Why ask why?

[Kaitlyn26]

I see these threads asking why, often on this forum. Why ask why society dislikes or bothers us? Why ask why we do what we do? Why come up with very long explanations on the question of why? Do you not know why you do what you do, honestly? Is it a tendency to want to blame a common cause? Is it an attempt to be a "normal" person that's a little different? Is it an attempt to rationalize the very strong and irrational emotion that HATE is? Does trying to do this make you feel better? Does it give you the strength to deal with HATE? Does it ever change anything?

I don't know about all of you but I do what I do and live how I live because it is who I prefer to be. I don't have to ask myself why I do it, or why others do not accept it. After all how often does anyone accept anything that's different than their own opinion? Especially if their opinion is the popular one. Who really cares why, we are who we are? I certainly do not. I'm a person, I live my life how I want. That's more than good enough for me.

"Some people just hate." Is a good quote that describes the lives of many people, not just us and our little minority.

How many opinions have changed by reading this? :D

[Karren H]

My opinion never changes!

[kimdl93]

A lot of questions there, Kaitlynn! For me, asking myself (and a professional) why I do this has been helpful in a number of ways. First, its clearly not as simple as a choice. I'm convinced that I was born a little different, a bit more feminine than the average male. So this is part of me. Before I came to that understanding, I struggled with self loathing, shame, and fear that my secret would become known to others. Second, being able to offer some kind of rational response to why I do this has helped me in establishing and maintaining a very fulfilling long-term relationship. I'm a social creature. I very much prefer being able to share this part of my life with my SO, and to some extent with others as well.

I'm not so concerned about why "society" may dislike us. In my experience, society really doesn't much give a damn what I do, really. And for those individuals who find moral, religious or other reasons to hate...that's their problem, not mine.

[ReineD]

Why ask why people have a bias?

Although I'm not TG, I still need to deal with family and friends who might think ill of my SO and who might be uncomfortable around her. If I understand why they feel this way, I'm in a better position to educate them. Some people are open enough to consider new information and the effort is not wasted on them.

And why ask why one wishes to express a gender other than birth?

I think this is a crucial question, if only to determine whether someone is TS or not. Being a CD vs. a TS has the potential to have a major impact on a relationship with a GG who may or may not be able to alter her sexual preferences after the transition. Even if the answer is that a person is TS but will not transition, this has a huge impact on their level of happiness. Wouldn't it be very difficult to find a balance living as a man, if someone is TS? Living with an unhappy husband does have a major impact on the GG and the marriage.

[kimdl93]

Why ask why people have a bias?

Although I'm not TG, I still need to deal with family and friends who might think ill of my SO and who might be uncomfortable around her. If I understand why they feel this way, I'm in a better position to educate them. So people are open enough to consider new information and the effort is not wasted on them.

Good point - I've had a number of people - not necessarily hostile people - ask me "why" and I find it helps to respond with more that "its just the way I am".

[Kaitlyn26]

A lot of questions there, Kaitlynn! For me, asking myself (and a professional) why I do this has been helpful in a number of ways. First, its clearly not as simple as a choice. I'm convinced that I was born a little different, a bit more feminine than the average male. So this is part of me. Before I came to that understanding, I struggled with self loathing, shame, and fear that my secret would become known to others. Second, being able to offer some kind of rational response to why I do this has helped me in establishing and maintaining a very fulfilling long-term relationship. I'm a social creature. I very much prefer being able to share this part of my life with my SO, and to some extent with others as well.

I'm not so concerned about why "society" may dislike us. In my experience, society really doesn't much give a damn what I do, really. And for those individuals who find moral, religious or other reasons to hate...that's their problem, not mine.

Why does that require any other explanation beyond, I do it because I want to? From that question comes the question, why do you want to? I think anyone that can't answer that one without a professional needs to get to know themselves better.

Do you feel the need to offer a rational explanation for who you are, in order for someone to accept you as a friend? If they require that, then are they really a good person? Does a black person walk around offering an explanation as to why he/she is black? Is one even required? Why do you feel that you require one, if it was something you were born with?

[Gillian Gigs]

I ask questions, like "why" because I wish to increase my understanding of myself and the world around me. Ignorance is the cause of a lot of the problems in this world, and if people wish to remain ignorant, in this case stupid, there is nothing I can do about it. As the statement goes, stupid is, as stupid does. I can do nothing about stupid people, but I can teach ignorant people, so they are no longer uninformed. Informed people then can choose between doing something smart or stupid!

[Kaitlyn26]

Why ask why people have a bias?

Although I'm not TG, I still need to deal with family and friends who might think ill of my SO and who might be uncomfortable around her. If I understand why they feel this way, I'm in a better position to educate them. Some people are open enough to consider new information and the effort is not wasted on them.

And why ask why one wishes to express a gender other than birth?

I think this is a crucial question, if only to determine whether someone is TS or not. Being a CD vs. a TS has the potential to have a major impact on a relationship with a GG who may or may not be able to alter her sexual preferences after the transition. Even if the answer is that a person is TS but will not transition, this has a huge impact on their level of happiness. Wouldn't it be very difficult to find a balance living as a man, if someone is TS? Living with an unhappy husband does have a major impact on the GG and the marriage.

Well, first of all. I do not think anyone that requires an explanation to not think ill of me is really worth my time. That's just my opinion. If they aren't thirsty, why bother offering water?

Second thing, I've been there. I told her, she left. I'm the better for it. If an explanation is required to keep a relationship from dissolving then again imo, it wasn't meant to be. Compromise and happiness can be reached without a definitive explanation or classification as long as the things required for each person's happiness is identified and fulfilled.

People are all very different. Not every cd or every ts is the same. For instance I don't mind taking on the more masculine roles required for daily life. Some ts's may have issue with this. I'm just very much a go with the flow type of person. The point is, that everyone is different and fulfilling their need for happiness can require very different things in a relationship regardless of whatever classification you wish to hang on someone. In my opinion, why is not what matters, what they desire and how you are willing to work with them on that is what matters.

[Inna]

Does asking why change anything? Yes it does in a very profound way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

600 years ago scientists asked why the earth is the center of the universe, often paying ultimate price for their quest, church the almighty was the force to reckon with, the majority vote so to speak.

200 hundred years ago few brave souls asked why do I have to answer to the throne when I feel freedom is at hand and such is the human right

100 years ago women asked why are we any less then a commodity, and treated below mans standard

50 years ago transgender asked why are we persecuted and ostracized for just being who we feel we are


All those whys, lead to revolutions in thinking and opening of human potential to accept through understanding, mighty good reason to ask WHY for me :)

[ReineD]

Well, first of all. I do not think anyone that requires an explanation to not think ill of me is really worth my time. That's just my opinion. If they aren't thirsty, why bother offering water?

I know Kaitlyn. I was just answering the answer for myself. I gave the reason why I think "why" is important to me. I'm sorry that she left. :sad:

[Kaz]

The day I stop asking why of anything and everything is the day I just give up I am afraid. Asking why is as fundamental to me as drinking water, whether thirsty or not. I also accept others' points of view, but would prefer a healthy debate to clarify why we each think the way we do... that we we learn?

Some people don't want to listen, sadly, and I too have been there. She didn't leave, she is still with me, but we are in a place that could be a lot better for both of us. Increasingly I want to just be who I am, especially as I seem to have spent my whole life trying to fit in with others... but hey-ho.. that's me... I like to be different whilst also fitting in! So I ask why...

[ReineD]

Inna, I LOVE your answer!! :)

[Kaitlyn26]

Does asking why change anything? Yes it does in a very profound way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

600 years ago scientists asked why the earth is the center of the universe, often paying ultimate price for their quest, church the almighty was the force to reckon with, the majority vote so to speak.

200 hundred years ago few brave souls asked why do I have to answer to the throne when I feel freedom is at hand and such is the human right

100 years ago women asked why are we any less then a commodity, and treated below mans standard

50 years ago transgender asked why are we persecuted and ostracized for just being who we feel we are


All those whys, lead to revolutions in thinking and opening of human potential to accept through understanding, mighty good reason to ask WHY for me :)

600 years ago someone told others that the earth was not the center of the universe, and then presented proof.

200 years ago, someone said I'm tired of paying taxes I'm going in business for myself. They threw the tea in the harbor and told the British to gtfo our country.

100 years ago women said I'm sick and tired of this crap, and they won their own freedom in 1st world countries.

Right now, I'm saying if you require an explanation from me about anything before you accept me as an equal, you're not worth the effort. I am not a walking explanation or a kick toy. I will not be treated like a criminal on trial every time I meet someone new. In short, I'm sick of this crap..:D

Asking why never lead to anything other than personal understanding. Making your expectations known and demanding you get what you feel is needed is what starts revolutions. The more you feel the need to explain, the farther away from wide spread acceptance you put yourself.


I know Kaitlyn. I was just answering the answer for myself. I gave the reason why I think "why" is important to me. I'm sorry that she left. :sad:

That's ancient history. :p Thanks anyways though.

[Kittyagain]

Although there will always be post on the "Why" and I understand the need, I was attracted to this forum because the "Why" post were much less than all the other wonderful post.

There is one particular yahoo group that specializes in the "Why". Interesting but not much fun.

It is so neat to read so many positive stories here from people that are very confident in who they are.

We will all have to do a "Why" post sooner or later when our pink world turns drab but in between those times, this is a fun place to be.

Kitty

[suchacutie]

I can understand that no one should need to justify one's existence. We are all worthy of existence regardless of our private choices of how to view our lives.

However, there is another side. If I don't understand an issue, I have no basis upon which to make a decision. If you tell me you are transgendered, does that mean I need to run and hide? Does it mean that you are about to do me harm? Does it mean that you are brilliant? Does it mean you love to eat french fries?

See what I mean? Someone who is clueless and really wants to know before deciding any issue should be afforded the information they need, IMHO. My position is that education is always a good idea. If someone doesn't wish my information, then I'm done with them, but if they want to know, I'll be glad to explain.

It's a difficult issue, and one that is subtle and delicate. We must all make careful decisions when dealing with the unknown and those who are full of the unknown!

Tina

[diannecourtney]

Holy Cow Kaitlyn 26. Welcome aboard, you're making quite a splash, must be the Foggy Bottom Fever making its roar. This lady accepts your frustrations and hopes your girlish fever subsides and you are able to enjoy the feminine side.

[audreyinalbany]

I came out to my sister not long ago. I told her I didn't know why I liked dressing like a woman. She said, "it's just another part of yourself that you're expressing."

[Inna]

The more you feel the need to explain, the farther away from wide spread acceptance you put yourself.

True, however "in your face, take it or leave it" attitude is also as dangerous. Presumably there simply isn't a single position which works for everyone every time, but infinite combinations of intrigues and possibilities such as explaining you self to genuinely interested soul who wants to know in order to understand.

[Jenniferathome]

Not me. I agree with you 100%

[Kaitlyn26]

However, there is another side. If I don't understand an issue, I have no basis upon which to make a decision.


As I said, does any other minority require explanation for why they are different, in order to gain respect and acceptance? They do not, they get it because it's the right thing. When we all stop presenting ourselves as something that is arguable and that requires explanation, and start presenting ourselves as people that deserve to be treated equally. We will gain widespread acceptance. For me there is no choice, no decision, and no explanation needed. If you don't accept me as an equal person, you're wrong. It's really that simple.

[Kaz]

You know, I am always in awe of people who have the answer to life the universe and everything. Call me simple, but I always think things are a little more complicated than these guys make out... but I could be wrong! So I ask why?

Science isn't history it is also now... and they are still asking why? And coming up with answers!

[Kaitlyn26]

Science isn't history it is also now... and they are still asking why? And coming up with answers!

Ah, so asking why doesn't really help does it? I mean, if it did, we wouldn't need the scientific method right? We could just sit around asking why. What happens after an experiment or a question can provide an answer? We should act on whatever answer we've found and apply it to the situation that spawned the question in the first place right?

[kimdl93]

Do you feel the need to offer a rational explanation for who you are, in order for someone to accept you as a friend? If they require that, then are they really a good person? Does a black person walk around offering an explanation as to why he/she is black? Is one even required? Why do you feel that you require one, if it was something you were born with?

Kaitlyn, I understand your point. I just don't happen to agree. Yes, to me, knowing "why" does make a difference in how I perceive myself and how others view me. I'm curious about all sorts of "why's"...from the physical world to the way people, communities and nations interact, now and over time. I wonder why...and that's part of what makes me human. I am and always have been disinclined to accept simple pronouncements of any kind from anyone. Its not about winning acceptance by having a palatable answer. Among the people I care about, knowing why satisfies the inate human need for understanding the world and the people around them. Dismiss that if you will, but its something I value.

[Kaz]

Jeez... I am so sorry if I have upset you Kaitlyn, Scientific method is all about 'why'. That is the whole essence of it. Even in social sciences where I live most of the time these days we use the '5 whys' analysis. Just keep asking why enough times and you will have the answer... it is called root cause analysis...

[suchacutie]

Kaitlyn, in my first sentence I agreed that no one should have to explain their existence.

However, everyone should be educated. The various modes of living do need to be explained, not for acceptance but for information. Also, every minority is not automatically given a free pass. Bigotry and various social hatreds and violences are still with us. We have a long way to go.

tina

[Kaitlyn26]

Jeez... I am so sorry if I have upset you Kaitlyn, Scientific method is all about 'why'. That is the whole essence of it. Even in social sciences where I live most of the time these days we use the '5 whys' analysis. Just keep asking why enough times and you will have the answer... it is called root cause analysis...

No! I'm not upset. I'm not even like that. I'm very practical minded. I was making a point to you about a more important part than asking why. That important part is acting on the results. :)

In my opinion, the question for me to answer was, why are these people asking why? You've answered it. I've also proclaimed why I did not want the same questions answered that all of you desire an answer to. I do not think I will be looking at your answers in terms of an explanation the next time someone asks me why I am who I am. Perhaps the reasoning behind some of your quests for answers will help me with those close to me. I'm not moving from the position I have on explanations to strangers though.

[Lorileah]

In order to understand ourselves and others we have to to ask these questions. There are plenty of things that get beaten to death here over and over again but the central fact remains that "why" we do something is important to who we are. You may not feel the need to explain yourself when someone asks and it would depend on how the question is presented and for what reason the person asked the question as to if I would answer them. They may be seeking knowledge and understanding and I for one feel that I need to communicate and educate when I can. It is better to light one candle than trip over something in the dark. And one should let their candle shine.

To quote Geo Bernard Shaw “You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’" It is natural to ask about that which we don't understand and believe me most people, especially men, don't understand "us". There are times I don't understand me and there are people here who are closer to helping me understand myself than I ever could. It helps to know you are not alone. There are days that I was "normal" and I ask "why" on those days. There are days when others confuse me and berate me and I ask "why" on those days. There are days when the shoes I want come only up to size 10 and I ask "Why" then also.

Why do I do this? I don't really know because if I really wanted to avoid confrontation, hate, fear, anger, the feeling I don't fit in, being a minority, worrying about what others thought of me (now THAT is the ultimate why..because I have been so corrupted by what is expected that I try and play a role I wasn't meant to play), I would just do what society, whomever they are, wants and be blissfully unaware of what options life has to offer.

Did my opinion change? It changes with the wind daily but not on this :)

[Stephenie S]

OK, I have been reading and posting here for years. The question of WHY often comes up.

IMHO it's an unanswerable question. Asking WHY someone is the way they are brings very little to the table. I liked the "why is someone black?" analogy. I challenge ANYONE to come up with a reasonable answer to the question. Why do some men like to crossdress?

I have a why question for you. Why bother asking?

One of the reasons that you ask is because you're guys. In this society, males are raised to ask why. That's why guys can fix cars. Can women fix cars too? Sure. But in our present society, MOST women just want the darn thing to work. And if it doesn't they call the mechanic or their SO to come help them out. MOST guys will THINK about how the car works and ask themselves why isn't it working.

These are REALLY broad generalizations (something I am already known for) and I realize that broad generalizations are often full of holes. But asking why someone crossdresses is to me a really futile activity. Go ahead. Enter therapy. Find a psychoanalyst . There are plenty just waiting to take your money. Ask the therapist why.

Why bother? Do it. Enjoy it. You know, there is only so much time available. We are born, we live our lives, and then we die. Just how much of that time you do have do you want to spend asking why, and just how much of that time you have do you want to spend actually DOING it?

Personally, I do not think there is a ready answer to satisfy everyone. Who cares? Not me. Stop questioning yourself and enjoy.

Stephie

[Kaz]

No! I'm not upset. I'm not even like that. I'm very practical minded. I was making a point to you about a more important part than asking why. That important part is acting on the results. :)

In my opinion, the question for me to answer was, why are these people asking why? You've answered it. I've also proclaimed why I did not want the same questions answered that all of you desire an answer to. I do not think I will be looking at your answers in terms of an explanation the next time someone asks me why I am who I am. Perhaps the reasoning behind some of your quests for answers will help me with those close to me. I'm not moving from the position I have on explanations to strangers though.

The best answers don't come from others, they come from ourselves... what we get from others are ideas, experiences, little nuances that we never expected... the big (and the little) decisions are our own, and if you think about it, they have to be. 'Why' gives us information not answers. The answers come from within. And where this stuff differs from scientific method is that is based in human thinking and behaviour and so what is also important is our personal context. As I said, it is complex... but we get there by gaining insights and they come from discussion and exploration... imo

[Alice B]

As Pop Eye said. I yam what I yam. I have come to understanding who and what I am and what I will do about it. I could give a flying **** what others say. I'm a male. I'm a cross dresser and I love it when I am able to dress. Can I do it when ever I want? No. Can I live and accept the limits and world I live in? yes.

[Cynthia Anne]

Why are you asking why! Who really cares! Why are you asking 'has anyones opinion changed by reading this'!

BTW NOT MINE! Hugs!:D

[Kaitlyn26]

Why are you asking why! Who really cares! Why are you asking 'has anyones opinion changed by reading this'!

BTW NOT MINE! Hugs!:D

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with. I highly suspect him as being "one of us", although he will not admit to it. He loves to ask people "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" whenever someone does something to mess with him. He's ocd about everything and he gets pranked often. He still has no idea WHY ANYONE WOULD DO THAT?

So I say to you, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?





Yea, sorry I guess you have to know him to find it funny.

[Cynthia Anne]

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with. I highly suspect him as being "one of us", although he will not admit to it. He loves to ask people "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" whenever someone does something to mess with him. He's ocd about everything and he gets pranked often. He still has no idea WHY ANYONE WOULD DO THAT?

So I say to you, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?




Yea, sorry I guess you have to know him to find it funny.

Sorry for the tasteless humor! I try to find humor in everything! It's the only thing that keeps me from going insane! Sometimes mouth keeps working while brain is vacationing! Hugs!