Dressing so you can enjoy the clothes

[Pythos]

There is another term for the statement in the title of this thread.

Fetish. Or at least that term seems to get applied to a male (almost never a female....just like the term pervert is one applied to men in general).

Why is it considered a fetish for me to enjoy wearing leggings as often as most people wear jeans, or for just liking pantyhose with most any skirted outfit?

Is it a fetish? If it is a fetish, is there necessarily a bad thing being done?

My understanding of fetish is it is a sexual attraction to an inanimate object, that MAKES IT NECESSARY for that object to be around in order to have sexual relations. (something along those lines).

I for one like the feel of the clothes first, and the appearance of the styles second. I have next to no want of being a female.

What is your take on this perception that in my book too many people have.

How many here just love the clothes and styles, and would like the freedom to wear such without dealing with social repercussions?

[Cherise]

The definition I found on Wikipedia is "sexual attraction to objects, body parts, or situations not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature."

I am primarily an underdresser (for now) and also have no desire to be a female. I began wearing women's underwear because I preferred the way it feels. Granted, they look sexy, but while I'm wearing them under my regular clothes, I can't see them. I wear them because they feel amazing.

Now as for whether or not this counts as a fetish would fall on the individual dresser and to what ends they are dressing. If a person is dressing primarily for sexual arousal, I would count it as a fetish but if a person can wear the clothes without it being a sexual experience, I would think it falls into something different entirely. I sometimes get aroused by what I wear, but that not my reason for wearing it, it's a secondary consequence.

Well, that's my 2 cents...

[Randee]

If you don't want to be female, why do you try to look like one. Just wear the clothes you like the feel and look as your male self and enjoy.

[Pythos]

If you don't want to be female, why do you try to look like one. Just wear the clothes you like the feel and look as your male self and enjoy

What is inherently feminine about long hair? If men were indeed meant to wear short hair, would their hair not fall out after reaching a predetermined length? Much like a short haired cat, or dog?

What is inherently feminine about makeup?

My look in fem/androg mode is only feminine because I use many items that in our culture are feminine.

If a female, is not a fan of the "girly" look, and therefore takes a look that is more masculine, does that mean she wants to be male?

There are those that say something similar to the line you gave Randee. "well if you don't want to be a woman, then why wear women's clothing? Why don't you just act "nicer" and wear mens clothing?"

It is in the same vein of thinking (IMO) when a straight male (usually) says "I have no problem if a gay man wants to get married, as long as he marries a woman"

Yea, that is logical thinking there.

[Joanna41]

I to have no desire to be a woman, however the feeling that comes over me while wearing womens clothes is sexual at times and other times its not. Really just depends on my mood and the style I have chosen to wear at that moment. Womens clothes are far more fun to wear and comfortable not to mention all the accessories you get to wear. Although to dress as a complete woman is quite a tasking, its fun to be someone else for awhile and when you look out into the world through the eyes as a woman you see new perspectives on most everything. Watching how a man behaves while being a woman is quite a learning experience. I love the whole experience.

Joanna

[bridgetta]

when i wear yoga pants and girl stuff. i sit better. i eat better.. im happier.. the sensation is more tactile.. i should be allowed to do this if it helps me be..

[Randee]

All points well made.

When I wear the things I like to wear, it is now mostly for the tactile sensations. I still feel like a masculine man, but a bit softer, tamed by the normally feminine clothing I am wearing, and thinking of the woman who would normally be so intimately encased in the outfits--usually for me a leotard and tights, pantyhose, one piece swimsuit, unitard, or other skintight silky outfit. And I can also feel very masculine and pragmatic in wearing some of my outfits even though the tags are in womens sizes. Admittedly it is titillating at times.

But it is also comfortable and done with no desire to don a wig and makeup to pass as a female. I would not pass as would not most of you. And if I did pass, I know I would freak at having a guy coming on to me wanting to do me like I was a woman. I am str8 and if that is your thing, whatever. When dressed and not alone, it has always been with women, making me feel a little more in tune with their world and being treated like "one of the girls" but still a wolf in the hen house. <Howl>

Enjoy your clothes. You are doing nothing wrong and, after all as my lady friends said, 'it's just clothes'.

[VioletJourney]

Good point. For the most part (at least lately) my crossdressing has consisted of:
Skirts, because they're infinitely more comfortable than pants/shorts
Makeup, because it's fun to apply, and
Heels, because they're fun to walk in.

No desire to be female really, just doing fun stuff that women get to do.

[TGMarla]

If men were indeed meant to wear short hair, would their hair not fall out after reaching a predetermined length?

LOL....mine falls out no matter how long it is!

Fact is, throughout history, men have worn long hair. And then, many (not all) cut it shorter when it began to fall out. It's the curse of male-hood. Same sort of thing with clothing. Men used to be clothes-horses. Take a look at any historical figures before the 19th century. Men wore elaborate lace-trimmed blouses under velvet waistcoats, ornate overcoats with fancy shoes, and perfumes (to cover the smell from not bathing a whole lot).

We can thank a man by the name of John Stuart Mill (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stuart_Mill)for the agonizing and depressing lack of variety in our modern men's fashions today. He was the purveyor of Utilitarianism, a doctrine of stark recititude and bland conformity, lacking variety in fashions in favor of the black coat and tie. If it served no more function than to clothe oneself, it was considered frivolous. He was a philosopher and parliamentary member, considered a great thinker in his time, but seemed to have little time or patience for pleasures in his life. He was oxymoronic in that he was quite liberal in his thinking, yet made utilitarianism his main theme in his life, quantifying his pleasures on a scale of moral value. So he cared little for individual statements in his clothing choices, and largely influenced the growing industrial proletariat of pre-Victorian England.

Men, as always in history, were soon emulating the successful people in their society, and began wearing black suits and ties rather than the colorful and vastly more individual styles that had dominated the centuries prior to then. We still suffer from his influence even today.

[GingerLeigh]

For me it isn't simply the clothing. There is SOMETHING more to it, I just can't quite put my finger on what that something is. If it were socially acceptable to crossdress, of course I would do it publicly. It wouldn't be only because I like the look of the women's clothing, or even the feel ( I do like that though). Frankly I look terrible in women's clothing but that doesn't matter to me. It is not a fetish, that much I DO know.

[aprilmaeflowers]

I was in the Automotive Market for 30 Years (Imports) and wore thigh highs and panties under my Executive Uniform pants. Feeling was awesome. When I went to the Carpenter Trade (Building Decks ) I wore pantyhose under my jeans instead of therm o underwear. I keep my whole body shaved from the face down well...except for my forearms. But there was a time when I shaved them too. My hair is shoulder length and I keep it in a ponytail most of the time. I've got a bald spot on top, not totally but because a always wear a ball cap. I just hang the ponytail threw the strap. But when I cut firewood this winter I'll drop my wig...

[docrobbysherry]

Fetish, smetish! I don't know and don't care!

All I know is; EVERYTHING about dressing and appearing female TURNS ME ON!

[t-girlxsophie]

Fetish is another one of those words that are bandied about,by ppl who dont understand and who like to fit us in neat wee boxes.I just feel good when I dress.I love being Sophie end of.

Sophie

[brenya]

If I could I would give you a high five right now Pythos, you have pretty much the exact line of thinking as I do on this subject.

[Randilegs]

One problem with language is that different people often use different terms in different ways. Fetish is a good example. The definition provided earlier from Wikipedia is a good example of the problem with Wikipedia, too. Fetish is actually a clinical term from psychology. (Fro our porposes at lease, there is also another use of the term in anthropology) Someone has a fetish when they are incapable of sexual excitement without a fetish item being present. So, someone with a shoe fetish MUST have shoes present (usually worn) during sex (on themselves or a partner) in order to become excited. Comparing pervert to fetish (as above) is horribly inaccurate. Unfortunately, the term fetish has also become a catch-all term for unusual sexual tastes (B&D, S&M in particular)

[ReineD]

These are the different definitions of fetish, from dictionary.com:

fet·ish: [fet-ish, fee-tish] noun

1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.

2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.

3. Psychology . any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

You can see that only the third definition is sexual, although in this definition I would add "idea", such as in def #2: "any object, idea, or nongenital part of the body ... "

That said, I take it that definition #2 would apply to our members for whom the CDing has never been, or is no longer sexual, but who do describe a "rush" or a "high" when they dress or think about dressing (I'm not talking about the TSs, or the CDs who dress for identity and don't get a rush out of this). I think the difference between this definition and just having a personal preference for a particular style of clothing is in the intensity, or the rather deep need to wear the clothing in order to experience the "rush".

[MarissaWB]

Quite an interesting thread. Like some here, I do not feel that I am meant to be a woman, though I have thought about it once or twice. For me, the dressing is all about the feelings I get. Sometimes, the feelings are just a warm comfortable feeling but mostly the result is titillation. I feel more sensual when dressed

[NicoleScott]

There was a thread a while back - "What's your fetish?" Several cd's responded "crossdressing is my fetish". That would fit Reine's definition #2, and maybe in some cases #3. Others said things like "I like pantyhose". That's not a fetish, but a preference, or even just something that people like more than other things, Anyway, those of us that have a fetish know we do. On a personal level, I can't know what it's like to be gay, dual-gender, or TS. Likewise, if you don't have a fetish, you can't really know what it's like.
There are certain things worn by women that cause an erotic response with me, fitting Reine's definition #3 pretty well. When I dress, I like to dress and make up completely, thus adding together the items that can individually excite for a cumulative effect of excitement.
I also agree with Reine's adding "idea". Just thinking about certain things can arouse me. But there's nothing like wearing them.
In some cases there are people who cannot be aroused if certain objects are not present, but these are extreme cases and not a requirement for fetishism. The excitement will suffice for it to be a fetish.
Like other animals, humans are sexual creatures. It's OK to be excited by certain things, and can even enhance bedroom activities, but can be a problem if it interferes with normal life activities. It's OK to have a fetish. If you do, use it for your pleasure. It's not dirty to have a fetish.
Pythos, only you can answer if wearing leggings is sexually exciting for you. If not, I'd call it a preference.
Randee, some of us dress up to look like women because we like the LOOK, just as you like the FEEL.

[sissystephanie]

I dress enfemme because I like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothes. My doing so is not a fetish, I do it simply because I like to!! There is no other reason, nor does there need to be!! And like Pythos, I have no desire whatsoever to be a woman!! Just to dress like one!!

Besides all that, who cares??

[Kaz]

I remember puberty and being unhappy about the way my body was developing and I guess I didn't want to turn into a guy. I think this is when I started cross-dressing, but didn't understand it as that at the time... we are talking about decades ago. It has taken me a long long time to begin to understand all this and most of my life I have been a male with a great family, a great wife and mother etc.. but it was always lurking in the shadows... now I accept it. Is there a sexual element... yes, and increasingly. I feel far more sexually 'aware' when in Kaz mode and I have to admit it the feeling of some of this 'stuff' turns me on... the actual clothing and the associated 'ideas'. I also just more comfortable wearing women's clothes with no sexual or shpould I say sensual element at all... the feelings vary continually. The more I dress the more I wonder what it must be like to actually be a woman and have fantasies... does this make it a fetish? or pervy? Or is this part of understanding the duality of our gendered condition as human beings?

Men are supposed to be sexually aroused by attractive women (by that I mean the clothes, the perfume, the make-up, etc..) - there is an industry built up around this - so if we want to dress like this it must be pervy, becaue we want top attract a male partner, a fetish... whatever? But why do real girls do it? To atrract a male partner? Or to just look as good as they want to within what is available? Women dress in great clothes primarily because they want to, because they like the way they look and feel in them, NOT to attract a mate.

I think our problem as a community is that some of us ARE fetishists, and possibly even wierdos at one end of the spectrum, and at the other are proud/confused to be men in skirts because they just feel great!

And then somewhere in the middle lay the vast majority!

[Kelsey D]

This is such a great topic. I see a lot of the points made here. I agree with most of them, but here is my own view:

I enjoy dressing in women's clothes, because it does feel very nice against my skin. I shave, and it feels even better. The part that I still have trouble with, is why I would want to fully dress up or be made over. Right now, I have only dressed in private and I do get turned on by the way it feels. I really enjoy the way my life has been as a man, and I am very attracted to women naturally. But that part of me does want to be one. They think men are all pervs when they look at and appreciate the beauty of a girl just walking by. I personally would love to look that good and turn heads just by walking down the street.

Does that make me want to be female? I have no idea. I really can't answer that. Sometimes I think I would be better off as one and really be able to live a great feminine life. But then, I was born a male, am sociable and have great friends and family. I have had problems with women getting a relationship, but not a problem "messing around". And I enjoy intimate times with girls. So all in all, I do it because I think I could attract attention, and I am kind of jealous of that gorgeous woman you see walking and every single guy wishes they had a chance. I don't know if this even explained anything at all, but in a weird way, I think the question got answered. The only conclusion I could think of, is I wish I could choose whether I wanted to be male or female every day I woke up. Haha, anybody have those kind of wishes?

[Kaz]

Hi MyCDFantasy, yeah... that's me too! I don't want to date them, I want to be them...?

[InLucidReverie]

My view on this is surprisingly simple, I think:

I like how I look as a man, but I love how girls look also. I want to be able to look my best in any clothes I like... because i like clothes

I don't see why it ever needs more explanation than this... or at least for those who don't feel they should have been female. If I had been born female I would be sat here on this forum talking about the fact that I spend some time dressed in the more extravagant male clothes.

[Angela2me]

Great topic. Everyone is different and the same.
For me, I am male and very happy as a male (an individual male, not a stereotypical male). I want to wear a dress or skirt and top for the same reason girls want to wear a dress or skirt and top, because it is comfortable and appropriate for the situation. I would like long hair for the same reason girls want long hair, because is looks nice. I wear panties because after trying many many different styles and types of underwear, I found a style/material that is most comfortable for me, womens full bikini brief. I do not wear makeup, it does not suit me, like many girls do not wear or need makeup. I wear leggins in the colder months because they are warm and comfortable. I like to sew and make clothing, that is just a crafty interest for me and I am more nurturing than the stereotypical male, that is good for my kids as my ex SO is not very maternal.

I would like to enjoy my fashion tastes openly, but in my world, that is not possible, so I enjoy it in private.

[ReineD]

But why do real girls do it? To atrract a male partner? Or to just look as good as they want to within what is available? Women dress in great clothes primarily because they want to, because they like the way they look and feel in them, NOT to attract a mate.

I think the opposite is true, for women who are still at a sexual stage in their lives. We do dress for men when we specifically dress in a way that makes us feel sexual (as opposed to dressing nicely to go to work for example).

A confident woman will say that she dresses for herself and likely this is true 90% of the time when she wears work clothes, or casual clothes while out with friends or when she deals with her day-to-day life, especially if she is in an established relationship. But, when she does wear sexy clothes, the styles that are designed to attract and entice, styles like the short skirts and 4 inch heels, the silky plunging blouses, the sexy, hugging sweater dresses, etc, I can guarantee you the purpose is to be attractive to men. Women don't dress like this when they're alone.

Another facet of this is, fundamentally women have been socialized to want to maintain a certain image that is pushed by the media. We are inundated with ads that hold an impossibly high beauty standard (beginning at age 5 with the Barbie doll), that tell us how we should look if we want to be beautiful. Although many women become more confident as they age and don't necessarily prioritize fashion and makeup as they did when they were younger, when they want to attract men they do put on a face and wear something they feel will attract men, since they've been told from the time they were 5 that they should look a certain way if they want to be attractive.

So, yeah ... women who want to look specifically sexy, mostly do this for men, just like the CDers who want to walk down the street in beautiful dresses because they wish to turn men's heads:


I personally would love to look that good and turn heads just by walking down the street.

yeah... that's me too! I don't want to date them, I want to be them...?

[Kathy4ever]

I dress because I like the material. In the beginning it might of started as a sexual arousal. Thank god I'm over that stage. I did not like getting turned on by my better self. I thought that was creepy or embarassing even though at the time it felt good. I just plain like the materal,colors, accesories,make up, especially the choices of shoes woman have. Mens cloths are just boring. Over the past few years I've noticed more colored shirts for men but pants colors are still the same in choices of black, grey, dark blue. Same can be said of mens shoes. Boring, Boring, Ugly, Ugly. Give me me a skirt and nice top and heels any day.

[Raychel]

Sure way back when I started crossdressing it was totaly a sexual thing. But now as I am older and hopefully a bit wiser, I dress purely because I like the feeling of fine womens clothes. I mean, Have you ever put on a nice silky dress. What is not to love about that.

[Rachel Lea]

How many here just love the clothes and styles, and would like the freedom to wear such without dealing with social repercussions?

I love the clothes and styles, but they also are a fetish. I would like to have been born a
girl so that I would not have had to deal with the social repercussions. I believe some of the clothes are a fetish for real girls but it's just not commonly perceived that way.

[Jilmac]

I can totally agree with you Pythos, I too, love the feel and look of feminine attire but have no desire to actually be a woman. That said, I believe the term "fetish" is derogatory when used to describe the pure pleasure derived from the clothes we choose to wear.

[Pythos]

women who want to look specifically sexy, mostly do this for men, just like the CDers who want to walk down the street in beautiful dresses because they wish to turn men's heads:


This is stated as if it is fact.

Well in my case it is NOT. I do not dress the way I do to turn mens heads. I dress for me, as well as to turn EVERYONE's heads, male or female. I also dress to attract the attention of an open minded female that may find my appearance intriguing.

I also do not think CDs in general dress "sexy" just to attract men. I think they just like the clothes, and the feelings associated.

[TGMarla]

I also do not really have much in the way of a desire to turn men's heads. However, I openly admit that when I'm all decked out to the nines, I turn my head, and it stands to reason that my look would attract the attention of other men. This to me is only an unwanted element of my feminine experience, since I'm dressing only to please myself. I do not walk down the street in beautiful dresses because I want to turn men's heads. I do so because I love wearing those beautiful dresses, and I love looking like I do when I'm wearing them. I love the way I feel when I'm presenting this way. But it comes as no surprise to me that it would attract male attention.

[jenna_woods]

my self I like all women's thiongs and like being a women as much as I can

[Frédérique]

Is it a fetish? If it is a fetish, is there necessarily a bad thing being done? My understanding of fetish is it is a sexual attraction to an inanimate object, that MAKES IT NECESSARY for that object to be around in order to have sexual relations. (something along those lines). I for one like the feel of the clothes first, and the appearance of the styles second. I have next to no want of being a female. What is your take on this perception that in my book too many people have.

Last year I wrote the following…

Fetish: This is any object, animate or inanimate, regarded with a feeling of awe, as if it has magical powers. If you give excessive devotion or blind adoration to this venerated object, you are a practicing fetishist. Fetish can also mean any nonsexual object that excites erotic feelings, which leads to fetishism. We MtF cossdressers discuss our many fetishes all the time, be they nylons, panties, dresses, heels, or whatnot. Personally, I worship my skirts, and I believe they have magical powers. This comes from a lifetime of having to wear pants! It’s always a pleasure to wear one’s fetish and feel transformed. Of course, I think it’s all in the mind, exactly the place that needs healing and comforting the most...

Sexual attraction to an inanimate object is only one way of defining “fetish.” Once again, we are dealing with lazy connotations accepted by society, to put a label on something one does not wish to understand, or does not wish to deal with, or does not FEEL to begin with. It’s easy to call a penchant a “fetish” and place the crossdresser on the pile of perversion, along with all other types of human behavior that exist only in the realm of the senses. The pot cannot call the kettle pink, because the “pot” doesn’t understand the reasoning behind it…

Since you prefer leggings, and you write about them incessantly, I would say they ARE a fetish, but not the kind of fetish outsiders talk about. Do you believe that your leggings have magical powers? Do you worship them? Is it impossible for you to live without them? I think a love of inanimate objects, in this case female clothing, fuels the desire to wear the venerated garments and acheive a kind of euphoria, akin to drug use. Labeling this blessed state merely a result of fetishistic behavior does a disservice, weakening the crossdresser’s resolve and forever marking the purveyor of ignorance as a drab, insensitive bigot…
:straightface:

[Pythos]

Actually Frederique I do love to wear leggings, but they hold no magical powers, or anything like that, and to be honest if I could more freely work in my skirts and dresses into my daily wear, leggings would not have as big a part in my wardrobe as they do. But, you see, leggings are more accepted on males, than skirts or dresses in "normal" society. So, I am limited to my leggings usually.

That is most likely why I seem to "incessantly" write about them, though if you look in my pics I have posted here, they do are not what I show off. I show off my dresses, skirts, and ocasional a legginged "fem" outfit.

I just find them more comfortable than jeans (which everyone seems to wear), and I like their look.

If, I have a fetish because of this, then so does every woman that wears jeans everyday. :P

I would not like to live without them as an option, but then again I would not want to be limited to DRAB styles either. I like what I like.

I fully agree with your closing line too. It is a tremendous diservice to lable a defined preference a "fetish". I could have sexual relations with a female, without leggings, but I would prefer wearing that which I like ( that is until she takes the item off. LOL)

[Babeba]

We can thank a man by the name of John Stuart Mill (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stuart_Mill)for the agonizing and depressing lack of variety in our modern men's fashions today. He was the purveyor of Utilitarianism, a doctrine of stark recititude and bland conformity, lacking variety in fashions in favor of the black coat and tie. If it served no more function than to clothe oneself, it was considered frivolous.

Funny, I always thought it was Beau Brummel who really got things going in the direction of all men's fashion being similar. He was emulated for having great style.

[Pythos]

They are both chumps. LOL

[Princess Chantal]

During my "dressing down to blend" stage of my crossdressing life, I wasn't enjoying the time. I wouldn't say that I wasn't happy, just the fact that I would have enjoyed the time and experiences more if I were to dress in my preferred clothing rather than the clothing in which I assumed would be more accepted by my peers and the general public. It's easier and more enjoyable to satisfy yourself than to satisify others.

[DebbieL]

Many people, both men and women, find certain clothing "sexy" or arousing. When women go "clubbing", with the intent of just having a really good time and maybe getting laid, they wear the fun clothing that makes them feel sexy. They might be turned on by leather, latex, satin, or lace. They might be turned on by hosiery of specific types (stockings vs panty-hose, black vs nude...). I've even dated women who loved it that I didn't want them to "strip" and enjoyed spending time and seducing them while they were still dressed.

What makes it different for men is that woman wear their other "normal" clothes as appropriate for the rest of their lives. They might wear the short shorts - because it's hot, or the leggings and boots, because it's cold. They might wear jeans so they can wear thermal underwear underneath. They can wear the pants-suit to work, and the sweatshirt and jeans and dirty sneakers to go shopping at Walmart.

When men get dressed up, we are overcoming years, even decades, of repression, of being forced NOT to wear such things. We want to look as much like women as we can, we want to be beautiful, or at least pretty, and we want to wear all that stuff we were never ALLOWED to wear as men.

Wearing clothes that we feel would make a woman look beautiful, that would make her look sexy, sensual, and desirable, would naturally tend to make us feel sexy and beautiful when we wear it. Since we are wearing the "sexy clothes" it's not such a big shock that we would be aroused by wearing these items. Of course, those first excursions into dressing up are often very private, and we don't want anybody else to know. We often wear the clothing of our mothers, the stuff she wore to church, or to a party. Or we wear the clothing our older sister would have worn to church, or to a date, or to a party. How many stories have you heard where the dressing started with wearing mom's tattered old house-dress and terry-cloth robe that she washed once a week?

The "fetish" kicks in because we have to sneak, steal, and hide our dressing up, and at the same time, we get sexually aroused by the experience, which intensifies the shame and guilt, but also intensifies the desire.

Transsexuals who have to live 24/7 as a woman quickly learn that they have to dress "situation appropriate". This may mean wearing the long jeans and flats and keeping the make-up light and natural looking. This also makes it easier to "pass" because they don't attract the extra attention that would make men, women, and children look much more closely and spot the little "tells". As they get more experience doing it every day, they tend to blend in and seem even a bit "plain". You would have a hard time telling the difference between an experienced transsexual and a housewife. She might even add a few extra pounds, since she doesn't have to always be the hottest looking "chick" in the place anymore. This is one of the reasons why the Benjemin protocol requires that you live 24/7 as a woman before doing the irreversible parts of the M2F change process.

There is nothing "wrong" with a fetish, unless it reaches the point where you create a destructive situation. For example, if you reach teh point where you can't tell your wife, so you have to go to prostitutes to enjoy your fetish, that could be a problem. If there is one thing that is more important than anything else, it's being honest with your partner. If you are in a committed relationship and you've kept it a secret for years, that can be a real issue, but it can be managed. It's important to share the factors that made you afraid to share your secret as well as your fear of losing her.

Ideally, you want to be as honest as you possibly can as early as you possibly can. I finally reached the point where I put pictures of myself in a dress on my Match.com profile. Lots of women saw that and moved on, but there were a few that were VERY interested. One was terrific and we ended up getting married. Ironically, we haven't had boy-girl sex since about 2 months into our dating. We have found things that we both enjoy so much more, and since I'm more than happy to do the things she loves, she loves doing the things that I love.

Keep in mind that when you tell her, she may have something completely unrelated to sex that she wants from you. She might want you to do the laundry, or be the maid, or take her dancing, or take her shopping with you. Be ready to do what she wants from use as long as it's not illegal, unethical, or harmful to others in any way. She will quickly realize how important this is to you, and will want you to do the things that are most important to her.

The good thing, at least for me, was that once my partners knew about my being transgendered, they realized that when I was checking out the girl in the short dress, I was actually checking out the DRESS, and maybe the shoes, and perhaps even checking for stockings. Wondering where she got it, if they have it in my size, and if I would look as good as she does, and where I might want to go dressed like that. Sometimes, they would even spot an outfit they know I'd like, and have me take a peek.

[SweetIonis]

What is inherently feminine about long hair? If men were indeed meant to wear short hair, would their hair not fall out after reaching a predetermined length? Much like a short haired cat, or dog?

What is inherently feminine about makeup?

My look in fem/androg mode is only feminine because I use many items that in our culture are feminine.

If a female, is not a fan of the "girly" look, and therefore takes a look that is more masculine, does that mean she wants to be male?


Because we are not omniscient, it is difficult to understand what is in someone's mind. However it is not impossible. The way to do that is to observe external behavior. By observing a person's behavior over a sufficient length of time, it is possible to get a pretty good understanding of what is in the person's mind, if you know what to look for. There is nothing inherently masculine or feminine about any inanimate object. It is the usage of the object in a particular context that has the potential to make it become associated with masculine or feminine activity. I would say that, IN GENERAL, that the exhibition of behavior involving a high level of usage of objects that are associated with feminine activity, is an indication of some sort of desire to be female, particularly if it is accompanied by a high level of denial, or denunciation of the usage of such objects in such a fashion. But to make an exact judgement, would require evaluation of the person on an individual level.

[sandcastle]

Yes, for me it is mainly a love of the clothes and styles, and it would be great if there was real freedom to wear such without any social repercussions.

I strongly suspect it started for me from my experimenting with the forbidden/disapproved. As a teenager I relished the few times I was able to have longer hair. Playing around with this at home, you wonder what a skirt is like on, then you think this should go with tights, then it looks silly without a blouse, and that doesn't look right without underwear and then it's shoes and then make-up and jewelry. Next you're wishing it didn't have to be in secret.

And the only way you think you'ld get away without mockery, social death or being beaten-up, is if you do it so well that no one suspects you're really male.

And thus because you rarely get to do it, turns into a forbidden fruit that spends too much time on your mind as you plan how you can get away with what is really a fairly mild activity.

Sandra

[janeyb]

i dress in female clothes as i love the feel of the material, there are so many options available, they have better cut in pants, i love feeling girly, i love the feel of heels

[BlondeFarrah]

Fetish, smetish! I don't know and don't care!

All I know is; EVERYTHING about dressing and appearing female TURNS ME ON!

OK. Me too. Since I was a teen, I was crazy for high heels, boots, skirts, furs, women's hats, opera gloves, make up etc. Everything relationed with "female - women - ladylike" is associated in my brain with sex and pleasures. Everything which is totally different with male's world.

Of course, "male" and "female" are social constructions. But they work for me

[prettytoes]

I simply love the clothes. I feel much more comfortable in a mini skirt than any shorts (I do like the tight women's workout shorts I wear to lounge in). Much more airflow to the boys. I like the way a sport bra feels while I'm riding my bike or working out. I love the feel of satin panties sliding under my clothes, and I like the way bikini panties fit me. I also like all the pretty patterns and colors they come in. I sleep so much better in a cami and shorts set, or a strappy nightie than any male pajamas. I love painting my toenails and looking down and seeing a pretty color, and the feel of a cute little toering. I have never had a pair of sweat pants that are as comfortable as snug, stretchy yoga pants. I like the way mascara makes my eyelashes look.
It just feels "right" to me when I am dressed in women's clothes. I feel comfortable, relaxed, and at ease. I have no desire to become a woman, and I certainly would never fool anyone with my build (the mustache is also pretty much a game ender). I am only attracted to women (one in particular...my wife), and I love being a man. I'm not sure what the term is for this, but it makes me happy and that's what matters!