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View Full Version : I'm doing another coming out letter...



Andrea85
08-16-2011, 08:47 PM
It's to my cousins wife. I think I might be able to have an allie in her so thats why her first. Here's the letter I wrote to send her.







Annie, you probably don't recognize me, but it's Andy. My mom said she would tell everyone up there for me, but I feel like it's my place to tell.

Basically, I'm transsexual. What that means is basically it is a medical birth defect. In the womb, my body changed from female to male, but my brain did not. It stayed female. This has cause a great deal of stress on me my whole life. I knew this about myself at the age of 5, even though I didn't know it was a medical condition. Since I realized this, religion and fear made me hide it.

In Genesis Chapter 14, is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. That story made me repress this for several years. When it would rear its head, it would cause me to attempt suicide. Also being in the Bible Belt, and with the amount of ignorance that runs rampant, I was afraid to be me.

I prayed to God every night to either let me wake up normal or make me a girl. Neither obviously happened. I've been depressed since I was 5 years old, and never gotten to be happy. I remember hearing comments up there at a family get together about something about gay people being wrong. It may have been a joke, but it hurt me bad, and made me think that I'd never be able to come out to everyone up there.

Sorry if this is erratic and kinda everywhere, but I'm just writing what my heart tells me to.

A combination of thinking I'd never get to come out and be me up there, and the fear of telling my parents drove me to start cutting myself when I was very young. I still remember the first time. I was 7, sitting in my room, and cut myself on my thigh. Doing that almost released me of the pain and agony I was going through. I've tried to commit suicide multiple times over the years too. Guns, poisons, drugs, asphyxiating myself with bags, ropes, and car exhaist. I came close once. I cut my wrist in the Walmart parking lot. Nearly bled out. THe dr at the hospital said if I had gotten there any later I would have died. That wasn't the only time I tried cutting my wrists, but it was the only time it did damage. I still have the scar from it, and it about tears me to pieces thinking of it now.

In January, with the help of Tiffany (we're no longer together), I came out to my parents. They took it well and are very supportive of me. I've been on hormone replacement therapy for 3 and a half years now. What that is, is I take estrogen and a testosterone blocker to feminize me. I had been ordering from Canada and self medicating, which is very dangerous. If there had been any complications, I could have died easily. But now I have a prescription and am under Dr supervision. I'm also out to all my friends now too, and living as female.

The reason I'm sending you this and telling you is in hopes of having someone on my side up there. Also, a few weeks ago, I was sexually assaulted by my then boyfriend. I didn't sleep for 3 days because of that, and it made me question life again. While my best friend Tiffanee and her husband were here, I tried cutting my wrist again. She stopped me. That was a Sunday morning around 3 am. She and her husband Chris, at my request, to the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville. I went through a 3 day rehab there because of this. Tiffanee told me that it was either that, ot she was going to call the law and have them arrest me. I went, and did the 3 day program. I was put on a huge dose of meds for my anxiety, which always led to bad things, and almost had me turned into a recluse.

I know with what happened with Mamaw this probably isn't the best time, but I know me and if I don't get this out, I might slip back down again. I've been crying my eyes out trying to write this, and hope you understand. I just really need an allie up there so I can tell the rest of the family. If you never want to hear from me again, I'll totally understand and won't push this any further. Not with anyone else up there. Just with things right now, I feel like I can't come up there.

I hope you, Bubba, and Colton are doing well.

Love,
Andrea

Melody Moore
08-16-2011, 11:39 PM
Basically, I'm transsexual.
Andrea, I think you wrote a great letter all except for this opening line because
first of all it conveys a message of self-doubt & confusion about who you really are.

Let me explain and put this into perspective for you - are you a transsexual or are you a female?

I believe that I am a female who's body has been misaligned. I am transsexual because I have had a desire
going back as far as I can remember to being a female. And now I am going through a transition process to
correct that misalignment with my body.

So I would say.... "I am a woman, who is currently transitioning because I was born a transsexual female,
but repressed my gender issues.... etc." This way you are clearly stating who you are with no self-doubt,
and also telling her where you are within the transgender spectrum & in the transitional process.

I hope that helps.

Andrea85
08-17-2011, 01:55 AM
Thanks Melody. That does make sense.

Traci Elizabeth
08-17-2011, 09:37 AM
Yours is short and to the point. My letter to my family was 21 typed pages all single spaced with a small font. I guess I had a lot more to say and to divulge (smiling).

Stephenie S
08-17-2011, 10:59 PM
Interesting. 21 pages? Whew!

I was about to say that I thought Andrea's letter was too long.

Nice letter, dear, but my feeling is that there is FAR too much information in it. Two thirds could be cut and you would still get your point across.

Aprilrain
08-18-2011, 06:36 AM
Did you send it? how'd it go?

Andrea85
08-18-2011, 01:37 PM
I sent it, but it was on Facebook, and I don't think she has read it yet. If it weren't for my anxiety meds, my nerves would be shot all to hell right now.

Andrea85
08-19-2011, 02:12 AM
Ok, time to get nervous as hell. When I sent the letter on Facebook, I sent a friend request. I figured even if she didn't reply back, if she was cool with it, she would maybe add me. Well, no add yet, but she changed her profile picture. :nailbiting: Now I'm worried...

Melody Moore
08-19-2011, 02:27 AM
Ok, time to get nervous as hell. When I sent the letter on Facebook, I sent a friend request. I figured even if she didn't reply back, if she was cool with it, she would maybe add me. Well, no add yet, but she changed her profile picture. :nailbiting: Now I'm worried...

I know things could go wrong, but you can't go jumping to any conclusions yet. That letter was
very powerful, so you have to give her time to digest it & process it all. I would also dare say
that she will need time to think about it & write any sort of a response. But the most important
thing is here is that you have been honest with her, so now you can feel free of any guilt. If
she doesn't like this news & has a bad reaction, then that is her issue and not yours to deal with.

Andrea85
08-19-2011, 02:43 AM
I'm not assuming anything just yet, I just planned for the worst case scenario. The only thing I am worried about is if she takes it badly, and makes it out to my family that I'm some pervert or something. Wouldn't be the first time that happened. I want the rest of my family to know, but I want it to be the truth, not homophobic lies. Not that that'll happen for sure, just my worst case scenario.

DanaM64
08-22-2011, 04:50 AM
Just a thought, being a facebook user for a few years now... Perhaps send her a shorrrrt follow up email to her private email and mention that you had sent a message to her on fb and if she received it. Also mention if she did a response in regards to the message isn't necessary you were just concerned all was/is well up there... you could add if she had any questions in regards to the message you'd be more than happy to respond...

I've only made my condition known to a few family members and chosen friends, so I reckon I'm not the expert on this, just food for thought!

Best of luck and as Melody mentioned, you did your part (the hardest one mind you!) so now it is in their court, hopefully you'll score an Ace on the serve! But if not, then just keep in mind you already have the most important people in your supportive ring, your parents, Tiffanee & her man! Nevermind the great crew of people here! :)

Cheers and wish you the best!
Dana

Starling
08-22-2011, 07:45 PM
Andrea, please don't second-guess your letter. It was true and from the heart, and you've said it, and it's done. You cannot control how your cousin's wife will respond. She may or may not be able to deal with your information, but it wouldn't hinge on whether you could have said it another way.

Above all I admire you, Andrea. You've got guts, and everyone here knows it. Hang in there, lady.

:) Lallie

Andrea85
08-22-2011, 10:05 PM
Thanks Lallie. I still haven't heard from her yet, but she hasn't responded to the friend request and she hasn't blocked me, so that's a good sign, I guess.

Momarie
08-22-2011, 10:33 PM
Be patient, you laid a whole lot on her.

"Basically, I'm transsexual. What that means is basically it is a medical birth defect. In the womb, my body changed from female to male, but my brain did not. It stayed female. This has cause a great deal of stress on me my whole life. I knew this about myself at the age of 5, even though I didn't know it was a medical condition. Since I realized this, religion and fear made me hide it."

This was so tender and heartfelt (yet not so hard hitting/heartbreaking) and a beautiful way to open conversation and communications.

With all you said, she is now going to need some time to process it.

Andrea85
08-31-2011, 01:04 AM
Oh, my freaking God! Annie just replied to my coming out letter. She and my cousin accept me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Here's what her reply said:

I'm so sorry I just got your message I just got an iPhone and still can't figure out when I have a private message! Please don't think I was ignoring you or putting you off! Well first off I love the name cause that's my name, my family has just called me Annie for short! I read this to Tommy and while reading it my heart breaks for you! I can not imagine what you r going through! Tommy said we r your family and we love you no matter what! Keep your head up and just pray about it! I promise we r by no means perfect but I put all my worries in Gods hands and it always works out! Please think positive through all of this! Love Annie, Tommy and Colton

DanaM64
08-31-2011, 01:13 PM
Congrats Andrea!!

I'm sure that was a giant burden off your shoulders! Sounds very positive from the way it read, though word of caution, let them continue to absorb... What I mean by that is, keep all correspondance positive, you have us for your down days... You can let them know your concerns of other family members and such of course, I'm just thinking (sometimes gets me trouble!) that if they get to know the new you without the down times they would be more apt to help when needed instead of saying something atypical "It seems your decision has caused nothing but trouble, come to god and repent and he/she will make all your problems go away!". Which will only cause unneeded friction...

Just my thought at the moment...

I am excited for you and hope they can help you with the rest of the family!

Starling
09-03-2011, 12:15 PM
That's wonderful news, Andrea. And I think Dana's advice is good. How great to have love and support from the real people in your life, as well as your disembodied friends here who love you from afar. This is a big jump up from your despair of a few weeks ago, and you deserve to enjoy it.

:) Lallie