Why we have a bad press.

[suzy1]

When you go to a drag queen show you really appreciate how popular the “girls” are.
That’s because most of them look fabulous.
But when it comes to T.V. and Films, crossdressers are made out to be ridiculous looking men in a dress.
And some crossdressers do not look good when going out. That’s O.K. with me obviously as I am a C.D. girl myself. They have my 100% support and understanding.
But that’s one of the things that give us a bad name.
I am not saying they should not go out. I am trying to be realistic about this. I am trying to live in the real world.
But it’s just my opinion, nothing more.


SUZY

[ReineD]

Suzy, what do you mean by looking good, if I may ask.

Are you referring to a person's natural physical beauty (facial symmetry, nice eyes, nose, lips, etc), and their weight matching their height? Or is is a question of being 30 vs. being 55? Or has it more to do with good taste and coordination with clothing & accessories? Or do you mean CDs who go out looking fetishy? Or last, do you mean CDs who look so manly naturally that nothing they do will make them look like a woman from a distance?

[suzy1]

Suzy, what do you mean by looking good, if I may ask.

Are you referring to a person's natural physical beauty (facial symmetry, nice eyes, nose, lips, etc), and their weight matching their height? Or is is a question of being 30 vs. being 55? Or has it more to do with good taste and coordination with clothing & accessories? Or do you mean CDs who go out looking fetishy? Or last, do you mean CDs who look so manly naturally that nothing they do will make them look like a woman from a distance?


I mean not looking like a man in a dress. People react badly to this. It’s not nice and it’s a shame but its part of the real world as I see it.

[ReineD]

I can bring a different perspective to this. :)

I honestly don't think it matters to the average Joe, when he sees a CD, whether it is immediately apparent the CD is a man, or if it is noticed upon closer inspection. And most everyone will know the majority of CDs are men when they observe these CDs closely and especially when they interact with them. My SO is out and about now frequently and has gotten to know lots of people at the places she frequents on a regular basis. They all know she is not a genetic woman! :) She had to change her expectations of how people should see her, even though IMO she passes very well and most people who pass her on the street wouldn't notice she is a CD unless they look closely.

Also I think the average Joe, who understands very little about gender presentation variance, won't differentiate much between a guy who presents as a guy but wears feminine pants, tops, and painted nails, and a full on, well dressed CD. To the casual observer, both manners of dress are a huge departure from what is considered the "normal" and acceptable way for men to dress, and people who vary from this will all be lumped in the same boat, although the full on, well dressed CD won't be immediately read unless someone is looking closely at her.

That said, if you are talking about CDs who go out in the mainstream and not clubs looking like hookers, I agree with you. They will give a worse impression, I think. :p

[Melody Moore]

Suzy, please don't take offence to this, but I have to ask why you seem so caught up on the most negative
aspects of being transgendered? Is this because you have fears about being perceived in this way? Because
as a transsexual female I haven't had any bad reactions - so I am wondering why you are so concerned with
this stuff in your most recent postings here. So why not do something more positive? Like getting out in the
real world and prove these bigots wrong that portray us negatively to the rest of the world.

[sissystephanie]

When my wife was alive and did my makeup and fixed my wig, I would go out as Stephanie and easily pass!! Now that she has passed on, I still go out dressed as Stephanie but looking from the neck up as the man that I am!! That said, I will have to add that in the 6 years I have been going our that way I have never heard a single negative comment! If they have been made I did not hear them and therefore do not care!!

Contrary to what a lot of crossdressers seem to think, most people not only don't care what you are wearing but don't even look!! Almost all the fear that those crossdressers have is in their own heads!! Accept who and what you are and get on with your own lives! Melody said it very well!!

[AllieSF]

Hi Suzy,

I have to disagree with your comment that "not looking good", i.e. looking like a man in a dress gives, us a bad name. I do understand what you are saying. However, in my experience going out and continually interfacing with the "normal" public, including mostly complete strangers, I have had very different results. I think that I blend well, but some of my friends do not. Those friends are CD or TS. We together and them alone while I am watching them have been readily accepted by strangers and can carry on "normal" conversations about whatever, and that whatever sometimes include an explanation of who they are. My belief is that part of the bad name everyone talks about comes from a lack of knowledge about us and the how's and why's of us, as well as the lack of personal experience of seeing and hopefully interacting with us. Ignorance, not necessarily being ignorant, to me tends to put people on the defensive and may create a negative initial attitude when someone sees something or someone different from that which they are accustomed to see. Whether it be lesbians or gays holding hands in public, a little person, or even a foreigner from some exotic faraway place with the looks to match, it can cause the negative initial reaction to the unknown. I think that the more of us that are out there, even the extreme dressers, ****ty, goth, anime, cos play, passable as a female or not, the more people will eventually come to realize that though someone appears strange to them, they are actually pretty much harmless and maybe even normal in other ways. They need to get over that initial impression and then settle into a more reasoned opinion based on a little more personal experience. That is not to say that an extreme dresser or totally non-passable, non-blending person may not have a negative impact on someone sometimes. But if they actually get to watch that person interface with others and even better with them, they will see and quickly learn that that strange person is not a strange person, but rather a different looking person who could have a personality just like one of their friends. So, I like the results from multiple exposures to all of our varied shapes and presentations.

I also believe that if we take the attitude that we have to be blendable, passable or whatever term floats an individuals' boat in describing what is acceptable to themselves, we will eventually create a divide within our own community where there are "us" the acceptable representatives, and "them" the unacceptable ones. Depending on what one's filtering process is I could be an "us" or a "them". I also believe that by creating this division among ourselves that we may also be discouraging others from going out for the first time, which works against my theory of success through higher volumes of us out in the real world. We need to gently encourage as many to go out as possible and support them in their efforts and give them the same freedom to go wherever they want and not where we think that they will do the least damage to our cause for general toleration and hopefully acceptance by all.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Shhhh Suzy, are you testing the boundaries? I agree up to a point. If I am working in the garden and decide to go to the shops, why should I not just hop up and go? Because I have respect for the way I present myself publically. I will go inside and shower, change and when I am happy how I look and feel, then I will leave. Some people I think, have no appreciation in how they present themselves to the world and hence show no respect to others. I guess it does not mean you have to be looking like Sophia Loren but you should make yourself present as best you can and be happy with how you look. Then the inner you will radiate through and people will see you for your smile is attractive to take away negativity. Sadly if some present as a guy in a dress, then no one is to blame but mother nature but practise in dressing and advice helps a mile to achieve "that special look". Then you are special and the world know you are special because you are unique.

[ReineD]

That said, I will have to add that in the 6 years I have been going our that way I have never heard a single negative comment!

Stephanie, you say this a lot and I hope you won't take offence with what I am about to say. I think I remember from the "how old are you" thread that you are in your 70s? Two things happen to senior citizens: first, they have a much bigger allowance to present as they please. People tend to forgive any type of difference or quirkiness among older people. And second, when it comes to gender, have you ever noticed that in many cases, there isn't much difference between an older woman's and an older man's face? :) Men lose testosterone and women lose estrogen as they age, and gender differences tend to narrow.

I do think that a man in his 40s who goes out fully dressed as a woman but otherwise presents as a man will not be forgiven as easily by some people as if he were 75. :hugs:

[Intertwined]

I mean not looking like a man in a dress. People react badly to this. It’s not nice and it’s a shame but its part of the real world as I see it.

:argue: Sorry, but I have to disagree, I NEVER go out trying to look like a GG, and I have never had a serious bad reaction, to date, the worst I have gotten is a " What The F@#$ " and, a lot of laughter, and I like making people laugh, I don't care that its at me and not with me, but heck, I probably made that persons day.

:2c: Here is what i believe, when a Man goes out, trying to pass as a GG, and then is READ by "Average Joe or Jane", that "Average Joe or Jane" feels they have been lied to, this person is trying to pull a fast one on them, what are they trying to hide, and thats when it usually gets ugly.

[suzy1]

All I am doing here is to voice my opinion, as all of us here can do.
I am just saying it as I see it. Nothing more.
I really care about other people. I always have, including all the members here. But I am untouched by others not liking me. A great strength I think.
One member has already suggested a motive other than the one that motivated me to post this.
I just happen to think that this simple truth [as I see it] seems to me to be avoided here.
I am not being negative; I am just seeing it as it is. If all the members here agreed with me I would be gob smacked!!! I think however that a lot of members understand what I am saying.

[RachelOKC]

But when it comes to T.V. and Films, crossdressers are made out to be ridiculous looking men in a dress.

Mainstream media is often poor at subtlety and frequently relies on old stereotypes to illustrate a point. But that certainly cuts across about any subculture or ethnic group, doesn't it? Basically, it comes down to laziness on the part of the creator and presenter of the content and their dependence on the laziness of the consumer of that content. As long as there are people who are unwilling to take more care or interest on each end of that media supply and demand, little will change.

The best any of us can do is be unashamed of ourselves and our kin, speak out against unfair representations, and laud those who deliver sympathetic and nuanced content.

[Kaz]

Here again... this a broad community we are in! Lots of diversity! The modern UK is a very diverse culture nationally and yet at a town/village level, very specifically unique. So we have acceptance in some quarters and bigotry in others. On the whole I like diversity... it enriches my life. But sometimes when confronted with certain things I feel threatened in my 'world'. When that happens I can choose to: a) ignore it, b) get angry and beat people up, c)take it all on board and embrace the change, d) discuss it with my peer group.

Suzie, thanks for choosing the 'discuss' route... in my view, this is the best way forward as we learn more (if we want to) and just may influence others to think a little differently and embrace another point of view.

Me... I don't want to look like a man in a dress... that's me. I want to be able to express myself and look as feminine as I can and not cause any adverse reaction. I also accept that I am probably living in a fantasy world... but then one day I may wake up and realise this was all a dream... and that I am actually a dolphin!?

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Giggles at Kaz. I hope I am not really a rat. I do not like rats but knowing my luck I probably am.

[Kaz]

OK Tania, maybe a dolphin was setting my stall too high! There was an indirect reference to Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy there... now rats, as we know, are also highly intelligent creatures! And natural survivors!

[Darla Claire]

Ah Kaz, dolphin or rat or ..., as you know the answer is 42!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

lol...if people look at me and say what the F**#...i call that a seriously bad reaction...

you are truly blessed with a great attitude and i bet it serves you well in lots of ways...

[Jilmac]

Suzy, I agree with you that tv and movies depict us as buffoons. I don't know about the UK but many cop shows here always show the negative side of transgenderism. I believe the writers and producers haven't yet accepted us as everyday people. I wonder how long a show would last if one of the main characters was portrayed as a serious transgender/crossdresser.

[Jamie001]

When my wife was alive and did my makeup and fixed my wig, I would go out as Stephanie and easily pass!! Now that she has passed on, I still go out dressed as Stephanie but looking from the neck up as the man that I am!! That said, I will have to add that in the 6 years I have been going our that way I have never heard a single negative comment! If they have been made I did not hear them and therefore do not care!!

Contrary to what a lot of crossdressers seem to think, most people not only don't care what you are wearing but don't even look!! Almost all the fear that those crossdressers have is in their own heads!! Accept who and what you are and get on with your own lives! Melody said it very well!!

Stephanie,

Thank you for saying this again. You have said it many times and it falls on deaf ears everytime!! 95 percent of the fear is constructed in our own heads and is NOT REALITY.

[Gaby2]

When you go to a drag queen show you really appreciate how popular the “girls” are.
That’s because most of them look fabulous.
But when it comes to T.V. and Films, crossdressers are made out to be ridiculous looking men in a dress.
That's something which has always intrigued me, Suzy.
I've always noticed that drag-queens not only seem to be accepted but indeed worshipped when they appear in the public eye.
Even as a kid in 70's Ireland!
I could never quite reconcile that with my ever-evolving desire to CD.

BTW, maybe you've given me one explanation for my (up to recently) ever-present secret shame by highlighting the media-presentation of CDers.
Bad press is simply bad press!


And some crossdressers do not look good when going out...
But that’s one of the things that give us a bad name...
I am trying to be realistic about this. I am trying to live in the real world.
I have to admit that I fear the real world, much like Melody and sissystephanie put it.
I'm a little ashamed of myself on this level too .
Somehow this type of shame isn't as negative as the "secret shame" I mentioned above though.
Real consideration for my family, friends and environment is playing a significant roll.

I'm simply relieved to be opening up at all.
I admire no-end the Cders who are out and about in an appropriate (that also includes "confrontational") way.

AllieSF's marvellous post says it all for me.
:hugs:Gaby

[Vicky_Scot]

And some crossdressers do not look good when going out. That’s O.K. with me obviously as I am a C.D. girl myself. They have my 100% support and understanding.
But that’s one of the things that give us a bad name.
I am not saying they should not go out. I am trying to be realistic about this. I am trying to live in the real world.
But it’s just my opinion, nothing more.


SUZY

Slow down there Suzy. Some crossdressers dont look good going out and that gives us a bad name.

Next time your out and about have a look at the GG's that are out and about and how they dress and present themself in the real world. As we try and present as female I think a lot of them give us a bad name. I would not want to look like many GG's who go out and about these days.

Hell its the crossdressers of this world that are keeping femininity alive.

[PetiteDuality]

And some crossdressers do not look good when going out. That’s O.K. with me obviously as I am a C.D. girl myself. They have my 100% support and understanding.
But that’s one of the things that give us a bad name.


I mean not looking like a man in a dress. People react badly to this. It’s not nice and it’s a shame but its part of the real world as I see it.

Hi Suzy, just a couple of question to try to figure out your post

- Why not looking good would give us a bad name?
- Why it's not nice and is a shame to look like a man in a dress?

Sorry, but I really don't get it

[suzy1]

Hi Suzy, just a couple of question to try to figure out your post

- Why not looking good would give us a bad name?
- Why it's not nice and is a shame to look like a man in a dress?

Sorry, but I really don't get it


Because most [not all] people see a man doing a bad job [not all of us] of dressing as a women and they react very negatively towards crossdressers in general.
That’s just my opinion [can’t stress that enough here.]
When I said it’s not nice I meant it’s not nice for us to receive a bad name. You took it out of context
If you want to know all my feelings on this please read what I have already said before condemning me out of hand.
Thank you.

SUZY

[larry07]

I respect the right of any of us to dress as we please, and present any way we are inclined to. Personally i don't try to pass as female, but I like to wear skirts and a bra under a tight top (mostly just at home, but occasionally I will venture out). I don't wear a wig on my bald head or makeup. To me, crossdressing means wearing clothing traditionally assigned to the other gender. If I tried to present as the other gender, it would no longer be crossdressing. As long as I wear attractive, well-fitting, age and body appropriate clothing I don't think it should matter to anyone else what side of the store it came from.

[PetiteDuality]

Because most [not all] people see a man doing a bad job [not all of us] of dressing as a women and they react very negatively towards crossdressers in general.
That’s just my opinion [can’t stress that enough here.]
When I said it’s not nice I meant it’s not nice for us to receive a bad name. You took it out of context
If you want to know all my feelings on this please read what I have already said before condemning me out of hand.
Thank you.

SUZY

Suzy, I've read what you said before asking, please don't patronize me. Nobody has "condemned" you. I was just asking. I see no reason for being defensive.

I think that if people reacts bad just because how good or bad somebody looks, they are giving themselves a bad name.

[suzy1]

Suzy, I've read what you said before asking, please don't patronize me. Nobody has "condemned" you. I was just asking. I see no reason for being defensive.

I think that if people reacts bad just because how good or bad somebody looks, they are giving themselves a bad name.

I apologise for that. There was no excuse for the way I put it.
You are quite right to correct me.
I’m the one that took it out of context.

Sorry, SUZY

[Pythos]

There is only one thing to help eliminate these stereotypes and inaccurate depictions of crossdressers, OR men in dresses. GET OUT AND DO IT, especially if you socially can. Right now our only "coverage" is the media with its inaccurate depictions. We have shows like cops that make it seem every crossdresser out there is a criminal.

There are unfortunately some of us that simply cannot...yet, but at least when I can, I will be much more out than I currently am (and I am pretty open, just not in the area I would love to be, which is flying).

[NicoleScott]

Next time your out and about have a look at the GG's that are out and about and how they dress and present themself in the real world. As we try and present as female I think a lot of them give us a bad name. I would not want to look like many GG's who go out and about these days.


My thoughts, too, Vicky. You beat me to it.
If cd's who don't look good shouldn't go out, should women who don't look good stay out of the public's eye as well?
I've seen a bit of a double standard here when the subject of going out comes up. Some folks want cd's to get out of the closet and into the public (most certainly, I think, to further the cause of their own acceptance, and not for the benefit of others) but only if they look "acceptable", whatever that means, and who is going to be the judge?
I agree with AllieSF (post #7) but I would add "...when and only when the cd is ready to go public".

[ReineD]

Next time your out and about have a look at the GG's that are out and about and how they dress and present themself in the real world. As we try and present as female I think a lot of them give us a bad name. I would not want to look like many GG's who go out and about these days.

That's a good tactic ... deflect the issue by focusing on women's styles that you don't approve of. :)

Seriously, this thread is not about men or women who don't put a premium on fashion. It is about obviously crossing the gender barriers by going out while looking like a man in a dress, and the OP's perception of other people's reactions to this.



Hell its the crossdressers of this world that are keeping femininity alive.

I question your grasp of reality. First, femininity is alive and well even if you don't like the fashion choices worn by a segment of the female population. Second, how can CDs keep their version of femininity alive when most don't leave their closets? And last, a huge chunk of the CDs who do leave their closets dress to blend, and they wear jeans or pants just like other GGs.

[Michaela42]

People from all over the world have their own idea as to what 'femininity' means. The average GG from a country such as Russia (random, just an example) may not be considered feminine by people in the States. In addition, there are many (on this site even) who believe that femininity cannot be achieved by anyone wearing jeans or slacks. That is fine; they have their opinion and I have mine, so on and so forth . . .

The real problem (I believe) is the fact that we are all bombarded with advertising 'fantasies' as what the ideal woman or masculine man looks like. Few men or women reach that glorified status naturally, and there are even fewer cross dressers that do :(

So why the bad press and misconceptions? "We" are different from the rest of the "herd" and therefore must be singled out and in some cases, ridiculed. These depictions hurt me, but I do my best not to let them get me down. I know that I am a good person and not the "sex crazed deviant who is always foaming at the mouth and on the prowl for my next victim" that some would like to portray me as. A simple search of the internet will show you numerous stories of how this mood is changing, slowly but surely. There will always be bigots and the narrow minded, but I have a faith that in time cross dressing and transgender people will be more fairly viewed than they are now.

[Kerigirl2009]

I would venture to say that if we as Crossdressers would just dress appropriate for our surroundings as any person should then we would be more accepted.

Even the GG that where bright colored skimpy minis and tanks get that OMG look from me. Unless we are at a fetish party, Which I have not been too YET

I would just have to say dress appropriate and normal and we WILL be accepted one day.
For me I have been wearing womens shorts this summer and well actually the only thing male I have been wearing lately is my shirt (polos or tees) but the polos have been in pastels and look androganeous? But, I feel comfortable with how I look and have no issues with someone seeing me in any outfit that I have worn lately, Unless they see me in my Capris, then they may question me. Baby steps I guess, but in todays Front page of the newspaper, MEN in Capris (of course it was a different country but again Babysteps.
Maybe I should ask my wife if I could wear them. I wish

[Kerigirl2009]

I have to agree with ReineD

I wish my wife had that kind of understanding and acceptance.
She had 8 posts here and has not been back in a year. Darn it anyways!

[Pythos]

I would just have to say dress appropriate and normal and we WILL be accepted one day

But, at least to me, what is "appropriate and normal" is borring and mundane. It would just be like wearing jeans or slacks, just with long hair and forms, and makeup.

I like skirts or various lengths. I like shiny fabrics and style. I don't like dull unless it works with the look.

Blending in is just another version of "going along to get along".

I just wish people would wear what they wanted, opposed to what society demands.