wanting to be a woman vs pure crossdressing

[pernille d]

i have crossdressed for over 3 decades now and looking back i can see periods that stand out .The first i will call it pre crossdressing (under 10 years old). i remember that i often wanted to be a girl and i can remember i felt like a girl in the wrong body. This changed one evening when i put on an item of womens clothing . This was still pre teenage and knowing about sex but i can just remember the feeling of well being i had just from wearing lingeri and nylons , T he funny thing is the thoughts of being in the wrong boy dissaperared as i had no thoughts of wanting to be a woman from now on it was just clothing . From then on to my late 30,s this continued until aprox 5 years ago .Then things changed again .This time it started with me buying a pair of heels , From there on in, there was no stopping me and in a few years i had gone from underwear and heels to dresses make up wig forms etc . ( in other words the full look). i can remember i thought it was strange the people wanting forms and breasts , but i ended up wanting then too My thoughts are still the same I feel relaxed and at one with myself when i dress and i love to see myself as a woman but i have no thoughts of being a woman. now things are a bit out of hand as i cant get enough of dressing and i underdress or find some way to dress almost every day . I cant work it out as most people i know that have it like this also know they want to be a woman or are trapped in the wrong body so i am confused as i know these thoughts where once in me ,

i know thee are lots of threads about stages of crossdressing and that makes me often wonder if its comfort for something i find in dressing, or maybe its just the sheer enjoyment as its just so nice . or could it be a form of escape from the male part of me ,I guess i will never know why , but i have learnt here thats important to accept who and what you are , and maybe that is what i have done , hence wanting to dress all the time or then again is the wanting to be a woman waiting to pop up again in the future ????.

i would be intersted o hear if anyone else has it like this or if anyone else has travled the same road and if so , can you give me an idea of what is around he next corner . + i would be intersted to hear any other comments people might have

[sissystephanie]

I am not sure that I can tell what is around the next corner, because I am not sure that I have got there yet!!

But I started out younger than you, wearing panties at age 6. I did progress pretty much as you did into full dressing. When I got married to a lady who already knew that I was a CD, it got even more intense! She was an expert in makeup and also fixed my wig so that I was really passable!! But never is my life have I wanted to actually be a woman in any way. Yes, I love to dress as one, but that is as far as it goes. I told my late wife that I was always her man, no matter what clothing I had on!! That is one of the reasons we had almost 50 years together before cancer took her!!

I don't know how you feel about actually becoming a woman, but you can dress without ever doing so!! Of coure, the more you dress the more you want to! The feelings you get from wearing the feminine clothing are such that you probably don't want to give them up! I do believe it is both comfort and enjoyment that I find in crossdressing! As I have told people, I like to dress as a female but not be one!!

[DonnaT]

I've had the yearning for breasts, or even the body of a woman at times, but it's more about the clothes and how they'd look so much better on me.

No one cay say what may be in your future, but for many TS women, it's not about the clothes so much as compared to being a woman.

For me, I know it's more about the clothes and can confidently state I'll never transition.

[Diana Bain]

You've asked and answered many of your questions...what we do is complex...your question "can you give me an idea of what is around he next corner?" ...I don't know if that can be answered. I consider myself as an "evolution" and I hope I always stay that way.

[Dawn cd]

Like Stephanie, I never wanted to be a woman, but I always wanted to be feminine, and dressing was a way to get there—to make my outer appearance signify my inner desire.

[cracks_in_porcelain]

Do what makes you happy. No one can make a decision for you and only you can live your life. What do you really want? What can you not live without? We are all searching for meaning and reasons "Why?" Do you want to be a woman because you think it will make your life better or cross dressing look better? The decision is yours...

[SweetIonis]

i would be intersted o hear if anyone else has it like this or if anyone else has travled the same road and if so , can you give me an idea of what is around he next corner . + i would be intersted to hear any other comments people might have

Evidently there are as many different flavors of this as there are people who do it. I doubt if mine will be the same as yours. But I will share with you what I feel. Dressing up has always made me feel like a female. It's a TOTALLY different feel from me in my male personna. There have been a couple of differences I noticed after I started getting into it, than from when I first started. One is that at a certain point, being dressed up did not necessarily INSTIGATE the feelings. For a while there, I would get these VERY STRONG feelings that would lead to these intense feelings of wanting to be dressed up and act out that female personna. It wasn't like that when I first started. Some sort of curiosity started it, and then the feelings came. Fascination with the feelings would lead me to try it again, to get the feeling again. So the difference was that in the beginning, the dressing was needed to instigate the feelings. But later on it ended up being the other way around, for the most part.

[KrystalA]

I dress en femme to one extent or another every day, and I love every minute of it. In my mind, even when just wearing panties and a bra, I am a woman. Its as though my male equipment has completely disappeared and my body is female. Although I would never transition, my goal is to live 24/7 as a girl. To me, it just feels more natural, or normal. Why? I'll never know the answer to that question. I just know that's the way it is and I accept it.

[erickka]

I have never wanted to be a woman either, but I absolutely love the way I look and feel dressed in 100% female clothing, etc. I enjoy my male side too much to ever consider a transition to the other side. I feel that I have the best of both worlds, things being as they are now.

[Angela2me]

I guess I also waiver between being happy in male mode and enjoying dressing, but I only want the pleasure and comfort of wearing femme clothing. I do not want to be female, but I respect the feminine (maternal) parts of my personality.

[kimdl93]

My perspective has changed over time. As a child, I was attracted to feminine things - to the extent that was noticeable by my parents and siblings. I wasn't quite sure why, but I did wish I could have been born a girl. As a teen, dressing became another outlet for sexual expression. As an adult, with my first wife, dressing was part of the fun - a fantasy ...and maybe a bit of a fetish. But as I've gotten older and been accepted by my second wife, I find myself perhaps reverting back to that earlier perspective - and enjoy expressing the feminine part of my self. I don't have a need to transition, but I choose to spend most of my time en femme. In some sense, I feel that my outward appearance is growing to conform more to my inner self.

[Katie83]

I started dressing when i was about 11 or 12, i have no idea what made me want to do it! I didnt buy any of my own clothes until i was about 15. Up until that time i was happy just dressing up. As i got older i bought more, my thoughts have progressed too. I feel much happier with myself as a woman. I wish i had been born female. There is no one aspect that makes me want this. I don't think i'll ever transition though, i'll just make do with perfecting all the aspects of crossdressing.

[Pythos]

I just like to have a more fem or elegant look than when in "normal" male clothing. I am proud of the body the maker gave me, and see no reason that just because I am male that I have to hide it under shapeless/utilatrian clothing, when not necessary. Women's clothing is just nicer, more fun, and I times MORE COMFORTABLE (skirts) than what I am assigned to wear due to my sex.

That being said, I would like the same freedom of expression women have when it comes to appearance. As a male I am very limited in what I can wear, as fem, there are MUCH less.

I know this may sound like a "grass is greener on the other side" but honestly this is how I see it. Goth girls are far more accepted than goth Boys, in the general public.

I also think I look much better when in my fem androgynous look, than any other mode of mine.

I have zero desire to actually become female.

[Karren H]

My crossdressing has never been pure...

[suchacutie]

I don't think I've known about my feminine side long enough to have "stages". For 55 years I was just a guy, so the abrupt discovery of my feminine side is still a bit of a shock, but I enjoyed being a "guy" for too many years to just put that aside. So, for me it is the need for both of my gendered selves, intense as they both are! I don't ever see one side winning out, but more likely settling into some sort of "normal" mix of blocks of time in one gender or the other. I find it heightens the enjoyment of the activities of both genders to delve deeply into each existence as I bounce back and forth from one to the other.

Your reality may be finally coming to grips with your duality and not trying to be futuristically philisophical about it :)

tina

[NV Susan]

What's around the next corner? None of us know until we turn that corner...

[Adriennegrl]

I use to think there were only CD's, even if one wanted to be woman. Sure, I knew some got SRS, but thought that was for the wealthy few. I have wanted to be girl since childhood but then shut those feelings out. They're now screaming at me in my 30's. I hope to sort those issues out soon. I really don't use my maleness much so I'm wasting it... However, I guess there are some benefits from the male side I may miss.

[Cheryl T]

As I have said to my wife...yes, there have been many times when I have wanted to be a woman. There are many times when I have wished I was a woman. That being said, that becomes the distinction between myself and a transsexual.
While I wish I was a woman a transsexual feels she is a woman. I suppose on the transgender scale I am closer to TS than to CD, but I'm not feeling that I need to cross that line.

[Adriennegrl]

As I have said to my wife...yes, there have been many times when I have wanted to be a woman. There are many times when I have wished I was a woman. That being said, that becomes the distinction between myself and a transsexual.
While I wish I was a woman a transsexual feels she is a woman. I suppose on the transgender scale I am closer to TS than to CD, but I'm not feeling that I need to cross that line.


Yes, I have to decide myself if I will cross that line as well. I too feel/know that I'm closer to the TS line but how far idk. After shutting those feelings out for so long I have to seek where I am in the spectrum.

[Pythos]

I really don't use my maleness much so I'm wasting it

I would not so much say I am wasting it, as I don't think I ever really had that quality in the manner that is touted as "manliness". I have seen people that exude "manliness" and frankly, I could do without them.

I truly feel I am a mix of the two, but with male organs, and skeletal structure.

I have always had a lightly built, slim frame. For many "Manly" men, I am a "girleboy" and faced some abuse in school for that. :P

I do wish I had the resource of this site when I was younger that is certain.

[Kittyagain]

A month ago, I would have said, I am there, no changes anticipated. Now, I just can't describe what is happening to me but it is wonderful.

Kitty

[Samantha43]

I really like being a guy. I would never want to give that up. I guess that makes me a pure crossdresser.

[Stephenie S]

While I wish I was a woman a transsexual feels that she is a woman. I suppose on the transgender scale I am closer to TS than to CD, but I'm not feeling that I need to cross that line.


Nicely put Cheryl,

Many do not understand this distinction.

[Joan21]

So True!! Just be yourself and you will be happy. Lifes choices are not always easy.

[Toni Citara]

I can't say I've ever wanted to become female. I love crossdressing, and have on occasion wish I could truly pass for the female sex because I would like to cd in public on occasions other than Halloween. But, no, never wanted to give up my maleness to join the other sex. As an aside, unlike some CDrs, I never tuck. I don't like that kind of restriction. (Sorry, it's the guy thing... LOL)

[Myldryd]

I just talked about this in "hitting the ceiling" but will go to a few of your points.
I don't want things that help me look female. I want to be female. I don't want wigs - so I grew my hair long. I now style it so I can wear it both ways as a guy or women. But there is nothing fake about it.
I have 38B breasts and they present nicely. I've had the breast forms and have given them up. What you see is what you get and my curves are enough to show off some nice lines. Besides the conservative style skirts & tops or dresses I wear are pure women classic.
I buy everything myself in stores with sales assistance. I tell them the item is for me if I happen to be in drab. If I'm enfemme they know. The point is they can't give me good advice if they aren't on the same page.
The whole experience of doing this without embarrassment has enhanced my experience and accentuated my femminity. I am conten to be the woman I am. I am happy to keep trying.
Myldryd

[marlaNYC]

i've always been male - not a 'one-of-the-guys' type - will always be, but (as even my ex observed), i am calmer, softer, sweeter, more assured as my femme self than i ever was/am in my male persona. it's been a lifetime of on again/off again dressing - a large part of my public dressing was done in my late teens and early 20s, when, due to the social and political climate, it was somehow acceptable. i knew a good many boys who toed the androgynous line and i always wonder how that changed, how that ease and comfort became something so closeted...

[Kate Simmons]

I don't think I ever really wanted to be a girl per se but as when I was a kid I did the normal rough and tumble stuff but mostly on my own. I just wanted to look nice doing it, so secretly considered myself a female tomboy rather than a lad. Over the years due to mostly outside influence, I had considered transition surgery as I thought that was my only option with my penchant for looking nice. I eventually dropped that idea as I knew I would be unable to bear children like women even if I did get married as one. I became a good father instead and when that stage of my life was over, I returned to being an action/adventure type person who prefers to look nice. Simple as that really.:)

[sally silverfox]

I/m surprised we haven't passed each other during our travels.I'm definitely traveling the same road you are.Destination not clear but I've learned to enjoy the trip.Nearly six decades now and other than some lingering questions that nag me from time to time the journey continues.Only wish I could be completely out and dress fully whenever I fee like it as I do this morning.

[Marlana]

After reading some of the post's, I don't feel so nervous. I've spent 3 decades crossdressing and at times I think I wanted to be a woman. I won't make the change because my life isn't on that track, but every day I think how it would feel to be a woman and go out in public dressed as a woman with confidence.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Well there is a part in all of us that is both female & male how much well only each person can know, for some a little & others a lot, & really does it matter ...no...enjoy being who you are is far more importaint . wearing the ...others ... clothes may trigger a latent part of who we are , & as some are saying life long,
As a ? i wonder how the men thought in the Renaissance times or what they thought of thier clothes .
for my self , im just a woman all the time so ill just dress in womens clothes.

...noeleena...

[Raychel]

Nope, Never wanted to be a woman, Just like dressing in the clothes.

[LeaP]

Maybe not exactly the same road, but one with a similar view. My dressing goes back to pre-school years. Sometimes the evolution you describe is self-discovery, sometimes opportunity. In my case, it was always more about opportunity and it never really varied much. That is, when I was able, I would put something on, sometimes a single article, sometimes only for a moment. When the opportunity presented, I would fully dress, including wig, makeup, hosiery, dress (or whatever), and shoes, staying that way as long as I could. I've always had the desire for my own wardrobe, but only have really gone there openly (with my wife) recently. I underdress almost every day.

The concepts of comfort and relaxation crop up frequently in the forum. I find it curious and wonder sometimes if it indicates anything specific psychologically. I don't share the feeling, though. To me, dressing simply feels "right" somehow. I still remember the first time I wore a bra all day. The feeling was one of overwhelming relief, which actually surprised me.

I identify as TG in a rather non gender-specific way. I have wondered on occasion whether I was meant to be female, e.g., perhaps changed somewhat late in-utero, perhaps. I could happily be on HRT ... or not. I suspect that minimally I'd be more comfortable on T-blockers. But for me, thoughts of male VS. female is more a result of the inculturation of binary gender thinking. That is, it's hard to escape thinking I have to choose between male and female. Well, I don't.

One outcome from choosing my own way is realizing that I'm not attracted to frilly or girly things for myself. I'm attracted to tailored, fitted, fine fabrics, polished and smart-looking women's clothing. It also looks and feels more of blend, reflecting me, and not an artificial woman - besides looking better on! In turn, that realization also made me happier with adopting a blend of clothing, even if "just" underdressing. Coupled with my wife's support, the drive to overdo the girly thing melted away. That's entirely appropriate for others, just not for me.

Be open to your own definitions. You might find that the read ahead isn't leading in the direction it appears.

Lea

[Kaz]

I totally empathise with Pernille here, and most of what is written resonates with me. Ionis has also nailed my feelings... it is a journey this and I have no idea where this is going. I do know that I am not a woman. I don't have the hormones (hmmm there is something to explore here from a biological/edocrinogical aspect), and I definitley don't have the upbringing, history, experience... all that makes somebody who they are...of a woman. So I am who I am... and yes I am confused and conflicted. I so want to be a woman and I realise now that I probably always did... But it has been a journey and like Pernille I don't know what's around the next corner... I don't want to do GRS or even transition... but I am trying to find an equlibrium in my life that works...

[Carol A]

No I don't want to be a women (SRS), I have been happy all my life just being and everyday CD'er

[Jordan]

i have always felt like being a woman waited to late to let these real feelings out

[Mikka]

When I was young I could not explain why I wanted to wear ladies clothing, so I just assumed that I wanted to be a girl. As I grew older I realized I did not really want to be a woman but I just liked wearing clothing normally identified with the female sex. I did not know what crossdressing was but now that I do I am totally a man but I really enjoy my feminine personality when I am Mikka. I wish that society would be more accepting of individuals who don't quite fit the mold of what is supposed to be "normal". If I could choose without judgment I would dress most days but not all, but I would like to be able to choose with without judgment from others who probably consider themselves normal. I am cool with who I am, just waiting for my wife to come along with me on my journey.

[siantv2003]

I really like being a guy. I would never want to give that up. I guess that makes me a pure crossdresser.

About sums it up for me too - never wanted to be a woman, just like the clothes and feel comfortable in them.

[Steph.TS]

when I was about 4 yo I started asking what it would be like to be a girl, I crossdressed intermittently until 12 or 13, then I started CDing more often until (I even had feelings I wanted to be a woman at the time) I was caught told my parents it was a phase and supressed it, a couple years ago I started working with a beautiful woman who's into fashion and it made me envious I tried to fight the desire to CD but it won eventually and it didn't take long for the old feeling of wanting to be a woman to come back. now I've been underdressing for over a year, wear women's jeans half the time, even wore only women's clothes to work one time (women's shirt, jeans etc... nothing that looked exclusively feminine) I'm starting to take an active interest in my body making sure I eat healthy, and I'm growing my hair out.

I'm in therapy and doing laser hair removal. I'm making moves towards making myself more feminine and it has nothing to do with the clothes, because I wear panties and it's nothing exciting, it's just underwear now at this point same thing for the jeans, my desire to be a woman comes from me desiring to be beautiful, wanting to be just one of the girls, have curves, have freedom to wear makeup, and nail polish if I want, I want to express myself and I'm tired of being a robot pretending to be a man, I just want to move forward and be myself.

[susmitha]

i do not want to become a woman. but in private, i want to dress and enjoy the relationship with my SO (with me in the female role and she in the male role). for the outside world, everything should be normal.