Waves of gender

[SuzanneBender]

We are us no matter our gender presentation. Every person in this world is a lovely mix of masculine and feminine. We suppress some of those traits and we emphasize others. I have noticed that many times they come upon me in waves. These waves roll in completely unconsciously and in rare moments of reflection I manage to notice them.

Today was the perfect example. I spend many evenings here sitting on a bench chatting with the other Soldiers while we watch the sun disappear behind the mountains as the evening brings relief from the heat of the day. Tonight I was leaning against the wall as the others sat on the rough wood bench chatting about cars, beer and home repair. I noticed my forearm was resting on my pistol slung low in my holster on my hip. It could have been a scene straight out of a Remington picture. The only things missing were the cowboy hats, a few horses and a hitching post. I felt totally at ease and awash in my masculinity.

Flash back a couple of hours to a meeting with some civilian personnel. As we intently chatted about the business of the day I noticed that I was looking at my guests out of the corner of my eyes, my chin was balance on the top of my hand, elbow gracefully resting on the table and legs crossed knee over knee. I felt completely femme and comfortable right there in the middle of a meeting with absolutely no feminine trappings.

At first blush these feelings are at odds with one another. I have always been perplexed with how one moment I can revel in my masculinity and the next moment find grace in my femininity. The reality is it takes the ebb and tides of both to compose the real me. So go ahead and paint me in that Remington, but don't be surprised if I ride side saddle into the sunset.

[Gillian Gigs]

I like your observations and the way you refer to "the waves of gender". I know that I have felt that way and others will probably say the same. To bad that both sexes could not be as honest with themselves as you just were.

[kimdl93]

Fascinating observations, Suzanne! Like many of us, I've always been a mix of masculine and feminine, but not always successful at choosing which traits present themselves at any given moment. I occassionally catch myself doing things that, were I en femme, would seem naturally feminine, but out of that context are simply not noticed, and I'm always a bit self conscious about giving up some male mannerism when I'm out and dressed. Its probably mostly paranoia, because I doubt that one or two male moments are all that significant or noticeable to anyone either.

The most natural thing for me is to simply be in the moment, without self censuring myself.(that was redundant) Then, I can be true to myself and all my parts.

[Karren H]

Yeah!! It's all about being comfortable being you! Last night in the locker room after our ice hockey game, the two girls came in to have a beer... They stood by the door drinking theirs with all their gear on and everyone else kind of stopped getting undressed. Except me. I stripped to my cute purple low rise briefs and a tee and got my street clothes on... Was like they were no different than I was.... Team mates... And I felt comfortable in their presence and they didn't care... And I felt comfortable being me infront of them... Was actually the second time... A couple games ago just one of the girls....

[Kittyagain]

That was so well written. A wonderful read.

Kitty

[carhill2mn]

A great post! I think that many of us can relate!

[Robin Lee]

Suzanna,
Wonderful observation! We are a mix of the genders. Some days I fill very fem and other time my old male side surfaces. I guess thats what makes us just human.

Best Wishes
Robin Lee

[Alice B]

Good point. All to often the surf is up for me and often I catch the right wave and have a good ride.

[Kathi Lake]

Beautifully put, Suzanne!

Also true. We are us - a wonderful mix of masculine and feminine. The important part, as Karren mentioned, is to be comfortable with both of those parts. As they both have their roles to play in our lives, we need to accept their influence over us at those times.

Kathi

[Sara Jessica]

I'm a little speechless.

Moi???

Yes. So I'll just try a little stream of consciousness and see where it leads me.

It's hard to picture the scene you describe, yet at the same time it really isn't so difficult to do so. I know you, and imagining you there with the desert sunset and your trusty sidearm is not part of the Suzanne I know.

But it is. That hard outer shell of the M&M. It really is a beautiful sight once my mind's eye gains some focus. Because I do know you. You are a lot like me and the picture you paint is on the canvas of the middle path. You can be back home and paint a very similar portrait. You and your lovely family doing the things a family does. All the while your grace bubbles under the surface, never too far away to sneak out here and there regardless of trappings.

It really is such a lovely picture. Thank you for the artistry of your words, for the smile it brought to my face and the resolve it lends to those of us who find ourselves on such a similar middle path.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I love reading posts like this :) I am so happy that you are comfortable with yourself no matter how you are dressed or in what company :)

Hugs,
Deana