finally, I would suggest that you keep a conversation going with your wife. Let her know, sincerely and often, just how much you appreciate her support, understanding and clothing ;) And of course, for each time the subject of your dressing comes up, try to find ten opportunities to tell her how much you love her, admire her and desire her. Given patience and reassurance, I suspect that your wife's acceptance and support can grown.

[TGMarla]

You nailed it, Deb. You need to prioritize. You got to go out en femme and enjoy some really great girl time, chat with like-minded folks, try on new hair, primp, preen, and enjoy yourself. Now you get to do the same with your wife and family. Understand that some of us never had the privilege of having children of our own, and one day, yours are going to be gone. You never know what you've got, they say, until it's gone. Enjoy your time with your family just as you enjoyed your time en femme. Savor the moments just as you savored your time as Deb. And when you do get the opportunity to have some Deb time again, presumably next month's meeting at the very latest, you'll appreciate it all the more for its rarity.

[Tina B.]

Of course you want more, more is great, more is fun, used to go by the bar with friends on a regular basis after work, a couple of beers and then home to the family, just a chance to Say hi, and talk to like minded people, we enjoyed shop talk. The ones that always wanted more, and never knew when to go home, ended up with less, less family, less time with there kids, and less money after the break up. Part of getting married and having kids is having to go home at a reasonable time, how often do you take the kids so your wife can go out at night, and when would you want her to come home, after the meeting, or after the bars close? I wish the two of you could talk, but other than that, I'd say your glass is half full, not half empty. Try going and playing with your kids, I know that always gets me out of a funk.
Tina B.

[Debglam]

Thanks girls - I'm feeling better already. I'm not usually so selfish but something gave me a real dose of it. It was nice to be able to put it into words and "exorcise the demon." Thanks for the perspective! I DO know how lucky I am.

Thanks for the suggestion Tamara. Maybe I overstated the case. My wife has been very supportive and we do talk about it occasionally, but she is still trying to wrap her arms around it and I don't want to push. I suggested the forum and Reine offered to talk to her off line. She likes to figure things out on her own, in her own time so she knows the information is here and available whenever she wants.

I like the suggestion of some family time so I'm taking the girls out.

Thanks again for the "therapy session!"

:hugs:
Debby