Counseling

[britney1]

I know through all of this with my wife and I, counseling has come up and my wife and I do want to go through with it. I am trying to find a counselor that has experience in dealing with these kind of issues. Does anyone know of where to find a listing or what type of counselor to see regarding crossdressing or gender issues? As always, your help is greatly appreciated.

[KatieZ]

There's a few posts in this thread to answer that.


http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15673

[knelson]

I have been trough counseling on two fronts. The pastor of my church provided most of the counseling with respect to marriage and a psychologist provided counseling with respect to our sexual life. To be honest, it is a gut call on which you choose. But be prepared for some tough questions. The first one I got slammed with on both fronts was whether I had fantasies of homosexual relations while dressed. I thought it was uncalled for but that was one of my ex's thoughts that was transformmed into a question. As always, I wish you and your SO the best of luck and you will in my prayers.

[Carlacd]

Good luck kiddo. Hope this will help you two :)

[Sarahgurl371]

Just remember, just as there are many types of people, there are many types of counselors as well. If you are not happy with who you see, find another one. It could be tricky with your wife there if they say You're Bad and stuff like that. I've been to two different ones, one was kinda luke warm about CDing, mostly because it is having an effect on my marraige, and the other was absolutley fine with people like us.

[Jodi]

Britnie, I have followed your problems and this is my first post for you. It is definitely a tough time, but I recommend counseling. I went through a divorce 5 years ago after being married for 33 years. She knew I was a cd, but she did not accept it. That and the ensuing problems that occurred brought the marriage down. So you could say that my cd'ing was indirectly involved.

After the divorce, I felt the need for counseling. I was referred to a psychologist at the local counseling center. I came out to him on the first visit as I believed there should be no secrets. He did not bat an eye. His first question to me was--"do you believe you are a transsexual or a crossdresser?" I replied, "a cd". He did ask if I was gay or straight. I replied "straight". It was really a non-issue after that. His emphasis was how I felt about myself and how I believed I could fit my cd'ing into my life without due stress.

I attended about 10 sessions, and he discharged me. In my case the counselor was versed in transgender issues. He was non-judgmental.

My point is that there are counselors out there that can and will help you to get through this with yur wife. The secret is to find the right counselor.

Good luck,

Jodi

[Laurie Ann]

I hope for both of your sakes that this will help you both. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted. Best of luck.

[Lauren_T]

Britney, there are some other things I'd like to mention to you, but right now, I'd just like to give you this simple tip; a very simple acid test is this: NO psychoanalyst or counselor worthy of the name is going to express disapproval! At the first sign of judgemental bias, that's the time to go find a different - hopefully better - one...

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

TGCrossroads.org lists a number of therapists. (http://www.tgcrossroads.org/resources/list.asp?cat=Psychological%20Services&subcat=Counseling&state=IN) Even if they're not in your area, they may be able to offer a referral to someone who's local. There's also an Indianaoplis-based TG support group (http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Stonewall/5745/index.html) who might be able to point you in the right direction.

That said, Lauren's comments are on the money -- a good therapist should be non-judgemental, so it's not the end of the world if you can't find one who's not experienced in CD issues. The main drawback is that you'll end up having to educate them about CDing, but many of the resources you gathered for your wife will be useful.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Britney
Counselling sounds like a good idea I hope it all works out for the best.

Best Wishes

[Adrianne]

I wish you and your wife all the best, i hope everything goes well for you both.

Adrianne.

[urban gypsy]

Counseling really does help, So i hope it also helps you and your wife, good luck were rooting for you.

[Shannon]

Hi Britney,
I have not posted to you before, but I have been reading your posts. I have a couple of suggestions. Let me preface by saying that I have a PhD in Psychology. My speciality is not in clinical nor counseling. I also saw many a marriage therapist while I was married, and a fantastic therapist after I separated and divorced.

You may want to try the American Psychological Assocation (www.apa.org (http://www.apa.org)) website, there is a "Find a Psychologist" link http://locator.apahelpcenter.org/

Unfortunately, the list you get is not going to identify speciality areas, so you might pick out a few to call. (Perhaps you and your wife could agree you'd both feel more comfortable with a male or female therapist to help narrow down the list).

Most psychologists will be willing to spend 5 or 10 minutes on the phone to answer your questions and help you decide, and they may even refer you to someone that does specialize in what you need.

If you do talk with them on the phone, or have a session at their office, have them establish their credentials. Ask them if they are licensed in your state? How long have they been practicing? Do they do marriage counseling? How much experience in marriage counseling do they have? How much experience do they have with gender issues? How much experience do they have with CrossDressers? What are their fees? The answers can help you clarify if that therapist is for you.

If you can narrow the field down to 2 or 3, make an appointment. Hopefully you and your wife can agree that after the session, you will discuss what you thought of the therapist, did you feel comfortable, did the therapist seem to have biases, etc. You might decide then to try a second therapist, and after that session, decide between the two.

Therapy can work wonders, and you are putting a lot at stake if you go into therapy, so please make sure you get a top-notch professional. My own personal experiences in marriage counseling were not too good when we saw people with Marriage & Family Counseling degrees (usually a Masters-level degree, not PhD), so I don't recommend them.

Hope this helps. Best wishes.