What lessons have you learned from the forum?

[Anne2345]

Just to prove I can submit a short post (btw, it's not easy), and given all of the lessons I have learned lately, I am interested to know - what is the single most important, profound, and/or life-changing lesson you have learned from this forum? Btw, not including this sentence, my post is only one sentence long! :eek:

[TGMarla]

I'm .....I'm speechless!

The most important thing I have learned from this forum is that I'm not alone in this world as a crossdresser. I'm normal, and that led to self-acceptance.

[Cynthia Anne]

WOW girl friend! I am waiting for the 'rest of the story'!ha,ha! I think learning that there are so many more like me has been a life changeing lesson for me! More then any thing else!:)Hugs!:)

[Sara Jessica]

It's not so much what I have learned in these pages but instead, it's been the friendships I have built. These friendships transcend the TG thing to include those common bonds of life situations and experiences that are worth their weight in gold in building lasting relationships.

[Michelle 2]

Marla stated the most important part for me. The element of total acceptance that I have always been and will be a crossdresser has changed my entire outlook on my life. Instead of hiding the fact I am embracing it, and all the benefits of learning from my sisters on this forum has dramaticly increased my confidence and attitude to improve this wonderful artform.

Michelle

[eluuzion]

I have learned that most people here seem to take their CDing and life in general much more seriously than I do. Maybe that is a natural process that occurs when you grow up. Fortunately for me, I will never find out.:)

:love:

[Karren H]

I have learned not to piss off Tamara.... Again... I've learned I must me management material because I glaze over after reading 3 sentences... I learned to use my Blackberry spell check... I've learnt more but that's 3........

[Jenniferpl]

The lessions leraned are that I am not alone and that there are others like me. It has lead to self accetpance and that I no longer live in fear of being discovered. Learning how to live with it and not have crossdressing blow life life apart.

[sissystephanie]

The major thing that I have learned from this forum is that there are a lot of crossdressers in this world!!!

Anne, a single sentence yes, but one an English teacher would criticize!!

[VioletJourney]

I've tried to teach more than I've learned. I want people to realize that they're taking things WAY too seriously and that CDing is nothing more than a fun activity/hobby like any other.

Doesn't seem to be sticking though.

[Natalee]

I think it has been positive reinforcement. I tend to be more daring and outgoing; now that I know others have had such fun and success. I don't think I would have gone to Ulta on my own, got the frequent shopper card, and used my coupons they mail me bi-weekly; if I didn't realise I'm not the only guy who did this stuff. I just haven't been daring enough to do DSW on my own, there's always a ton of guys there... :/

ALSO. Seeing the photo gallery, and clothing ideas has definitely upped my game. I need to do updated photos sometime...

[desa ray]

Well most importantly I Have learned that there are others like me. Also not to take myself to seriously. Its not the end of the world its just a Guy in a dress.
Desa.

[Kittyagain]

I am new to the forum. My first impression, the commitment by so many to be who they are. It is encouraging me to push on.

Kitty

[Emily Ann Brown]

Wearing a dress is not enough for a friendship. And, to not get in a battle of wit with a nitwit.


Em

[Stephenie S]

The most important lesson? Stop whining and DO it.

Stephie

[Anne2345]

Anne, a single sentence yes, but one an English teacher would criticize!!


Lol!!! Perhaps so. I could have composed this post in the manner of my other posts, I suppose - painfully long, very much drawn out, yet grammatically correct with proper sentence structure. But y'all don't want that, do ya? I thought I would give you all a break from it, and compose something short, sweet, and to the point, irregardless of unproper grammarabilty and nonright structuratude. :heehee:

[Sally24]

When I was first going "out" I was very fearful that I would get read and people would know I was a man wearing a dress. Since then I have learned its OK to be a t-girl. I prefer to be taken for a female but as long as I'm treated like a feminine person I'm happy. The confidence and mind set that I've taken from this forum is my best lesson.

I love the conversations I have here and the friends that I've made but the most important thing this forum does is showing the new girls that you can make some sort of female life for yourself. It may only be in your home, or as in my case, part time but out end about. Whatever it is that works for you, we can help you be happier.

Thanks to all the high volume posters (you know who you are) who add color and life to this forum!

[ReineD]

what is the single most important, profound, and/or life-changing lesson you have learned from this forum?

That things are not as they seem.

(Ha ha, I beat you!) :)

[Sandra]

Not to believe all that I read :D

[kendra_gurl]

That things are not as they seem.


Reine my PalTalk profile contains the following " Caution objects in cams my not be as they appear".

I think what I have learned most from this forum is just how different so many of us are. I've mentioned several times about the wide range of stages between the occasional crossdresser and full time girls. I have learned to read profiles and previous post from others to see at what stage their perspective is coming from before commenting on what they have said.

[Zoe Preston]

Oh God Anne! You don't work in IT do you? I thought I was back at work being asked for another lessons learnt report :tongueout

Anyway, what have I learnt ? Mainly that this forum can be like those snacks you get on an aeroplane..... some think it wasn't worth the effort getting in to, others find it to their taste, but everyone should remember the warning "May contain NUTS" :D:D

But on a more serious note perhaps you should post another question "What has been the single most useful piece of advice you have received?"

Maybe I could answer your question - and mine - I found the help I needed to tell my wife (again) in Marci's stickied "How to tell" thread.

For that alone this forum has been worth its weight in gold. :)

Zoe

[AllieSF]

For me it has been a great learning source, a communication system where I can voice a lot of my opinions, and I have a lot, and a place to meet friends, which I have been successful at doing.

[Karren H]

Wearing a dress is not enough for a friendship. And, to not get in a battle of wit with a nitwit.


Em

But wearing women's jeans could be enough to end one!! :).

And am not am not!!!!

[Rianna Humble]

Mainly that this forum can be like those snacks you get on an aeroplane..... some think it wasn't worth the effort getting in to, others find it to their taste, but everyone should remember the warning "May contain NUTS"

I resemble that remark!

I think the biggest lesson that I have learnt is that there are people out there who care enough to tell me when I'm wrong.

[RADER]

I'm .....I'm speechless!

The most important thing I have learned from this forum is that I'm not alone in this world as a cross dresser. I'm normal, and that led to self-acceptance.

I will ditto that; and add that since being here, I have a lot more confidence with under dressing,
and buying things at a store if I see something that will fit me.
I will never pass, and the wife is OK with my dressing, but do not embarrass me by going out dressed.
I would look like a lumber jack with a dress on. But being here, well maybe some day.
Rader

[Chickhe]

I'm sure I learned something, but I forget what it is.

[kristinacd55]

First of all, amazing your post is so short!! This forum has helped me blossom from deep in the closet to getting out in the world a little bit and also an understanding of what so many of us are going through.....geez that was 2 things. :heehee:

[Beth Wilde]

That there is always someone here who can help you with whatever problems you may have, from makeup advice to heartbreak, it's a wonderful comfort!

[SusanMarie]

There is always...always something new to learn!

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Avoid speaking your mind at times.
Do not criticize.
Never write when having a few drinks.
Use the search tab above because most of the topics have been posted before.
Do not upset anyone because it only gets you upset.
If one is going to answer some posted topics ensure one has references ready to support any queries.
The site is like a mega sponge for time.

The big lesson learnt
Most people come from different societies with different values and different past experiences. Their advice may or may not be relative to your situation. Take it with caution.

[Adriennegrl]

Learning about the TG spectrum and where I fit in it (still learning). I use to think we all got lumped into a simple CD category before this forum. I finding out that there's more to it than just wearing clothing, at least for me.

[Debglam]

The most important thing is that this is the first place I came where I really learned that I wasn't alone in this world!

I've also met a lot of nice people, made friends, and actually got to meet some sisters here in real life. I've gotten to meet people all over the transgender spectrum, SO's, and really learn a lot about their perspective on things. A nice place!

[Michaela42]

Not only that I am not alone in the world, but also that many of you have made many of the same mistakes I have. That is not a criticism, but more of a "Oh, I was not the only silly one" type relief. Oh how I wish there had been an internet when I was a teenager!

[Torrey]

How about this...simply that I am not a whack-job for cross dressing. In short, the forum, in showing me that I am not alone, has reinforced my belief that who I am is okee dokee.

I do take exception to the notion that this is akin to a game we all play. Though it may just be fun time for some out there, it's no Romper Room for many of us. It is real and tangible and a thing which matters. Having said that, I would agree that some take all of this CDing too seriously, but it also disappoints me that others on the forum think it is their place to tell others how to live (and criticize those who do not meet their expectations). Opinions are like a**h***s...everyone has one & the safest bet is not to get your nose too close. Many of them stink :o)

Hugs,
Torrey

[CarlaWestin]

This is the primary thing I've learned (other than making posts longer than 20 characters.)


Just Do It!!

[andreasmithcd]

Two things: (1) passing is a state of mind, not being; (2) just do it.

[Annajose]

Learned two things;
Tell your SO ASAP, she will find out and the damage for not trusting her is very bad, worst than if you tell her.
Is not all about me and my crossdressing, my loved ones still exist, have lives and needs of their own.
Thanks for that, I wish I had done the first one. Now she knows and I do not have to lie to her, we will work out how to manage my crossdressing without affecting negativelly our family or our love for each other

[Babeba]

Learned two things;
Tell your SO ASAP, she will find out and the damage for not trusting her is very bad, worst than if you tell her.
Is not all about me and my crossdressing, my loved ones still exist, have lives and needs of their own.
Thanks for that, I wish I had done the first one. Now she knows and I do not have to lie to her, we will work out how to manage my crossdressing without affecting negativelly our family or our love for each other

Annajose, if your wife needs some support she can join here and come with us in FAB!! :)

I've learned why wearing the clothing he feels drawn to can be such a big, scary deal to my boyfriend... this site gave me a lot of context I lacked. I've learned that my partner is more than just a 'crossdresser' label and that I've got a one in a million sort of SO by my side... Also I've learned that there are some amazingly lovely people here that I can turn to when I'm feeling the need to come hang out with other people 'in the know'!

[Princess Chantal]

1) How crossdressing evolved over the years from the general admiration of clothing and/or make-up to more of a practice of gender expression.

2) Those that are in college need to brush up on their spelling skilz :heehee:

3) That dressing for fetishistic purposes, stage performance purposes, creative artistic purposes, humour purposes, and any purposes other than dressing to "blend in" or to be "passable" puts crossdressing in a negative light. :brolleyes:

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Learning to accept myself as not being alone and off the mark. Just the discussions make me feel more confident in myself, even if I do look like a train wreck when enfem.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Chickhe:
The first thing to go is the mind and the second thing I forgot.

[Tara D. Rose]

What have I learnd from this forum? Well as being a crossdresser for 54+ years. I have searched my own soul and sought from others all over the internet and of cd events and tv that I'm not alone. But pertaining to this forum, I've learned nothing from the members here that I didn't already know. But I have learned that I have to refrain from giving my honest opinion for fear of being viciously attacked.I've learned of late that I cannot enjoy this forum for which so many say that it is which I have found it is not. I have seen so many flamed post's back and forth. I too have been misunderstood and attacked. I have learned that the administrators will allow some to get away with words that they will ban others for. For some the world is wide open to and for others, some need to sit in a corner and just lurk and not be allowed to enjoy the site as equally as others can do. I can say "the sky is blue" and I will get disagreed with and and my post's deleted.I have been at times viciously attacked and when I fought back, I get a warning. So in most cases I just lurk or just say oh that's beautiful. One of my many faults is I'm so damn honest that it is a fault and because of my honesty, I pay an unfair price here. I guess some have more equality than others.
But it's ok, life was never meant to be fair. I'm ok to be just a lurker or applaude everyone.
L&R..................Tara

[Shelly67]

I've learnt , honesty will always be a powerful policy , not necesarry for the best in some cases either.
In addition to that , we all have our private lifes to lead , but ( sorry it's the truth ) there are some who are so cheaply , deceptively up themselves they are sailing close to the wind of unreality . And once that wind changes , they'll fall off that high perch and have a serious awakening moment of regret .
The truth will always out ................

[Maria2004]

I've learned that all forums, no matter the focus, are all ultimately the same.

[Maria 60]

My main lesson is that my small dark lonely closet is now full of light and has many friend's in it.

[Frédérique]

What lessons have you learned from the forum? I am interested to know - what is the single most important, profound, and/or life-changing lesson you have learned from this forum?

I can’t single out one single most important, profound, or life-changing lesson I’ve learned from this forum, unless being patient qualifies as a “lesson.” I knew that going in. However, I’ve learned many hard lessons from this forum, no doubt about it. In order to respond to Anne’s breviloquent post, I thought I would list a few lessons I've learned here…

What is a lesson? More importantly, are we here to learn something? After all, I came here as an established MtF crossdresser, rather set in my ways, adjusted to my eccentricities and making my way in a hostile world according to my own set of circumstances. I assume you’re doing the same, so what, pray tell, is there to learn? If you’re new to all this, dear newbie, I do apologize, but my variation of crossdressing is fixed in my mind, and all of my acquired habits and attitudes make sense to me – in other words, when you’re dealing with matters of personal choice, what else is there to learn?

Don’t worry – this is not going to be a dissertation on learning! I came to this forum to “chew the fat” with my peers and feel at ease, maybe offering an insight into crossdressing (if I could think of one worth relating), or seeing how others deal with their blessed affliction (I mean gift). So far, so good, and I have learned a lot through observing others, via their writing, of course. Not many MtF crossdressers write down their feelings, but my own convictions have been reinforced many times by reading a decent, positive sentence or two. It isn’t that I feel like I’m standing on shaky ground, rather it’s reassuring to know there are others out there like me. Anyway, I have learned some HARD lessons from this part of the forum, where I spend most of my time…

First of all, everybody trolls. I wanted to start a thread about trolling, both negative and positive, but I find it hard to shape it into an acceptable MtF crossdressing topic, so there it sits. Trolling for a reaction, or for an argument, or for compliments, or for a weakness to exploit is common. Some troll for sympathy and understanding. I troll to find kindred spirits AND for a reason to leave on occasion. True. Trolling is against the rules, I suppose, but I see it all around. I mean, you have to write something semi-inflammatory (or WTF?) to get noticed, right? BTW, this post is NOT an example of trolling, in case you’re wondering…

Writing takes time, and reading requires effort. Not only do you have to understand what you’re going to write about, but you need to word it in such a way that other members will understand YOU. Speaking of the other members, are you aware who may be reading your words? When I compose some lengthy discourse about MtF crossdressing, I have to consider that GG’s, along with TS and TG individuals, may take issue with something I write – it’s no good writing “I know what it’s like to be feminine,” or BE a woman, when a GG will quite rightly point out how ridiculous that idea is. You can’t say much about the closet, either, because the “out and about” crowd will denounce you as a coward, and you also have to be aware of those who have serious familial or societal issues to deal with on a daily basis. Yes, writing takes time, and I often wonder why I’m doing it (like right now)…

Tucking gets no respect. There are plenty of alpha males around here who are doing the opposite of tucking, and it “comes out” in their words. I see MtF crossdressing as a manifestation of inner development, where your interior “architecture” becomes visible and clothes your entire persona – in my case, the clothes are merely the icing on the cake. To each his own, but I don’t understand why a male would wish to be femme in appearance only. It has to spring from somewhere, or something, otherwise it’s just a curious cul-de-sac of male behavior. I’m male, and I identify as a male, but I’m the kind of male who wishes to tuck it all away for the purpose of being LESS male. It’s difficult to be male and femme at the same time, so something has to go. I open a door for my “self” and let HER take the lead. To put it another way, why “jack off” when you can "Jill" ON?

Don’t try to talk someone out of leaving – it’s a complete waste of time and energy. I’ve spent more time trying to sooth bruised egos behind the scenes, but the party you are trying to hang on to may have a good reason to leave. It’s no good writing lengthy PM’s with flowery prose – your coveted friends will eventually leave anyway. After a few months you may get a meek “Sorry it takes me so long to respond” message, but by then your thousands of meaningless words are like so much water under the bridge. I’ve learned to let go, a hard lesson indeed when you’re trying to find sensitive human beings to befriend. Friendships come and go. Whatever happened to so-and-so? Oh, never mind…

A kilt is a skirt. I’m amazed that this simple statement is the source of heated discussions. In the context of the time we’re living in, a kilt IS a skirt. You may think you’re skirting the edge with your choice of masculine clothing, but you’re way over the line into skirt territory. Times have changed – you’re not living in the 18th or 19th centuries (or earlier), in fact you’re in the 21st century, a time when males are not supposed to wear skirts, or anything that resembles a skirt, because personal style is not valued in this highly polarized atmosphere. Post-modern GG’s have declared on many occasions that a kilt is still a skirt, so I submit to their assessment…

Transvestite is a dirty word in America. I used to be on a UK crossdressing site with my tranny sisters, and there was no big deal over terminology. Here in America, sexual deviancy (according to one’s definition) is a no-no, since it implies weakness. Perish the thought! Tell me; how come it’s OK for a male to wear a dress, but it’s not OK to be effeminate, a sissy or a fairy? Depravity is a word you rarely see around these parts, but I think it is at the heart of this reluctance to accept crossdressing males in America. On top of this, if we’re going to have fixed notions about words and use them against our friends and peers, progress towards tolerance will be summarily extinguished…

The “ignore list” is a handy device. Ignorance may be bliss, but to ignore is sublime. Since the most stubborn, opinionated members rarely start their own threads (which require originality), it’s suddenly open season on anyone who dares to have original thoughts, or disclose their personal feelings for a little belated support. I’ve encountered people who either like me, or like what I write, or like how I look, but there are others who snatch one sentence I wrote out of context and howl their disapproval with yours truly, pinning a target on me. That’s OK – my skin is relatively thick, but I bruise easily. As one prominent member recently declared, “You can interpret my words any way you wish…I don’t care.” Well, I DO care how you interpret my words, since a lot of effort has gone into choosing them…

Finally, I’ve learned the difference between reprove, rebuke, and reprimand. To reprove is a gentle way of expressing disapproval, like when another member asks me if I want to be “seen” as a certain type of individual via the semi-angry words I’ve written. That makes me blush, and I feel ashamed of myself. To rebuke is a sharper form of denunciation, and I have endured many of these more emotional dressing-downs now and then. I have reluctantly authored a few rebukes in my time, but I always feel bad afterwards – better to say nothing. I have been reprimanded on a few occasions from an authorized individual, but I am innocent, at least I wish to BE innocent. Anyway, I’ve learned my lessons the hard way. Don’t get too high or too low, my interesting friends…

Since this piece, which I intended to be a thread, was deleted, I thought I would insert it here - this thing has had a difficult birth! Yes, Freddy was reprimanded, but here's something else I've learned the hard way - always keep a copy of whatever you write, since you may need it...
:doh:

[Sarah Doepner]

I've learned one more hard lesson.

Even when I want to comment, offer support or a critique I have to remember that everything here has been filtered through someone elses life, their ability to translate that to words and my ability to understand it, filter it through my life experience and put that into words. I may be able to walk a mile in your shoes (if they are my size), but please don't take my advice for anything more than a shot in the dark at a moving target.

The other thing I've learned here is most of us really do want to share something that is very important in our lives. It's not easy. The similarities may be strong, but once we get to the details we find out how different our experiences may actually be. However when something can be transfered from your life to mine, it is a real treasure and I can't thank you enough. Just don't try and track me down and beat me with my own high heels if my advice is poor, mis-directed or just plain stupid. I'm already sorry I said it.

I've discovered that it's easy to be jealous, even when you practice not being jealous. I understand better than ever the terrible toll the whole "beauty and body image" thing has on those in our lives who are Female At Birth. It makes it important to me to try and find ways to help my granddaughters deal with this stuff.

[Tess]

I have learned that most people here seem to take their CDing and life in general much more seriously than I do.

Me too...sometimes I think that this site isn't the right place for a recreational cross dresser.

[VS Fan]

Learned how to "man up" and tell my wife I like to be a woman from time to time :) In all seriousness, I would never have had the courage to do it without reading all the stories on here beforehand of both the good and bad experiences... VS Fan

[PretzelGirl]

That I am one of the few that think that there are some of us that can quit.

If you can think of one of us doing something or feeling a certain way, then that person in fact exists. We are quite varied.

That there are great friendships to be made here.

That a person that says they feel 100% female can still turn alpha male in a conversation.

Smile, life is suppose to be good. (Okay, I have learned that throughout life, not just here).

That I don't know the definition of "single" when used in the context of "single most important". :heehee:

[RichardCD]

I have learned that I am not alone in my struggle to understand, and try to accept it fully. Many more lessons I have learned here too. Thank You All !!

[thechic]

My most important lessons lernt,be truthfull,onest,be your self and respect others.and most important of all, be confident and hold your head high.
This has helped me big time.

[Marilyn Beck]

I have learned that the crossdressing community is much more diverse than I previously imagined and that relatively few of its members are normal crossdressers like me.

[suzy1]

To be a better person.
I just had a go at another member and I am now kicking myself to death.
I have a long way to go.

SUZY

[Leslie Langford]

Just curious, Marilyn - what would you consider to be a "normal" crossdresser for the purposes of this forum?

I would actually say the exact opposite of what you did, and it is instead what I and many others here would view as a "normal" crossdresser who dominate this forum.

You know, those of us who already knew from a very early age that we were somehow "different", always had an affinity for female clothing, began borrowing and trying on our mother's, sisters', cousins' etc. clothes anywhere between the ages of 6-12, getting into crossdressing more and more as we entered our teenage years, got married with the expectation that this would "cure" us of our unusual needs (NOT!), went into denial several times during our lifetimes and purged, only to replace our female wardrobes repeatedly as the pink fog enveloped us, and late in life, finally came to accept that this is who we really were and took it to increasingly higher levels, including going out en femme periodically - and truly regretting that we hadn't done all of this much sooner after belatedly discovering that the world is a far more accepting place than we had ever imagined.

[Marilyn Beck]

Just curious, Marilyn - what would you consider to be a "normal" crossdresser for the purposes of this forum?

Hi Leslie! I think the third paragraph of your post describes very well what I would consider to be a typical profile of a crossdresser (myself included), but I hesitate to call any of us "normal". I was only joking when I asserted that relatively few crossdressers were "normal like me". I thought the obvious contradiction of "relatively few" and "normal" would suggest that my assertion was not to be taken seriously. But I was sincere in saying that the crossdressing community is more diverse than I previously imagined. Since I have been a member (almost one year) I have read thousands of posts and have been amazed at the variety in how our members pursue and derive satisfaction from crossdressing. I was naive and am now somewhat less naive.

[Kathy Smith]

1) That Freddy's posts are invariably ***MUCH*** longer than mine - and much more interesting to read! ;-) I wish I could write like that. At school my essays were 3/4 of a page when others went on for two or three pages. Guess why I ended up in engineering rather than writing?

2) That there are apparently so many different types of crossdressers that actually share so many common attributes - sometimes without apparently realising. Crossdressing is probably as much mindset as anything else.

[jacques]

hello,
I learnt that I am not the only one!
I love you all for that!
jacques

[CynthiaD]

I learned that people crossdress in many different ways for many different reasons.

I learned that CDs, like everyone else, will sometimes criticize others for not being just like them.

I learned that the painful moments are what draw us together, more than anything else. And that being able to share these moments, deal with the pain, and see everything in a positive light makes it worth coming back.

[Kaitlyn26]

I learned to be wary of the optimistic answers or suggestions. They're normally 100% BS. It's usually the answer or suggestion that I did not want to see that was correct.