Is it true?

[SweetIonis]

It has just come to my attention that not all M2F transsexuals are attracted to men. Some are attracted to women only. Is this true?

[Aprilrain]

like the rest of the population sexual orientation varies amongst transsexual people

[crystalann]

It's true for me, I never was into men before I transitioned and it didn't change after. :2c:

[kellycan27]

Some like both.. go figure.:heehee:

[Traci Elizabeth]

I am a proud lesbian.

[Schatten Lupus]

Some like men, some like women, some like both, some are asexual. The gender you identify as and the gender you'd prefer to sleep with are two different issues.

[Niya W]

Proud transbian. Oddly enough I've noticed in my circle the ones that transtion over 30 like women . I also know a gay FtM

[Hope]

It's true!

Some of us get to join the LGBT community TWICE!

[SweetIonis]

Honestly, I did not know that. I can tell you this, that is an explosive revelation for me.

[Melody Moore]

Yes it's true & it is very common as well - I too identify as a lesbian so why
should I change my sexual preferences just because I have transitioned?

But don't worry, you & millions of other people always assume the
wrong thing when it comes to the sexual orientations of a transsexual. :heehee:

[Rianna Humble]

It has just come to my attention that not all M2F transsexuals are attracted to men. Some are attracted to women only. Is this true?


Honestly, I did not know that. I can tell you this, that is an explosive revelation for me.

Why on earth should it be an explosive revelation to you that sexual orientation and gender are different things?

Are all cis men gay? Or ar all cis women hetero? The answer to both of those is a blindingly obvious NO so why should being born in the wrong body condemn you to one type of sexual preference?

[Melody Moore]

Why on earth should it be an explosive revelation to you that sexual orientation and gender are different things?

While I can't answer this on behalf of the OP, I do know that some people assumed that I was wanting to
transition because I was 'gay male' and this would make it a lot easier for me to pick men up. They got the
biggest shock when I told them I was more interested in them because they were female. So I really do
believe that there are some GGs out there that really do believe this & also have serious issues with us.

[Aprilrain]

some people assumed that I was wanting to transition because I was 'gay male' and this would make it a lot easier for me to pick men up.

Funny thing about gay guys is that they like guys, hmmm? go figure?

This assumption is so pitifully ill considered that 3 more seconds of thinking about it ought to clear up the misconception. To bad that is obviously to much work for most people.

[SweetIonis]

Well it is explosive for me. And it has some big implications. I always thought that people who were TSs had a psyche that was so similar to a woman's that they also desired men or at least women and men.

I should also add that I do not view TSs that want men to be homosexual. I think that is wrong.

[Frances]

I always thought that people who were TSs had a psyche that was so similar to a woman's that they also desired men or at least women and men.

And some women are asexual. Some are even fetishists and pedophiles. I highly recommend seeing a gender therapist.

[Aprilrain]

I always thought that people who were TSs had a psyche that was so similar to a woman's that they also desired men

Which completely ignores the fact that there are MANY lesbians in this world.

I'm not calling you out on this. I had MANY ill considered preconceived notions about masculinity, femininity and sexual orientation and it seemed like the more I tried to fight myself the more ridicules my assumptions and beliefs became. The more I attempted to apply logic to an affair of the heart the more illogical my logic became!

[Melody Moore]

Oh I hear ya April, it was like my last ex-gf who reckons I deceived her about my transsexualism, mind you I did tell
her quite a few times that "I feel like a lesbian trapped in the wrong body" but never took me seriously. But mind you
I also told her about my cross-dressing that started as a young child & also shared in many feminine type activities.
with her - eg: sewing, floral art, shopping etc.

Some people just don't want to see it, let alone accept it, in their eyes we should just fit into one of the two
boxes. Where if you are a male then you should like females, if you are female then you should like males. So
how hard would it have been for my ex-gf to see that I was a transsexual if she had taken just a few seconds
to consider the things I did tell her along with my feminine interests & behaviours? Mind you she also proved to
me that she was clearly bisexual as well while still in total denial! So maybe this is the more like real reason why
she didn't want to see this any of this in me reinforcing the belief that homophobia or transphobia comes from
repressing your true gender identity and/or sexuality.

I was never gay as a male & why? Because I didn't simply like men like I do
women, but as a woman now I am gay & don't mind that at all - so go figure!

But I think if my butch ex-gf could transition then she would feel less guilty about her true sexuality
because it would make it more acceptable to her with being straight by being a male with a female.
But having said that this is NOT a reason why anyone should ever consider transitioning!

People have to stop assuming that our physiological sex, gender identities, roles & sexual orientations are
binary to each other, when in reality these things are extremely fluid which this video clearly points out:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXI9w0PbBXY

[SweetIonis]

Well I thank all of you for the responses. This is a rather big revelation for me. It has me in somewhat of a daze. It's pretty much all I can think about now. I really didn't know.

[Melody Moore]

SweetIonis,

Could it be that this is such a big revelation because you might have had an issue
with it previously that has been causing you to repress your real gender identity?

What I am getting at is, if you have been trying to work out if you are transsexual or not but you
have had this ill-conceived notion that you have to like men in order to be a true transsexual female?
Please don't take offence, this is just a though I just had & something you might like to think about :hugs:

[Frances]

SweetIonis,

Could it be that this is such a big revelation because you might have had an issue
with it previously that has been causing you to repress your real gender identity?

What I am getting at is, if you have been trying to work out if you are transsexual or not but you
have had this ill-conceived notion that you have to like men in order to be a true transsexual female?

Which is why talking to gender therapist is so important, and exploring what's in your heart. Too many people get caught up in other people's theories. Classic trans analytical discourse was written by cis-gendered people with the goal of bringing comfort to their lives in front of a perceived aberration. True trans lives have been erased from the discourse.

Read Julia Serano or watch the movie She's a boy I knew to get a balanced viewpoint, and please talk to a gender therapist. Finding out your own truth about your gender and sexuality is what's important; no research of case studies other than you own will help you in the end. There is no such thing as a true transsexual and (surprise!) autogynophelia is extremely common and normal.

[Melody Moore]

I agree France with what you said, especially about getting help from a gender therapist to
help you explore your feelings, but I am not sure if this is the issue the OP is going through.

So this was just a a personal thought I had about why this was such a revelation,
but if this is true, then yes, SweetIonis should talk to a psychologist about it for sure ;)

[Inna]

Incredible as it maybe, I was way hetero male when in lifelong denial, then came a reveal, HRT, self recognition and finally freedom associated with becoming true self at once. I literally was growing up from where I left off, and that was about an 8 year old girl. My sexual preference seized to make any impression after being loaded with Spiro, Progest, and Estro, it just became a null subject. After a while sensuality returned and I begun to regain my feelings towards woman, however no longer bound by animalistic influence of poisonous testosterone I could see how I appreciated woman's figure and sensuality but more in the way of wanting it for my self rather than a sexual attraction. Then I realized that such was present my entire life and I just misinterpreted it for sexual attraction. Then came a shocking revelation when at the airport awaiting my flight young handsome bloke sat down in front of me. I could not take my eyes off of him, he was so delicious and my entire body and mind were starting to feel something sooooo foreign I have never felt before, it was then I realized that attraction to beauty and persona, at least in my case was non gender binding and I could be attracted to both the same way.

Love knows no boundary, but physical attraction guides one to one or both sides of the gender divide, I am sooo happy of achieving the enlightenment and being set free of any sexual prejudice.

[Melody Moore]

Now I have got rid of any sexual prejudice I might have had I cannot deny the fact that there is the
odd guy I feel that I could really fall for, but so far that hasn't happened and now it's raining lesbians
in my life who I do really like - I won't be rushing into anything else anytime soon :)

[kimdl93]

I have had some early bi-experiences, but I'm predominantly attracted to women. So, some of us do straddle several boundaries.

[Adriennegrl]

Very interesting topic. I've thought of myself as hetero all these years but I have been bi curious in the past. I have had little luck w/ women in relationships. I have to wonder if it's because I'm too much like them and not lesbian, or maybe I am lesbian. Ok, I'm confused and will sort this out w/ my counselor!

[Niya W]

I've had people ask me if I like women why don't you just stay a man . I ran into this issue not to recently . A CD was trying to imply that if are MtF and don't like men you are a freak, but then that goes along the lines of some trans folks that hate gays .

[Melody Moore]

I've had people ask me if I like women why don't you just stay a man.
Some of my long term friends said the exact same thing to me, but they also assume that gender & sexuality
are binary when clearly it is not. Because if it was binary, then gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgendered people
would simply not exist. I have showed some of them the video I posted earlier (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?158934-Is-it-true&p=2580371&viewfull=1#post2580371) and that explained it very well
to them & also quickly dispelled many of the myths.

[Jorja]

SweetIonis,
I have the one and only true answer to your question. You will have to show the secret sign and make the secret handshake before I can revel it to you though. :D

Yes it is true. MTF transsexuals are no diffrent than the rest of the population. Some are straight, some are bi, some are lesbian. It's a scary world we live in after all, huh?

[Badtranny]

Wow Alexia, I came to the exact same conclusion!

I was a notorious skirt chaser in my younger days, because I was good at it and it was the one thing I could do that the other guys would think was cool and impressive. So basically I proved my manhood, by objectifying women. I was a real peach.

I wrote about this in my blog because coming to grips with my sexuality was extremely difficult for me. I've always loved women, but my young testosterone filled body was reacting in ways that were a little different than my emotions would intend. It was confusing to say the least.

Of course I eventually came to the glorious conclusion that I'm not sexually attracted to women at all, and ironically coming out has finally allowed me to have the relationships with women that I've always wanted.

[Myojine]

It has just come to my attention that not all M2F transsexuals are attracted to men. Some are attracted to women only. Is this true?

Quite true, I cant stand men... at all.
I mean id like to have sex with one just to know what its like to get nailed, and what a dick feels like inside my vag. but cmon those filthy pigs? Id neeeever marry one. besides women are sooo attractive and beautiful. The most beautiful and attrative thing in the world is a nicely porportioned human female.
Im what you call, a TransLesbian :>

I've had people ask me if I like women why don't you just stay a man.

I hate this question so much,
I love girls, and I love being a girl(want to be), What is SOO HARD for people to understand about that?
I dont want a penis, its ****ing discusting and gross and ugly.
I cant wear cute panties and tease the guys with a short shirt if i have a dick. NO WAY.
I cant wear shirts that make guys have hardons if i dont have boobs and nice clevage.
I love to play that you can look all you want boys but none of you filthy pigs can ever ahve it :>

[Aprilrain]

I cant wear cute panties and tease the guys with a short shirt if i have a dick. NO WAY.

UM.... you'd be surprised!

[Amber99]

I've had people ask me if I like women why don't you just stay a man . I ran into this issue not to recently . A CD was trying to imply that if are MtF and don't like men you are a freak, but then that goes along the lines of some trans folks that hate gays .

Yeah they just don't get it at all. Do they then think all non-trans homosexuals should transition? Because they are implying that transition is a "fix" to homosexuality rather than trying to match people with their gender identities.

It's not about sex whatsoever.

I'm also still kinda getting used to thinking of myself as a lesbian, but it doesn't bother me.

[Niya W]

THis was from a CD. counts to 20

[ReineD]

I always thought that people who were TSs had a psyche that was so similar to a woman's that they also desired men or at least women and men.

One thing always puzzled me. I've read on several occasions that after HRT someone's sexual orientation changed from women to men and even one or two people confirm it in this thread. This doesn't make sense to me since I also know that sexual orientation is separate from gender identity.

But I've known supportive wives/gfs who were left behind because their transitioning former husbands/bfs discovered they preferred men. Or maybe they just wanted to explore and needed to be free to do so. Also I wonder how uncommon it is for a TS to believe all her life she was into women when in reality she had felt an affinity or a feeling of sisterhood that she had mistaken for sexual attraction, as Alexia writes.

[kellycan27]

One thing always puzzled me. I've read on several occasions that after HRT someone's sexual orientation changed from women to men and even one or two people confirm it in this thread. This doesn't make sense to me since I also know that sexual orientation is separate from gender identity.

But I've known supportive wives/gfs who were left behind because their transitioning former husbands/bfs discovered they preferred men. Or maybe they just wanted to explore and needed to be free to do so. Also I wonder how uncommon it is for a TS to believe all her life she was into women when in reality she had felt an affinity or a feeling of sisterhood that she had mistaken for sexual attraction, as Alexia writes.

Maybe it was something that was in the back of their mind for a long time, and transitioning made it seem more ... "Normal"??? and as you mentioned.. more free to experiement. My first sexual encounter was with a man, and I had nothing to judge it against. I can't say that I was attracted to men at that point in my life. I was fifteen. He told me that girls have sex with boys.. I was a girl so this seemed pretty logical to me. He proceeded to show me what girls and boys do. Seemed natural, and it worked ok for me lol

Kel

[Carole Cross]

I always assumed the role of a heterosexual male before I stated to transition although I have always known that I should have been born a girl. I only had 2 serious relationships with other girls and never considered a relationship with a man. Having said that I can appreciate what makes a man attractive and I will most likely find myself attracted to them rather than women. I will soon find out, now that I am taking hormones.

[SweetIonis]

SweetIonis,

Could it be that this is such a big revelation because you might have had an issue
with it previously that has been causing you to repress your real gender identity?

What I am getting at is, if you have been trying to work out if you are transsexual or not but you
have had this ill-conceived notion that you have to like men in order to be a true transsexual female?
Please don't take offence, this is just a though I just had & something you might like to think about :hugs:

Well I guess that cat is out the bag!!! LOL!!! I don't take the slightest offense at what you have said. Actually, I'm happy that you understood, even without me saying so! Thanks!!

I must say, you told me I had a lot to learn. I just had no idea I would be learning all that!!!!! :)



SweetIonis,
I have the one and only true answer to your question. You will have to show the secret sign and make the secret handshake before I can revel it to you though. :D

Yes it is true. MTF transsexuals are no diffrent than the rest of the population. Some are straight, some are bi, some are lesbian. It's a scary world we live in after all, huh?

A few years ago I was really getting so deeply in touch with the female inside of me. The more I got to know it, the more I got to like it. And actually that scared me. So I totally shut it down for a few years. Actually, I only took it back up late last fall. But I came to a fundamental realization, that actually it was a fundamental part of me, and actually I like it. Furthermore I am actually proud of it and glad I am the way I am, whatever it is. So I wasn't scared anymore. It's just this a surprise. I knew I had all these feelings, but I thought that because I liked girls, my gender ID had to be that of a male. Evidently I was wrong. Honestly, I'm not scared. I just need to chart the path forward. I really need to have a long talk with someone who has a good grip on this stuff. But I'm not going to go to just anybody. I have someone in mind. At some point here, I'm going to see about making that happen. Then I think I will really understand and be able to understand how to proceed.


UM.... you'd be surprised!

I went out a few years ago and found that out real fast!!!! That's part of what scared me. I wasn't used to that, but honestly, DAMN I liked doing it!!!!


Quite true, I cant stand men... at all.
I mean id like to have sex with one just to know what its like to get nailed, and what a dick feels like inside my vag. but cmon those filthy pigs? Id neeeever marry one. besides women are sooo attractive and beautiful. The most beautiful and attrative thing in the world is a nicely porportioned human female.
Im what you call, a TransLesbian :>



HAHA! Feel ya big time!!!!!

[SweetIonis]

One thing always puzzled me. I've read on several occasions that after HRT someone's sexual orientation changed from women to men and even one or two people confirm it in this thread. This doesn't make sense to me since I also know that sexual orientation is separate from gender identity.


Reine, I really am not in the slightest position to answer that. I'm just going to offer a possible explanation that environmental factors were more responsible than the HRT.

[Melody Moore]

Well I guess that cat is out the bag!!! LOL!!! I don't take the slightest offense at what you have said. Actually, I'm happy that you understood, even without me saying so! Thanks!!

I must say, you told me I had a lot to learn. I just had no idea I would be learning all that!!!!! :)
Hehehehe, some people might call this 'trans-intuition' but there is a very logical reason behind why I know these things.

Just so you know, I too questioned myself many times if I was a transsexual or not just because of my own
sexual orientations. But having said that now that I have accepted myself as a female, I have opened up
to the whole idea of a relationship with the right guy because I know I am attracted to some guys, but they
have to also tick all my boxes - I am a fussy b!tch when it comes to men because I also know them so well
to know that many of them only think about sex & they fail miserably when it comes to real love & romance.

For me I always had this notion that I was 'straight' at first & never thought myself as being gay, in fact I
feared that term a lot before. And like many people I also assumed that even if I did transition, people would
think that I am a gay male. But the reality is I am not a male, I am female so I cannot be straight if I am with
another female. And ironically now I find myself applying that gay label that I shunned for so many years. But
like I said, some guys do attract me so I cannot say that I am just gay anymore so really I am a bisexual female.

Once I had cleared a lot of this up in my own head it then allowed me to go forward feeling less shameful about
who I am really am. So in that I wouldn't feel any shame or guilt about being with either a male or a female now.
But this shame & guilt has come about only through what I understood as being normal & acceptable to society.

I should mention that I have had several sexual encounters with men. Most of those were forced on me when I
was young so I didn't find them very enjoyable at all - I was sexually abused quite a few times by a male cousin
between the ages of 7 - 11 & raped twice around the age of 17-18 after I let my guard down through being drunk.
None of these were pleasant experiences and they all left me feeling dirty, ashamed & guilt ridden afterwards.

But the biggest surprise came to me when I was about 24 years old & had a threesome with my girlfriend & a gay
male friend of hers. I was very hesitant & scared about this when it first started happening, but then I started to
relax about it because I didn't see myself as a male in the threesome, I felt like a bisexual lesbian who was having
a threesome with a guy my female partner & I ended up really enjoying the experience. But still shame & guilt held
me back & it never happened again.

Prior to this I was always questioning my true gender & sexual identity, but that feeling that I was a lesbian trapped in
the wrong body never went away. So since then I have told all my partners how I truly felt. I guess I did that because
I was hoping they would realise I was a transsexual & encourage me towards transition. But like I said none of them ever
seen this in me, or maybe they didn't want to see this in me - especially those who were the two mothers of my 3 kids.

This also might be a revelation for you - The two women who are the mothers to my two daughters & one son were also
bisexual women, but we never engaged in any sort of a threesome. Also both my two daughters came out as being bisexual
while my 23 year old son I am not sure about. But I do suspect he is repressing issues because of behavioural problems similar
to what I went through. He is also very naturally androgynous & would pass very well as a female if he dressed up as one.
What ever happens, happens there & I will support him & still love him whatever he decides. I just hope that if he is repressing
something that my example now might give him the courage & the strength to deal with it & stop feeling guilty about it.
So time will tell with him that is for sure.

The closest I ever came to coming out as a transsexual happened around the age of 26 years old when I was with another
girl from the Channel Islands in the UK who I met while I was working in the adventure sports tourism industry here in FNQ.
One night we were drinking & I asked her to bleach my hair with hydrogen peroxide so I had that real Billy Idol look of the 80s.
But we got carried away with the whole thing & she did my face up & had me dress up in one of her trendy 80s outfits. And
I kid you not about this, I was the spitting image of Marie Fredrickson, the leader singer from the 80s pop group Roxette.

You will see the similarities in our appearances in the photo I have attached that shows me as a male just prior to when
this happened. But what this experience did was it scared the living crap out of me because it re-awoke all of my gender
identity issues. So I dumped this girl who dressed me up a few days later because of it & virtually went on a binge with
women straight after that just to prove to myself that I was a really a man to help me repress my issues again. You will
also notice in my photo that I don't have an adam's apple, a clue to my intersexuality that I had previously overlooked.
But there are a number of female features in my face that I wasn't previously aware of such as a more rounded & less
angular jaw line & I don't have a very prominent brow ridge like a lot of other males do according to a few people who
have since commented about this, including several doctors. Then further testing then revealed I was born intersex! :eek:

Anyway I like doing all the things that a lesbian does when they are intimate with each other, especially giving lots or
oral sex to my partner & making them feel really sexually satisfied. I found more satisfaction in pleasuring my partners
more than I ever did with penetrative type sex. Many of my partners never had an orgasm before they were with me,
but because of my connection with other women as a female, I knew exactly what they wanted & was able get them
to experience not just one orgasm, but multiple orgasms. However I never came out and told them I was a transsexual,
but I did tell them I felt like a lesbian trapped in the wrong body as a hint to my true gender identity. It feels that for
most of my life I was on this merry-go-round ride with lots of ups & downs, one minute I am on a high & feeling like I
was wanting to open up about it, the next minute I am down & depressed, fighting within myself to repress it again.

One question I asked myself constantly was "Can I be happy without my male junk being there?" and the answer to
that question is obviously "Yes!" because the truth was it was always a source of discomfort to me going back as far
as I can remember. And the reality is with transition is that you will lose to the ability to function as a male if you ever
choose to go on hormones & transition. Like many other females, the most important thing I find to any relationship is
the emotional connection & chemistry I have with someone - everything else beyond that naturally follows & falls into
place. And as I said, sometimes I can feel that chemistry & connection with both sexes so I would be kidding myself
& a liar to say that I didn't.

Anyway, I know my rant is long, but I hope that you find something in it as well that might help you to understand
some of your own feelings a little bit better and understand some of the dynamics in gender identity & our sexual
orientations. But noone should ever assume that we must fit neatly into one of two boxes as straight males & females.

[Amber99]

Well I guess that cat is out the bag!!! LOL!!! I don't take the slightest offense at what you have said. Actually, I'm happy that you understood, even without me saying so! Thanks!!

Great that you asked about it then! Yeah not only is it possible for MTF's to be lesbian, its common. I read a statistic a while back somewhere on Wikipedia(take it with a grain of salt) that somewhere around 60% of MTF's were predicted to be lesbian.

[SweetIonis]

I was a notorious skirt chaser in my younger days, because I was good at it and it was the one thing I could do that the other guys would think was cool and impressive. So basically I proved my manhood, by objectifying women.


But what this experience did was it scared the living crap out of me because it re-awoke all of my gender
identity issues. So I dumped this girl who dressed me up a few days later because of it & virtually went on a binge with
women straight after that just to prove to myself that I was a really a man to help me repress my issues again.

It's kind of far out both of you have said this because I had a similar experience. Like I said before, some years ago, I was really becoming deeply acquainted with the female inside of me. I believe me, when I started letting it out, it came gushing out, fast. And honestly, I was really liking it. I mean, it got to the point, where I felt I just had to go out, and be around others without feeling any need to repress anything. So I actually did it. And DAMN!!! I liked it so much!!! But then, I got scared. I knew I was feeling like I was a woman more and more. And it was starting to become difficult to repress it. The feelings would just come so strong sometimes. But with great difficult I managed to repress it. I threw all my stuff away. Then I went on this woman binge like crazy for quite sometime! But I stopped. And late last year, I just let the feelings come out. And I realized, you know I really like this. I am really enjoying doing it so why not be thankful that I am having such a good time. When I did that, I was really at peace with myself. So when this came to my attention the other day, I didn't feel the least shame about it. I was just surprised. And it has been all I can think about right now, so like I said before, I am in a little bit of a daze, because I just find it so far out. But honestly, I feel like a girl that has gotten a nice present. I mean deep down, that's what I wanted. So I thank you all for helping me in this discussion!!!!!

[Melody Moore]

SweetIonis,

I now believe that we even do these crazy things without even realising why we are doing it on a subconscience
level a lot of the time & don't even know how bad we really are when there has always been this type of internal
conflict within. But when we stand back & look at the way we are with a little more distance & with some degree
of scepticism & objectivity, then you realise that a lot of our bad womanising behaviours was escapism from the
reality of who we are on the inside. It is a craft that we mastered from a young age in order to keep the true self
hidden. So it is not at all uncommon to find that many M-F transsexuals also engaged in hyper-masculine activities.

It is difficult to understand at first why the way we are & to piece together what these things all really mean, but it
certainly sounds like some of the fog is starting to clear now. And as with all of us who have GID, these feelings never
go away no matter how hard we try to bury them. There are many older TS girls here that came out later in life because
they finally came to this realisation - I think that you might be nearing that point, but it is not for me to really know,
and it is something you might like to looking into further. So my suggestion is find yourself a good therapist & start
talking things through.

[ReineD]

Those of you who womanized in order to try to escape ... did any of these women fall in love with you?

[Melody Moore]

In my case quite a few of them did and I also broke a lot of hearts. So as you can imagine
when I realised the extent of what I was doing I really felt even more bad about how I was.

But also it was the way things were in a "real man's world" & as others said it made you look
really cool with your mates that you could find and get into bed with so many women. I guess
some of us also worked out how to do this through a natural affinity with the feminine psyche
& took full advantage of it, but then later on I paid the price in how bad I felt about it all & how
cruel I was by doing what I did - at one stage I had 3 girlfriends at the one time and hurt all of
them. :(

[Badtranny]

Those of you who womanized in order to try to escape ... did any of these women fall in love with you?

It was a carnival of emotional upheaval!

My heart was broken as many times as I broke others.

Later in life I became detached to the point of no longer feeling anything other than what would affect me physically. I was a womanizer because I craved relationships with women, but when you factor in the male sex drive, it makes those relationships impossible. Men are predatory by nature and my own body betrayed me with a sad regularity.

[SweetIonis]

There are many older TS girls here that came out later in life because
they finally came to this realisation - I think that you might be nearing that point, but it is not for me to really know,
and it is something you might like to looking into further. So my suggestion is find yourself a good therapist & start
talking things through.

Like I said before, I have someone in mind. I have been reading a lot of what they have written. And it seems they would understand my situation quite well. I'm not in a hurry though, and I don't want to waste my time going to just anybody.


Those of you who womanized in order to try to escape ... did any of these women fall in love with you?

I know some really liked me. For my part I liked them a lot too, but it was certainly not love, at least not from my side.

[Louise C]

I was always convinced that there would only be women in my life, even when i started the HRT.
The Gender Specialist i see told me that, once on hormones, some will slide quietly towards preferring men without realising it, but i still refused to believe that would be me. Women still give me the warm fuzzy feeling inside, but i guess the odd guy does too now, if i'm totally honest.

Gosh, this feels difficult for me to admit even now, can you believe that?.......:o

[ReineD]

Gosh, this feels difficult for me to admit even now, can you believe that?.......:o

Yes I can! You're not the first to say this.

[SweetIonis]

I was always convinced that there would only be women in my life, even when i started the HRT.
The Gender Specialist i see told me that, once on hormones, some will slide quietly towards preferring men without realising it, but i still refused to believe that would be me. Women still give me the warm fuzzy feeling inside, but i guess the odd guy does too now, if i'm totally honest.

Gosh, this feels difficult for me to admit even now, can you believe that?.......:o

I'm having a hard time believing the HRT is solely responsible for that. If that's true, then why do some women only want other women, despite hormones? And vice versa, why do some men only want other men? Honestly, I'm no authority, but IMHO the environment has to be playing some sort of role, and a significant one.

[Frances]

I'm having a hard time believing the HRT is solely responsible for that.

It isn't. The game changer is therapy and transition itself. Letting go of taboos and stopping trying to conform to family laws (as in "my son will not be gay!"). Therapy allows the transitioner to explore his or her feelings free of familial pressures and to figure out themselves for real. If the transitioner finally lets go of guilt and all this nonsense about straight, gay or bi, HRT will only help push the person in whatever direction feels true.

[SweetIonis]

Frances, now that makes sense to me. Beautiful response!

That's not to take away from what was said previously, it's just that I personally have some difficulty believing it.

[Melody Moore]

It isn't. The game changer is therapy and transition itself. Letting go of taboos and stopping trying to conform to family laws (as in "my son will not be gay!"). Therapy allows the transitioner to explore his or her feelings free of familial pressures and to figure out themselves for real. If the transitioner finally lets go of guilt and all this nonsense about straight, gay or bi, HRT will only help push the person in whatever direction feels true.
Well said Frances!

This is why I made this comment earlier....


Just so you know, I too questioned myself many times if I was a transsexual or not just because of my own
sexual orientations. But having said that now that I have accepted myself as a female, I have opened up
to the whole idea of a relationship with the right guy because I know I am attracted to some guys, but they
have to also tick all my boxes - I am a fussy b!tch when it comes to men because I also know them so well
to know that many of them only think about sex & they fail miserably when it comes to real love & romance.

For me I always had this notion that I was 'straight' at first & never thought myself as being gay, in fact I
feared that term a lot before. And like many people I also assumed that even if I did transition, people would
think that I am a gay male. But the reality is I am not a male, I am female so I cannot be straight if I am with
another female. And ironically now I find myself applying that gay label that I shunned for so many years. But
like I said, some guys do attract me so I cannot say that I am just gay anymore so really I am a bisexual female.

Once I had cleared a lot of this up in my own head it then allowed me to go forward feeling less shameful about
who I am really am. So in that I wouldn't feel any shame or guilt about being with either a male or a female now.
But this shame & guilt has come about only through what I understood as being normal & acceptable to society.
Sometimes it takes us a little time to work through these types of issues and it has been one thing my pyschologist
asked me about. And when you do transition you have to remember that guys are going to hit on you & it wouldn't
be good if you were to ever have a bad reaction to that. So we have to make a lot of adjustments to our sexuality
whether we like it our not - This is something else that I think is being highlighted in Bree's thread on Male Privilege (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?158851-Male-Privilege).

[Adriennegrl]

Also I wonder how uncommon it is for a TS to believe all her life she was into women when in reality she had felt an affinity or a feeling of sisterhood that she had mistaken for sexual attraction, as Alexia writes.

I love this thread, I'm sorting this out now. The bold type reference by Reine could very well explain my issues w/ intimate female relationships.

[Badtranny]

Also I wonder how uncommon it is for a TS to believe all her life she was into women when in reality she had felt an affinity or a feeling of sisterhood that she had mistaken for sexual attraction, as Alexia writes.

Reine,

I have to tell you that you are far and away my favorite Mod on this forum. Your compassion and empathy are duly noted but it's your insight that floors me everytime. I'm one of those nitwits that puts quite a bit of thought into a post before I hit enter and sometimes I feel like it's wasted on most of the populace, but it's people like you that keep me posting. The subtext is never lost on you, and you always calls it like you sees it.

I'm a fan. Thank you.

-Misty (is what my friends call me)

[Louise C]

Reine,

I have to tell you that you are far and away my favorite Mod on this forum. Your compassion and empathy are duly noted but it's your insight that floors me everytime. I'm one of those nitwits that puts quite a bit of thought into a post before I hit enter and sometimes I feel like it's wasted on most of the populace, but it's people like you that keep me posting. The subtext is never lost on you, and you always calls it like you sees it.


I'm a fan. Thank you.

-Misty (is what my friends call me)


Mmm, food for thought indeed, for most of the populace...er, hang on a minute, maybe i'm one of those whom you are simply wasting your subtext on...............:doh:

[SweetIonis]

I can tell you this for sure, if I had any kind of feeling for sisterhood, it was at such a sub-conscious level that it would take an atomic bomb to get through all the layers to uncover it! :D:D:D

[Kaitlyn Michele]

for me it never felt like sisterhood..i kept women at a distance and i was so repressed i moved mountains in my mind to compartmentalize things..it was more like idolizing and emulating.... shame is a destroyer..

and because of it, my relationships were stuck at a less than "deep" level...i couldn't connect sexually

even though i know that what turns me on is being with a man and feeling satisfied with men...and even though i've enjoyed being intimate with guys quite alot, i fear that i have a limited ability to actually be in a love relationship with a guy because i still feel that shame and guilt.. my hope is that something "just happens", and i can stop worrying about it, and just do it..

[Melody Moore]

Kaitlyn,

You are talking about a shame & guilt that has been there your whole life, overcoming that isn't easy. And
especially by knowing what most men really want (sex) just makes me even feel more dirty. I guess that is
why I am looking for that love & commitment from a guy before I would even consider sex with a male. But it
has taken me awhile to get this far & to be open to that whole new concept of having a relationship with a male.

[SweetIonis]

for me it never felt like sisterhood..i kept women at a distance and i was so repressed i moved mountains in my mind to compartmentalize things..it was more like idolizing and emulating.... shame is a destroyer..

and because of it, my relationships were stuck at a less than "deep" level...i couldn't connect sexually


That's pretty far out Kaitlyn. For me I have this idealized, fictional, conceptualization of what a man should be and how he should relate to women. I tend to relate to them through this, but because it is somewhat un-natural, it gets in the way of being able to relate to them on a deep level. That and in general I find that people tend to dwell more on the emotional platform than I do. It's not that I don't go there, it's just that I don't spend as much time there as the average person. As a result that has a tendency to alienate me from people who are not like me.

I was wondering if you could share an example of what you mean by you moved mountains in your mind to compartmentalize things.

[tanyavelour]

I am a proud lesbian.

Your words are my words too, I'm a proud lesbian.

[AKAMichelle]

very true. Sexual orientation is a separate item to your gender.

[ReineD]

That and in general I find that people tend to dwell more on the emotional platform than I do.

You should take the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator) (MBTI). It's designed to measure preferences in how people see the world, and the questions were extrapolated from Carl Jung's typological theories.

Everyone should take it! My SO and I did and we both found the personality types to be eerily accurate. There are 16 different personality types that fit within 4 subgroups: guardian, artisan, idealist, or rational.

THE TEST (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp) - 70 questions, takes just a few minutes. :)

I fall within the Idealist group (no surprise), and my SO is a Rational.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

INFP here....and stuck with a brain that is highly mathematical.... heh

Ionis, what i mean to say is that i got married, had kids, lived a very full male life with all the trappings...i was good at sports, i spent my free time with the guys, drinking beers, smoking weed...i studied math in college, got an mba, went to wall street...was very popular....

and yet, every single solitary waking moment where i wasn't CONSCIOUSLY working to be male, i was drifting into my thoughts of what i was gonna do someday....every single time an opportunity for free time appeared on the horizon, i planned how i could do it "en femme"...i plotted that i would spend weekends at the holiday inn as a woman for example...i got incredibly agitated when these plans went awry..

looking back i am amazed at how i was like two totally seperate entities and yet i never ever thought of it that way...it was just the way it was..

i could sit in my office, see my assistant and drift off wishing i was her, and then pick of the phone and "be a guy" without giving it a second thought...
.i could see a transgendered person on the street, look at them, and say to myself ...that is a transgendered person...without ever actually considering that i was transgendered...and when i started to think of myself as transgendered..the walls crumbled...my job, my marraige...everything...

it was so obvious to me that i had trapped myself in an unwanted life...and i couldn't seperate anything from that fact anymore...

[ReineD]

Kaitlin, your marriage fell apart and I'm sorry. What happened with your job? And what about your kids?

ValRom, Louise, & Misty ... I didn't come up with this, Inna did. I was paraphrasing her. See post #22.

[Badtranny]

ValRom, Louise, & Misty ... I didn't come up with this, Inna did. I was paraphrasing her. See post #22.

LoL, I know you didn't invent the idea silly, I and probably the others were commenting on your ability to pick it up. Some of us trans types have a kind of shorthand understanding of each other, and if I didn't know any better, I would swear you were one of us.

I and many others have touched on it before, Inna did it beautifully, but you were able to pluck the root out of our prose and that my dear, is what impressed me.

[ReineD]

LoL, I know you didn't invent the idea silly, I and probably the others were commenting on your ability to pick it up. Some of us trans types have a kind of shorthand understanding of each other, and if I didn't know any better, I would swear you were one of us.

Well, thank you. :hugs:

I probably am closer to you than you may think! :)

Feminine, emotional, sensitive, but also analytical & logical, and I don't like subterfuge. When I was a little girl, I used to fight with boys on their turf. :D

[Kaitlyn Michele]

well i transitioned is what happened to my job...hehe..

my kids are doing quite well....they are active, they have friends, get good grades, they are incredibly good kids...no drugs, no booze , and they are accepting of me...over time their fears have not materialized...i am still their dad...i'm just not like the other dads... they still fear the wrong person "finding out", but time is starting to pass even on that..my oldest is applying to great schools and is top 10 in her class going into senior year...its not perfect, but we are just like any family really
the biggest reasons for this is that they are great kids, my ex supported me even though we divorced, and i have never stopped being their dad...so it kinda worked out...

[ReineD]

^ Oh good! I'm relieved. Jobs can be replaced, but I'm just so glad that you're OK with your kids and your divorce was amicable, most importantly for your kids.

I became estranged from my oldest son (parental alienation) as the result of my divorce and I don't think I've experienced greater pain than this. It's getting better though, but it will take years before it is fully healed, if ever. So happy that you and your kids are OK. :hugs:

[arbon]

One thing always puzzled me. I've read on several occasions that after HRT someone's sexual orientation changed from women to men and even one or two people confirm it in this thread. This doesn't make sense to me since I also know that sexual orientation is separate from gender identity.

But I've known supportive wives/gfs who were left behind because their transitioning former husbands/bfs discovered they preferred men. Or maybe they just wanted to explore and needed to be free to do so. Also I wonder how uncommon it is for a TS to believe all her life she was into women when in reality she had felt an affinity or a feeling of sisterhood that she had mistaken for sexual attraction, as Alexia writes.


It is a big can of worms! and find myself puzzled by it to.

I was drawn more to women, but there was attraction to men as well. Just, for both, it was not real intense sexual attraction. But since HRT, especially the last 6 months or so, it has definitely become a much stronger and more intense sexual attraction to men and no real sexual attraction to women.

I think about guys a lot but I can't actually see myself in a relationship with a man though, I mean like a living with each other relationship, I don't think I want that, though I kinda fantasize about it a little :-/ -

I am very comfortable in the relationship I have with my wife. Its just not sexual relationship, but we are good living partners. We get along well and we know each other well. And I still love her.

Its very confusing. The point though is that I had some attraction to men before but it was nothing like I experience now. I don't know if that is just the HRT or the woman coming out or repressed sexuality? I don't know. But my sexuality is not the same. It is more intense and it is more focused on men.

it is a bit of a worry....

My wife, after all she has done for me - staying with me, sticking up for me with friends and family, having to deal with all the fear and issues of transition right along with me, the years of having to put up with my issues around my gender and depression and anxiety - after all that, if I cheated with a guy or something that would be a pretty rotten thing to do. It is something I don't want to do to her. Before HRT I never considered the possibility of cheating or having a relationship with someone else female or male, I did not have much sex drive. But now I do think about it with men, and that bothers me. Especially when I read threads like the one about what you are going to do after SRS, I mean yeah, I want sex with a man someday. On the plus side the way things are looking SRS is a long way out and hopefully these feelings and thoughts settle a bit in the meantime. Maybe?

[SweetIonis]

You should take the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator) (MBTI). It's designed to measure preferences in how people see the world, and the questions were extrapolated from Carl Jung's typological theories.

Reine, thanks!!! I will do it when I get a chance. Right now I have just been overwhelmed again.



i could see a transgendered person on the street, look at them, and say to myself ...that is a transgendered person...without ever actually considering that i was transgendered

Kaitlyn, WOW WOW WOW WOW, and WOW some more! I read your post, and I got up from the computer and just walked around the room for 20 minutes. I'm not kidding. We are so much alike, down to the math stuff, that it ain't funny. I mean the circumstances are a little different, but asides from that, I could have written that. DAMN!!! DAMN!!!! I mean the drifting, the plotting and planning, the seeing TG people and not even considering that I was one, DAMN!!!!!

There are so many things I want to say, I can't even figure out how to say them all right now I am so overwhelmed. DAMN!!

Any rate I suppose I can say that I really didn't start to dress up until I was an adult. Like I said, I would put on panties when I was younger and feel like I was a girl, and that really amazed me, but I had so many male things going on, that I really didn't focus on it too much. I mean I was really into sports and quite good at it. WOW! Can't believe this.... Any rate what started me to dressing up and exploring my female side was seeing some real attractive TG persons. I passed by up close to a couple of them and I could hear them so I knew they were not GG. And they looked like they were having such a good time. And it made me so hot. So I went and bought an outfit, and from then on it just started to be more and more and more. Then I stopped for a long time, because I was starting to want to do it ALL THE TIME. And I thought it out, and I told myself, look you have got to stop because if you keep doing this, it's going to be your life. I only recently took it back up to some extent. But even now I have to be careful, because if I let it run it's course, my life would change drastically. That's why I need to talk to someone, to help me sort all this out and chart a path forward. WOW!

Any rate, this is all so far out. I will probably PM you later. There is just so much to say now that I have realized all this. I'm just overwhelmed now.

Thanks so much for sharing!!!!!