Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?

[mymysterycd]

Am I strange or is this common?: Everytime I'm dressed, I desire being with a man. I remember going out on a date one night, and since I don't dress in public he picked me up in guy-mode. As I was in guys cloth I just chatted with the guy as we were heading to his place...I had the least of attraction to him..it was just two guys riding around. Then, when we got to his place I dressed up and became Lisa, and from then on I was just the total girl. When we went out to our date I was such a lady and felt so good being admired by him. I was all over him and it was such a romantic date. Does anyone else feel this way? If you will like to know more about me just visit my blog at mymysterylisa.com. Thank you.kisses...Lisa
http://mymysterycd.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/blkteddy_lk.jpg?w=214&h=488

[juno]

It is very common for people to have a female personality that differs from their male personality. Having multiple personalities is very common, such as people that become jerks when driving. That is why "multiple personality disorder" was renamed to "dissociative identity disorder", which is where the identities don't know each other.

For many people, that personality difference can be enough to include a different gender preference. My female self definitely has more interest in men. If I was not married, I am not sure how far it would go.

[VioletJourney]

You wouldn't believe how common it is. My theory? CDing gives you a different perspective on gender that breaks your inner "taboo" against homosexuality and makes you heteroflexible at best.

[Pythos]

I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL

[Marissa]

Lisa, with that pose, anything I said before just went out the door :) you look like a very well toned woman.. and its okay to have those feelings.. many do.. its a persona we take on..and with it comes everything else... some are drawn to only women or other cd/ts..some to men.. so if that is what you feel..its okay..be who you want to be..when you want to be.. that is called 'freedom of expression'..

Hugs,
Marissa

[Aeron]

I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL


I see it that way, myself. I've never been attracted to men, whather I'm dressed femme or not. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Rachel Morley]

Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?
I think this is known as "bi when dressed" .. personally it's never interested me, but I think I understand that the ultimate "accessory" to being a T-girl when dressed (better than any purse) is to have a man on your arm. :)

[DebbieL]

The short answer is that this is not unusual at all. There are a number of dynamics involved.

Personally, I didn't really enjoy sex with ANYONE unless I was dressed. Having sex as Rex was a betrayal of my "True Self". When I did have sex as a man, with a woman, I could get an erection but I didn't climax. Sometimes, I would go deeply into fantasy world and imagine myself dressed up with the girl I was with while she was dressed up. That would be enough to get me over the top, but not terribly satisfying.

Getting dressed up and being seduced as a woman, whether by a woman or a man, was validation of my "True Self". In reality, I had split my personality into the male identity I was forced to be, even though most of the time I didn't want to be a boy. Because of this I had to lie, to pretend to be something I didn't want to be, I had to try to play with other boys, even though I knew that most of the time I would end up getting physically abused by the other boys. Eventually, I even started taking theater courses and literally learned how to "Act" like a man by creating and enacting male characters. From about 12 to 17, I wasn't very good at acting like a man, and most men, and women, assumed that I was gay. Men would try to come on to me, and I let them know that I was not interested, but I might be able to introduce them to someone who would be. Soon I was the social director for the gay community at my high school.

The onnly tme my feminine personality would come out was when I was very inntoxicated. At that point, I went from the bashful boy to the ****ty girl, who liked girls. All of the girls figured out that if a girl wore a skirt, and waited until I looked them in the eye through the corner, and gave them the "****ty smile", all she had to do was ask me to help her find her coat and she could have my head up her skirt until she had multiple orgasms and wanted me to stop.

When I finally told Leslie that I was transgendered, and she seemed to accept it, I could be honest with her, and I wanted to marry her. When she decided she didn't like my feminine side, I had to go back to lying and acting.

When I finally started going out in public, and started going to dances and clubs, it was much more exciting. By then I was seeing a therapist who was taking me through the Benjemin process. He gave me assignments. He had me go to 12 step dances, gay bars, straight bars, and lesbian bars. There were only two bars in Colorado that had lipstick lesbians, but they weren't interested in me.

What was great about the gay bars that had cross-dressers, was that there were men who were more than eager and wanted me. I loved their attention, the validation, the affirmation of my femininity, and knowing that I was desired and could have sex if I wanted it. There were a few times when I a really attractive man would make a nice offer, like a ride on his bike, and I knew that if I had been drinking or drugging, I would have gone with him in a heartbeat.

Eventually, I discovered that bisexual women really enjoyed Debbie, and that they also enjoyed being seduced as women but having the security and stability of men. I could offer both. Ironically, many of the bisexual women I dated were "tom-boys" and were more aggressive, more sexually aggressive, had lower voices, and had a bit of extra weight. Ironically, they enjoyed getting "dressed up" for sex. Wearing a bit of lingerie was a great way for them to draw attention away from their stretch marks, the extra weight, or breasts they considered to be either too small or too large, and other "imperfections". They felt sexy, and they made me feel sexy.

The nice thing about dating men as a woman is that you can have easy sex, the men are eager to please, and they want you to keep your lingerie on. On the other hand, it's harder to find men who are looking for long-term commitments. They might want Debbie in the bedroom, but they didn't want to have to take her to dinner and a show. Or most other public places for that matter.

[Barbara Dugan]

I crave being with a guy all the time but is way lot more fun dressed or undressed as a girl

[SweetIonis]

It's okay as long as you don't pick up the soap if you drop it! LMAO!!!!

[Mistybtm]

Oh yes very common I have been with guys dressed and not dressed, for me it feels more natural when I am dressed up but i like it both ways as well.

[Tina B.]

Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?
Well lets study this, 1.are you married? 2. do you have a girlfriend? 3. Do you feel shame,or guilt, after having been with a guy?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's probably wrong, but if you answered no to all three questions, what could be wrong about it, have a ball, oops, no pun intended.

[Vieja]

We come in all flavors. I am strictly a ladies man but at my age I wouldn't be much use to any of them.


Vieja

[Sheren Kelly]

Consider that you may not be turned on by the guy as much as by being affirmed in a feminine role.
(That is to say you don't crave sex with a man as much as you want to experience a relationshipp as a female.)

[christina s]

I guess it's safe to admit this here. This is one of my biggest fantasies to be the girl in the bedroom .

[Schatten Lupus]

What isn't OK about it to begin with? I think having sex with a guy having guy parts myself would be kinda awkward. Not in a grossout or uncomfortable awkward, but just weird. But once that issue is taken care of I think it would be awesome.

[janet1234]

When dressed I occasionally find myself morphing into a horny female persona.
It's fun.

[Stephenie S]

Of course it's OK.

That is unless you're married, have kids, or you are in a committed relationship of some kind. Then it becomes NOT OK pretty darn quick.

Many macho guys harbor secret homosexual fantasies. This is perfectly fine. There are NO rules until you make a commitment to another person (such as marriage).

If you are not in another committed relationship go have a good time! And PLEASE don't feel guilty about it.

Stephie

[Kittyagain]

To me the defining difference is can you fall in love with another man as one gay man would with another gay man. A bisexual person accepts sex with another man but is incapable of falling in love with a man. Just always good to know where you are.

Kitty

[Aprilrain]

What isn't OK about it to begin with? I think having sex with a guy having guy parts myself would be kinda awkward. Not in a grossout or uncomfortable awkward, but just weird. But once that issue is taken care of I think it would be awesome.

It's not as bad as you might think. just sayin!

[sterling12]

If you want us to give you an Approval. The Short Answer is probably "No!" We don't spend much time passing judgment on what others do or don't do. Many will express "An Opinion," but you will have to decide what is right for yourself, irregardless of what we opine.

However, there is one very large Caveat, and typically around here you will catch a lot of Hell for it. If you are married or in a relationship with someone, most of The People around here would give you a very large ration of manure about that. Why???? Because that's being Unfaithful. Lots and lots of Folks around here won't care for that, and they will be quick to tell you so.

So, if you want some of us to opinion "Yay or Nay," please give us a bit more background.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Anna Bee]

It's more than okay, it's fabulous :)

[docrobbysherry]

If you want us to give you an Approval. The Short Answer is probably "No!" We don't spend much time passing judgment on what others do or don't do. Many will express "An Opinion," but you will have to decide what is right for yourself, irregardless of what we opine.
Peace and Love, Joanie

As far as "approval", what Joanie said!

As far as understanding becoming bi just by changing your clothes? I probably never will! But, that's MY problem, Mystery, NOT YOURS!

[whowhatwhen]

I guess it's safe to admit this here. This is one of my biggest fantasies to be the girl in the bedroom .

Same here, OP it's definitely fine.

[StarrOfDelite]

It's definitely fabulous fun to be undressed as a girl with a man. As other posters have noted, it's common for CD's who desire men sexually to not feel aroused by them when dressed in DRAB. I've found myself looking at guys in stores and wondering what they're like, what do they look like naked, are they nice people, and stuff like that, and I daydream about them, but always in my daydreams it's Ingrid (my girl name) who is with them.

There is nothing wrong about being a man with another man, mind you, but, as Barb M. said, it's more enjoyable as a girl.

[mymysterycd]

Thank you for such straight and honest answer docrobbysherry!

Hi Joannie, thank you for the very detailed reply. I was looking for just about any type of answer, and yours is one of the best I've read. I understand about cds who have a relationship with a girl and hide away elsewhere with a man...I'm not into that personally, and even though I'm single, I still won't do such a thing with a married man or one that has a girlfriend. I posted an ad looking for a man and boy did I get many offers from guys who had a relationship and wanted me on the side..."everything paid for" I know, what the heck were they thinking. So, now I'm single, and happy especially now that I found this community. I'm even having more fun with my blog, which I started as a means for guys to read about what I was looking for...now it has turned into my little activity when I have time...check it out if you like... ww.mymysterylisa.com it's only a blog with pics, vids, and some...detailed..fantasy stories..erotic. anyway, will love to hear from you again. Thanks again. take good care. kisses....Lisa

Hi Stephie, thanks for the wonderful reply. I'm not in any commited relationship, and I have rejected men who are in one and want to be with me. It's very nice to hear your side of my questions. Thank you. Kisses...Lisa

ah mmm....yup....me VERY TOO! and it feels awesome. But I then ground myself and make sure I'm meeting the right guy.lol. THanks for the honest remark janet! kisses...Lisa

I hear you Christina....as I definite have to be the girl in the bedroom...no questions asked! and believe me, no guys has ever confronted me for it! lol. Kisses....Lisa

Thank you for your honest comment Misses, but I wouldn't say that...if you're an older woman, you posses what most of us youger ones don't posses, to be wise, and that along can carry to very nice fulfilling conversations with the right man!...kisses...Lisa

Awesome straightforward answer Tina! I'm not married, nor have a girlfriend. I'm being more cautious about finding the right guy now because most have lied about being single. But I'm not looking for one right now, my job, daily chores, and my blog keep me very busy for now...actually that's how I started my blog...by creating it and posting what I wanted in a guy, until of course it turned into a fun activity...you can see it if you like at ww.mymysterylisa.com. Thanks again Tina. Kisses...Lisa

[ReineD]

I understand that the ultimate "accessory" to being a T-girl when dressed (better than any purse) is to have a man on your arm. :)


Consider that you may not be turned on by the guy as much as by being affirmed in a feminine role.
(That is to say you don't crave sex with a man as much as you want to experience a relationshipp as a female.)

Exactly! If you were gay, Mystery, you'd be into men all the time. I'm sure you've heard before that the biggest sex organ is the brain. If, when you are in girl mode you are feeling a sexual "rush" or a "high", it makes sense this would be the kicker for you more than an attraction to the guy you're with.

I could say that what you're doing isn't conscionable since you are using him just to feel feminine, but, he's doing the same thing by treating you like a girl, when what he really wants is your guy parts. So, you're both on an equal playing field and it's OK to enjoy!


A bisexual person accepts sex with another man but is incapable of falling in love with a man.

That's not accurate. Bisexuals have physical and romantic attractions to either gender.

[mymysterycd]

Thank you for the nice reply...I can really relate! Kisses...Lisa

Hi Barbara, thanks for the honest reply! You're looking very pretty!. Kisses....Lisa

[Badtranny]

Lisa,

I'm going to stick my neck out again and say something that many here will disagree with.

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

Unless, you're TS, and in that case you'll only be gay until your transition, then you'll be straight. It's all very simple isn't it? ;-)

[xcdmargo]

I am definitley attracted to guys when I'm dressed (and girls) but have absolutely no interest in them if I'm not. I know some people talk about it as if it's homesxuality but is it really. if we are in girl mode in every way and have sex with a guy, does that make us gay? I wonder? I tend to feel more gay when I have sex with a female when I'm dressed then a guy.
I don't really care but I wonder.

margo

[ReineD]

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

This is true. Either Mystery is gay, or she is bi but only gives herself permission to be bi if she is dressed. A straight CD might well fantasize about using a man as an accessory to enhance her femininity, but would not enjoy the actual sex act.

[Kaitlyn26]

I've heard this a lot lately. Seems to be less rare than one might think. Not sure if I'd say common though.

[mymysterycd]

Debbie,
Thank you so much for such a wonderful in-depth reply to my post. I don't even know where to start, you have covered all the points I was wondering about. Now that I'm in my 30s, did I start dressing and exploring my feminine side. I've made attempts at meeting the right guy and have ran into situations as you have described. It feels great to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way, and that it is ok. I have learned a lot from your reply and for certain will keep it in mind as I explore my Mystery Lisa side with the next man. It's funny how I went from trying to meet the right man that will take me dressed up, to getting involved in this forum and working on my blog which now is a great activity during my time off...similar to what has happened to you when you ended up as the director of the gay community at your high school :) Congratulations! By the way if you will like to see my blog you can go to ww.mymysterylisa.com or just google " mymysterycd blog"...there's so much I want to share on my blog now as I began to learn more each day in this wonderful forum. Once again, thank you for such a great reply, you have made many things clear for me. Take care. Kisses....Lisa

[linda allen]

I guess it's safe to admit this here. This is one of my biggest fantasies to be the girl in the bedroom .

That's a fantasy of mine also. I'm sure it will stay a fantasy. To start with, I'm married and I love my wife. Sex with anyone else would be cheating. Also, I don't know a man who I would be comfortable asking him to "do" me.

Now if my wife would dress like a man and add the necessary equipment, I would do it in a heartbeat.

[Jennaie]

Wish it were all that simple tranny but, not being attracted to men when not en-femme is very prevalent among dressers who find themselves attracted when dressed. That said, it's not as easy to say "Oh you're gay, you just don't know it yet." It has to find a middle ground somewhere because when he's not dressed he's attracted to women. Way to complicated to analyze in a couple short sentences. Perhaps the desire to experience being a woman comes into play as well. Maybe it's not a true attraction to men but the desire to feel like a woman that creates this quite common trait with many dressers. I don't know but I do know that I'm not going to tell someone "hey, you're gay", thats not my place.

By the way, I personally never met a gay man who loved dressing as female. The only men I have met who love dressing as a female are crossdressers and transsexuals. All the gay men I have met have no desire to be female or dress female. Yes, many like to dress with color but not like a transsexual or a crossdresser who is wearing panties and bras. So my answer to the original posters question is yes, it's ok to explore your desires, whatever they might be.
Lisa,

I'm going to stick my neck out again and say something that many here will disagree with.

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

Unless, you're TS, and in that case you'll only be gay until your transition, then you'll be straight. It's all very simple isn't it? ;-)

[Jill Devine]

I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL

Ditto for me too. Very common mindset for CDs.

[Badtranny]

Jennaie,

Well my opinion about his sexuality is hardly a life sentence to gaydom.
I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation. I love men and it wasn't easy for me to accept that, but the heart wants what it wants.

I think we should encourage each other to be honest with ourselves.

[ReineD]

That said, it's not as easy to say "Oh you're gay, you just don't know it yet."

What about being bi and not gay since there is also an attraction to women in male mode, and the clothes give the wearer permission to switch? It's not uncommon for CDs to separate their gender personas in order for the guy self to give his girl self permission to come to the surface. Hopefully, eventually there will be integration and then the person in question can be flexible with sexual attraction no matter how dressed?

If, after the actual experience with a guy, a CD thinks it is wonderful and wants more, then he is most definitely bi, assuming of course he is still sexually attracted to girls. If not, then he is gay. A hetero CD might fantasize about it as a vehicle to enhance his femininity, but IMO would not enjoy the experience once all the clothes are off.

Sorry, Mystery, for talking about you in the third person like this, but once you start a thread around here it often becomes a topic for debate! :p

[laura.lapinski]

OP, of course its OK to crave being with a man when you are dressed. As long as you are not hurting anyone, nor they hurting you, its OK to do whatever two consenting adults want to do.

As far as this common trait among CD's whole are only attracted to men when dressed, don't you think if they have come all the way to the point of dressing up, going out, and coming out to maybe some around them, that it would be a pretty small step to say "hey, you know what? Throw gay into the mix too. I think I'm gay." Why would they want to "lie" to themselves about being gay or not at that point? Many would say "oh, its because subconciously, then are gay." Well, I don't think so. Maybe in some cases, but I would say the majority are pretty well grounded in who they are and what they like and want. I've seen too many of them who are saavy about psychology and have studied themselves indepth, so I have to believe them at face value.

Like others have said, most gay men like a macho looking gay guy, not a femenine one. Most CD's (I said MOST not all) who might like guys, seem to like more femenine ones. The old saying goes "we emulate that which we admire". So a lot of the Cd's are just emulating the beautiful female form that they adore. Maybe they want to feel the alluring power a woman has over men, to make those men dote about them. That is a pretty powerful attribute the ladies have. We men can do some stupid things to try to get a woman to like us. That's just the way we are put together I suppose. I suppose women to their own stupid things to try to get certain men to like them too. Stupid is even the wrong word to use (sorry). If we are concious of our thinking, we can difuse some of the powerful spell's we can fall "victim" to. Isn't life amazing?

[seanmuscle]

Jennaie,

Well my opinion about his sexuality is hardly a life sentence to gaydom.
I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation. I love men and it wasn't easy for me to accept that, but the heart wants what it wants.

I think we should encourage each other to be honest with ourselves.

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

[BRANDYJ]

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

And you get your facts where? From other posts you have made, I assume you are a male admirer. So I can see where you would like to believe that most crossdressers are closet gays or bisexual. It's self serving for you to think that and say that. However, most polls, studies and statistics say we are not gay, closet or otherwise. Sure some are in fact gay or bisexual, but clearly it is not most as you would like us to believe.

[Kaz]

Jennaie,

Well my opinion about his sexuality is hardly a life sentence to gaydom.
I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation. I love men and it wasn't easy for me to accept that, but the heart wants what it wants.

I think we should encourage each other to be honest with ourselves.

To be truly honest with ourselves requires the ability to accept others' points of view and not to be judgemental... otherwise you are not being honest. I am reading a lot of dogma on this thread with very little evidence based reasoning.

It isn't about changing your sexual orientation by wearing a dress, it is about understanding who you are as a person. And thanks Sean for summing me up so succenctly - I am a closet gay or bisexual. Nice one. Evidence? What do you know about my context and situation?

It is so easy to have little boxes to put people in, whether they really fit or not, as long as they do for you. Now who is being the more honest? The person seeking to understand? or the person seeking to 'box' everyone into their own belief system?

[Barbara Dugan]

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

I think a great number are more bisexual than gay..the same goes with admirers but then again nothing about human sexuality is set on stone

[ReineD]

Most CDs are closet gays or are bisexual. It is just their male side that cannot accept their attraction to masculine men. They try to hide and supress their feelings and put down pretty CDs like yourself who live openly and freely.

Sean, with all due respect, here we go again! :p

How many times have you said this in these forums, and have been shot down by CDers who are not attracted to men at all! Please, do try to remove your tunnel vision. Although it is true there are CDers who are attracted to men (and to the OP, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're not going behind a wife's back), there are many more who are not. Why can't you see this?

[BRANDYJ]

Well said Kaz. No doubt this kind of thinking comes from a gay or bi male's viewpoint since it's the cover they need since they can't admit to themselves that they are bi or gay, so praying on crossdressers somehow makes it OK to be bi or gay.

Thank you Reine! As usual, you have a great way to express what many of us feel.

[ashes]

This is a deep and controversial subject. In my opinion there are several ways to look at it and several questions to be asked. In addition there are nlimited sets of circumstances affecting the situation.

The questions first. 1 Is it a need for a romantic relationship, flowers, dinners, long chats on the back porch, ETC., or is it a strictly physical need. or as a third possibilty, is it a desire for the full experience of a physical and romantic relationship

2. In most cases, the male is sexually dominant. Is it a need for a "man" or is it a need to be in a submissive position as women often are.

3. When en femme what emotions is the individual trying to achieve? For example, if someone crossdresses because feminine clothes feel nice, then it is a different scenario then dressing as a woman with a desire to be a woman, at least temporarily.

Now for possible perspectives.
1. Some view a mtf crossdresser with a man as strictly gay. If the individual has no desire to feel feminine, just to wear clothing that is more comfortable, etc. that is a logical conclusion. However, if someone is taking on a female personna, full blown homosexuality is less logical.

2. If the individual has no sexual preference not related to the gender role at the time, then they are bisexual. This is a fact.

3. It is very difficult to place a label on someone whose sexual preference changes with gender. Here are some subscenarios.
1. The person changes preference with gender. This could be labeled as bisexuality. However the argument can be made that if they percieve themselves as a woman, then being with a man is a hederosexual relationship.
2. The person prefers one gender regardless of their gender role at the time. How is this labeled? are the bisexual in an inverted way? or are they straight becase of the genetalia they posses. This should not apply to transsexuals as they are a decided gender, regardless of their bodies at birth.

These are perspectives and concepts i have drawn from reading this thread. To anyone i may offend, i apologize.

My personal opinion is that every situation is different. I enjoy a sexual and romantic relationship with a woman. When i crossdress, i do so to feel as though i am a woman. I do not have the desire to be full time, but enjoy spending limted time in a female role. When in that role my sexual preference would be submissive in a female to female relationship.

[NathalieX66]

Sean, with all due respect, here we go again! :p

How many times have you said this in these forums, and have been shot down by CDers who are not attracted to men at all! Please, do try to remove your tunnel vision. Although it is true there are CDers who are attracted to men (and to the OP, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're not going behind a wife's back), there are many more who are not. Why can't you see this?

Reine, thank you. :thumbsup:

As much as I have been admired by men, and it's an interesting feeling being admired (call me a narcissist if you like), I have no interest in men. trust me, I ave been to gay & lgbt bars as well as TG events where there is quite a mixed crowd. I've had guys chase me all night. I've had sh*tloads of drinks offered, i've been asked to stay at hotel rooms, I've been touched, groped, you name it. I'm even someone who has many gay friends, I just don't feel like them.

This is not a latent lack of self acceptance, I'm just not into guys, never was. Call me a lipstick lesbian if you want. Trying to pin down sexuality is too complex .

[Badtranny]

This is not a latent lack of self acceptance, I'm just not into guys, never was. Call me a lipstick lesbian if you want. Trying to pin down sexuality is too complex .

Yes, but that's not what the thread is about. The OP clearly stated that she likes men when she's dressed up.

It's the age old question; Does this make me gay?

[Adriennegrl]

Ahh, this topic is one I'm currently exploring. There's a thread in the TS forum, but the 'answers' are a bit different than for a CD. Either way it's tricky and full of grey lines. I don't think there's a general answer, although I'd say it makes a CD at least bi if they prefer the same sex in female mode. Reine and others have chimed in w/ much deeper thoughts so I'll leave them to that. I'm catching up on the forum after three days gone and am overwhelmed catching up!

[Anne Teak]

I'm bi, both dressed and not dressed. I could never be in a real relationship with a guy but love the sex part. I find I enjoy it more dressed than not dressed though.

[Aprilrain]

I would have sooner blown my head off (almost did) than have sex with a man as a man. That is how powerful homophobia can be. Transitioning has given me the ability to accept myself and I'm not talking about hormones, I accepted my attraction to men before I started taking hormones. I said all the same things I have heard here some of which seems to be CD mantra. I'm sure these things are true for the people saying them but they were not true for me. The fact is dressed or not my sexual fantasies as far back as I can remember consisted of me be a woman with a man (or girl with a boy when I was younger) I kinda wish I would have let my self be "gay" because now hormones have rendered me useless so while sex is fun for sure it is orgasm-less.

OH and Misty is not a CD we're not sure what she is yet : P love ya girl!

[seanmuscle]

I would have sooner blown my head off (almost did) than have sex with a man as a man. That is how powerful homophobia can be. Transitioning has given me the ability to accept myself and I'm not talking about hormones, I accepted my attraction to men before I started taking hormones. I said all the same things I have heard here some of which seems to be CD mantra. I'm sure these things are true for the people saying them but they were not true for me. The fact is dressed or not my sexual fantasies as far back as I can remember consisted of me be a woman with a man (or girl with a boy when I was younger) I kinda wish I would have let my self be "gay" because now hormones have rendered me useless so while sex is fun for sure it is orgasm-less.

OH and Misty is not a CD we're not sure what she is yet : P love ya girl!

exactly. Couldnt have said it better baby

[ReineD]

exactly. Couldnt have said it better baby

You can take one person's position and believe her. This is rational.

What is irrational is to take one person's position and apply it to everyone else, in just about every thread on this board that you can. I don't know if you're capable of understand this or not. It doesn't appear so. But, there is always hope. :p

[StarrOfDelite]

To amplify on the "My two cents for what it's worth" which I posted earlier in this thread, (and 2 cents might be more than what it's worth!): When I first became intrigued by transsexuals, I was curious if I was just a Gay man trying to hide my homosexuality behind a skirt and high heels. I've never been one to hang back from doing things, so over the years I dated transvestite/transsexuals as a man, I tried man with man sex, I tried transsexual on transsexual sex, I tried myself as the male with a transssexual, and all the while I still tried to enjoy sex with gender girls. Maybe it was the people that I chose for the experiment, who knows, but I definitely found that I enjoyed being the femme bottom with guys more than being the male top or versatile with another CD/TV, more than being a gay male versatile/bottom with other gay men, and more than being either a masculine man or a sissy sub with gender girls. It didn't have anything to do with guilt, shame or homophobia. This is what feels right to me. In my case at least, I think this is 'hard-wired' in my brain, and doesn't have much to do with society or self-revulsion. The only thing that society did is keep me from the search for self-realization for 40+ years. Once I got started, the result was inevitable. One thing I'm fairly sure of is that I am not a Gay Man trying to hide my homsexual tendencies by pretending I am a woman. I am something in-between the male and female sexes, and, good/bad/indifferent I have my own life issues to address.

So, getting back to the thread question, Is It Okay to Crave Being With a Man Only When I'm Dressed as a Girl, I think that if your nature inclines you that way it is Okay as Hell!

[seanmuscle]

To amplify on the "My two cents for what it's worth" which I posted earlier in this thread, (and 2 cents might be more than what it's worth!): When I first became intrigued by transsexuals, I was curious if I was just a Gay man trying to hide my homosexuality behind a skirt and high heels. I've never been one to hang back from doing things, so over the years I dated transvestite/transsexuals as a man, I tried man with man sex, I tried transsexual on transsexual sex, I tried myself as the male with a transssexual, and all the while I still tried to enjoy sex with gender girls. Maybe it was the people that I chose for the experiment, who knows, but I definitely found that I enjoyed being the femme bottom with guys more than being the male top or versatile with another CD/TV, more than being a gay male versatile/bottom with other gay men, and more than being either a masculine man or a sissy sub with gender girls. It didn't have anything to do with guilt, shame or homophobia. This is what feels right to me. In my case at least, I think this is 'hard-wired' in my brain, and doesn't have much to do with society or self-revulsion. The only thing that society did is keep me from the search for self-realization for 40+ years. Once I got started, the result was inevitable. One thing I'm fairly sure of is that I am not a Gay Man trying to hide my homsexual tendencies by pretending I am a woman. I am something in-between the male and female sexes, and, good/bad/indifferent I have my own life issues to address.

So, getting back to the thread question, Is It Okay to Crave Being With a Man Only When I'm Dressed as a Girl, I think that if your nature inclines you that way it is Okay as Hell!

Very inspiring story. Be proud of who you are. Do not let other CDs and gg put you down for liking men and how its just a fantasy.

[ReineD]

Very inspiring story. Be proud of who you are. Do not let other CDs and gg put you down for liking men and how its just a fantasy.

Sorry Sean, but you got it wrong again. CDs don't put down other CDs for liking men. CDs who don't like men resent being told that they do like men. Can you see the difference, even just a little bit? :p

Since I'm the only GG who has posted in this thread I take it you mean me, and I also support the CDs who like men if this is their sexual preference. But, I do see the big picture too and I become impatient with anyone who comes in here insisting on painting everyone with a broad brush, like you do.

[StarrOfDelite]

Sorry Sean, but you got it wrong again. CDs don't put down other CDs for liking men. CDs who don't like men resent being told that they do like men. Can you see the difference, even just a little bit? :p

Since I'm the only GG who has posted in this thread I take it you mean me, and I also support the CDs who like men if this is their sexual preference. But, I do see the big picture too and I become impatient with anyone who comes in here insisting on painting everyone with a broad brush, like you do.

Reine: I have never felt that I was disparaged by anyone on the forum, whether CD or GG, regarding sexual orientation. Sean seems to have drawn the wrong conclusion from my last post. I was merely trying to encourage Lisa to explore her motivations, take the time to get knowledge and experience, and use those resources to draw her own conclusions about who she is and where she is going. The advice of well-meaning people can be useful, but whether any bit of wisdom is applicable to a specific individual is something that can only be tested in the crucible of said individual's life.

[ReineD]

Sean seems to have drawn the wrong conclusion from my last post.

I know, Starr. :hugs: I've never seen anyone put down for their sexual orientation here either, by other CDs or GGs.

[DonniDarkness]

I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation.

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.



Badtranny you're my favorite person of the day. Just sayin.

-Donni-

[Badtranny]

Awww thank you Donni baby, but you really shouldn't encourage me. ;-)

[Tina P Hose]

Men as men, repluse me sexually. Gurls,(Men), turn me on so much. The thought of a hairy guy makes me sick. But IF I had the chance or situation,(if you will), I may condider the situation sexually. IF he treated me as a gurl/girl, I may do it or may not. YES, I would love to have sex with another CD. But this sight is not about sex, so never mind.

[AmandaM]

I've done a lot of thinking on the subject. I am attracted to women while in drab, and mostly attracted to women while in drag. I do have occassional fantasies about being with men while dressed. But only two things happen, I'm either on my knees, or having intercourse. At no time do I ever think about kissing men. Or caressing their bodies. It just doesn't do anything for me. I've even seen gay porn, and it did nothing for me. The porn that does interest me is lesbian, sissy with woman, or "once in awhile" a sissy with a man who usually has a female partner there too, a threesome. If the porn is a man and woman, I'm jealous of her not him. Somehow, my desires are always woman centered. I'm with her, or I am her. What does this say? I'm certainly not gay, I'm probably not bi. Somehow, inside me, there is a female sexual identity as well as a male sexual identity. I think with CDer's, the female comes out sexually at times. To me, it's clear that this definition is the "best fit" for crossdressers. I think you're only bi if you like men while in man mode too. If you can't cross that boundary, I don't think you can call yourself bi even if you commit a generic bi act with a man while dressed.

[Badtranny]

I don't think you can call yourself bi even if you commit a generic bi act with a man while dressed.

Sheesh. So you fantasize about giving a blowjob, that does not make you bi. If you actually do it, and you actually like it, then all of the philosohical contortions you can muster won't change the fact that you are indeed bisexual.

It's really quite simple. Straight men don't enjoy giving head to men. Hell, most straight guys won't even take one from another man. I realize that sexuality is complicated and there is a lot of space between straight and gay but if sexual acts with men don't make you gay, they at least make you a little bit bent wouldn't you say?

[AmandaM]

Sheesh. So you fantasize about giving a blowjob, that does not make you bi. If you actually do it, and you actually like it, then all of the philosohical contortions you can muster won't change the fact that you are indeed bisexual.

It's really quite simple. Straight men don't enjoy giving head to men. Hell, most straight guys won't even take one from another man. I realize that sexuality is complicated and there is a lot of space between straight and gay but if sexual acts with men don't make you gay, they at least make you a little bit bent wouldn't you say?

Bisexual means you are attracted to men. Masculine, hairy, rough, tough, angular facial structure, blah, blah. I just don't feel it. I don't understand how people can be attracted to that. But! I am, sometimes, attracted to "being a female having sex". So, I don't think you can define that the same way as bisexual. If you can make the case, I'm listening.

[Badtranny]

If you can make the case, I'm listening.

omfg I think I love you! ...but not in a gay way ;-)

Let's put it like this, I love meeting new guys and I'm not scared of a one night stand either. The men I am attracted to are exactly what you would describe as icky. I love big, strong, masculine guys with bad attitudes. So in that way, you and I are completely different. However, you have a lot more in common with my boyfriends, because they are only attracted to girls like me. Not hairy, Not masculine, Not big, etc.

Using your logic, than my guys are straight. Using my logic, they may identify as straight, but they ain't really straight honey. I may be adorable, (ahem) but I still have a penis and there is still only one way to "take" me. I can't imagine my men with an actual man, but physiologically, we are definitely having gay sex. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful and I love it waaaaaaaaay more than sex with a woman but I'm not nearly delusional enough to believe that the way I feel in my heart has anything to do with the attraction that some men have to feminine men.

You and my BF can have beers and talk about the latest tranny that you bagged and you can convince yourselves that you're straight, but you will never convince me because I know I don't have a Va JJ and I know that you know it too.

[Aprilrain]

omfg I think I love you! ...but not in a gay way ;-)

Let's put it like this, I love meeting new guys and I'm not scared of a one night stand either. The men I am attracted to are exactly what you would describe as icky. I love big, strong, masculine guys with bad attitudes. So in that way, you and I are completely different. However, you have a lot more in common with my boyfriends, because they are only attracted to girls like me. Not hairy, Not masculine, Not big, etc.

Using your logic, than my guys are straight. Using my logic, they may identify as straight, but they ain't really straight honey. I may be adorable, (ahem) but I still have a penis and there is still only one way to "take" me. I can't imagine my men with an actual man, but physiologically, we are definitely having gay sex. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful and I love it waaaaaaaaay more than sex with a woman but I'm not nearly delusional enough to believe that the way I feel in my heart has anything to do with the attraction that some men have to feminine men.

You and my BF can have beers and talk about the latest tranny that you bagged and you can convince yourselves that you're straight, but you will never convince me because I know I don't have a Va JJ and I know that you know it too.

OMFG i think i love you more than you love AmandaM! The only thing I will add is that Badtranny speaks from experience where as many here are speaking from theory or simply trying to explain the thoughts in their head. Go out and give it a whirl and wether you like it or not you will then know for sure. to bring it back to the OP the point is why have shame about what you like sexually or even think you might like sexually? I don't think we were designed to hate our selves though external influences can certainly lead us there.

[ReineD]

Well, Badtranny (Melissa) & AmandaM I've got to say that I love you both for speaking about this so honestly. Missy, you're telling it like it is physiologically, and Amanda you're relating more to your mind's perceptions.

Amanda, I'd like to make a suggestion for you to either consider, or throw away. It's just a question, really. Based on the idea that you've figuratively split up your personas between male and female modes, is there a possibility you've done the same to the men you might be possibly attracted to while dressed? You've created a division in your mind between the macho men, and the more feminine (dressed) men to the point where you do see them as two different genders, and this is why being attracted to a CD (if you or others like you ever feel an attraction to CDs) doesn't feel the same as being attracted to a macho guy?

Back to the macho guys, I also do see a big difference between, as you say, wanting to "be a female having sex" and actually being attracted to a guy in the same way you would be attracted to a woman. A macho male's masculinity would put your own femininity while dressed in much greater contrast than would a genetic female. You do want to feel as feminine as you can when you are dressed, so what better way than to fantasize being with macho men, but since you're not attracted to them, you can only fantasize the actual sex act? In other words, the fantasy is all about you and not at all about them or any attraction to them.

I don't know if the term "autogynephilia" rankles you or not. Certainly the way that Blanchard uses it doesn't fit here, but if you take it as purely the love of oneself as a woman, does it makes sense that a straight autogynephilic would be willing to allow fantasies about men only for the purpose of enhancing her own feelings of being a woman? Just a thought.

[AmandaM]

I think it's possible that my motivation is validation as a female. For the record, I tried gay sex once at 21, didn't do much for me. Haven't done it since. I don't really think about it or desire it. I don't check out men and I am not attracted to them in general. But thinking about sex as a woman, yes, I think about that. Not with any specific male, more of a general thought. If I see a man and woman making love, I do want to be her, to experience what she is experiencing, but who she is with doesn't really enter my thought process. It's almost like the man doesn't matter, only she matters. I don't know why I feel that way. Sometimes I think it's strange.

[onceinawhile]

A very interesting forum, and thank you ReineD for your insight. I like a man complimenting and flirting with me when dressed.
I too am a lifetime homophobe, and am repulsed by men on men sex. I also am a lifetime crossdresser who used to dress as a teen when my mother was out. I do a lot of computer enhanced photos (It's me, but I wish I could look this good) It has not been easy repressing my desire, and has caused much havoc in my life. If I were to go out dressed, and a man would come on to me, I would probably melt. This has never happened, but after the agony of my failed marriage, I can't say it never will. It is good that we search for answers, and try and understand ourselves in what is a perilous journey for many.

[danielletorresani]

When I'm dressed up, I definitely fantasize about being used as a sex object by a man, but for me I'd want it to be another crossdressing man. Preferably a passable one.

[SabrinaEmily]

Sheesh. So you fantasize about giving a blowjob, that does not make you bi. If you actually do it, and you actually like it, then all of the philosohical contortions you can muster won't change the fact that you are indeed bisexual.

There's a difference between a fantasy and the desire to act on it, though. But if you're a man who is sexually attracted to and does, or would want to do, sexual things with another man, as well as being sexually attracted to women, then sure, you're some degree of bisexual.

I'm not attracted to men, though I am attracted to some people outside the binary who would identify as transmasculine, and I also don't get feeling like a completely different person because of the clothes one puts on, so this isn't really my thread. Bye!

[Nancy (PA)]

I'll wear my shortest skirt, a thong, and the highest heels that I have if I could go out on a date with a man who knew what the circumstances were, and wanted to "take me" like I've never been taken before.

[MsJanessa]

yes darling, its ok for you to crave being with a guy while dressed--you have My permission :)

[CaitlynRenee]

It's okay as long as you don't pick up the soap if you drop it! LMAO!!!!

Chuckle.......

Old Navy buddy of mine said he NEVER took a shower with a box of Tide. If he dropped his soap, it took him way too long bent over trying to pick it up............:eek:

[susmitha]

Perfectly ok. Being able to make a man feel for you and "fall" for you is great. it shows your success as a female.

[Girl]

I love all aspects of being a girl, so yes, I really love being with a sexy man when I'm dressed as a girl!

[KrystalA]

This is a very confusing issue for me. When I'm dressed en femme, looking at the posts on this site and I see a picture of one of the girls who look very feminine and pretty, I feel an urge to be with them, kiss them, hold them, and more, even though I know it is really a male I'm looking at. When in male-mode I am totally hetero, but to me, having intimate moments with one of the pretty girls in some of the threads here, would be more of a lesbian experience, just with male equipment. Does that make any sense at all?

[juno]

This is a very confusing issue for me. When I'm dressed en femme, looking at the posts on this site and I see a picture of one of the girls who look very feminine and pretty, I feel an urge to be with them, kiss them, hold them, and more, even though I know it is really a male I'm looking at. When in male-mode I am totally hetero, but to me, having intimate moments with one of the pretty girls in some of the threads here, would be more of a lesbian experience, just with male equipment. Does that make any sense at all?
Of course that makes sense. Your sexual preference is for a female partner. Your experience with gender issues has mad you open-minded enough to realize that gender is far more than a person's body parts. Personally, I don't really understand why any hetero male would care whether their hot female girlfriend has a penis, unless she insisted you interact with it. If you do have fun with a girlfriends penis, it still does not necessarily mean you are not heterosexual. I don't think it even means you are heteroflexible, if you think of her as a female the whole time.

People just need to stop worrying whether their feelings are OK. Part of being human is that our higher intellect leads to lots of interesting things. There are always others with similar feelings, also wondering if those feelings are weird. Don't panic, just enjoy life. (Well, unless you find yourself with feelings that really are wrong, like pedophilia. Then you should panic and get help.)

[*Vanessa*]

"Is It Okay to Crave Being With a Man Only When I'm Dressed as a Girl...? " - of course!

[ReineD]

Personally, I don't really understand why any hetero male would care whether their hot female girlfriend has a penis, unless she insisted you interact with it. If you do have fun with a girlfriends penis, it still does not necessarily mean you are not heterosexual. I don't think it even means you are heteroflexible, if you think of her as a female the whole time.

I understand where you're coming from if you experience an internal blend of genders. But please know that your views are specific to you and others for whom the gender lines blur. There's nothing wrong with this, but heterosexual men and women do not look at it the way you do.

[AmandaM]

I understand where you're coming from if you experience an internal blend of genders. But please know that your views are specific to you and others for whom the gender lines blur. There's nothing wrong with this, but heterosexual men and women do not look at it the way you do.

Even some gays view it the same as straights. If there's a penis, you must be bi or gay. They like to say you are gay or bi unless you identify as TS. Then, oh, you're straight, just with the wrong body. Whereas, a CDer is always gay or bi if they have these fantasies. I asked myself what it is that could possibly make me have these fantasies. The only answer I can come up with is that I do have some TS tendencies and this might be the cause. I might be a non-op or pre-op TS, though I'm not acting on it. I am not just a CDer. I have a strong female identity inside me too. Basically, I feel female more than I feel male. All I can think of is this. That inside me, as well as a partial female identity, I also have a partial female sex drive. I do not know if this "female sex drive" comes from some latent bi/gay-ness, latent TS'ism, or latent TV-fetishism, or a combination of any or all of those. I don't know if I became a TS, that'd I'd switch to guys. So, it's seriously more complicated that just straight, bi, or gay. I wish someone could measure it so I could understand it.

[ReineD]

^ Amanda, you do have every right to identify yourself as you wish. If you feel you are a woman, and you are attracted to men, then it makes sense you would think of yourself as hetero. Maybe one day you will be able to make the changes you wish, in order to fulfill your dreams.

In my prior post I was commenting on Juno's statement that a "hetero male" would still be hetero even if he is attracted to a CD (who has a penis). I was pointing out that hetero males wouldn't think this way.

[MonicaJean]

When dressing up, being with a guy does cross my mind. In my mind, the role of female also assumes the person who is the receiver. That act alone perks my interest. But other than the one purely sexual act, not really.

If I were a gal, I swear I'd be a lesbian, there's just something about femininity that is so wonderful. I look at Kimberly Reed and dream about what life would have been if I changed over in my late teens/early 20's, like she changed her life. I wonder what her partner looks like.

[seanmuscle]

^ Amanda, you do have every right to identify yourself as you wish. If you feel you are a woman, and you are attracted to men, then it makes sense you would think of yourself as hetero. Maybe one day you will be able to make the changes you wish, in order to fulfill your dreams.

In my prior post I was commenting on Juno's statement that a "hetero male" would still be hetero even if he is attracted to a CD (who has a penis). I was pointing out that hetero males wouldn't think this way.

Renne since you love a man that crossdresses it means you have bi tendencies. Go poll straight women and you will find they prefer strong masculine men and would leave their husband if he was a CD. Hetero men can like a CD and be straight because they are not interested in the penis. They are interested in her femininity and treating her just like any other girl in the bedroom.

[ReineD]

Go poll straight women and you will find they prefer strong masculine men

Absolutely not true! I can't say this emphatically enough and I think this is a fallacy that is promoted among admirers and the CDs who do not have good marriages, to tell you the truth. Some women might like the apish sort, but most women do appreciate a tender, sensitive husband who is able to listen to them. They make the best long term partners.

It would drive me crazy if I were married to a beer guzzling, knuckle dragging guy who spends his time drinking with his buddies and watching sports. B-O-R-I-N-G! lol

Also, a man doesn't have to be a CD in order to have all the qualities that CDs have. There are tons of sensitive, intelligent men out there.

If a GG does not like the CDing, it is because she understands very little about it and she initially thinks of it just like the rest of society .. a perversion. There are lots of GGs who freak out when they first find out but then accept it after a learning period, IF there is communication in the marriage and no other issues, like broken trust.

Another thing that I think you should know Sean, and the reason GGs who are not attracted to genetic women are not bi .... (CDs are not really women, not if they enjoy having sex with their male bits). lol

[christina s]

Go poll straight women and you will find they prefer strong masculine men and would leave their husband if he was a CD.

Excuse me but what ? While i agree with you most women would be turned away from a man who crossdresses but saying women prefer a " strong masculine man " is simply untrue . Especially in today's society where guys like Robert Patinson is considered a sex symbol .

Also coming from someone who would be considered the "strong masculine man " . Unless the relationship is purely physical , women prefer it when your more feminine attributes come out .

[part-time-amanda]

I feel the bi-when-dressed theory describes me. It's amazing how quickly the "need" takes over my brain lol

[rochelle33]

I have always felt that way also, curious of what's like to be with a man as a girl, fully dressed up. Don't think I'll ever find out though, I don't have the guts to go through with it, But I fantasize a lot.

[CaitlynRenee]

This thread has been incredibly interesting to read. So many ideas, perceptions, feelings, convictions, etc. WOW! Thanks to everyone of you.

My personal $.02?? Sex, in and of itself is pretty straight forward. I don't think there is any question about what 'sex' is. Gender, sexuality and attraction, however, are completely different and extremely complicated subjects and no one brush can paint all individuals the same color, regardless of what their plumbing does or does not look or function like.

I believe it's possible to be attracted to and possibly even love another person regardless of their physiological make up. After all, isn't it the PERSON THEMSELF that we are attracted to?? Those certain qualities that we find just so compelling that they cannot be denied??

My only lovers have always been genetic females, but that does not preclude the potential for others. I've always been very picky about my relationships with genetic females and I'm sure it would be so across the gender line.

I feel that the bigger issue here is how we feel and treat ourselves as well as others. Just sayin'.

[Kelly_on_platforms]

It is so very natural. It just brings the inner woman in you that takes over. Many think that it is gay but it is so not! You would also be surprised how many straight men are attracted to sexy CD's. I peronally have been with a man that is 100% straight but is very into hot CD's. And yes, it does make me feel like a real woman and it is fabulous to have sex like one - in a little dress and heels on! By the way, you look very hot!

[laura.lapinski]

It makes sense to my KrystalA.

[laura.lapinski]

This thread has been incredibly interesting to read. So many ideas, perceptions, feelings, convictions, etc. WOW! Thanks to everyone of you.

My personal $.02?? Sex, in and of itself is pretty straight forward. I don't think there is any question about what 'sex' is. Gender, sexuality and attraction, however, are completely different and extremely complicated subjects and no one brush can paint all individuals the same color, regardless of what their plumbing does or does not look or function like.

I believe it's possible to be attracted to and possibly even love another person regardless of their physiological make up. After all, isn't it the PERSON THEMSELF that we are attracted to?? Those certain qualities that we find just so compelling that they cannot be denied??

My only lovers have always been genetic females, but that does not preclude the potential for others. I've always been very picky about my relationships with genetic females and I'm sure it would be so across the gender line.

I feel that the bigger issue here is how we feel and treat ourselves as well as others. Just sayin'.

I totally agree Caithlyn

[NV Susan]

Lisa, nothing is as thrilling for me as being with a guy while being Susan....

[Marla]

I find it very interesting that the posts about this subject are always the ones that get the most responses. Most of the ladies on this forum swear that they are not attracted to men when dressed but I think the opposite is true. I personally am attracted to men dressed or not and when involved in that situation I feel perfectly normal.

[Tara D. Rose]

I find it very interesting that the posts about this subject are always the ones that get the most responses. Most of the ladies on this forum swear that they are not attracted to men when dressed but I think the opposite is true. I personally am attracted to men dressed or not and when involved in that situation I feel perfectly normal.


I agree with you Marla, I've always wanted to say this very same thing on here, but thought it best not to say it, but hey Marla, I'm with you on this. Some crossdressers say they are hetro for they are a woman inside and so to be with a guy they call themselves hetro. It is a very delicate subject to ever talk about on this site or any site fthat matter, for typed words most times, get twisted around.
Love & Respect to all........................Tara

[sarac]

I also agree with Maria and Tara. Infact I said it once before and got replies not so good. I do think that a lot of the girls may have a SO that read their replys. I think if able to be really anonymous it might be different. I see how so many girls dress here to go out or clubs and it is not casual but is sexy. I know it is not everyone here that does, so you don't have to message me to say you do not. But if you go to photo library I think you will see what I mean to say. I also agree with Tara it is a touchy subject. It's just my opinion, I am new here and do not wish to offend anyone. Thanks ....... Sara

[AmandaM]

^ Amanda, you do have every right to identify yourself as you wish. If you feel you are a woman, and you are attracted to men, then it makes sense you would think of yourself as hetero. Maybe one day you will be able to make the changes you wish, in order to fulfill your dreams.


It's tough because it's still a point of confusion for me. I have on and off TS feelings. I don't want to risk family and career for something I'm not sure about. Anyway, I'm glad this conversation has happened so I know I'm not alone with my feelings. :)

[AmandaM]

nothing is as thrilling for me as being with a guy while being Susan....

This has been stated a lot. Can we call this the ultimate in TV-fetishism? Should we call the end result just gay sex? Can we call it validation for an internal TS identity? Phew, I'd like to be the genius that figures out the cause of why CD people have sex with men. Nobel prize in medicine. LOL.

[cassandra54]

sexuality and how it's perceived is different with everyone. there isn't any other answer sometimes, except that what floats your boat, floats your boat.

[JustineFallow]

Renne since you love a man that crossdresses it means you have bi tendencies. Go poll straight women and you will find they prefer strong masculine men and would leave their husband if he was a CD. Hetero men can like a CD and be straight because they are not interested in the penis. They are interested in her femininity and treating her just like any other girl in the bedroom.

The more you post, the more I'm convinced you're just trolling.

[ReineD]

This has been stated a lot. Can we call this the ultimate in TV-fetishism? Should we call the end result just gay sex? Can we call it validation for an internal TS identity? Phew, I'd like to be the genius that figures out the cause of why CD people have sex with men. Nobel prize in medicine. LOL.
Exactly. Some of the opinions seem too foreceful, too loud almost, to be real.

I found three interesting articles about fantasy from Psychology Today. Each one presents a different angle. They're a good read:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/the-safest-sex

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/sexual-fantasy-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201010/sick-secret-sexual-fantasies

And from the last article, this insightful tidbit:

In fact, there are many people who report that when they have attempted to fulfill a fantasy, they end up disappointed by the mundane reality of real-world sex with real-world people. In the real world, one cannot manipulate reality to create large, ever-responsive penises and cannot provide an endless wardrobe of costumes. In the real world, one must deal with the pesky realities of other peoples' needs and feelings, must deal with the issues of our bodies and their biological and physical capacities. Kahr quotes a patient, saying "Sometimes, a mindf**k is better than the other kind.

[Tara D. Rose]

You said it so true Cassandra. This topic and subject is so open and so varied to so may members hare and non members , and as I have seen it, it is a breakdown of the true definition of what is Gay and what is hetro, just like Bill Clinton when he was caught, in his argument, began to to ask, what is sex?, what is oral sex? Now so many blatant crossdressers, not just on this thread but hundreds of pervious threads have said they are 100% totally, without a shadow of a doubt, are 100% heterosexual. I'm sorry, but in my way of thinking and of all my observations with all of this, and of all the years of study and of the hundreds of in face conversations, to me all crossdressers are at least bi –sexual to a degree. So what is the degree, some of you may ask? Well for some of us on here, you may not have ever been with another crossdresser, but you have given it very serious thought, you may have even did the old self gratification with the fantasy in your mind as you were doing your thing. I feel, that if you’re going to be on here and talk about who and what you are, and I know that some of us on here have a lot to lose because of what we are, but I think it’s a disgrace to the crossdresser community to do all we can to look and feel just as feminine as we can possibly look, and then get on “certain” threads and say you are 100% totally heterosexual.
So there are some, that have SRS, physically changing from boy to girl, then saying you are lesbian. For you still like or want to play with or be with a women, well that’s all and good, but who on here that has had SRS and has never been with a man?? And if not, how long ago was your SRS? There are some corssdressers that have never been with another crossdresser or another guy, but you’ve at least given thought to it and fight it to a degree.

I mean, if you’re a guy that on occasion throws on a pair of panties, and that’s all you do, and that’s ALL you do maybe you are exempt from my philosophy , but those that, have so many panties, bras, forms, pantyhose, garters, wigs, make up, skirts, blouses, so many dresses, heels, wigs, etc then you have had bi sexual thoughts, you may have never acted upon them, some of you may have, but at least you have given it thought. And in giving thought to that, if you have ever masturbated with bi sexual thoughts, then you are bi sexual.

It’s a liken to a circus clown that puts on all his clown stuff and does his performance and says, he doesn’t like to be funny. Or if Evil Kneivel just got through jumping a 50 yard jump over 4 buses and then gives and interview at the end and says, “ I like to live a good “safe” life”, or like a cliff diver that says he is scared of heights. Or a liken to a known street walker hooker that all the block has been with and then you ask her, how you doing bitch? And she objects and says “don’t talk to me like that, for I’m a LLAADDEEYY”, like Sha Nay Nay.

Yes, I know I’m going to be attacked from all sides of the so called spectrum, and when I am, then maybe I need to add another aspect to and about crossdressers, they deny. Then I will check all their previous posts and find them on the opposite side of the denials in this post. And I ask respectively that no GG’s respond to this post, yes the thread, but not to my post. I ask that any opposing views to my post here, to be real, and not use old cliché’s like “spewing your ignorance, etc”. I know I have ranted, and it just may be my last rant. Or am I only to just say nice things and to never disagree with some of the deniers? Get real crossdressers. I love all of you, really

Love & respect to all, …………..Tara

[Badtranny]

*grabs a bag of popcorn*:thumbup:

[*Vanessa*]

Awesome Reine - Just read #102. I see you are coming out of your shell :heehee:
Love reading your stuff !
v.

Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?
Only if the guy isn't your husband, then you would have a problem me thinks.

[SabrinaEmily]

You said it so true Cassandra. This topic and subject is so open and so varied to so may members hare and non members , and as I have seen it, it is a breakdown of the true definition of what is Gay and what is hetro, just like Bill Clinton when he was caught, in his argument, began to to ask, what is sex?, what is oral sex? Now so many blatant crossdressers, not just on this thread but hundreds of pervious threads have said they are 100% totally, without a shadow of a doubt, are 100% heterosexual. I'm sorry, but in my way of thinking and of all my observations with all of this, and of all the years of study and of the hundreds of in face conversations, to me all crossdressers are at least bi –sexual to a degree. So what is the degree, some of you may ask? Well for some of us on here, you may not have ever been with another crossdresser, but you have given it very serious thought, you may have even did the old self gratification with the fantasy in your mind as you were doing your thing. I feel, that if you’re going to be on here and talk about who and what you are, and I know that some of us on here have a lot to lose because of what we are, but I think it’s a disgrace to the crossdresser community to do all we can to look and feel just as feminine as we can possibly look, and then get on “certain” threads and say you are 100% totally heterosexual.
So there are some, that have SRS, physically changing from boy to girl, then saying you are lesbian. For you still like or want to play with or be with a women, well that’s all and good, but who on here that has had SRS and has never been with a man?? And if not, how long ago was your SRS? There are some corssdressers that have never been with another crossdresser or another guy, but you’ve at least given thought to it and fight it to a degree.

I mean, if you’re a guy that on occasion throws on a pair of panties, and that’s all you do, and that’s ALL you do maybe you are exempt from my philosophy , but those that, have so many panties, bras, forms, pantyhose, garters, wigs, make up, skirts, blouses, so many dresses, heels, wigs, etc then you have had bi sexual thoughts, you may have never acted upon them, some of you may have, but at least you have given it thought. And in giving thought to that, if you have ever masturbated with bi sexual thoughts, then you are bi sexual.


So are you also saying that cisfemale lesbians who have all those kinds of clothes and like them must have had thoughts about being sexual with men at some point? No?

Then why do you say that about transfeminine people? Why do you think clothes define sexuality?

As for crossdressers fantasizing about other crossdressers, part of that probably has to do with the implicit guarantee that they'll be accepting, which many straight ciswomen won't be (let me emphasize so no one skims over "many" -- I don't mean all of them.) How many of those who fantasize about that actually get a chance to act on it? How many would? I would wager nowhere close to most.

All that said, I agree that those who say "I'm only into women, but [girlname] really wants a man" are probably in some degree of denial. But then I don't get the depiction of [girlname] as a separate person anyway.

[Janice Lester]

Justine, I think you hit the troll on the head.

Anyway… Badtranny I have the butter.

Here is some of my experience which of course means it might not relate to a single other person who has responded on this thread.

Sex with my skirt the one being lifted Mind-blowing.

Sex with another man’s skirt being lifted maybe even more Mind-blowing .

Sex with a woman’s skirt being lifted probably not as Mind-blowing as the line above.

Sex with a another man’s pants down definitely not as Mind-blowing.

Sex with my pants down definitely not as Mind-blowing.

Sex with mine and another man’s skirt being lifted not attracted to it never done it.

Sex with mine and another women’s skirt being lifted ehh fun but not Mind-blowing.

On a date having the door held for me, because he is a gentleman and loves my heels. Fantastic

On a date holding the door for him because his bra is showing through his top. Wicked

On a date having the door held because he thinks I look great in a suit. Nice

On a date holding the door for him because he has a cute smile. Well at least I’ll have a happy ending,

On a date having the door held by her. Exciting because she has hand cuffs in her purse.

I obviously have likes and dislikes. I identify as bi for the obvious reason that I’m attracted to both genders under different circumstances. All this is a long winded way to say GO FOR IT LISA!

[Aprilrain]

I love all aspects of being a girl, so yes, I really love being with a sexy man when I'm dressed as a girl!

Personally I think being with a sexy man is even better when we're naked!

Whatever floats your boat go for it! The only thing I don't like about this type of statement is the assumption that gender implys sexuality. "I love all aspects of being a girl" so if your a girl you must love being with men? I'll be sure to tell my lesbian friends they've got it all wrong!

[SweetIonis]

It is not okay to crave being with a man. Come here so mommy can spank your bottom!!!!! :D:D:D

[Tara D. Rose]

So are you also saying that cisfemale lesbians who have all those kinds of clothes and like them must have had thoughts about being sexual with men at some point? No?

Then why do you say that about transfeminine people? Why do you think clothes define sexuality?

As for crossdressers fantasizing about other crossdressers, part of that probably has to do with the implicit guarantee that they'll be accepting, which many straight ciswomen won't be (let me emphasize so no one skims over "many" -- I don't mean all of them.) How many of those who fantasize about that actually get a chance to act on it? How many would? I would wager nowhere close to most.

All that said, I agree that those who say "I'm only into women, but [girlname] really wants a man" are probably in some degree of denial. But then I don't get the depiction of [girlname] as a separate person anyway.

SabrinaEmily, thank you for your response to my post. Now I hate to sound like a dummy and I would love to do a little learning today. I'd like to start out by saying that I do not know what a "cisfemale lesbian" is. If you would be so kind to enlighten me as to what that is, then maybe I could then explain myself better in this "cisfemale lesbian" label or title or would that title or labe even be part of what I said in post #102.
loce & Respect.........................Tara

[Kim Young]

I think some people are being a little delusional. I too have fantasies of having sex with men while dressed up and most likely it will remain a fantasy as I'm in a committed relationship. Otherwise, I have no interest in men and am usually checking out ggs as they walk by. Although I do have to admit that as of late, I am checking out what their wearing like heels and skirt and wondering if I could ever look so good. I identify as hetero but I have no illusions. Because of my fantasies I am not 100% hetero (and neither are the guys who are banging hot CDs, in fact they are less hetero than I am). And if situations in my life change and I do follow through on this fantasy, there's no way that I could claim hetero because of the technicality that I was wearing women's clothing. I would have to at least be a little bi if not fully. I still love women so I couldn't be all gay. Nobody likes using labels but let's not kid ourselves either.
I love the posts so keep up the discussions.

[Badtranny]

Nobody likes using labels but let's not kid ourselves either.

I agree Kim! Delusion and Denial are apparently twin cities in the great state of Justification.

I said earlier that CDs who still claim they're straight even though they fantasize aout being "taken" by a man while dressed are in denial, and somebody actually sent me a PM and said I was in denial!!!!

HA! I'm on record that I'm strictly dickly so I don't know what I'm in denial about?! ;-)

[BlondeFarrah]

Sometimes , I feel this desire, to be with a man being his sexy female partner. Sometimes, not.

[Aprilrain]

I do not know what a "cisfemale lesbian"

A genetic female who is a lesbian as opposed to a transsexual female who is a lesbian. A "cissexual" is the opposite? of a "transsexual"

[NicoleScott]

Consider that you may not be turned on by the guy as much as by being affirmed in a feminine role.
(That is to say you don't crave sex with a man as much as you want to experience a relationshipp as a female.)

This post hasn't received much attention, but it should have. For some crossdressers who know they are straight but still experience an attraction to men while dressed, this may be the explanation. The discussion seems to have turned into being bi or gay but not really admitting it. Surely, there are crossdressers with unacknowledged gay tendencies. It is what it is, and it will probably find the truth in time, but it would be inaccurate to call gay any crossdresser who had a thought about being with a man while dressed.

There are differences in the words we use: fantasized, thought about, considered, desired, contemplated..... Thinking about something is not the same as desiring it.

I love the female image in over-the-top glamour. Female or crossdresser, I love the look. So I dress in that style, my male eyes connected to my male brain admiring my feminine reflection in the mirror. I have chatted a lot in the past and shared my pics with interested but polite men and other crossdressers who, like me, love the over-the-top dress and makeup. At times I sensed that I was having a sort of psychological attraction to men who liked my crossdressing style, and began thinking about...fantasizing....what a personal encounter would be like: someone (a man) mesmerized by my presentation, wanting to be seen with me, kiss me, touch me. Then I carried it through....contemplated.....if it became sexual, and that's where the fantasy door slammed shut. Male parts do nothing for me, nor does a male touching my parts. It was nice getting attention...feedback....for my transformation, but when sex came in, the fantasy collapsed. It was all a psychological, not sexual, attraction. Easily intertwined and confused in the fantasy, but easily separated in reality.
While others say that just thinking about being with a man indicates latent homosexuality, it is the contemplation of the sexual encounter with a man that confirms that I am not gay.

[StarrOfDelite]

[QUOTE=Aprilrain;2601055]Personally I think being with a sexy man is even better when we're naked!



Most definitely!

[Kittyagain]

As I have posted before, if you can love another man you are Gay. Everything else is sex.

I just don't see it any more complicated than that. :) Of course I have been wrong before.

Kitty

[Cindy.]

I crave the femdom of my wife and I having a 3some and her controlling it. Making me do certain things and saying certain things, but only as Cindy. Never as a guy. Some day it may happen. Or we'll just roleplay forever. Either way, I know I have it way too good to complain about anything in the dressing department.

[Carol A]

I have been out only twice with a man while dressed as Carol it's something I have always wanted to do just to see what it would be like.
Neighter time was I ask for sex or even hit on, guess men figure an old lady can't do it anymore.

[BlondeFarrah]

Again, I totally agree with you Cindy

[Cindy.]

Again, I totally agree with you Cindy

Hmmm, I think I've already made a friend!

[CaitlynRenee]

Didn't you know?? ALL men are bisexual. After all, we all have both X and Y chromosomes.

Hey, just saying.....................

[Noemi]

Cute Pic!
You already know the answer to your question.
It is still good to talk about things as they can be very confusing when you are TG'd, or what ever you would like to call it.
I try to fight it still, but when I put on my girl clothes it just clicks. I do not want to desire men but I do. I would rather be...well I am me and proud of that. I am an amazing person. Having the feminine sensitivity that I possess combined with the strength and singular focus of a man...is a blessing.
It is still a challenge for me right now, and I am hoping that in the future I can be more out...............
You are pretty amazing yourself. Living your life and expressing your self. You Go Girl!!

[Sophie_C]

Look, unfortunately this will forever remain a question not genuinely answered since there are many crossdressers who are married whose marriages could be threatened by posting the genuine truth. I honestly think as many guys are bi as girls are, which means a lot more than people imagine, and this falls into it. But, that also won't be genuinely answered because of the common belief of "bi today, gay tomorrow" holding people back from giving honest answers, too. Additionally, there's also the idea that bisexuality = promiscuity, also false, as well. By telling the truth they risk both their marriage, and being boxed into something they aren't (just in denial of being 100% rainbows and limp wrists with no ability to be monogamous), so they won't.

But, to truly answer the question: No, nothing's wrong with it. Defining your sexuality can only hurt yourself by potentially boxing yourself into something you are not. Don't focus on labels and just be yourself. The truth will set you free...

[ReineD]

I honestly think as many guys are bi as girls are, which means a lot more than people imagine

I think a larger truth is that people do not like to think themselves in a minority, so they do convince themselves there must be many others who feel just as they do ... hence we end up with a lot of blanket statements and loose, statistical guesses. :p

[JustineFallow]

I think a larger truth is that people do not like to think themselves in a minority, so they do convince themselves there must be many others who feel just as they do ... hence we end up with a lot of blanket statements and loose, statistical guesses. :p

Bingo. Lessens the "guilt", if everyone else is "guilty", no?

[Iskandra]

When I'm dressed I want to have sex with myself..
I must be gay!
:hiding:

[Dami]

I have always told my wife "I'm a woman trapped in a mans body, thank god she's a lesbian!"

[Phoebe P.]

I desire men when en femme and sometimes when in drab. To each his own...

[Desiree2bababe]

It used to be that way but now I think I prefer men and what they offer all the time, with that said though, I've never been with a man while not dressed and I still love women. I just like what a man has better than what women have when it comes to sex.

[biguy]

Since I am bi I like to be with men either dressed or not dressed I feel a lot sexier when I am dressed though

[Ayame]

I become lesbian when I am dressed. LOL

This ^ -----

[Sandy Michaels]

i don't know if it's common, but i do understand how you feel. i have hooked up with guys as a man, but when i'm dressed it feels better. at the same time, when i hook up with girls and i'm dressed it does'nt feel right. i think it has to do with roles in bed. there has to be a TOP and a BOTTOM.

[sometimes_miss]

I have some thoughts on this. And, I mean no disrespect to anyone with this. One, that the desire for male appreciation is simply to reinforce the feeling of being attractive while dressed in female clothing and/or behaving as a female. Two, it's a suppressed homosexual desire, that one can only allow while presenting as female, perhaps because our upbringing was such that anything to do with that was considered so completely unacceptable. Three, and this is the one I went through: The desire is a knee jerk reaction to wanting something that was previously only available when dressed as a girl, and then having sex as a girl. Starved of affection, the only source I had as a kid was the guy who dressed me up and had sex with me, then held me closely for a while after having sex. After he left, even though I found males disgusting, I sometimes felt like I wanted to have sex like I previously had with him. But even as that desire disappeared and was replaced with fantasies of being treated in much the same way by the girls of my desires, the crossdressing was still there.

[kassy]

I have those urges. I just feel so ****ty sometimes when I am dressed so xdress1 I know how you feel.

[Marleena]

Question: "Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?"

Lisa, I think it's fine if it makes you happy.:) In my case, no , I'm into women regardless of how I'm dressed.

[kassy]

Xdress, I know the feeling but would love ot b in a mini skirt and ****ty low cut shirt and boots.

[gabimartini]

When I'm dressed I want to have sex with myself..
I must be gay!
:hiding:

Sounds more like autogynephilia (http://www.reference.com/browse/Autogynephilia).

[Badtranny]

Xdress, I know the feeling but would love ot b in a mini skirt and ****ty low cut shirt and boots. Kneelin gin front of a guy in th eparking lot or in the bar bathroom.
My panties are definitely wet now

Okay, but you know you're gay right? Please don't try to argue that you're not gay.

[joannemarie barker]

Okay, but you know you're gay right? Please don't try to argue that you're not gay.

Yep they're both gay :) I can't understand how what you're wearing makes much difference.

[KellyCT2011]

I also am only into men when dressed as a woman. I like the feel/look dressed as a woman that gets a mans attention.