The feminine experience

[TGMarla]

We all dress for various reasons. Some of us do so because we just like the clothes. Others do so because they feel that they are women on the inside, and they want their outside presentation to reflect that. Some of us just like to get their girl on. Some like the way the clothes look, others the way they feel. And then some of us love the way they make us feel.

I'm a man, and I'm okay with that. There were times in my life when I desperately wanted to be a woman instead. There are times when I still feel that way, but I've come to grips with it. Crossdressing for me is now an opportunity for me to wrap myself in "the feminine experience", as my friend Freddy called it. It's my time to forget all the male trappings and attitudes, and allow myself to be more sensitive, demure, submissive, gentle, and caring. I can slow down and appreciate things like soft colors, pretty scents, lace, fine fabrics, curls in my hair, nicely done nails, and all sorts of things that are viewed as reserved for women only. I can pamper myself with lovely and delightful things that aren't a part of my male life. In short, I can embrace the feminine essence of my life, and leave the harsh reality of manhood behind for a while.

Sure, real women will be quick to point out that being a woman often has little or nothing to do with any of that. The real world will trample anyone who places these things at the forefront of their lives. Women are not necessarily submissive or demure by nature. I mean no offense by saying any of these things. But crossdressing for me, since I'm never really going to be a woman, amounts to my entering into a fantasy world of sorts. It's not real. So I can "be" whoever I want, and I can attach any traits I wish to this new feminine person I become at those times.

Men, by their nature or by societal rules, are not allowed to display weakness in any way, lest they be deemed soft. So we learn to shield out any kind of appreciation for the softer things in life. It's like filtering out half of what life has to offer to us as human beings. So by crossdressing and emulating myself as a woman, I can embrace the things that are denied to me as a male in our society. I can be an idealized and romanticized version of myself, a person who basks in the feminine experience for while it lasts.

What is your "feminine experience"?

[kendra_gurl]

Marla I think you summed it up very well.

For some of us(NOT ALL)who are comfortable with our masculine side but occasionally like to escape our reality by crossdressing by becoming the female version of OURSELVES (that we feel we need to be at that time), There can be a lot of character play involved if we want. Dressing to blend in public is only part of my crossdressing. If I am staying in and want to be a French Maid for the evening that is exactly how I dress. Spending the evening wearing a eloquent long formal gown while sipping wine or a halter top and mini skirt with stocking tops showing and 8" platform heels is also fun.

It's all a fantasy act so why not just let loose and enjoy it. No matter what our age its really fun at times to be like adolescent girls playing dressup which we never got to do a boys

[kimdl93]

There is so much variety among us in terms of our personal motivations, but I certainly concur with both Marla and Kendra that part of what I love about being a CDr is being able to shed the manifestations of masculinity and either privately or publically express the girl in me. Just sitting at the nail salon with my wife , having a mani-pedi was one such expression of myself that I would never get to enjoy if I didn't embrace this part of myself.

[BRANDYJ]

Marla, I agree, you really summed it up for many of us. On the other side of the coin, there are things we don't have to deal with that I am thankful of. Like the monthly friend, pregnancy, childbirth and breast feeding. Those are experiences that for the most part, I'm glad not to experience. Of course if I was a woman, I might look forward to baring a child and being a mother. We get to pick and chose what womanly experiences we want to embrace. As a man, I don't think we have the strenght to endure those motherly experiences. I wish we were that strong and nurturing, but most of us are not. One reason all mothers need to be honored.
I enjoy my feminine side and experiencing in my own way and in my mind,s eye, all the beautiful things being a woman is. But again, Marla really said it best.

[Diana Bain]

While talking with my wife last night as Diana, I told her that as Diana I'm escaping the real world...my past as her is all good, she carries no baggage. As a man who will never become a real woman...I hope I enjoy the essense of how a woman feels when she dresses to the nines, enjoys her new lingerie or those new pumps. I have a pair of over=the=knee 5" stilletoe boots that will never make it past the front door...but they are fun to wear...beats the heck out of my work boots!

[kristinacd55]

Marla, I pretty much agree with all you've said except in my experience now I'm scratching an itch to get out in the real world as Kristina. I have already, and it's exciting but I don't want to overdo it for sure and keeping it to places where t'girls frequent and it's friendly towards us.

[Gillian Gigs]

As you said, "Men, by their nature or by societal rules, are not allowed to display weakness in any way, lest they be deemed soft". If you cry, some smart ass will say, "look who's crying like a little girl". We need to show our softer and gentler side, and if that is CDing, then so be it.

[LilSissyStevie]

Sure, real women will be quick to point out that being a woman often has little or nothing to do with any of that. The real world will trample anyone who places these things at the forefront of their lives. Women are not necessarily submissive or demure by nature. I mean no offense by saying any of these things. But crossdressing for me, since I'm never really going to be a woman, amounts to my entering into a fantasy world of sorts. It's not real. So I can "be" whoever I want, and I can attach any traits I wish to this new feminine person I become at those times.

The source of any potential confusion here is the conflation of women and femininity. Most women aren't submissive because they aren't that feminine. Most men aren't dominant because they aren't that masculine. Submissiveness and demureness are feminine traits even if most women don't exhibit them. Women simply don't own the copyright on femininity nor do men own the copyright on masculinity. You need a vagina to be a girl but you don't need one to be girly.
:love:

[bobbie c]

kendra /marla....you couldn't have said it better. i see it as an opportunity to enter and see a softer side of life, and allow the doors to open for myself. it's the clothing? it's the forms /wigs? hell i don't know ...but i enjoy the de stressing i feel when it is in the process and the end product. i get to escape myself and how relaxing is that. like kendra, i have the high boots with tall heels, the very short skirts and i have long evening wear etc. doesn't matter, if it's elegant or very sexy....it's fun, invigorating, and the times make me smile,and forget the bs of everyday life.....in short it works! ....and if it works thats good enough for bobbie!

[Alice B]

I agree that you summed it up very well. Just consider that I wish I had made this post. Fits me to a tee.

[bridget thronton]

I like being a woman and having women friends, working on projects together or just plain catching up with each other (and shopping together of course). Much of this is experienced in virtual worlds and women do interact differently with each other than they do with men.

[erickka]

Marla, I couldn't have explained myself any better. I also see that many others agree with you. Isn't it funny how so many great minds think alike??

[noeleena]

Hi,

The Feminine Experience = is .....being .....A Woman.

Not how you look or dont, not even feeling like one or not,

It's being one......may be iv woken up to that, some times you hear the word's you see the word's ,
Its really about being one.

I'v been saying i dont look feminine, i dont see my self as feminine. its in the being one,

Oh dear the light bulb has just gone on. clicked,

Thanks , Marla.

...noeleena...

[KrystalA]

An excellent post. I love "being a woman" for many reasons, and you articulated some of them very well.

[beam47]

i agree 110% with you Dianacd22

[Wendy W]

Great post Marla. We C/Ds just need some time and space to ourselves to view and feel a softer side of us. Having done this for 20+ yrs, I'm similar to Kendra in that sometimes I'll do stuff all 'dressed up' for the fun of it and to allow 'Wendy' to come out and breath some life.

Wendy

[kendra_gurl]

I hope some of you who have read the threads about staying in the closet and others about not feeling comfortable dressing around their SO's will take this thread as one more explination for the reasons at times we just like to be alone.

I can enjoy dressing to blend and going out with the wife for an evening or an entire weekend. But I really enjoy the times I get to be alone with myself to act as silly or prissy or girly as I want without concern that she may think I'm taking things a little over the top.

I love and appreciate my accepting wive of 42 years but I also love my times alone as Kendra because it completes the escape

[daviolin]

Marla, I think you hit the nail on the head. My thoughts to the tee. I see crossdressing as a stress releaver from the hum drum male world. Daviolin

[ReineD]

Sure, real women will be quick to point out that being a woman often has little or nothing to do with any of that. The real world will trample anyone who places these things at the forefront of their lives. Women are not necessarily submissive or demure by nature.

Thanks Marla for a great post and I particularly agree with your above statement! :)


The source of any potential confusion here is the conflation of women and femininity. Most women aren't submissive because they aren't that feminine. Most men aren't dominant because they aren't that masculine. Submissiveness and demureness are feminine traits even if most women don't exhibit them.

This is a broad brush statement. Gender roles fluctuate throughout time and cultures and I've got the impression you're comparing women today to a small slice of history (the 50s, perhaps?) and presenting it as if it is the "rule". Before the industrial revolution during the agricultural age, women worked hard on the farm. They did a lot of dirty work and they dressed the part in non flattering clothes while doing this. And during WWII women were manning our factories while wearing pants.

Even in the 50's when women stereotypically were viewed as being submissive, in reality they did have backbones. You can't take pictures in magazine ads or old TV shows and draw definitive conclusions that real women or feminine women are supposed to be submissive. During the boon years after the depression and WWII, there was a desire to return to normalcy and the pendulum swung way to one side to make up for the previous difficult decades, as women were having babies in unprecedented numbers (causing the baby boom). Fashion and cultural norms shifted to reflect this, even women's magazines were full of articles about how to keep a home and make a husband happy, but women viewed these roles as their jobs, their contribution to the family's welfare. These women were not submissive in the sense that I think you are trying to describe.

And women today are feminine, even if they don't look the way they did in the 50s. :p

Also, every male and every female can be deferential (or if you prefer, submissive), or dominant, depending on where they're at along any particular pecking order, be in at work, among peers, or in a marriage. Everyone defers to some individuals or in particular situations in their lives but not others, and they also make the decisions in some areas but not others.

[SweetIonis]

Women are not necessarily submissive or demure by nature.

Men, by their nature or by societal rules, are not allowed to display weakness in any way, lest they be deemed soft.


I think men and women both are by nature submissive. Our nature is to defer to those who we think know more, are stronger, are more beautiful, etc. The problems come because we have the tendency to artificially inflate the meager qualities and possessions that we have. Then we become arrogant, angry, and intolerant of others. One of the big problems in the world today is that modern Western culture has deceived people into thinking that things like being humble, submissive, and admitting that one is fragile and therefore needs help, have become things that are frowned upon. As a result we see so much conflict in the world today. It's really sad. People cannot be happy living like this. Because the truth is that we need to be humble, submissive, and feel that we are weak and in need of help.