How girly is your SO

[joanna marie]

I was wondering if there is a relationship between how girly your SO is their acceptance of you.

I've noticed that some of you with accepting SOs talk about sharing clothes,earrings and other items. And you enjoy going out as girlfiends.

My Wife has not been accepting or understanding since she found out.We've been together for 40 years and she has never been what you would call girly.And has never really seemed to enjoy being female. She is not into clothes,shoes lace,or any of the sterotypical GG stuff. Nor does she have close girlfriends.She is the only girl in her family and was rasied with 3 brothers and a very girly mother.

I can't remember the last time I saw her in a dress.I wonder if this is part of the reason that she can't understand why a Male would want to enjoy all joys of the Fem world.

So I ask those of you with an accepting SO, How girly is your SO or any of the GGs that accept your crossdressing?

Do you think that there is a relationship between the two.

[Kittyagain]

That is really interesting. My wife is very supportive, loves to wear a dress and is just as keen on pretty clothes as i am.

Another Cross Dresser I know said the same thing as you did about his wife. She was not girly at all and hated his dressing. He called it the white, cotton, panty syndrome.

Kitty

[lynn_lynn]

recently separated from my SO. I cant figure her problems out, and not very lady like is she anyways.. drab drab drab. or as I like to put it .. slob slob slob.

[joanna marie]

My wife has aslo told me that she never liked playing with dolls or playing dressup as a child

This thread may be a useful tool for those of you looking for an accepting Spouse or girlfriend in the future
Instead of dating a future X-wife

[Eryn]

Hmm, I find "girly" a bit hard to define. My accepting wife likes comfort but can be very feminine when it is appropriate. For the purposes of this post I'll define "girly" as "preferring to wear overtly feminine clothing and makeup"

My feeling is that there is little correlation between girliness and acceptance. Acceptance is more related to the SO's investment in the relationship and I've seen devoted SOs that range from plain to overtly feminine.

You might find a correlation between girliness and participation (actively helping the CDer with clothes and makeup) simply because the "girly" SO possesses the skills to participate in that way.

[SarahLynn]

Strange but the more I move into the fem side my SO moves away from hers. I wear skirts and blouses because i don't (and never have) worn dresses. Wiffy has gotten rid of all her skirts and now only wears pants. She no longer wears nylon underwear (except for bras), has no pantyhose (tights), and seldom wears jewelry.

SarahLynn

[Rachel Morley]

My wife is fairly girly, but she will tell you that she wasn't always as girly as she is now. She says that being married to me and helping me develop my feminine side has influenced her to do and enjoy more girly things than she ever used to do.

[debbeelee1]

My wife is very supportive and she's fairly girly as well. She tends to want me to dress more mainstream while I prefer to dress more wild and crazy.:battingeyelashes:

[Danni Renee]

I think there might be something to your theory. I started a similar thread when I first joined with the position that I felt my SO was very supportive of me because she was very girly and therefore not threatened by my dressing. This opinion was not supported by others on the forum but I am not certain there is not something to it. When I came out to my ex-wife recently, she was somewhat accepting. But she also has turned it up a notch, so to speak, on her own femininity. She is always trying to dress nicer around me now and getting her hair done and nails done etc. like she wants to show me she is super girly. I attribute this change to me challenging her feminine side. I do believe that the relationship between two people plays a major part in who is accepted and who is not but I also believe there is a lot more to it than that.

Danni

[Alice B]

My wife is accepting and understanding, but chooses not to participate. We have arrived at an acceptable and working agreement. That said, my wife is a very attractive woman for her age, but not at all girly. It is not her style.

[PyrateSilly]

I am the SO of Sherina. I can tell you that she has always been more "girly" than more. We joke around that she is "worse than a girl" when it comes to shopping, clothes, make-up etc.
Would she like me to be a little more "girly"? Probably and I only wear pink at times cause I know that she likes to see me in it. I will also wear more girly things places that I know that she can not so that in a way she can sorta feel it thru me (does that make sense?). Not many know that she CDs.
Have I stopped being girly? Nope. Do I feel the need to compete? Nope. We are separate people and as such we will always have different tastes in what we wear. That is normal.
I have to actually stop myself at times when talking about stuff like this or anything about people being different and remember that not everyone is as accepting as me and that things that don't matter to me does matter to others. We have tried to teach both the boys "treat others how you want to be treated". We will do anything for anyone, if they need help we will try our hardest to help if we can or try to point people in the right direction for help and we have tried to instill that in them also.

[Babette]

The true symbol of my wife's support is seen in all of my outfits and presentation. When it comes to fashion sense, there is none better than her. I am hopelessly lost without her assistance. Girly does not describe her at all. She is a lady through and through.

Babette

[JohnH]

My wife never wears dresses or skirts. However, I wear them all the time. She accepts my wearing those items of clothing. She has told me that if one of us has to wear a dress or a skirt, it will be me.

Johanna

[erica2]

My wife is supportive and is VERY girly, and has been since I've known her, which is for quite some time before we ever even dated. We been married for 6 years now, and she is ALWAYS very lady-like even when she's not in a dress. It's just the way she is (and the way I like it!). She has slightly different tastes in clothes than I do, however, she has picked up very quickly on what I like. In drab, I'm conservative, and I tend to go the same direction en femme.

After our initial conversation regarding my history of CD-ing, she told me that several things now made sense, most of them to do with color choices, styles I liked her in and so forth. She recognized my feminine side for what it really was at that point.

Never in the time I've known her as my GF first, then my wife, has she ever been any thing other than girly. And I love it!

I am Erica 2

[Raychel Torn]

My wife is very supportive and very girly, but has not always been so. She loves to shop with me and I dress in what she thinks is sexy. We both have fun with it. My first wife was not girly at all and not supportive at all.

[Samantha43]

My wife rarely wears dresses, skirts and makeup. Is she girly? I think she is even though she doesn't wear clothing that most of us would consider "girly". She is a naturally beautiful woman who is comfortable with herself. She'll dress up and wear makeup when she needs to, but normally she prefers to be comfortable. We joke with each other about how screwed up we are. I like makeup, skirts and heels. She likes jeans and tennis shoes.

[larry07]

My wife is a jeans and t-shirt type of gal. She rarely wears a dress, doesn't own a skirt or any heels and never wears makeup. She likes sports (participating, not watching). She is, however, every inch a woman. Clothes and outward appearance don't define her gender any more than they do mine. We have a great deal in common and love each dearly and are best friends. She is very accepting of my CDing. Any limits that I have are mine, not hers.

[gigififi]

i my self never have been very girly i have been more on the tom boy side , my s/o for being a cd is not really to feminine but dresses way more girly than me i was never the type to wear heels but since i have been more accepted of his c/d i find my self dressing up more and even starting to wear heels

[Nigella]

What a load of :BS:

Acceptance has got nothing to do with how "Girly Girly" a female is, it has got everything to do with trust. Who can define such a broad statement as "Girly Girly", it could only be a MAN who defines a female in such a way.

Acceptance is part of the relationship that is forged between two people who do not hide things from each other, and no this is not a rant or dig at those who haven't told.

If your SO knows about your alter ego early on in the relationship, that alter ego does not affect the relationship and the feelings of the SO are taken into consideration, then IMHO the SO is more than likely to accept the alter ego of their partner.

[Joanna41]

As many of you know who have followed any of my posts and seen my pictures, I have one of the most supportive SO's on this forum and she is very "girly" She loves to wear dress's, different shoes and sandals. She likes to try her makeup different ways, her hair different ways. She likes my opinion on what she tries. So with her being the way she is on herself, Hope really enjoys dressing up Joanna in all the ways she likes to be "girly" With that all said I am so very happy and blessed to have such a wonderful lady wrapped into my soul.

Joanna

[TxKimberly]

My wife is pretty much a Tom-boy. While she did wear dresses and skirts from time to time 20 years ago, it was never something that she terribly enjoyed, and she hasn't worn one now in at least 17 years. I have often wondered if I am to blame for that? Maybe she figures that it isn't worth it to"compete" with her own husband. . . :(

[Tina B.]

I've got to agree with Nigella on this one, my wife has not worn a skirt, or dress in more years than I care to remember, and make up is only when needed to go out in public. Her blouses look more like a mans shirt than a womens, and she never wears heels. I've never worn my hair anywhere near as short as she does. And I'm the only one around here wearing nylon undies. This is the kind of woman that accepted me for what I am, and took me shopping to dress me, the very same day I told her the truth about myself, after 5 years of marriage. She may find it strange, that anyone, male or female, would like to dress up, wear a bra, when you don't have to, or bother with make up just for fun, but that does not stop her from encouraging me to live my life the way I do, and enjoy my feminine side. She is also terrible to go shopping with, I'll find something I like, and want to buy it, and when she is done, I have 4 or five new outfits, instead of the one blouse I was looking at, she is the type that will find all kinds of things that would look good with it. But I suffer thought it all, and say thanks, and wear it all happily.
It doesn't matter to us that I'm girly, and she is not, because we both love the other for just what they are to us!
Tina B.

[Schatten Lupus]

Mine isn't very girly. But even is she was a very girly person, she would still have had the same background that lead to her being as accepting and encouraging as she is. And I agree that being girly has nothing to do with it. Being girly and being hateful or intolerant are separate learned behaviors.

[PretzelGirl]

How can you define girly? I'll bet most of us would define it differently.

My wife is an extremely supportive spouse who participates. She generally doesn't wear skirts and dresses. She doesn't wear make-up. Those are things that many here tend to think of when they think of girly. But she likes to be comfortable. She loves animals and loves to cuddle with our pets. She takes the soft side on all issues. She is emotional. She is caring. She loves pretty things. She can roll-up her sleeves and get it done when it is necessary. She can be tough when she has to. And she is always there for her family.

I don't know about everyone else, but I will say that I can never be as girly as her.

[TxKimberly]

How can you define girly? I'll bet most of us would define it differently.

My wife is an extremely supportive spouse who participates. She generally doesn't wear skirts and dresses. She doesn't wear make-up. Those are things that many here tend to think of when they think of girly. But she likes to be comfortable. She loves animals and loves to cuddle with our pets. She takes the soft side on all issues. She is emotional. She is caring. She loves pretty things. She can roll-up her sleeves and get it done when it is necessary. She can be tough when she has to. And she is always there for her family.

I don't know about everyone else, but I will say that I can never be as girly as her.


Awesome post, and lucky lucky you to have found someone like her!

[Stephanie47]

My wife use to be very "girly." That was forty years ago. She had a great figure and was totally height to weight proportional. She dressed in very attractive clothes-mostly dresses for that time period. When not wearing a dress, she wore shorts and a tee shirt for comfort. Really cute. She was really aware of her sexuality. Fast forward forty years and she has packed on the pounds. Her BMI is over thirty. It has caused loss of self esteem, which may be the reason for packing on the pounds. She use to wear sexy lingerie. Now she wears old granny nightgowns. She does not own any nylon panties. Makeup for work only and then it is just lipstick.

I like watching the make overs on the Friday edition of the Today Show. I think the makeovers are fabulous. Most of the before women look like something the dog dragged in from the backyard. After the transformation they really end up being attractive. Yes, the viewer can still see their aging or faults, but, it is obvious they can look great. I always think being girly is a negative term- kind of like being called a ditzy blond. A manner of acting out.

My wife could look attractive and/or sexy, if she wanted to. Sometimes I think she wants to be unattractive. Actually, I think my desire to look as best as I can en femme makes me want to look the best I can be en homme. And, I do not mean the manly equivalent of girly.

[suchacutie]

Sue has it completely correct. This "girly" issue, I think, is a facade that doesn't speak about the hearts and souls of our SOs. My wife taught Tina about being "girly" from makeup to fashion sense to how to giggle! Does she wear makeup every day? She did when she worked, but not now. Does she look fantastic when we head out to some occasion (wedding, etc)...you bet she does!

What Nigella said is a lot of what acceptance is all about. Women grow up being taught how to be a "girl", just as men grow up being taught how to be "boys". Acceptance is a very complex issue, likely connected with not only our specific relationship but also with the life history of our SO or potential SO. A really "girly" SO who was brought up to think that crossdressing is perverted is going to be a harder "sell" because there is just so much more to overcome, a "sell" that's harder if interpersonal trust issues are involved.

I think it's going to be hard to correlate acceptance with an SO who choses, or choses not to act in what we might call "girly".

tina

[Claire Cook]

A couple of thoughts. First, down here in this part of Florida women usually don't wear dresses or skirts, particularly if not in an office or fancy restaurant - yet they are obviously feminine / female (unless presenting butch??). Second, we may be interpreting what "girly" is from our perspective -- which is probably not their perspective. As others have said, my wife hasn't worn a dress in years -- and she is certainly more female than I can ever hope to be.

[Kittyagain]

Joanna Marie, I wonder if Girly would be better defined in this thread as someone that is very happy to be a woman. I know that is odd but it seems like supporting SOs described here really seem to be very happy and confident as a woman with or without girly clothes and the such.

Kitty

[Farrah Rose]

My wife is fairly girly, but she will tell you that she wasn't always as girly as she is now. She says that being married to me and helping me develop my feminine side has influenced her to do and enjoy more girly things than she ever used to do.

Yes this discribes my wife. She was a SUPER TOMBOY when she was younger and still kinda is. When i first met her she played like every sport in Highschool and wasnt nessesarily girly. But being with her since then, ive seen she has gotten extrememly girly from what she was. In HS she probably had 2 pairs of sneakers period, and now she almost has as many pair of heels as i have shoes. (and im sneaker head) :p lol. I think ive influenced her alot. Before i came to terms with my crossdressing and her knowing of it we would hit the malls up and shop and i would willingly help her and give my opinions etc. I loved doing it and she loved trying on stuff and so as the years went on she became accostumed to shopping and doing more "girly things".

[Laura Evans]

Whether ones SO or spouse accepts or not accept us has nothing to do with their "girlyness" but is more a matter of their attitude and beliefs about life in general and about the people that inhabit this world, especially those different than themselves. My SO, who is very accepting, has an open attitude about people who see the world differently and never batted an eye when she was told about my CD'ing early in our relationship. She is not "girly" but is slowly changing that as she sees me out and about. I was married to a "girly" women who totally rejected me although that was not the cause of our divorce. My two cents worth of opinion.

[joanna marie]

Joanna Marie, I wonder if Girly would be better defined in this thread as someone that is very happy to be a woman. I know that is odd but it seems like supporting SOs described here really seem to be very happy and confident as a woman with or without girly clothes and the such.

Kitty


Thank you Kitty ,
that is a another way of looking at it

[ReineD]

I've always been all over the place with my girliness.

During teenage years I wasn't overly girly, and neither were my friends. We were immediately post-hippy era and we just liked to wear "cool" stuff. But, I did dress up when going out, just not all the time. As a young career woman I opted for the sleek, polished, professional look but this was during the 80s when women wore business suits with wide shoulder pads. Not particularly girly either, but decidedly feminine. During the child rearing years I wore whatever I could wash 'n wear easily along with my kids' clothes. Jeans and Tshirts. But, I did still dress up nicely when my ex and I went out.

When I met my SO I was taking a lot of classes and dressed like the other college girls with jeans and cute tops. No sneakers though. I've always refused to wear sneakers outside of a gym, but still not particularly girly. But, when we started to go to alt clubs for drag shows and my SO was dressed, I went over the top girly (well, more like vampy), since I felt I was in competition with the young women who were there that I felt he admired. And I also ramped up the wardrobe, because I knew how much he admired nicely dressed women and I wanted him to admire me. I didn't do it because I felt threatened by his own presentation.

Lately though, I've been going through a lot of difficult stuff and I'm back to taking a minimum effort with my presentation. I still wear summer skirts and tops, but with easy flip flops and minimal jewelry and makeup.

I've always supported my SO no matter where I was along the girly spectrum. :p

[charlytuna]

my wife isn't very "girly",neither am I. we both have the same taste in clothes but not each others, Our sizes are far apart size 46 & 40. She very surportive of my dressing and when I some time alone she give it. Of course I never went out dressed, not fully dressed .

[kimdl93]

my wife is supportive and quite feminine. Of course, there are lots of times when she (and I) prefer a t-shirt and shorts for just hanging out

[Sarah Doepner]

Sue cut to the chase on this one. No, my wife isn't girly, as defined by clothing and makeup, but she is a woman from the skin through to her soul. All the affectations are unnecessary and possibly a distraction from getting what needs to be accomplished done. My crossdressing is mostly superficial, attempting to get the girly look that she doesn't need. If I do it properly some of the barriers can fall and some of that ellusive girly, feminine attitude and mindset becomes visible and with luck and effort accessible. It will be the difference between saying "That's such a cute pair of shoes." because I'd like some and saying it because I feel happy for the person who has them on her feet. I'm still working on it. Wish me luck.

[Rhonda Darling]

My GF can be a girly girl when she wants to turn it on, but on the average day, she dresses well for work, but can't wait to get out of her bra, shoes, and anything tight. At home she's as casual as can be. When I'm in femme mode, I'm the opposite. Can't dress at work, but love to get home and get DRESSED. I'll do the whole shootin match just to cook dinner and take out the trash. Actually changed to undress mode at the end of the work day and drove home with small breasts clearly showing to any other driver who chose to look. Completed the outfit as soon as I came through the door to the house. We compliment each other rather nicely.

Rhonda

[diannecourtney]

Tx Kimbery oh you are thee toughest competition!!!

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Joanna,

Your question has really got me thinking as well, my wife is much like your own in regards to her own and feminine side and that of her mother also being very much a lady.

She also would have preferred I not have a fem-side, but understands it is a part of who I am.

I think the comparison of others situations may help us understand better your question.

[Jennifer in CO]

If there is satin and lace worn in this house, its by me. Wife wears plain cotton panties and bras, plain t shirt for sleeping, and 99% of the time is wearing t shirts and jeans. Course, most of her time is out in the barn so a dress/heels wont work there but you get the idea. I have worn a dress since she has, and that was almost 2 years ago.

Jenn

[bomba]

Strange but the more I move into the fem side my SO moves away from hers. I wear skirts and blouses because i don't (and never have) worn dresses. Wiffy has gotten rid of all her skirts and now only wears pants. She no longer wears nylon underwear (except for bras), has no pantyhose (tights), and seldom wears jewelry.

SarahLynn

hi sarahlynn, it sounds to me like your wife is experiencing roll reversal. maybe the more you feminize brings out a deeper repressed masculine side of your wife.try casually to sugest she use a strap on with you see how she reacts.you just might open up what could be a very awsome exciting change in your married relationship.

truly you are a awsome woman. your husband is so blessed to have you

[Tara D. Rose]

My wife is very girly or very, very feminine. She has small hands and feet. She cannot throw straight, like a Frisbee or darts, she can’t even hit the dart board. She works on her looks everyday all day long. Will not go out anywhere unless she is freshly showered and hair and make up all done. She has such a pretty face, and when I met her on our first date downtown, her eyes mesmerized me, her smile was so perfect to me and when I hugged her and held her hand as we walked, I looked back at her and instantly fell deeply in love. She’s not tomboyish at all. She was raised with 2 sisters and no brothers. She hates all sports. She has never even peed in the woods and never will. She is constantly filing and doing her nails as we watch television. To me she is beautiful.
In her panty drawer all of her panties have to be strategically laid in place one atop the other and about 2 inches down from the one below it. It’s like a store display at Macy’s. She says Tara is very pretty and she dances with me on date nights in our party room. She rarely wears jeans at all. So feminine is she. One day, I’d love to put work boots on her and some work pants and a flannel shirt and a ball hat on her just for fun.
Love & respect...........Tara

[hunterloveshose]

Maybe it's a matter of how much one is into new clothes and new styles generally...

My partner of 12 years is m to f transgendered, and I've been with her through every step of her transition. We met in the late 90s, both en drag at a fun cabaret Trannie night club which used to be held every Tuesday night in San Francisco (Trannyshack)... an urban, cosmopolitan experience. Fierce, but fun and "queer" meant in the political sense. Accepting of all stripes.

I am more of a crossdresser than she is, but I would say that means truly for me a fixation on the "vestite" side of things. Meaning, in boy mode which I do enjoy being a dashing handsome guy too, I like newer clothes and lots of new shoes too. She on the other hand is more practical in her tastes, but day to day is less concerned perhaps with the whimsy than I am. This mostly manifests itself with me underdressing in exquisite lingerie, professional pedi/mani, where as she is perfectly fine in cotton panties and the same colored, long lasting pedicure, etc. She's never had any trouble passing and is a natural super tall and always thin, long hair type. She naturally just is femme apearing, even before hormones or electrolysis, etc.

Perhaps too, she has an advanced degree in software engineering, where as I'm more right brained with a fine arts degree in music... She often yields to my visual and even cullinary tastes too.... Its easier for me to come up with those kinds of ideas. Who knows really, but we balance each other out greatly. She's a tomboy and always has been, where I was kind of the pretty boy, who wants to remain that boy, as long as I'm allowed to be pretty (ie clear, shellacked manicure, fit body, take care of my skin). However, she can spend hours say at a fabric store and want to make a new dress or coat by hand, etc. Where I hate that kinda thing...I'd rather go to a car museum, or go look at say model airplanes or something like that, or obsess about military history. Weird too is that she likes hockey and baseball mor than I do...again perhaps because she was a star athlete in high school, and I was a band and choir geek.

When I'm in a good mood, and am fit and into looking good in clothes, whether male or femme, it can influence her to dress up some, but the obsession part of it remains with me really. I think we're very well matched and of course extremely accepting of either of our gender variance and encouragingly so, but I trend to fetish/obsess over femme clothing than she does. You wouldn't think so with who we are, but it's a neat mix.

- h

[StephanieC]

My SO is not supportive, assuming this is just a phase. She is not girly-girly, and said that a number of times tonight. (Short story..I bought two gift certificates at a spa. We had this week off and she was planning on user the certificates but as of today, had not make an appointment. When I finally volunteered to make the appointment, we find no openings the rest of the week. Since my daughter is only in town this week, she complained about my wife delaying so long. My SO remarked that she was surprised and is not a girly-girly so could not be held responsible.) So, definitely not girly-girly.

[KylieA]

My wife is not very girly. I can only recall her wearing a skirt once since our wedding almost 25 years ago. We go out to a nice restaurant, she wears jeans and a t-shirt. I'll be more dressed up. I also figure I have a better clothing sense then she does. She like most of the clothes I bought her better then her own choices. I say she is look warm on supporting my cross dressing.

[AmandaM]

My wife is a former college cheerleader. She works at a bank and wears skirts and heels daily. She uses makeup, etc. everyday and loves jewelry.

[kymmieLorain]

funny thing is my SO is a tomboy. Has been since I've known her, since I was 5. That girls is over 40 years.

Kymmie

[Babeba]

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? I can't be taken as girly unless I wear lots of makeup and nylon panties???

Ugh. FTS.

This thread is making me feel upset with how superficially some of you are judging your partners. There are many of you (Sarah Charles, Tina, Claire, Kitty, Laura Joanna, et cetera!! Also, Nigella, I think I love you more with every post I read) who I think really are hitting the nail on the head, here - that what's inside your spouse/SO is the innate and important part of her. But many of the other posts on here are not ones which make me happy.

Wearing shorts, pants, trousers, button-down shirts or flat shoes does NOT make a woman any less female (or by extension, any more or less accepting than what she is on the inside.) These things CAN be sexy and feminine. If a woman spends about five minutes brushing her hair, her teeth, and checking to make sure she doesn't have any ridiculous black marks on her teeth before she goes out, she's not any less a woman than someone who spends three hours on her hair - and it DOES NOT MEAN THAT SHE SECRETLY WANTS TO BE A MAN. Or that she would appreciate the suggestion that she strap one on so you can take it for the team.

Seriously, we're not all in a big competition for a 'feminine' trophy. That is not what is on our minds when we dress every day. Maybe some of you need that time to get into your female zone, but newsflash? We don't. Please don't judge your wife's motivations by the same yardstick you need for yourself.

Do you want to know a secret? I wear dresses quite often. It's not because I want to be a girly girl fashion plate, it's because I own a lot of damn comfortable dresses and I don't have to dig through for a shirt that will go nice with my shorts, or be long enough to cover that bit of my jeans I need to sew up but keep forgetting to. I wear tights or leggings and slips because it gets pretty damn cold here sometimes, and I can layer them for extra warmth. It's like having a blanket around my legs and waaay easier to remove when I need fewer layers than having to take off pants, then tights, then put the pants back on. (Did I mention I was too cheap to buy thermals?) Frankly, I'd rather not spend the extra time or effort when I'm in the middle of doing something, and DEFINITELY don't want to roast or shiver when I don't have to.

That's right. I wear dresses because I'm LAZY. Why would I go to the effort of pulling on two pieces of clothing (that I would have to THINK about putting together) when I could just put on one?

Oh yeah, and a kneelength dress and leggings means I'm neither flashing my panties (Cotton, thank you very much) or getting my bike chain caught in my jeans (causing them to rip and me to fall) when I want to go ride my bike for errands.

So all of you who figure that your wife can't deal with you dressing because you're more feminine than her, or that because she doesn't wear dresses or skirts (Shock! Horror! The world will END!!) she isn't accepting - Grow. Up. We are more than our clothes. So are you. So is your relationship.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? I can't be taken as girly unless I wear lots of makeup and nylon panties???

Ugh. FTS.

This thread is making me feel upset with how superficially some of you are judging your partners. There are many of you (Sarah Charles, Tina, Claire, Kitty, Laura Joanna, et cetera!! Also, Nigella, I think I love you more with every post I read) who I think really are hitting the nail on the head, here - that what's inside your spouse/SO is the innate and important part of her. But many of the other posts on here are not ones which make me happy.

Wearing shorts, pants, trousers, button-down shirts or flat shoes does NOT make a woman any less female (or by extension, any more or less accepting than what she is on the inside.) These things CAN be sexy and feminine. If a woman spends about five minutes brushing her hair, her teeth, and checking to make sure she doesn't have any ridiculous black marks on her teeth before she goes out, she's not any less a woman than someone who spends three hours on her hair - and it DOES NOT MEAN THAT SHE SECRETLY WANTS TO BE A MAN. Or that she would appreciate the suggestion that she strap one on so you can take it for the team.

Seriously, we're not all in a big competition for a 'feminine' trophy. That is not what is on our minds when we dress every day. Maybe some of you need that time to get into your female zone, but newsflash? We don't. Please don't judge your wife's motivations by the same yardstick you need for yourself.

Do you want to know a secret? I wear dresses quite often. It's not because I want to be a girly girl fashion plate, it's because I own a lot of damn comfortable dresses and I don't have to dig through for a shirt that will go nice with my shorts, or be long enough to cover that bit of my jeans I need to sew up but keep forgetting to. I wear tights or leggings and slips because it gets pretty damn cold here sometimes, and I can layer them for extra warmth. It's like having a blanket around my legs and waaay easier to remove when I need fewer layers than having to take off pants, then tights, then put the pants back on. (Did I mention I was too cheap to buy thermals?) Frankly, I'd rather not spend the extra time or effort when I'm in the middle of doing something, and DEFINITELY don't want to roast or shiver when I don't have to.

That's right. I wear dresses because I'm LAZY. Why would I go to the effort of pulling on two pieces of clothing (that I would have to THINK about putting together) when I could just put on one?

Oh yeah, and a kneelength dress and leggings means I'm neither flashing my panties (Cotton, thank you very much) or getting my bike chain caught in my jeans (causing them to rip and me to fall) when I want to go ride my bike for errands.

So all of you who figure that your wife can't deal with you dressing because you're more feminine than her, or that because she doesn't wear dresses or skirts (Shock! Horror! The world will END!!) she isn't accepting - Grow. Up. We are more than our clothes. So are you. So is your relationship.

Well said. Women and men are more than the packaging; its whats inside that counts, at least for me.